John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons

John Gordon Ross header image 3

Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”

Fark.com RSS » Flight logs put Bill Clinton and Alan Dershowitz on pedophile billionaire's sex jet. Well, this is awkward [Interesting]

Thursday 22 January 23:36:04 UTC 2015

Interesting [link] [214 comments] [Link]

Overheard In The Office » …Danny Bonaduce Excluded.

Thursday 22 January 23:27:13 UTC 2015

Coworker, realizing the candy he's just bitten into is not what he thought: Fucking leprechauns! (pause) See, I'm not being racist, because they don't exist.Surrey
England [Link]

Mental Floss » David Foster Wallace: "I Wish You More Than Luck"

Thursday 22 January 23:21:49 UTC 2015

"The capital-T Truth is about life BEFORE death." -David Foster Wallace, 2005 [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Cops think guy who confused a restored '66 Mustang GT convertible with the fighter plane was drunk or high [Sad]

Thursday 22 January 23:16:50 UTC 2015

Sad [link] [49 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Three words, and a suitable for work link: French Lemon Party [Interesting]

Thursday 22 January 22:48:12 UTC 2015

Interesting [link] [21 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » unsuspectingmom says FML

Thursday 22 January 22:32:27 UTC 2015

Today, I made a joke that my boyfriend was going to end up sending me into premature labor. Later, I went into labor for real. My boyfriend thought I was faking and refused to take me to the hospital. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » School board fires a superintendent " widely considered one of the most effective school leaders of her generation" because she wasn't nice enough to them [Florida]

Thursday 22 January 22:27:46 UTC 2015

Florida [link] [92 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Leader of group campaigning to allow sale of alcohol on Sundays in Indiana decides to prove that people can already get drunk the other six days of the week [Ironic]

Thursday 22 January 22:21:08 UTC 2015

Ironic [link] [33 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Fark Food Thread: You have chocolate. You eat chocolate. You drink chocolate. Do you pair it other food to enjoy the combination or is it best eaten as is? [Interesting]

Thursday 22 January 22:00:00 UTC 2015

Interesting [link] [112 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Commander of the U.S. Naval base at Gitmo has been relieved of command "due to loss of confidence in his ability to command," which is Navy-speak, apparently for "Husband of the woman he was farking found dead under questionable circumsta

Thursday 22 January 21:54:28 UTC 2015

Interesting [link] [74 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "Windows 10 looks fresh and exciting. It might even be good" [Unlikely]

Thursday 22 January 21:46:04 UTC 2015

Unlikely [link] [219 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Sheriff's office rug that read "In Dog We Trust" sells at auction for $9,650 [Followup]

Thursday 22 January 21:41:03 UTC 2015

Followup [link] [30 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Nostalgia hits new low with "Five running shoes every 00s teenager wore" [Stupid]

Thursday 22 January 21:32:02 UTC 2015

Stupid [link] [37 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » The Real Values of 15 Movie Homes

Thursday 22 January 21:30:00 UTC 2015

It’s hard to imagine Steve Martin grappling with his daughter’s extravagant wedding in a ranch house, the Tenenbaum family coping with their stressed relationships in a free-standing beach house, or Holly Golightly and Paul Varjak falling in love in a modern high rise. For many films, the homes in which they’re set become as beloved to audiences as any member … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The doomsday clock moves to three minutes to midnight. You are now free to PANIC [Followup]

Thursday 22 January 21:26:58 UTC 2015

Followup [link] [105 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » CNN equates iPhones with intelligence, not pretension [Ironic]

Thursday 22 January 21:26:06 UTC 2015

Ironic [link] [59 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » No one is teaching wisdom in schools. This is apparently a new thing [Sad]

Thursday 22 January 21:13:51 UTC 2015

Sad [link] [66 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "I admit it. I killed mother and the cats. I demand you put their names in the indictment, especially the cute one. He's black and wears a hat with two things in it" [Strange]

Thursday 22 January 21:02:17 UTC 2015

Strange [link] [37 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop who all should be sitting at this last supper table [Photoshop]

Thursday 22 January 21:00:01 UTC 2015

Photoshop [link] [10 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » 'Classy' means different things to different people. Here, it means being buried in a casket covered with car parts to the sound of Johnny Cash [Cool]

Thursday 22 January 20:54:43 UTC 2015

Cool [link] [14 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » The Missing Links: Helpful Cooking Diagrams

Thursday 22 January 20:53:39 UTC 2015

If you require some help in the kitchen, these diagrams will do the trick. When you get done with these you’ll be a regular Top Chef. * Need a pick-me-up today? Need a reminder that people, at their core, are really great? Take a look at this list of 10 amazing acts of human kindness. Then go do something really … [Link]

Mental Floss » 9 Niche Blogs to Brighten Your Winter

Thursday 22 January 20:53:38 UTC 2015

January takes forever to get through. The most unpleasant weather of the year comes in January and February, but at least February is short and full of holidays. If you’re having a little trouble keeping your spirits up, try some of these incredibly focused and sometimes bizarre blogs that will open a door to a new subject for you. 1. … [Link]

Mental Floss » WWII Soldier's 31 Rolls of Film Are Finally Developed

Thursday 22 January 20:53:37 UTC 2015

Undeveloped World War II Film Discovered from The Rescued Film Project on Vimeo. During World War II, an unidentified American soldier filled 31 rolls of film with photos that he never got to, or had cause to, see developed. Over 70 years later, The Rescued Film Project acquired these rolls and painstakingly developed them in a kitchen sink. Dozens of … [Link]

The Onion » Infographic: The Onion’s Guide To Gym Etiquette

Thursday 22 January 20:48:00 UTC 2015

Every new year brings a surge in gym membership from new members nicknamed “resolutionists,” many of whom may be unaware that there are unspoken rules everyone must observe when working out.
[Link]

Fark.com RSS » "Son, what's on television?" "Looks like a Buick LeSabre, Dad" [Scary]

Thursday 22 January 20:42:48 UTC 2015

Scary [link] [23 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » AirAsia jet's alarms were "screaming" before crash. Not unlike the passengers [Scary]

Thursday 22 January 20:38:47 UTC 2015

Scary [link] [99 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Here's the perfect t-shirt to wear on a Wednesday at 3:32 PM, though you should never try to say your friend is wearing it instead [Amusing]

Thursday 22 January 20:32:00 UTC 2015

Amusing [link] [49 comments] [Link]

The Onion » American Voices: Cake Shop Accused Of Religious Discrimination For Refusing To Write Anti-Gay Slur On Bible Cake

Thursday 22 January 20:22:00 UTC 2015

A bakery in Arizona is facing a religious discrimination complaint after refusing to comply with a customer’s order to decorate a cake shaped like a Bible with the words “God hates gays” and an image of two men holding hands with an …
[Link]

Fark.com RSS » Japanese unimpressed by aquarium that offers marriage proposals from divers in the tank holding up cards – "What a lame boyfriend" [Amusing]

Thursday 22 January 20:06:48 UTC 2015

Amusing [link] [21 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » A new study on the efficacy of those "brain-enhancing" energy drinks yields some not so surprising results [Ironic]

Thursday 22 January 20:03:11 UTC 2015

Ironic [link] [39 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Driver crashes into transformer, knocks out power. Police say excessive lens flare may be to blame [Interesting]

Thursday 22 January 20:01:59 UTC 2015

Interesting [link] [23 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 10 Fun Facts About the New Breeds Appearing in the 2015 Westminster Dog Show

Thursday 22 January 20:00:00 UTC 2015

In a press conference yesterday, the Westminster Kennel Club showed off two new breeds—Coton de Tulears and Wirehaired Vizslas—that will compete in its 139th annual dog show. Here are a few things you might not have known about these adorable pooches. Falko, a 17-month-old Wirehaired Vizsla from Montreal. Photo by Erin McCarthy. 1. The Wirehaired Vizsla is a hunting dog that … [Link]

The Onion » Diphtheria Excited About Possibility Of New Outbreak

Thursday 22 January 19:58:00 UTC 2015

LOS ANGELES—Following a flare-up of measles in California and reports of new cases across several western states this week, the disease diphtheria told reporters Thursday that it was excited about the possibility of a new outbreak in America.
[Link]

Fark.com RSS » Scottish woman's report of seeing Bigfoot, 'not taken seriously.' Nae kidding? [Obvious]

Thursday 22 January 19:50:51 UTC 2015

Obvious [link] [21 comments] [Link]

The Onion » Infographic: The Pros And Cons Of Free Community College

Thursday 22 January 19:37:00 UTC 2015

As part of an effort to make higher education accessible to all Americans, President Obama has proposed offering two free years of community college to qualified students, a plan critics say is too expensive and misses the mark on education reform.
[Link]

Fark.com RSS » "This is a US Navy ship, we have the right of way." "This is a sandbar. Your call" [Amusing]

Thursday 22 January 19:26:07 UTC 2015

Amusing [link] [122 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Things not to say to your date: "make sure you delete this so your dad doesn't find out" and "If we get caught, I could go to prison" [Sick]

Thursday 22 January 19:22:28 UTC 2015

Sick [link] [74 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Canadian woman forced to seek medical help in US after being told Lyme disease doesn't exist in Ontario [Strange]

Thursday 22 January 19:19:12 UTC 2015

Strange [link] [55 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 22 Movies Roger Ebert Really Hated

Thursday 22 January 19:16:46 UTC 2015

When Roger Ebert hated a film, he didn't mince words. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » 'People need to have less things in life', says U.S. billionaire after he flies into Davos, Switzerland on his private jet with his wife, children and two nannies [Fail]

Thursday 22 January 18:44:27 UTC 2015

Fail [link] [179 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » From the Big Book of British Smiles: 'My wife has become a man but it's made our marriage stronger than ever' [Interesting]

Thursday 22 January 18:33:03 UTC 2015

Interesting [link] [44 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » She told you she was hardcore (not for the squeamish) [Scary]

Thursday 22 January 18:30:56 UTC 2015

Scary [link] [68 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Remember: E-cig smokers have a RIGHT to breathe formaldehyde in your face [Stupid]

Thursday 22 January 18:16:31 UTC 2015

Stupid [link] [306 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » shifala says FML

Thursday 22 January 18:06:14 UTC 2015

Today, I was riding my bike to work in a hurry and hit a pothole. I flew off and hit the ground hard. I was badly shaken, but an old lady came over, checked me out and helped me to my feet. After she left the scene, I realized she'd pickpocketed my wallet while "helping" me. FML [Link]

FMyLife » blububble412 says FML

Thursday 22 January 18:06:11 UTC 2015

Today, we had a drug search at school. After the search, we went back inside. My bag was open, and my lunch was gone. FML [Link]

The Onion » Doctor Just Uses Same Ultrasound Picture For Every Baby

Thursday 22 January 18:02:00 UTC 2015

MEQUON, WI—Saying that the practice saves her considerable time and effort each day, local ob-gyn doctor Anna Schiesser told reporters Thursday that she typically just shows soon-to-be parents the same ultrasound picture for every baby.
[Link]

Mental Floss » This Video Is Not In Reverse, But it Looks Like It Is

Thursday 22 January 17:36:54 UTC 2015

It's not just that the vase snaps up off the table or that the clock ticks in reverse that makes this short video from filmmaker Eran Amir seem like it's playing backwards. There's something in the jerky movements, the way he brings the glass up to his face a little too quickly, that is totally reminiscent of watching something rewind. … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » O'Hare once again named America's busiest, most inefficient airport [Spiffy]

Thursday 22 January 17:25:47 UTC 2015

Spiffy [link] [91 comments] [Link]

The Onion » Statshot: Least Inspiring Biographical Movies

Thursday 22 January 17:14:00 UTC 2015

Least Inspiring Biographical Movies
[Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Thursday 22 January 17:11:32 UTC 2015

Today, I caught my girlfriend Googling how to uninstall Siri. I asked why she wanted to do that, and she said, "I don't like it. I don't like how the slut talks to you." I get the feeling I'll need a gun when I break up with this crazy fucker. FML [Link]

Mental Floss » Freezy Freakies Gloves Are Coming Back!

Thursday 22 January 17:00:02 UTC 2015

The gloves that changed color to reveal hidden images in the cold, are back—and in adult sizes. [Link]

The Onion » Empty Yogurt Cup Completes Tableau Of Used Food Containers On Single Man’s Windowsill

Thursday 22 January 16:59:00 UTC 2015

Empty Yogurt Cup Completes Tableau Of Used Food Containers On Single Man’s Windowsill
[Link]

Fark.com RSS » Police hit the easy button, chase a fugitive into a prison parking lot [Amusing]

Thursday 22 January 16:57:33 UTC 2015

Amusing [link] [11 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » British member of parliament learns a valuable lesson. Never — repeat, never — try to keep up with Poles drinking vodak [Sad]

Thursday 22 January 16:46:08 UTC 2015

Sad [link] [99 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » It's bad enough when your phone is stolen, but it's even worse when your stolen phone has child porn on it [Dumbass]

Thursday 22 January 16:30:26 UTC 2015

Dumbass [link] [51 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Man traded his dog for a gun to shoot his son with. No word on whether he also rode his mama to visit the train [Dumbass]

Thursday 22 January 16:29:18 UTC 2015

Dumbass [link] [50 comments] [Link]

The Onion » American Voices: New Hampshire Lottery Releases Bacon-Scented Scratch-Off Ticket

Thursday 22 January 16:26:44 UTC 2015

The New Hampshire state lottery has introduced a new $1 scratch-off lottery ticket labeled “I Heart Bacon” that produces a bacon smell when playing.
[Link]

Fark.com RSS » Chinese city blames severe air pollution on bacon. (with helpful picture of what bacon looks like) [Strange]

Thursday 22 January 16:25:40 UTC 2015

Strange [link] [33 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Match.com deletes cannibal police officer's dating profile: 'He listed cooking as a hobby' [Followup]

Thursday 22 January 16:22:33 UTC 2015

Followup [link] [41 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Gave your buddy your Netflix password? Welcome to 10-20 years in prison [Scary]

Thursday 22 January 16:11:23 UTC 2015

Scary [link] [141 comments] [Link]

Overheard In The Office » And That’s When I Remembered the Nipple Piercings

Thursday 22 January 16:06:46 UTC 2015

Employee: I would really like to apologize for running late this morning. It won’t happen again.Boss: Could you please turn your shirt right-side out?350 Park Avenue
New York, New YorkOverheard by: Susan [Link]

Overheard In The Office » 4PM I’m Calling It a Day

Thursday 22 January 16:06:45 UTC 2015

New guy: It’s so dull here. I’m using all my energy just to stay awake, which is making me sleepy. 10 Rockefeller Plaza
New York, NY [Link]

Overheard In The Office » …Fox News Needs to Have Some Employees on Its Payroll.

Thursday 22 January 16:06:39 UTC 2015

Hotel clerk #1 to another, after seeing tv news report: Can you believe someone left that secret iPhone at a bar?Hotel clerk #2: Well, not all the stupid people work here.Manhattan, New YorkOverheard by: Jasper [Link]

Overheard In The Office » …And Bring Me a Photo Of Zac Efron.

Thursday 22 January 16:06:38 UTC 2015

Female account manager: Kevin*, maybe you know this. I've been asking everyone and no one wants to tell me. What is a “pearl necklace?”Kevin* (gay HR director): Oh, boy. Shut the door, please.Manhattan, New YorkOverheard by: Juan Chung [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Without a Quorum No Meeting Can Break Out

Thursday 22 January 16:06:37 UTC 2015

Worker bee #1 walking up to group of coworkers: Hey, here’s two of the people I’m looking for.Worker bee #2: Scatter!8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Game Of Thrones producers refused to shoot series in Scotland because the nation was unrealistically squalid [Obvious]

Thursday 22 January 16:02:12 UTC 2015

Obvious [link] [48 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » 1415926 says FML

Thursday 22 January 15:52:14 UTC 2015

Today, I got a large envelope from a college I applied to earlier. My mom, expecting big news, made my family gather round as I opened it. It ended up being a letter of rejection from not just that school, but all 3 campuses of the state college. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Mr. Clean's evil twin denies he helped a rescue group steal a dog from someone's yard [Dumbass]

Thursday 22 January 15:51:10 UTC 2015

Dumbass [link] [13 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » That nice little old lady who reviewed Grand Forks' Olive Garden is back to tell you about McDonald's [Followup]

Thursday 22 January 15:43:55 UTC 2015

Followup [link] [84 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Research finds one in eight parents regret what they named their child [Obvious]

Thursday 22 January 15:40:39 UTC 2015

Obvious [link] [146 comments] [Link]

The Onion » Nation’s Historians Warn The Past Is Expanding At Alarming Rate

Thursday 22 January 15:39:00 UTC 2015

WASHINGTON—Painting a stark portrait of a phenomenon that appears to be irreversible, a report published Thursday by the American Historical Association has found that the past is currently expanding at an alarming rate. The comprehensive 950-page s…
[Link]

The Onion » NFL Braces For Record-Low Pro Bowl Player Attendance

Thursday 22 January 15:36:00 UTC 2015

PHOENIX—With league executives preparing themselves for the sight of half-empty sidelines on Saturday, sources confirmed Thursday that the NFL is quietly bracing for a record low in player attendance at this year’s Pro Bowl.
[Link]

Overheard In The Office » 1PM Lunch

Thursday 22 January 15:28:08 UTC 2015

Engineer: Excuse me, those Splenda packets are for our department only. You’re going to have to pay me for the two that you stole. 2525 West 190th Street
Torrance, California [Link]

FMyLife » cuckolddreams says FML

Thursday 22 January 15:19:19 UTC 2015

Today, while begging my wife for sex for once, she told me she didn't have time. I said it wouldn't take long. She said "I know." FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Violent outburst at Panda Garden gets hammer-wielding man arrested, says he doesn't want to be confused with those other customers who eat shoots and leaves [Strange]

Thursday 22 January 15:05:15 UTC 2015

Strange [link] [24 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Polly wants a commercial acting gig [Amusing]

Thursday 22 January 15:04:21 UTC 2015

Amusing [link] [5 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Mysterious cat theft and an incriminating bra [Strange]

Thursday 22 January 15:02:43 UTC 2015

Strange [link] [15 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Judge rules German men officially allowed to pee standing up [Weird]

Thursday 22 January 14:59:48 UTC 2015

Weird [link] [57 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Why Is Popcorn the Default Movie Theater Snack?

Thursday 22 January 14:59:28 UTC 2015

It’s hard to imagine attending the latest blockbuster without a jumbo bucket of excessively buttery, salty popped corn. (Or, at least, getting a whiff of it.) Popcorn was hugely popular at fairs and carnivals in the mid-1800s. Street vendors were able to easily make and sell the delicious, aromatic snack food by the bag when the first steam-powered popcorn maker … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Just so you know, it's a crime to ride the subway wearing a watermelon as a hat [PSA]

Thursday 22 January 14:57:01 UTC 2015

PSA [link] [30 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » Nose Pore Blocker Hanabijin

Thursday 22 January 14:51:06 UTC 2015


The "Nose Pore Blocker Hanabijin" (spotted over at Book of Joe) promises to prevent the formation of ugly nose pores. First you cool the thing in a refrigerator for 30 minutes. Then you put it on your nose, whereupon it will "tighten and block off the pores, preventing dirt from getting inside and turning you into someone with a beautiful … [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Ow– You Make Heather's Head Hurt!

Thursday 22 January 14:22:49 UTC 2015

Hygienist: What's the two bubbles with the line mean?Office assistant: That's a percent symbol.Dental Office
Portland, OregonOverheard by: A [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Police live-tweet every call they get – the very first one proves people are idiots [Dumbass]

Thursday 22 January 14:00:01 UTC 2015

Dumbass [link] [51 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this savory moment [Photoshop]

Thursday 22 January 14:00:01 UTC 2015

Photoshop [link] [25 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » “The Trip,” Kim Fowley

Thursday 22 January 13:20:52 UTC 2015

In tribute to the recent death of this pop maven. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Marilyn Manson burns down [Weird]

Thursday 22 January 13:18:32 UTC 2015

Weird [link] [77 comments] [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Tell Her That We'll Supply the Loofahs.

Thursday 22 January 13:17:24 UTC 2015

VP: They were used to our company being Mr Goodbar, Mr Good Humor guy, but not anymore. If I want her to embrace it, she gotta have more skin in the game.Baton Rouge, LouisianaOverheard by: Redacted [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Do not swim behind the whale. That is all [PSA]

Thursday 22 January 13:15:53 UTC 2015

PSA [link] [103 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Tractor trailer accident spills thousands of packs of ramen noodles. Damage estimated in the tens of dollars [Sad]

Thursday 22 January 12:50:19 UTC 2015

Sad [link] [31 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » The Ugly One says FML

Thursday 22 January 12:17:44 UTC 2015

Today, my professor was doing roll-call. As usual, she didn't say my name because it's so close to the person before me. So to differentiate, she decided she would call the girl before me "the pretty one". FML [Link]

Overheard In The Office » …No, You're Not Too Cool for Stool

Thursday 22 January 12:13:01 UTC 2015

Coworker on phone: Aw, did he poop? (pause) Twice? Nice! (pause) Yeah, no, if it's loose you can't pick it up. (pause) Uh-huh. That's good.7th Ave
New York CityOverheard by: Had to hold in his own. [Link]

Mental Floss » Examine Earth's History With This Geologic Time Spiral

Thursday 22 January 11:30:00 UTC 2015

This cool graphic comes from the U.S. Geological Survey and was designed by Joseph Graham, William Newman, and John Stacy. Formatted into a creative spiral shape, you can see how life has progressed since Earth's humble beginning, roughly 4.5 billion years ago. The infographic is split up for each time period and shows both land and sea life. For more … [Link]

Mental Floss » 5 Questions: The 50th Element

Thursday 22 January 11:14:00 UTC 2015

[Link]

Mental Floss » Morning Cup of Links: Ridiculous Robot Soccer

Thursday 22 January 10:30:47 UTC 2015

These robots are terrible at soccer. But they still score, since the goalies are the worst.
*
If you were a young man visiting Philadelphia, you’d want to run up the steps of the Philadelphia Museum of Art just like Rocky Balboa. These guys did, and found Sylvester Stallone waiting for them at the top.
*
Ten Products With Unfortunate … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Scientists say you should change your pajamas at least once a week, you lazy, shiftless slob [Obvious]

Thursday 22 January 10:15:31 UTC 2015

Obvious [link] [111 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Tootsie Roll boss dies at age of 93…94…95. (Crunch). 95 [Sad]

Thursday 22 January 10:08:33 UTC 2015

Sad [link] [55 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Jamaica considering leaving the barn doors open since the the horses are already out and high as kites [Obvious]

Thursday 22 January 10:07:00 UTC 2015

Obvious [link] [27 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Boobies – the Sun is still there (possibly not safe for work) [Followup]

Thursday 22 January 9:50:00 UTC 2015

Followup [link] [71 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If you own any storage units, rental facilities or security boxes that once belonged to a zombie hunter, Phoenix Police would like to talk to you [Followup]

Thursday 22 January 9:46:03 UTC 2015

Followup [link] [26 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Meet Tom the hipster. He can't afford to go out on dates, so he wants you to pay for them. For a contribution of £10 you get a 'signed limited edition print' of his face. And it only gets better from there [Dumbass]

Thursday 22 January 8:24:00 UTC 2015

Dumbass [link] [131 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Man dubbed the "Braveheart Bandit" arrested. Wants his Freedooooom. With mugshot of lameass facial tattoo [Dumbass]

Thursday 22 January 6:27:00 UTC 2015

Dumbass [link] [29 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » kana__ says FML

Thursday 22 January 5:36:14 UTC 2015

Today, my sister got her retouched wedding photos. Apparently one of the things she had the professional do was edit me out of them. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Thursday 22 January 5:36:13 UTC 2015

Today, at Walmart, a crazy old woman bitched me out for being pregnant. She kept following me around, calling me a stupid teen slut and saying she hoped my baby died so I could live a "normal life". I'm 26 and just very short. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Tweet from ESPN recruiting analyst Gerry Hamilton indicates he may have misunderstood his job title [Amusing]

Thursday 22 January 5:11:00 UTC 2015

Amusing [link] [54 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Theme of Farktography Contest No. 507: "Weather III: Stormy Weather" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme [Farktography]

Thursday 22 January 5:01:00 UTC 2015

Farktography [link] [54 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 26 Fascinating Facts About the Founding Fathers

Thursday 22 January 4:52:33 UTC 2015

If you like stories about the Founding Fathers, you’ll probably want to learn even more about the brave men who helped start the country. Tune in to Sons of Liberty, a three-night event, premiering on HISTORY Sunday, January 25th 9/8c. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Some thanks come late in life, some like this reunion between a Holocaust survivor and his soldier savior that took 70 years are still worth every damn bit of that thanks [Hero]

Thursday 22 January 4:26:35 UTC 2015

Hero [link] [27 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Art museums baffled that today's patrons expose themselves to art by taking selfies with the paintings. "Starry Night and Claude Monet's Water Lilies are the prime selfie real estate, it seems" [Amusing]

Thursday 22 January 3:20:08 UTC 2015

Amusing [link] [124 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Drinkingfourcupsofcoffee everydaycanreduceyour riskofskincancer [Interesting]

Thursday 22 January 2:59:29 UTC 2015

Interesting [link] [44 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » New sex toy is a foot with a vagina in the ankle, called the "vajankle." I suppose that's better than its original proposed name, "the funt" (not safe for work) [Strange]

Thursday 22 January 2:41:42 UTC 2015

Strange [link] [75 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » King Tut / His beard makes him so foxy / King Tut / It's glued on with epoxy [Fail]

Thursday 22 January 1:37:31 UTC 2015

Fail [link] [66 comments] [Link]

Overheard In The Office » …Like the Naughty Little Billing Clerk I Am

Thursday 22 January 1:21:23 UTC 2015

Coworker #1: I keep putting an “L” in your name when I type it! Coworker #2, named Heather: Really?Coworker #1: I think it's because I type “health” all the time…Coworker #3: I was thinking “leather!”Central PennsylvaniaOverheard by: suprchick [Link]

Overheard In The Office » If It Were, This Mimosa Would Be a Lot More Appropriate

Thursday 22 January 1:21:22 UTC 2015

Receptionist: Good morning, ABC* machinery.Customer: Good morning, can I speak to Bob*?Receptionist: One moment, please.Customer, under his breath: It's not morning!Amarillo, TexasOverheard by: Jocelyn [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Whose Lap Will I Sit in Next Time I Need a Cushion?

Thursday 22 January 1:21:20 UTC 2015

Sassy Latina operations manager: Where have you been?!?! You’ve been gone for like an hour!Spunky marketing manager: What? I was getting a bikini wax!Sassy Latina operations manager: Oh. [pause] I *thought* your pants looked looser.M Street, Washington DC [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Why Glade Discontinued Their ‘Tequila Passions’ Line

Thursday 22 January 1:21:17 UTC 2015

Korean chick, gasping: It smells like drunk Mexican in here!144 South Glendale Avenue
Glendale, California [Link]

Overheard In The Office » ‘Cause I’m Getting Hungry

Thursday 22 January 1:21:14 UTC 2015

Secretary on phone: So, ummm, yeah — I just wanted to check if your horse still had his boy bits or not…Perth
Australia [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this solitary man [Photoshop]

Thursday 22 January 1:00:01 UTC 2015

Photoshop [link] [31 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Look, I'm pretty sure that's not quite what she meant when she said she wanted you to clean up the house [Weird]

Thursday 22 January 0:59:22 UTC 2015

Weird [link] [58 comments] [Link]

Overheard In The Office » And Don't Even Get Me Started on the Fleas.

Thursday 22 January 0:57:55 UTC 2015

Coworker #1: How are your children?Coworker #2: Oh they're fine. My wife just has a problem getting them into the crates at night.Johannesburg
South AfricaOverheard by: PuffTheMagicDragQueen [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Mom on strike until her kids behave in a rare display of creative parenting someone somewhere is sure to be upset about [Cool]

Thursday 22 January 0:54:19 UTC 2015

Cool [link] [75 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Thursday 22 January 0:52:12 UTC 2015

Today, I babysat an 11 year old kid while his parents ate out. As soon as they left, the kid asked me if I wanted to be on the sex offender's list. Before I could even process that, he told me to stay out of his way and he wouldn't accuse me of anything. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Thursday 22 January 0:52:11 UTC 2015

Today, I found out the pet name my girlfriend gave my penis wasn't randomly made up after all; it's her ex's name. FML [Link]

Mental Floss » Watch the Windows 95 Launch Hosted By Jay Leno

Thursday 22 January 0:32:25 UTC 2015

Today, Microsoft launched Windows 10, their new operating system that works on both smartphones and PCs. It follows the much-criticized Windows 8, which was so bad, they had to skip the number 9 entirely. The company also introduced the HoloLens, an augmented reality visor that hopes to replace all the screens in your life with one single screen attached directly … [Link]

Mental Floss » Alan Turing's Hand-Written Notebook to Go Up For Auction

Thursday 22 January 0:00:00 UTC 2015

If the Oscar-nominated The Imitation Game left you craving a more authentic look at the brilliant-but-misunderstood British mathematician Alan Turing—and you have a seven-figure budget for discretionary spending—you might want to check out Bonhams Fine Books & Manuscripts' sale in New York on April 13. The auction house will be selling, on behalf of an anonymous vendor, a hand-written notebook … [Link]

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