Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”
FMyLife » Anonymous says FML
Today, after the longest time, I went to the gym. I ran and ran and ran on the treadmill for an eternity, beating myself up for getting so overweight. Then I tripped and fell off, sweating and sobbing for being so useless. When I looked up, I saw I'd been on the machine for barely 2 minutes. FML [Link]
FMyLife » McSlave says FML
Today, a customer tried to order a Zinger burger. I tried to explain that he was at McDonalds and that the Zinger is a KFC burger. He accused me of lying to him and tried to report me to my manager. FML [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Police seize 68,000 clocks and it's not about time [Obvious]
[link] [43 comments] [Link]
Weird Universe » News of the Weird, January 18, 2015
News of the Weird
Weirdnuz.M406, January 18, 2015
Copyright 2015 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.
Lead Story
Among the breakthroughs demonstrated by the computer-chip company Intel’s RealSense system is a cocktail dress from Dutch designer Anouk Wipprecht that not only senses the wearer’s “mood” but acts to repel (or encourage) strangers who might approach the wearer. Sensors (including small … [Link]
Fark.com RSS » If your son's five-year-old friend doesn't turn up to his birthday party should you C) Serve the friend with an invoice and threaten court action in case of non-payment [Scary]
[link] [158 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » The school days needs to be longer in order for students to learn better [Obvious]
[link] [64 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » ISIS frees 200 elderly members of a religious minority sect because they're "too expensive to feed." God, they sound like Americans putting their parents into nursing homes [Strange]
[link] [55 comments] [Link]
Futility Closet » Colloquy
“How old are you?”
“I’m five. How old are you?”
“I’m either four or five. I don’t know which.”
“Do women bother you?”
“No.”
“You’re four.” — Anonymous, Colorado Flatiron, 1959 [Link]
Fark.com RSS » "In journalism, the list mated with what we used to call a 'news article' and has taken over all media outlets. The diminished nature of people's attention spans, coupled with the rise of SEO, has led to the birth of what we now call
[link] [79 comments] [Link]
FMyLife » sophiae123 says FML
Today, my parents threatened to take away my college funds. Why? Because I complained about my 10 pm curfew during break as a freshman in college. FML [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this big mouth [Photoshop]
[link] [25 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Meet the guy whose car got crushed like a beer can in a collision between two big rigs and who walked away without a scratch. Better yet, take a look at the guy's new favorite photos [Scary]
[link] [71 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Virginia Beach, Virginia seeks advice on naming a bridge. Let us help them. Help them we shall [Spiffy]
[link] [124 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » For $10, artist will tattoo your name or phrase on her body. This should turn out well [Stupid]
[link] [129 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Madman/would-be-assassin who clearly lacks ambition fires several shots at the VICE president's house [News]
[link] [110 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Here are some before and after photos of rescue dogs. Goddamnit, Sarah McLachlan, stop playing that damn song already [Sappy]
[link] [108 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Virginia lawmaker thinks a song about a drug-fueled interracial romance would be a good replacement for Shenandoah or Ol Virginny [Unlikely]
[link] [58 comments] [Link]
FMyLife » virginwhore says FML
Today, my boyfriend's dad called me a whore and said I'm trying to use his son and "steal" his virginity for my own needs. My boyfriend has had sex with over 10 girls and I'm a virgin. FML [Link]
FMyLife » Help Me says FML
Today, I saw a little old lady trying to cross the street. I went over and tried to help her. Turned out she was actually just a really short young woman. As soon as I took her arm, she screamed in front of everyone and accused me of trying to molest her. FML [Link]
FMyLife » bad luck Bianca says FML
Today, I saw a stick in my car and picked it up to throw it out the window. The "stick" turned out to have eyes. It was a dead lizard. FML [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Homeowner charged after shooting Oklahoma police chief during botched raid where cops invaded the wrong house, Wait, he wasn't charged? How is this possible? I don't even [Spiffy]
[link] [173 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » The Hotel Made of Salt
You can stay in a hotel made almost entirely of salt. Salt chairs, salt beds, salt tables, salt walls. Just watch out for the rainy season. [Link]
Fark.com RSS » The Dallas Safari Club, who offered a shot at killing a black rhino last year, is back — with a shot at killing an elephant. You know, to curb overpopulation [Asinine]
[link] [134 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » CSB Sunday Morning: Forks in the road [CSB]
[link] [65 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » John McAfee yells at clouds [Obvious]
[link] [55 comments] [Link]
Weird Universe » Rolling to Reduce
Weight reduction advice from 1918. Original article here (pdf).
[Link]
Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this winter prepper [Photoshop]
[link] [19 comments] [Link]
Weird Universe » Civil Defense PSAs
[Link]
Overheard In The Office » Nah, You’ve Got Nine Months to Pick a Name
Girl #1: So we had sex last night and we didn’t use a condom and I’m ovulating.Girl #2: Uh huh.Girl #1: Should I be worried?10th & Washington
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania [Link]
Overheard In The Office » Or Just a Communist?
Clerk #1: What are you doing for Thanksgiving?Clerk #2: I'm not doing anything, I don't celebrate Thanksgiving.Clerk #1: What, are you Jewish?Leader Heights, Maryland [Link]
Overheard In The Office » Mmm, Olestra.
Coworker #1: My stomach is upset today, I have the shits.Coworker #2: Yeah, I like chips…Pennsylvania [Link]
Overheard In The Office » The Episode Of Roseanne No One Wanted to See
CSR: Don't you and your husband ever take a shower together?Supervisor: Are you kidding? After all these years? We don't even fit! Well, we fit, but our feet wouldn't get wet!Indianapolis, Indiana [Link]
FMyLife » for shite's sake says FML
Today, I took my driving test. I was really nervous, but I thought I did pretty well in the end. That is until I parked the car and looked to the examiner. He was visibly shaken. He said I'd passed, quickly filled in the paperwork and left. On the downside, my car still smells of his shart. FML [Link]
Overheard In The Office » Cuban Business Customs: The Short Course
Canadian: Is there anything I should know about Cuban business customs before we get started?Translator: No.Girl with tray of espressos walks in and hands one to each person.Canadian: I don’t drink coffee.Translator: You do today.Cuban Health Ministry
Havana, CubaOverheard by: Drank the coffee [Link]
FMyLife » Titatoum says FML
Today, I was accused of letting my dog take a shit on the sidewalk and not picking it up. My dog's a chihuahua, and the turd was almost longer than he is. I got fined anyway. FML [Link]
FMyLife » Anonymous says FML
Today, my girlfriend asked me not to love her so much, so she doesn't have to try so hard to match my love for her. What the fuck? FML [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Denver bakery hit with religious discrimination complaint for refusing to make anti-fruitcake [Stupid]
[link] [234 comments] [Link]
Overheard In The Office » Except for This Incubus Growing Inside Me
Coworker: Are you okay?Pregnant woman having contraction: Nothing fell out, so I’m good.Navy yard
Washington, DC [Link]
Overheard In The Office » 3PM Smoke Break
PhD #1: So we need to find babies who’s mothers smoked during their pregnancies.
PhD #2: What would be great is if we could find some pregnant women who smoke and monitor the fetus before, and a while after birth. But that’s kinda illegal and unethical.
PhD #1: Yeah, we can’t really encourage women to continue smoking while they’re pregnant. … [Link]
Overheard In The Office » No, Your Children Do
Receptionist: Does the president have to pay the mortgage on the White House?1600 Utica Avenue South
Minneapolis, MinnesotaOverheard by: wish she hadn’t voted [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Dude, I'm so symbelwlonced right now [Amusing]
[link] [33 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Holton, wearing a ski mask and sunglasses, told Farmer to pull down his pants during the attempted robbery. Those were Holton's last words [Florida]
[link] [82 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » As if growing old didn't already suck, retirement homes are filled with Mean Girls [Repeat]
[link] [113 comments] [Link]
Overheard In The Office » Unfortunately, Some Colleagues Are Eight-Tracks
Coworker to boss: Wait, rewind. I didn't understand what you said.Boss: Blahdebludebloop! That was me rewinding.Littleton, New Hampshire [Link]
Futility Closet » Sound Measure
On Nov. 11 each year the British Commonwealth observes two minutes’ silence to remember the fallen in World War I. Of the first observance, in 1919, the Daily Express wrote, “There is nothing under heaven so full of awe as the complete silence of a mighty crowd.” In 2001, artist Jonty Semper released Kenotaphion, a two-CD collection of these silences … [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Just the latest example of law enforcement officers and their supporters demonstrating incredible petulance in retaliation for public scrutiny or the rare attempt to hold rogue cops accountable for their actions [Scary]
[link] [209 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Junkie in the trunk [Scary]
[link] [30 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » "I'll take 'places where you shouldn't put cock rings' for $1000, Alex'" [Fail]
[link] [115 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Grandfather who survived three different types of cancer completes trek to South Pole after publicly challenging nature to try and stop him again [Hero]
[link] [22 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Scotland shattered as rumors of Pizza Hut's Easter Creme Egg-crust pizza turn out to be nothing more than a cruel internet hoax. Och, they wanted to believe (w/ pic of what an Easter Creme Egg pizza could look like) [Amusing]
[link] [51 comments] [Link]
Overheard In The Office » …In Totally Unrelated News, I Met the CEO Today.
Coworker to another, during lunch: Would you know a maggot if you saw one?Austin, TexasOverheard by: Glad they didn't bring anything back for me. [Link]
Overheard In The Office » I Didn’t Say You’d Contributed Much
Cube rat girl: You’ve really contributed to my progress as a human being. Like, I’ve learned all these new terms from you. Like ‘owned,’ and ‘oh, word?’ And ‘meh’!Cube rat guy: See? So what would your life be like without me?Cube rat girl: Well, I think pretty much the same, but with a few less words.350 Madison Avenue
New York, New York … [Link]
Overheard In The Office » Hey, That Excuse Got Me Extra Time on My SATs!
Parts store clerk #1 to parts store clerk #2: I don't know about taking this test. These words they use, I don't know where they get these words from. Maybe it's just me, cause I'm from the South.Customer, chuckling: Them can't be real words, can they?Parts clerk #1: No.Parts clerk #2: You're just way too country to take that test.Decatur, Tennessee … [Link]
Overheard In The Office » Unless It's One Of Those Dreams.
Secretary: Hey how you doing?Lawyer: Oh, you know, just livin' the dream.Secretary: What dream is that?Lawyer: I'm not sure.Secretary: Okay. Let me know when you figure it out.Lawyer: Okay. I will.Dallas Texas [Link]
Overheard In The Office » Anybody Else Wonder Why a Tech Company Still Uses Faxes?
Boss to assistant: What! I can't believe you sent a fax with a handwritten cover sheet!
Assistant: Well, I thought that…
Boss, cutting her off angrily: And with purple pen?
Assistant: Uh… faxes are black and white when they come out the other side.
Boss, shaking head: Still… Ann Arbor, Michigan Overheard by: Color blind… [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Fish heads, fish heads, piles of flaming fish heads, fish heads, fish heads, put them out, yum [Sick]
[link] [45 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Police apologize for violently arresting victim instead of criminal [Dumbass]
[link] [142 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Nice 80-year-old lady takes her Cadillac CTS for pleasant drive from Manatee County over Sunshine Skyway Bridge to St. Petersburg in southbound lanes. What could possibly go wrong? [Florida]
[link] [65 comments] [Link]
FMyLife » wounded pride, intact cock says FML
Today, my wife wanted me to take her to a new restaurant in town. When I looked it up and saw their prices, I almost had a heart attack. When I said it was too expensive, she snapped "Maybe you'd like to look up 'Lorena Bobbitt' next?!" We went to the restaurant. FML [Link]
FMyLife » Anonymous says FML
Today, I had to explain to my teenage daughter that The Interview wasn't a documentary and that Kim Jong-un wasn't actually assassinated by a pair of goofy reporters. FML [Link]
Overheard In The Office » 2PM Cover Shoot
Photographer: You can’t just leave and not tell anyone. You guys left and no one was here to help.
First assistant: Look, I’m sick of you bitching at me about this petty bullshit. Don’t talk to me unless you’ve got something important to say.
Second assistant: Mom and Dad are fighting again. 2616 Industrial Row Road
Troy, Michigan [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this drive by [Photoshop]
[link] [16 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » Why Do Rivers Curve?
Here's a question I hadn't thought to ask: Why don't rivers just run straight? Why do they curve in oddly regular, sinuous bends? It seems logical that water would flow straight from source to destination, just powering through (the shortest path between two points is a straight line, right?). So what's up with all the curvy rivers around the world? … [Link]
Weird Universe » Vajankle
The vajankle is a foot fetishist's dream. It is a disembodied foot with a vagina where the ankle would normally be attached to a body. NSFW pictures at the link. [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Stop me if you heard this one before – A man with an iron rod sticking out of his head walks into a service station [Scary]
[link] [32 comments] [Link]
Overheard In The Office » Stop Helping, Okay?
Woman #1: I’m so upset about my aunt.Woman #2: I know, but there is nothing you can do now.Woman #1: It was so sudden. She’s never going to be herself again. I can see it already.Woman #2: That might be something to be thankful for.Paramus, New JerseyOverheard by: Red [Link]
Fark.com RSS » The directions were clear: Bring one pizza to the Sheraton Hotel in Ann Arbor at precisely 2:20 p.m. What happened next was "a life-changing delivery" [Spiffy]
[link] [59 comments] [Link]
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