John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons

John Gordon Ross header image 3

Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”

Fark.com RSS » There's nothing but 100 foot cliffs on either side of that section of the Appalachian Trail, but it's like the lost hiker vanished into thin air [Sad]

Sunday 4 January 23:32:32 UTC 2015

Sad [link] [59 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Slow news day much? [Amusing]

Sunday 4 January 22:52:57 UTC 2015

Amusing [link] [21 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The U.S. braces itself for a wave of deadly cold. So we have that to look forward to [Cool]

Sunday 4 January 22:45:48 UTC 2015

Cool [link] [95 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Weekend Links: Taking the Polar Bear Plunge

Sunday 4 January 22:31:53 UTC 2015

The madness of diving half-naked into large outdoor bodies of water in the middle of winter isn't an isolated phenomenon: "Polar bear plunges" are a common way to celebrate the new year all around the world. * At only 12 weeks old, French bulldog Brody Brixton already has plenty of tricks up his little doggie sleeve. * Family photos can … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » 470: the number of calories in 50 Chicken McNuggets, or the weight of the person who would eat 50 chicken McNuggets? [Obvious]

Sunday 4 January 22:30:44 UTC 2015

Obvious [link] [152 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Real Christmas trees are "like catnip" to lions. With AWW pictures from Cambridgeshire zoo [Sappy]

Sunday 4 January 22:10:00 UTC 2015

Sappy [link] [24 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Pope Francis announces his starting lineup of fifteen Cardinals, virtually guaranteeing they'll clinch the NLDS this year [Cool]

Sunday 4 January 22:00:54 UTC 2015

Cool [link] [32 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » gothicvamp93 says FML

Sunday 4 January 21:30:54 UTC 2015

Today, my boss called and yelled at me because he said I was "spotted" out after I called off sick. I was out getting the medicine the doctor had just prescribed me. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Dear Lord Save Me says FML

Sunday 4 January 21:30:53 UTC 2015

Today, I was shopping with my dad and I saw one of my guy friends, so we waved and smiled at each other. My dad clearly thought his wave was too "romantic", because he shouted at him, "Touch her, and I'll kill you." FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Because nothing enhances a visit to your local brewpub to enjoy a craft beer quite like circus clowns [Weird]

Sunday 4 January 21:19:59 UTC 2015

Weird [link] [28 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » They crash their cars day and night. You tow their vehicles to your lot. It's not your job to see if anyone is still inside those vehicles [Dumbass]

Sunday 4 January 21:12:25 UTC 2015

Dumbass [link] [22 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » NYC officers decide to take their commissioner's request and behave with respect and maturity at the funeral for slain officer Wenjian Liu. Hah, just kidding [Followup]

Sunday 4 January 21:04:06 UTC 2015

Followup [link] [416 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this big blue barrel [Photoshop]

Sunday 4 January 21:00:01 UTC 2015

Photoshop [link] [25 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Stinking drunk Brooklyn man tries clean escape on street sweeper machine but gets mopped up by police instead [Fail]

Sunday 4 January 20:20:06 UTC 2015

Fail [link] [9 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Caption these vintage professional wrestlers [Caption]

Sunday 4 January 20:00:01 UTC 2015

Caption [link] [33 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "Captain, that's not how you parallel park a car ferry" [Fail]

Sunday 4 January 19:42:24 UTC 2015

Fail [link] [43 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » America is being destroyed by: A) Self-serving politicians; B) Global Warming; C) Fast food restaurants [Scary]

Sunday 4 January 19:02:36 UTC 2015

Scary [link] [150 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Ever worry that your special snowflake may get hurt playing soccer? Why not just wrap them in bubble wrap? [Stupid]

Sunday 4 January 18:44:34 UTC 2015

Stupid [link] [50 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If there's one thing this story proves, it's that Germans love David Hasselhoff. And trying to level Berlin [Scary]

Sunday 4 January 18:16:38 UTC 2015

Scary [link] [45 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Aw, nuts [Silly]

Sunday 4 January 18:15:35 UTC 2015

Silly [link] [26 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » High school chemistry lab mishandles samples of dangerous diseases. Just kidding it was the CDC [Scary]

Sunday 4 January 18:14:11 UTC 2015

Scary [link] [16 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Rancher to subdivide his unpolluted, pristine 40,000 acres of land for development, construction of new shopping centers, subdivisions for millions of dollars. What? He's selling it to the state to preserve it for future generations? Never mind [

Sunday 4 January 17:56:22 UTC 2015

Cool [link] [54 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Here's a look at the future of what it will be like getting arrested [PSA]

Sunday 4 January 17:17:46 UTC 2015

PSA [link] [67 comments] [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Do We Still Have This Item in Birkenstock?

Sunday 4 January 17:01:23 UTC 2015

Assistant manager over speaker: Lesbian to the front please! Lesbian to the front register!Eckerd Pharmacy Robin Hood Road
Norfolk, VirginiaOverheard by: But my name is Leslie…. [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Company Slogan: We Turn Good Things Into Bad Things

Sunday 4 January 17:01:22 UTC 2015

Employee #1: I love Chex Mix so much I'd grind it up, stick it in an IV and mainline it.Employee #2: I…well… (pauses in thought) You couldn't *freebase* it…Mesa, ArizonaOverheard by: Chris Cardinal [Link]

Overheard In The Office » 4PM Folding Clothes

Sunday 4 January 17:01:21 UTC 2015

Employee #1: She turned around and said to the supervisor, “She just yelled at me.” I was like, “I didn’t yell at you!” I said it in front of the supervisor, but I didn’t care. I didn’t yell at her…That’s how people get locked up! People saying you did things you didn’t do. That’s how you go to jail.
Employee … [Link]

Overheard In The Office » 10AM Meeting with HR

Sunday 4 January 17:01:20 UTC 2015

Co-worker #1: Ew!
Co-worker #2: What?
Co-worker #1: His internet history has porn on it!
Co-worker #2: Really?
Co-worker #1: Yeah!
Co-worker #2: Like what?
Co-worker #1: A whole bunch of free stuff from [Fleshbot].com. I can’t believe this.
Co-worker #2: Yeah, I know…
Co-worker #1: I mean…I don’t care if he does this at home, but not at this … [Link]

Overheard In The Office » I Mean, the Dog, the Cane — What Would You Think?

Sunday 4 January 16:28:05 UTC 2015

Boss to client on phone: I walked her home every day for months because I thought she was blind!1430 Massachusetts Avenue
Cambridge, Massachusetts [Link]

FMyLife » Malina says FML

Sunday 4 January 16:24:55 UTC 2015

Today, I bit into a piece of homegrown lettuce from my garden. Apparently, I'm not the only one to enjoy my produce, because I took a bite out of a small caterpillar. FML [Link]

The Onion » Makers Of Good Friends Cereal Not Sure How Two Pictures Of Ann Coulter Got On Box

Sunday 4 January 16:01:00 UTC 2015

Makers Of Good Friends Cereal Not Sure How Two Pictures Of Ann Coulter Got On Box
[Link]

Overheard In The Office » Like a Sundae With Whipped Topping

Sunday 4 January 15:25:58 UTC 2015

Intern guy: I'm trying to imagine what a masochistic society would be like.20-something girl: …amazing.http://eavesdropdc.b~ by: Ian [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If you go into the National Institutes of Health building don't bother trying to get a drink at the bar there. It's just a prop set up by scientists trying to determine if taking a pill will make you want to drink less [Sad]

Sunday 4 January 15:21:43 UTC 2015

Sad [link] [44 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » I see that judgmental look on your face. Oh, what? Like you never attacked the machete-wielding security guard at the dildo store before? Yeah, right [Stupid]

Sunday 4 January 15:13:38 UTC 2015

Stupid [link] [52 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If you're a resident of Massachusetts, you can now use your Air Jordans in lieu of bail money [PSA]

Sunday 4 January 14:32:46 UTC 2015

PSA [link] [29 comments] [Link]

Overheard In The Office » I’d Be Disbarred If It Came Out That I Could Understand Plain English

Sunday 4 January 14:23:22 UTC 2015

Attorney #1: Does anyone know why I can’t access my computer’s S drive?Attorney #2: Oh, I know the problem. It’s an operator error!Attorney #1: What does that mean?Madera, CaliforniaOverheard by: Shawn [Link]

Weird Universe » Paradise Regained

Sunday 4 January 14:04:44 UTC 2015

1898 ad for the Florida East Coast Railway/Steamship line running from Jacksonville to Key West. I think all of us here at WU would agree that Florida definitely is special.


via Mappenstance and Library of Congress [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this desert scene [Photoshop]

Sunday 4 January 14:00:01 UTC 2015

Photoshop [link] [24 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » CSB Sunday Morning: First Cars [CSB]

Sunday 4 January 14:00:00 UTC 2015

CSB [link] [280 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » Drugachusetts

Sunday 4 January 13:37:55 UTC 2015

[Link]

Overheard In The Office » 3PM Paternity Leave

Sunday 4 January 13:16:34 UTC 2015

Suit #1: Hey, how are you? Haven’t seen you in forever! Still married?
Suit #2: Yup, expecting my first.
Suit #1: Really! When?
Suit #2: November 7th. Bitch finally finished her PhD so she could work, and now she’s pregnant! 383 Madison Avenue
New York, New York [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Ladies and Gentlemen of Fark, I present to you the Sinkolet: A sink and a toilet fused into one magnificent piece of bathroom furniture [Strange]

Sunday 4 January 12:30:13 UTC 2015

Strange [link] [115 comments] [Link]

Overheard In The Office » I Should Write This Stuff Down

Sunday 4 January 12:10:24 UTC 2015

Coworker on phone: Hi, Sally*. How you been? Working hard, or.. (cough cough)Voice on speaker phone: Hi–you okay?Coworker: (cough) Yes… (cough cough)Voice: Okay, then. Well, I took a look at the accounts…Coworker: (cough cough cough)Voice: And I noticed our balance…Coworker: (cough) Or hardly working?Voice: What?Melville, New York [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Bronx hipsters proclaim subway OVER, are now into old-timey railroads open to members of the public who own personal railcars, such as culinary adventurer Baron Ambrosia [Ironic]

Sunday 4 January 12:00:37 UTC 2015

Ironic [link] [94 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » patrickeli says FML

Sunday 4 January 11:52:10 UTC 2015

Today, we had a small earthquake. I overheard my family speaking about it immediately after. My mom joked that she thought it was just me walking in my room. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Icing likely to blame for Air Asia plane's frosty demise, sprinkles wreckage across the sea bed [Followup]

Sunday 4 January 11:45:11 UTC 2015

Followup [link] [52 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "Controlling time is a way for the state to manifest its power. No longer does the sun dictate what time it is: the government does instead" [Strange]

Sunday 4 January 11:15:20 UTC 2015

Strange [link] [78 comments] [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Who Buries a Dead Cat?

Sunday 4 January 11:04:19 UTC 2015

Loud office coworker a few cubes over: Why don't they make a big belt buckle out of it?Greenwood Village, ColoradoOverheard by: Probably they shouldn't [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The Smithsonian has put over 40,000 pieces of art – from Asia to America and from the Neolithic to the present – on the web for you to check out. For free [Cool]

Sunday 4 January 10:45:38 UTC 2015

Cool [link] [19 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Sunday 4 January 10:39:55 UTC 2015

Today, as I left the supermarket, I found someone had hit my car in the parking lot. There was a note tucked under the wipers. Insurance details? Nope. It just said "Sorry dude. I fucked up. Good luck with the car." Great. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Lady Cuntsnatch of Fallopia says FML

Sunday 4 January 9:30:52 UTC 2015

Today, I went into labor and got my husband drive me to the hospital. Instead of staying by my side, he rushed back home for a World of Warcraft raid. His excuse? His friends were counting on him and they'd be pissed if he let them down. FML [Link]

FMyLife » allgassedout says FML

Sunday 4 January 8:23:54 UTC 2015

Today, I was lying in bed with my girlfriend. Trying to be romantic, I complimented her on how nice her hair smelled. She replied: "Yeah? Wait till you smell this." then let out the vilest, most nauseating fart I'd ever smelled in my life. FML [Link]

Mental Floss » 54 Fantastic Facts for National Trivia Day

Sunday 4 January 6:46:34 UTC 2015

Here's a little-known fact: January 4th is National Trivia Day! [Link]

Futility Closet » Land of Opportunity

Sunday 4 January 6:24:27 UTC 2015

Auguste Bartholdi patented the Statue of Liberty. In 1879, seven years before its dedication in New York Harbor, the French sculptor filed a one-page abstract describing his “design for a sculpture”: The statue is that of a female figure standing erect upon a pedestal or block, the body being thrown slightly over to the left, so as to gravitate upon … [Link]

Overheard In The Office » I Read That in a Fortune Cookie Once

Sunday 4 January 5:46:36 UTC 2015

Girl: God, she is such a bitch!Guy, matter-of-factly: Hos gotta be bitches or they get no respect.540 Baxter Street
Athens, Georgia [Link]

Overheard In The Office » 1PM Lunch

Sunday 4 January 5:46:34 UTC 2015

Co-worker #1: How was your lunch?
Co-worker #2: It was okay. We had an old Greek waitress. I didn’t care for her too much.
Co-worker #1: Was it the fact that she was old or Greek?
Co-worker #2: It was a combination. Greeks are a weird people. 444 Park Avenue South
New York, NY [Link]

Overheard In The Office » We Also Would Have Accepted “He Was Still Dead, Like a Zombie”

Sunday 4 January 5:46:27 UTC 2015

Sales rep: The one thing I did not understand about that movie The Passion of The Christ is, if Christ came back from the dead… How did he die the second time?Catholic manager: Ever hear of the Nicene creed?Sales rep: No.Catholic manager, sighing: Congestive heart failure.Sunbury, Pennsylvania [Link]

Mental Floss » 5 Questions: "Res"olutions

Sunday 4 January 5:46:13 UTC 2015

[Link]

Fark.com RSS » Woman stuck in chimney. California flue season officially begins [Fail]

Sunday 4 January 5:35:00 UTC 2015

Fail [link] [46 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Chicagoillinois says FML

Sunday 4 January 5:16:51 UTC 2015

Today, my step-dad explained to me why he doesn't need to wash his body. He condescendingly said, "Well when you shampoo your hair, the soap runs down your body and cleans everything." He's 37 years old. FML [Link]

Overheard In The Office » I Don’t Know Why They Don’t Just Send Those Folks to Find Bin Laden

Sunday 4 January 5:15:32 UTC 2015

Secretary #1, talking about the real-life Napa Valley Halloween murder case: The police used his DNA and the kind of cigarettes he smoked to catch the murderer.Secretary #2: Just like on CSI!School
Hamilton, OhioOverheard by: TV has the best ideas [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Your move, Cooties [Misc]

Sunday 4 January 4:16:38 UTC 2015

Misc [link] [109 comments] [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Why Crossword Puzzles Are So Difficult: Explained

Sunday 4 January 4:11:35 UTC 2015

Coworker on phone: You mean “s” as in “Frank”?Morris, Illinois [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Four year old wants to see in the dark. Does he: A) turn on a flashlight; B) turn on the bedroom light; C) light some paper on fire, drop said paper on the ground, and start a massive house fire? [Fail]

Sunday 4 January 3:34:02 UTC 2015

Fail [link] [83 comments] [Link]

Overheard In The Office » How You Know You've Been at a Job Too Long

Sunday 4 January 3:08:47 UTC 2015

Male coworker: I can't find that file he was talking about anywhere.Female coworker: I swear, if I have to keep listening to your screeching voice anymore, I'm going to start killing babies.Los Angeles, California [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Going home for the holidays is a great time to bond with your mother and then drunkenly attack her with a stapler [Dumbass]

Sunday 4 January 2:50:54 UTC 2015

Dumbass [link] [31 comments] [Link]

Overheard In The Office » …Why Is Ann Coulter on Here?

Sunday 4 January 2:03:50 UTC 2015

Male employee: I think simplicity is sexy. We have a lot of information, we just have to massage it a bit… I don't want to have to think about where I have to click, I just want to be able to mindlessly and intuitively click everywhere. Hp.com is a good example, go there.Female employee, frustrated: I typed in “ho.com.”Oakland, California [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Irrefutable photographic evidence that Bigfoot exists after a Florida man stumbled upon the beast taking a relaxing bath in a swamp [Florida]

Sunday 4 January 1:30:40 UTC 2015

Florida [link] [109 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Oil tycoon: Look, when I agreed to a billion-dollar divorce settlement with my wife, I was worth $19 billion. Now that falling oil prices have cut my fortune in half, I think we can all agree that my new poverty does not permit such extravagance [Obv

Sunday 4 January 1:03:50 UTC 2015

Obvious [link] [147 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Iron Photoshop ingredient: a banana [Photoshop]

Sunday 4 January 1:00:01 UTC 2015

Photoshop [link] [23 comments] [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Amphibians Have Always Been the Key to American Wealth

Sunday 4 January 0:53:57 UTC 2015

Woman: What would you do with a million dollars?Man: I would buy all the frogs in the world and start a frog farm!111 Founders Plaza
East Hartford, ConnecticutOverheard by: Bamber [Link]

FMyLife » kbug95 says FML

Sunday 4 January 0:15:15 UTC 2015

Today, while at work at a call center, I got a call from an elderly man who needed a new credit card because he'd accidentally cut up his own card instead of his wife's. Trying to be funny, I said "Trying to keep her in line, eh?" Turns out his wife had just died. FML [Link]

FMyLife » ko says FML

Sunday 4 January 0:15:14 UTC 2015

Today, my boyfriend told me he'd come over and help me move a heavy dresser so I could paint the wall behind it. After an hour of waiting for him, I decided to move it myself. He finally arrived, not ten minutes after I broke my toe when I accidentally dropped the dresser on it. FML [Link]

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