Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”
Fark.com RSS » Coming up at 11, an explosive story …. How not to demolish a building [Fail]
[link] [31 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Transgendered people are apparently the Trekkies of sexuality [Silly]
[link] [165 comments] [Link]
FMyLife » Anonymous says FML
Today, I got into a fight with my sister. Later on she brought me a bowl of tortilla chips, which I thought was her way of apologizing. I found out too late that she'd licked the flavoring off them and it was really her way of saying "Fuck you." FML [Link]
FMyLife » is_that_right says FML
Today, I texted my girlfriend, saying "Hey there." She quickly replied, assuring me that she's not cheating on me. Uh, okay. FML [Link]
FMyLife » Anonymous says FML
Today, my boyfriend sent me a screenshot of his phone's contact list, to show me the adorable photo of us he'd set as my contact image. I guess he didn't realize that a contact called "Side Babe" was just barely in the screenshot too. FML [Link]
Fark.com RSS » French city installs cages around benches to keep the homeless out, Scrooge nods his head in approval [Asinine]
[link] [127 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Woman ordered to undergo mental evaluation after throwing bacon and sausage in a police station. If you waste bacon like that, you deserve to be mentally evaluated [Strange]
[link] [38 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Columbia Journalism Review names Don Lemon the worst journalist of 2014. CNN immediately blames Columbia University for orchestrating the disappearance of MH370, Bill Cosby's rape fetish, and the Sony Hacking scandal [Obvious]
[link] [86 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Photoshop Challenge: Create a new perfume brand (LGT goes to blank perfume bottle) [Photoshop]
[link] [21 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Getting busted huffing in a Walmart bathroom on Christmas Eve is no way to go through life, mommy [Sad]
[link] [38 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Despite orders to take it down, zombie nativity scene REMAAIIIINNSS in place [Followup]
[link] [85 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Climate change is affecting Pinot Noir production, forcing vintners to move to Washington and Oregon [Scary]
[link] [104 comments] [Link]
FMyLife » SupposedlyAverage says FML
Today, my fiancé proposed to me. He said, "I could have picked anyone, but I chose you. You're a solid 2, which is average. Not a 10, but I'm glad you're a 2. Less pressure, ya know." I'm not sure if I should be more upset with the fact that I'm "average", or the fact that he thought this was … [Link]
FMyLife » Anonymous says FML
Today, I waited half an hour for a bus in the freezing cold with heels on, only to find out that the stop was in fact closed and I had to walk another half an hour to find the next stop. FML [Link]
Fark.com RSS » North Korea blames the U.S. for the country's internet outage, then says racist things about President Obama. The time to strike is NOW [Sick]
[link] [162 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Hundreds of foreign politicians and business leaders shocked *SHOCKED* to discover that their affair with the hot little North Korean translator was really a part of a secret plot to grow an army of western-looking spies, extort money and favors [Obv
[link] [81 comments] [Link]
Overheard In The Office » The “J” Is Silent, Right?
Doctor’s assistant to doctor: How do you spell “blood”?Scottsdale, Arizona [Link]
Overheard In The Office » Fine, but Why'd We Have to Strip?
Technician, while taking group picture: Okay, everyone gather together and pretend that you're happy!Advisor: What?!Technician: Um… Picture time! Yay!Johns Hopkins University
MarylandOverheard by: LabCat [Link]
Futility Closet » Unquote
“Honesty is the best policy: but he who acts on that principle is not an honest man.” — Archbishop Richard Whately [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Fire dept: ''At the risk of sounding like a Christmas tale, the cause of the fire was believed to be sun refracting through a snow globe in the shop window which then ignited 'reindeer food' and fake snow material in their window disp
[link] [29 comments] [Link]
FMyLife » still on hol says FML
Today, I've spent far too long on hold to Apple customer support. Unfortunately the only thing to come from it is I now have "Call me maybe" stuck in my head. FML [Link]
FMyLife » GOAWAY says FML
Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend at the store. Before I knew what was happening, he'd sniffed me and started whimpering about how I don't smell like I used to. He does this kind of crazy shit all the time. FML [Link]
FMyLife » Anonymous says FML
Today, I was trying to show my family a cool website. Unfortunately my porn instincts kicked in and I started typing the URL of my favorite porn site. I couldn't stop myself before it autocompleted. FML [Link]
Fark.com RSS » It's good to teach students about the evils of Hitler. But just don't do it with Lego people and questions like, "Why is Hitler wearing a witch's hat?" [Strange]
[link] [44 comments] [Link]
Overheard In The Office » And How Many Times Has This Happened to You?
Client on phone, returning from lunch: What, we have a meeting now? I’ll be there in ten minutes. Is [the boss] around?Admin: Yeah, he’s right here.Client: Good, go kick him in the shin for me.Admin: Um, you’re on speakerphone.Client: I hate you! How many times have I told you never to put me on speakerphone!?Milwaukee, Wisconsin [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Party on Rhode Island, you beat out Colorado for having the most stoners [Spiffy]
[link] [49 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Activist enlivens Vatican Nativity scene by reenacting Baby Jesus' first meal while topless (w/SFW pic) [Amusing]
[link] [69 comments] [Link]
Overheard In The Office » Funny, That's Our Reaction to Most Of His Songs.
Ditzy CSR: I totally rocked Guitar Hero last night! I played the best song!Innocent cube mate: Oh yeah? What song?Ditzy CSR: You know, umm… That Aerosmith song, “Livin' on a Prayer”?Only guy in the department: Dude! We live in New Jersey. That's Bon Jovi… I should just end my life now.Bridgewater, New Jersey [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Obviously doing traffic stops using emergency lights, fake badges didn't ensure "no one would mess with him" [Florida]
[link] [44 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Charges include attempted murder, possessing explosives, and keeping a rabbit [Scary]
[link] [43 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Can traffic in China get any worse? Let's add a runaway ostrich and see what happens [Strange]
[link] [19 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Turns out, there is a good time for a boat to land on top of your roof [Followup]
[link] [19 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » The one good time when your husband blasts you with a shotgun is when you find an undiagnosed heart condition and it saves your life [Weird]
[link] [18 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Australian police find cocktails in a car. Difficulty: Molotov cocktails [Scary]
[link] [8 comments] [Link]
Overheard In The Office » Probably Time to Make a Fresh Pot of Coffee
Drone #1: It’s a different texture.Drone #2: It’s hard. I’ll suck.Austin, Texas [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Cuba's cars are fixed up one piece at a time [Spiffy]
[link] [3 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Even if your husband's a "horrible person," it's not worth using car title loans to hire a hitman to kill him. Those interest rates are murder all by themselves [Florida]
[link] [55 comments] [Link]
Overheard In The Office » Now Everyone Pick Up Your Buckets and Start Bailing
Company owner trying to allay fears: We are not a sinking ship! This company is worth $700,000. It's hard to sink a $700,000 ship!Oklahoma City, OklahomaOverheard by: BrainFuzz [Link]
Weird Universe » Gentle Ben
Which scenario is more likely?
[Link]
Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this blank block of wood [Photoshop]
[link] [27 comments] [Link]
Weird Universe » Hard to say goodnight
1969 ad for Harris Slacks. Back in the 1960s, women evidently found plaid high waters to be irresistible.
[via flashbak.com, which has a whole gallery of "Swinging Sixties Menswear Adverts for Amorous Playboys"] [Link]
Overheard In The Office » We Don’t Know That, Either
Boss: Why are we selling stuff we don’t know how to sell?!139 Highland Street
Bruceton TennesseeOverheard by: soon to be hired [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus – at least for over 1,000 stolen cats who have been recovered in time to save their lives. Bonus: over 300 have already been reunited with their families, just in time for a very Merry Caturday [Caturday]
[link] [647 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » The garden columnist's dilemma: Should I publish advice about how to grow marijuana? [Interesting]
[link] [34 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » If your doctor invites you over to his house, asks you to put on his wife's clothes, offers drinks, of course you're going to wake up in his bed with a few hours missing [Florida]
[link] [59 comments] [Link]
Overheard In The Office » Nah, I Think the Donkey's Had Enough.
Manager on phone: Is the Playboy pillow going back in?Toronto
Canadia [Link]
Overheard In The Office » 2PM Debriefing
Creative director: Alright, nice work, guys.
Designer: Before you leave, can I grab you real quick–
Creative director: Depends on where. 312 Plum Street
Cincinnati, Ohio [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Woman with a rare condition that has lead to her breaking or dislocating every bone in her body, says she's playing it safe and sticking to skateboarding [Obvious]
[link] [46 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Ten things not to buy in 2015. TotalFark still highly recommended [Interesting]
[link] [190 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Nutmeg, the go-to spice for Christmas, has a dark, secret, deadly history that is more appropriate for Halloween [Strange]
[link] [51 comments] [Link]
FMyLife » Anonymous says FML
Today, my little sister randomly came up to me and said: "Aww, don't be sad. Even ugly people can get boyfriends." She then smiled, patted my back, and walked off. I wasn't actually sad before, but I am now. FML [Link]
Futility Closet » Red and Black
Take two decks of cards, minus the jokers, shuffle them together, and divide them into two piles of 52 cards. What is the probability that the number of red cards in the Pile A equals the number of black cards in Pile B? How many cards would you have to view to be certain of your answer? Click for solution … [Link]
FMyLife » Anonymous says FML
Today, my obsessive stalker of an ex found my girlfriend on Facebook and sent her a message saying just ":)". For some reason I'll never understand, she took this as a sign that I'd just slept with my ex. Now I'm single, and my ex is probably planning her next move. FML [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Illegal drugs and prostitution have helped propel Britain to the #5 spot on the worldwide list of best economies [Strange]
[link] [52 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Mexican priest who spoke out against the country's spate of violence was found murdered on Christmas [Ironic]
[link] [96 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » "…Overall, Google received 3,105 requests from world governments between July 2013 and December 2013 to wipe 14,367 pieces of content" [Scary]
[link] [40 comments] [Link]
Overheard In The Office » 5PM That’s a Wrap
Tech on phone in next cube: How can I help you? … Uh huh. Well like it said in the doc, you have to name the files alphabetically for that to work. … Alphabetically means from A to Z. … No, sir, you can’t name one file code_abc and the next one code_aba, a is before c… Yes, abz would … [Link]
Overheard In The Office » They Don't Obey
Loud colleague: She has to order her boobs?Melbourne
AustraliaOverheard by: confused but amused [Link]
Overheard In The Office » Bunnies: We’re Concentrating on Our Careers
Receptionist: Yeah, the Deals Team all have babies about the same age. They must have just all at once started procrastinating like bunnies!30 Warwick Street
London
EnglandOverheard by: Supertemp [Link]
Overheard In The Office » 9AM Back to Work
Nurse aide #1: I was up all day watching the old Batman marathon today.
Nurse aide #2: The one with Adam West, right?
Nurse aide #1: Yep, the original. Bed alarm sounds in the back hall. Nurse aide #2: Holy Alzheimer’s, Batman! 1111 Crater Lake
Medford, Oregon [Link]
Overheard In The Office » Why the Annual Company Picnic Was Canceled
Manager to office: Homo-erotic staring contest starts… Now!Val Vista Drive
Gilbert, Arizona [Link]
FMyLife » If IQs could be negative… says FML
Today, I had to drive my husband to hospital after he tried to burn his pubes off with a lighter as part of a bet. On the upside, he probably won't be bugging me for sex for a while. On the downside, I'm married to a moron. FML [Link]
FMyLife » Anonymous says FML
Today, I went to break up with my psychotic bitch of a girlfriend after months of abuse. When she opened the door, her 5-year-old son ran up to me, smiling and calling me "DADDY!" for the first time. Now I don't have the heart to dump the psycho and devastate her son. FML [Link]
Mental Floss » How Do Nail Polishes Get Their Crazy Names?
OPI Gargantuan Green Grape, via Maria Morri (Flickr) By Elizabeth Segran With colorful names like Glitzerland, Didgeridoo Your Nails, and Blue My Mind, it’s no wonder OPI nail polish is some of the world’s most popular. We’re always fans of a good pun, so we asked artistic director Suzi Weiss-Fischmann to let us in on her team’s creative process. I love … [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Toll booth worker hands out ticket with #icantbreathe handwritten on it. Now #hecantwork [Dumbass]
[link] [104 comments] [Link]
Overheard In The Office » And So Began the 2007 Rold Gold Rush
CEO: I need you to call Dan*.VP: Why?CEO: I need you to distract him while I steal his pretzels. I need those pretzels.Broomfield, ColoradoOverheard by: Cubeville denizen [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Before the internet, the only place people could ask questions about searching for fetish pornography, My Little Pony toys, and song lyrics were libraries. And here are some of the most bizarre questions ever asked of librarians [Amusing]
[link] [68 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » You know things are bad out there when the men who are robbing you find out you have no money and take your three-week-old puppies instead [Strange]
[link] [24 comments] [Link]
Overheard In The Office » He’s More of a Strap Things on Kind of Guy
Coworker on phone: My husband knows how to strap things down probably like your husband.Melrose Ave
Nashville, TennesseeOverheard by: ihear2much [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this trophy admiration [Photoshop]
[link] [12 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Pro-tip: Do not roll a joint when a police motorcycle is next to you [Dumbass]
[link] [42 comments] [Link]
FMyLife » Anonymous says FML
Today, I went paintballing with my girlfriend and her family. Her dad ended up shooting me, and I doubled over in pain. I thought that was it, until he stepped back and shot me several more times in the stomach. "Just double-tapping," he smirked. More like quadruple-tapping. FML [Link]
Overheard In The Office » She’s the Most Dedicated Veterinarian We Know
Office girl #1: I wonder where’s Karen’s* been.
Office girl #2: The bitch convention.
Office girl #1: She’s probably the keynote speaker. Jackson Street
Chicago, Illinois Overheard by: another karen* hater [Link]
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