Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”
Overheard In The Office » I Think I've Heard This Dolly Parton Song…
50-something woman on Stairmaster, to personal trainer: I've got the heart of a whore, and I want the body of a virgin.Oakland, California [Link]
Mental Floss » 23 Fun Facts About 'Tremors'
Talk about an underground classic. Tremors—easily the greatest subterranean monster movie ever made—turns 25 today. So, we’ve dug up some trivia that’ll help get you in the mood for an anniversary screening. Just watch your step… 1. The Premise Came to Screenwriter S. S. Wilson During a Rocky, Southwestern Hike. Giant, worm-like beasts terrorizing Nevada. Now there’s an idea as … [Link]
Fark.com RSS » As if pulling in inveterate gamblers wasn't enough, lottery launches $1 bacon-scented scratch ticket [Strange]
[link] [24 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Women have begun dumpster-diving behind salons and high-end stores to score high-priced makeup and other beauty products for free [Interesting]
[link] [90 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » These Kids Just Don't Appreciate Teddy Ruxpin
Eighties kids were thrilled when they received Teddy Ruxpin as a gift, but based on these reactions in the Fine Brothers' latest video, kids today wouldn't be so excited. "He's doing the derp face!" one girl exclaims, while another boy proclaims that Ruxpin is "an old man's name." When the Fines turn the toy on, it doesn't take long for … [Link]
Fark.com RSS » ISIS meet PETA. PETA, this is ISIS. They behead animals in practice for beheading humans [Sick]
[link] [77 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » "Edgy" game developer is SHOCKED that their "mass murder simulator" will be rated Adults Only by the ESRB [Dumbass]
[link] [208 comments] [Link]
Overheard In The Office » Hard to Imagine He Needs Them
Female Supervisor: Did you get your balls?Male Peon: Yes, thanks they are in the box under my desk.Female Supervisor: Doesn't your wife keep them in a jar on the shelf?Male Peon: No, I keep them in a tote. To make them fit, she squished all the air out of them.Female Supervisor: Who was that woman that dropped off your balls in … [Link]
Fark.com RSS » A moment of silence for the Girl Scout Cookies that are no longer with us [Interesting]
[link] [66 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Guy who "wrote" viral dog-walking ad ripped it off, word for word, from another Craigslist ad 4 years ago, and the original author has his hackles up. Why that dirty son of a byatch [Followup]
[link] [90 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » "The woman simply walked into the store, picked up the packaged TV, placed it between her legs and walked out along with an accomplice." With super classy video [Amusing]
[link] [61 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Fark NotNewsletter: Just what the Farking Fark is Drew up to? [FarkBlog]
[link] [83 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Family Fun Spot to join forces with alligator attraction Gatorland, an idea that will surely end well [Florida]
[link] [14 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Photoshop these lady loggers [Photoshop]
[link] [17 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » A restorative two week holiday to anywhere you want in the world. Now imagine you don't have miss any work for it. I seem to recall something about this [Unlikely]
[link] [30 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » 5 Things You Didn't Know About Edgar Allan Poe
You’ve read Edgar Allan Poe’s terrifying stories. You can quote “The Raven.” How well do you know the writer’s quirky sense of humor and code-cracking abilities, though? [Link]
The Onion » American Voices: MTV Airing In Black And White On MLK Jr. Day To Spark Conversations On Race
In honor of Martin Luther King Jr. Day, MTV is airing programming in black and white for 12 hours to encourage Americans to start conversations about racial bias in the United States. 
[Link]
Fark.com RSS » Pope Francis tackles the whole 'If God loves us and is all powerful, why does he let children suffer?' thing [Obvious]
[link] [319 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Argentinian special prosecutor falls down an elevator shaft onto bullets [Unlikely]
[link] [41 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » "From the days that I was hungover the most, I wished there was something like this around and now I've got twin 10-year-olds and I don't have time to be hungover" [Florida]
[link] [43 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » 3:20 p.m [Amusing]
[link] [62 comments] [Link]
The Onion » Unsold Google Glass Units To Be Donated To Assholes In Africa
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—Following the company’s announcement that it would discontinue public sales of the wearable technology, Google officials confirmed Monday that all unsold units of Google Glass would be donated to underprivileged assholes in A… 
[Link]
Fark.com RSS » FARK-ready headline: "Shots fired at benefit event for local shooting victim" [Ironic]
[link] [30 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Not surprisingly, tourist numbers in Paris are not shooting up [Obvious]
[link] [36 comments] [Link]
FMyLife » Anonymous says FML
Today, I sat my son down for the sex talk. By the time it was over, he'd corrected me on several factual errors and told me what felching is. Now I remember why I never wanted kids. FML [Link]
FMyLife » Anonymous says FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's best friend. She was a girl he's known for years, and I respected that. She was sweet, until my boyfriend went to the bathroom and she threatened to stab me if I don't leave him. He doesn't believe me, and accused me of having serious jealousy issues. FML [Link]
FMyLife » Anonymous says FML
Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend when I began dozing off. I was then awoken by an explosive fart. It was me. FML [Link]
The Onion » Chicago Introduces New Citywide Gun-Sharing Stations
CHICAGO—Touting the program’s convenience and affordability, Chicago officials unveiled Monday the city’s new gun-sharing service, “QuikShot,” which allows individuals to check out a loaded firearm for short periods of time. … 
[Link]
Mental Floss » How Airbus Makes Airplanes
Making the wings involves using a lot of high-tech tape. [Link]
Mental Floss » 5 Questions: "Nothing" to See Here
[Link]
Mental Floss » A Historical Look At Why You Shouldn't Drunkenly Handle Snakes
According to his coworkers, Edward Horatio Girling did not have much experience handling snakes when he took a job as a zookeeper at the London Zoological Gardens in 1852—which might help explain his apparent ignorance about the effects of mixing alcohol and venomous snakes. Namely, a fatal bite. Let's back up. According to a paper published several years ago in … [Link]
The Onion » Editorial Cartoon: Broken Homer
Broken Homer 
[Link]
Fark.com RSS » Letter from Birmingham jail [Hero]
[link] [111 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » You know you're truly a dedicated troll if you purposely gain 43 pounds just to prove that fat people are lazy [Strange]
[link] [180 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » A hard day's knight, queefer madness, and Snoop Dogg's grandson already growing like a weed: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 1/11 – 1/17 [FarkBlog]
[link] [0 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Philadelphia tries to top Washington DC subway fires but only manages to close a station due to a police golf cart fire [Interesting]
[link] [14 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » 14 Movie Characters Who Were Supposed To Die, But Didn't
Some of your favorite film characters were, at one point, on the chopping block. [Link]
FMyLife » momac86 says FML
Today, I lost a sewing needle in the carpet. No worries, my big toe found it. FML [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Man calls police over foxes having 'abnormally long sex' in his garden. "I thought the animals had got stuck together and they might injure themselves permanently" [Dumbass]
[link] [85 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » If you're going to stick up an off-license betting shop, don't scrawl your demands on the back of a letter from the shop banning you from the place. Or be like this idiot, your call [Fail]
[link] [30 comments] [Link]
The Onion » New Facebook Notifications Alert Users When They Not Currently Looking At Facebook
MENLO PARK, CA—In an effort to ensure constant engagement with the social media site, Facebook announced Monday that users would now receive notifications anytime they are not currently looking at Facebook. 
[Link]
The Onion » Slideshow: The Week In Pictures – Week Of January 19, 2015
The Week In Pictures – Week Of January 19, 2015 
[Link]
Fark.com RSS » Man steals £13,000 of pet food from the RSPCA. He must have a really big dog [Dumbass]
[link] [20 comments] [Link]
The Onion » American Voices: Study: Sitting Too Much May Be Deadlier Than Obesity
A new study has found that remaining sedentary throughout the day may be more deadly than being obese, and that switching from an “inactive” to “moderately active” lifestyle can reduce the risk of early mortality by as much as 30 p… 
[Link]
Overheard In The Office » But How Do You Like Living in a Shoe?
Blonde office bee: How's the apartment hunt going?Brunette office bee: Not great. You know how stressful it is when you've reached the point where you absolutely have to find something?Blonde office bee: Definitely. That's how I was the day that we went to Moncton and it wasn't until we went to the last store that I found a decent pair of … [Link]
Overheard In The Office » You'll Never Be Able to Prove That, Meredith.
50-something admin: There were a whole bunch of plates here.Everyone else in kitchen: (several seconds of silence)50-something admin, loudly: Yesterday, there were a whole bunch of plates here.Everyone else in kitchen: (more silence)50-something admin, quietly: There were a whole bunch of plates.St. Louis, MissouriOverheard by: durp [Link]
Overheard In The Office » And I’m All Paid Up
Coworker on phone: Well, this dinosaur works better than your new Mercedes!Owings Mills, MarylandOverheard by: widget [Link]
Overheard In The Office » …Larry.
Art director: If you're going to dress like a woman, act like a woman. Put the seat down.Dallas, TexasOverheard by: Lindsay [Link]
Overheard In The Office » A Quickie Will Cover Anything up to Embezzlement
Female coworker #1: So, Jack* is like, ‘I feel obliged to tell the supervisor I caught you cheating again.’ And obviously I can’t have that — if I lose this job I’m screwed for the month.Female coworker #2: Totally. So what did you do to shut him up?Female coworker #1: Let him lick my boobs in the store room.Female coworker #2: … [Link]
Overheard In The Office » My Baby's Practically Naked Without Polish
Visitor from another office: I gotta get my child support so I can get a pedicure.Austin, TexasOverheard by: The Joys of Temping in Austin [Link]
Futility Closet » Podcast Episode 42: The Balmis Expedition: Using Orphans to Combat Smallpox
Image: Wikimedia Commons
In this episode of the Futility Closet podcast we’ll tell how Spanish authorities found an ingenious way to use orphans to bring the smallpox vaccine to the American colonies in 1803. The Balmis Expedition overcame the problems of transporting a fragile vaccine over a long voyage and is credited with saving at least 100,000 lives in the New … [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Photoshop these lost sheeple [Photoshop]
[link] [18 comments] [Link]
Overheard In The Office » 2PM Monitor Calls
Customer: Can you put directions for the delivery man on the label?
CSR: Sure.
Customer: Tell him to give it to me through the back door.
CSR: The back door?
Customer: Yeah. 473 Ridge Road
Dayton, New Jersey Overheard by: office peon [Link]
Weird Universe » Women Becoming Dumb
Back in 1926, art historian and cultural critic Dudley Crafts Watson sounded the alarm on a looming problem. The modern American woman, he believed, was fast becoming a "statis dumb bunny" because labor-saving devices were allowing her too much free time which she spent amusing herself with frivolous entertainment, instead of improving her mind.
Today, Watson is best known because … [Link]
FMyLife » anon says FML
Today, my crush was giving me a ride home. As we pulled up to my house, he looked into my eyes with a sweet smile and said the words every girl wants to hear – "Do you give head?" FML [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Instant replay inventor passes away. Viewing to be held at 1:00 p.m. And again at 1:02 p.m. And twice at 1:03 p.m [Obvious]
[link] [34 comments] [Link]
Overheard In The Office » Another Eternal Management Question for You, Dear Reader
IT manager: How can I be wrong when I don't know what I'm talking about?College Campus
Huntsville, TexasOverheard by: Knows what she's talking about [Link]
Weird Universe » Bora Yoon
Unlike many of the avant garde performers we poke fun at here, Bora Yoon seems to have a modicum of musical talent, a voice, and some ideas. (Although "music by carrot chopping" is probably an idea better left unexplored.) But all her skills are in service to a kind of spacey, esoteric, pretentious ambiance that seems, to me, hell to … [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Islamic group holds a conference dedicated to condemning Islamic extremism. Does the conference: a) get nationwide support; b) receive an outpouring of donations, or; c) receive a massive protest calling them "unamerican"? Difficulty: Texas [
[link] [374 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Oxfam: The richest 1% will own more than 50% of the world's wealth in 2016 [Scary]
[link] [464 comments] [Link]
Overheard In The Office » Because That's What You Said About Sucking Your Penis, to No Avail
Male coworker: Colon cleansing will fix your insomnia.Female coworker: Really?Jacksonville, FloridaOverheard by: never heard that before [Link]
Mental Floss » "Nothing" to See Here
[Link]
Mental Floss » Protect Your Cat With a Suit of Armor
In case you haven't seen it yet: suits of armor for your pets. Artist Jeff de Boer has meticulously crafted protective ensembles for cats, and—to even the playing field—mice. He draws his ideas from different time periods and countries, including Edo period Japan and Medieval England. He's even made a futuristic rocket mouse. These marvelous suits are substantial works of … [Link]
Fark.com RSS » The most ironically named alcoholic shoplifter ever [Fail]
[link] [42 comments] [Link]
FMyLife » -.- says FML
Today, my mother told me how long it took for her to have me. Not how long she carried me in her womb – how long it took her and my dad to have sex. FML [Link]
Overheard In The Office » Another Long Day at the Office.
Female cube-dweller, shouting to male cube-dweller: Have you got a long one?!Melbourne
AustraliaOverheard by: confused but amused [Link]
Mental Floss » Morning Cup of Links: Reading Rainbow Does Martin Luther King, Jr.
If you grew up with Reading Rainbow, you’ll be glad to know that it’s back in a web-only version. Here, Levar Burton reads the children’s book Martin Luther King, Jr. by David A. Adler.
*
The 22 Celebrity Names You’re Probably Saying Wrong. With helpful video guides.
*
Are Tiny-House Villages The Solution To Homelessness? A place of one’s own … [Link]
Fark.com RSS » "Some people find oil. We were lucky to find mastodon bones" [Cool]
[link] [31 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Former 'The Biggest Loser' contestant: "The whole f- -king show is a fat-shaming disaster that I'm embarrassed to have participated in" [Obvious]
[link] [269 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » New study discovers that living near trees means you'll need fewer antidepressants because you'll be too busy raking leaves to be bummed out with life [Interesting]
[link] [51 comments] [Link]
FMyLife » pissed out pants says FML
Today, just to win a bet against my mum that he could make me scream like a bitch, my dad faked his own suicide. He went the whole mile: fake blood everywhere, fake gun, yelling "Goodbye!" and playing a loud gunshot sound effect from his PC, everything. My dad won; my underwear lost. FML [Link]
FMyLife » Anonymous says FML
Today, I went to a job interview. It was my last shot of getting a job before my savings run dry. It all went well until I was asked why I wanted to join the company. I got flustered and stuttered, "Because I um, I like money?" The guy gave me the most insincere "We'll be in touch." ever. FML [Link]
FMyLife » saqmuel093 says FML
Today, I ran out of cash. The nearest ATM to my house is over a half hour away by foot. After walking all the way there under the blistering heat of the sun, I realized I'd left my card back at home. FML [Link]
Futility Closet » Black and White
By Theophilus A. Thompson. White to mate in two moves. Click for solution … [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Charlie Hebdo printing 7 million copies of Boobies-massacre issue [Followup]
[link] [121 comments] [Link]
Overheard In The Office » Oh! If I’d Known, I Would’ve Brought My Brain.
VP: Hi! Nice to see you. I hope we’ll be meeting soon!Ad agency rep: Yes, like right now? Since that’s why we’re here.Central Park South
New York, New York [Link]
Overheard In The Office » Christianity's Always Been a Scandal
Coworker: I can't go to Easter service anymore. I've discovered I'm allergic to the incest. I mean “incense.”Dallas, Texas [Link]
Overheard In The Office » 12PM Lunch
Engineer: So, did you enjoy your Cinco de Mayo?
Secretary: Um. I was in Rhode Island for the weekend…
Engineer: Yeah, so?
Secretary: Ever been?
Engineer: Yeah, couple of times… what’s your point?
Secretary: Heh. Rhode Island is like the white-bread capital, at least the part where I go is.
Engineer: Okaayyy… so there was no Cinco de Mayo celebration? … [Link]
Overheard In The Office » You Know It Doesn't Tell the Future, Right?
Male coworker #1: Before you leave, can I please rub your head?Male coworker #2: Huh?!Male coworker #1: I've always wanted to. It would make me really happy!Orlando, Florida [Link]
Overheard In The Office » 4PM Review Applicants
Co-worker: If he was any more by the book, he’d have a cover on him. 3160 Charlestown Road
Martinsburg, West Virginia [Link]
Overheard In The Office » I’m Working My Way Up to Eating Grease Out of the Fryer
Big chick: I walked to McDonald’s today. It’s like the subway diet, only less effective.McDonald’s
Cedar Rapids, IowaOverheard by: jared [Link]
Overheard In The Office » Getting Stuck Can Be Painful
Female boss to male underling, about predicted upcoming snow storm: Tell me how many inches it is and then I'll decide if I have to be afraid of it!Felton, Delaware [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Kentucky teenagers who embarked on a multi-state crime spree finally captured in…well, you know [Florida]
[link] [113 comments] [Link]
Overheard In The Office » If I Didn't Have a Window, We'd Probably All Need Gas Masks
Legal counsel: I normally just crack it when I'm expecting someone.Madison, Wisconsin [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Game Over. You have no more continues [Sick]
[link] [155 comments] [Link]
Overheard In The Office » Who Goes to West Virginia on Their Vacation?
Agent: So you went to Virginia Beach on your vacation?Manager: No, I went to West Virginia.Agent: Oh. Where’s Virginia Beach? In East Virginia?10243 Genetic Center Drive
San Diego, CaliforniaOverheard by: Cat [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this helping mouth [Photoshop]
[link] [17 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Careers of six amateur pharmacists end suddenly [Scary]
[link] [79 comments] [Link]
Overheard In The Office » 4PM Transcribing
Supervisor: Just do whatever’s easier for you.
Word processor: It’s easiest to do it this way, ’cause then I don’t have to think.
Supervisor: Well, you want to think a little bit…
Word processor: Nah, not really. 1 World Financial Center
New York, New York [Link]
Fark.com RSS » The newest fearmongering: If you smoke pot, your house could explode [Interesting]
[link] [109 comments] [Link]
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