John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons

John Gordon Ross header image 3

Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”

Overheard In The Office » …on My Computer

Friday 19 December 23:35:34 UTC 2014

Server #1 : So…yeah, I'm going on a cruise to Hawaii.Server #2: Oh, wow, where are you leaving from?Server #1: Florida.Server #2: That's a really long cruise.Server #1: No, it's not! They're practically right next to each other!Twinsburg, Ohio [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Older drivers found four times more likely to swerve out of their lanes and take out an entire farmer's market while texting than younger drivers [Interesting]

Friday 19 December 23:33:46 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [39 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Seals Might Eavesdrop on Scientific Equipment to get Easy Meals

Friday 19 December 23:00:00 UTC 2014

A single fish, or even a school of them, swimming through the vast ocean isn’t an easy thing to keep track of, so scientists often rely on a little gadget called an acoustic tag. These tags give off ultrasonic “pings” that researchers pick up on hydrophones and other instruments and turn into digital data. By attaching them to or implanting … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Life imitating The Simpsons: Here's what happens when you drive off with a wheel clamp on your car [Scary]

Friday 19 December 22:53:14 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [79 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Identity thief found hiding in clothes dryer. I always knew Snuggles couldn't be trusted [Dumbass]

Friday 19 December 22:48:26 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [14 comments] [Link]

Overheard In The Office » And All Its Dancing Queens

Friday 19 December 22:31:20 UTC 2014

Office grunt: Why the fuck does Stan* have to listen to ABBA all day? God, I hate Sweden.Hillsboro, TexasOverheard by: Purchasing Slave [Link]

Fark.com RSS » From the 'well duh' files: Car salesmen are trusted more and held in higher esteem than Congress [Obvious]

Friday 19 December 22:23:16 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [48 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » "technically" my ex-girlfriend says FML

Friday 19 December 22:16:58 UTC 2014

Today, my girlfriend tried to convince me that she didn't "technically" cheat on me, because the other guy came on her and not inside her. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Mitt Romney to Sony: Just put the movie online for free [Interesting]

Friday 19 December 21:48:32 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [178 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » What's sticky, sweet, and fun to eat (unless they're tainted with listeria)? [Scary]

Friday 19 December 21:44:10 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [40 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Well Russia, the ruble is in freefall and no one will touch your sovereign debt even at 17% interest thanks to the falling price of oil, but at least you're not Venezuela [Interesting]

Friday 19 December 21:41:38 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [63 comments] [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Paper Invented People to Carry It from Place to Place

Friday 19 December 21:30:25 UTC 2014

Assistant: I became a secretary because I relate well to paper.Goldsboro, North CarolinaOverheard by: Wow [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Have you seen it? Police hunting missing Christmas tree issue a description: "6 ft tall, with lots of green branches and prickly bits" [Amusing]

Friday 19 December 21:26:37 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [14 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Here's a photo of a very rare albino raccoon in Indiana which was relatively easy to take considering his front left paw was pinned inside a medieval looking metal trap [Obvious]

Friday 19 December 21:18:22 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [54 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Mike Tompkins Makes an Epic Jingle Bells Remix

Friday 19 December 21:11:37 UTC 2014

Brought to you by UE BOOM In celebration of the holiday season, UE BOOM and Acapella Producer/Artist, Mike Tompkins took Jingle Bells to the next level. Watch as Mike puts a serious spin on a holiday classic with the help of sounds from holiday shoppers. Jingle all the way with an epic rendition of this song like you’ve never heard … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » A city official saying "Jesus is the Reason for the Season" at an municipal holiday event is never really appropriate under the best of circumstances, but at a menorah lighting to kick off Hanukkah? Yeah, that's a gigantic FAIL [Amusing]

Friday 19 December 21:07:07 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [99 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this rustic view [Photoshop]

Friday 19 December 21:00:01 UTC 2014

Photoshop [link] [13 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 10 Award-Winning Microscope Images That Turn Science Into Art

Friday 19 December 21:00:00 UTC 2014

Some of the most vibrant, beautiful photographs taken this year weren’t captured with a camera, but with a microscope. The Olympus BioScapes Digital Imaging Competition honors outstanding images and videos of life science subjects “shot” with a light microscope. Each year, nearly 2,500 still images and movies are submitted by scientists from over 70 countries. From those, 10 are chosen … [Link]

Mental Floss » 10 Bristled Facts About Psittacosaurus

Friday 19 December 20:30:00 UTC 2014

Despite being one of the most exhaustively studied dinosaurs on earth, Psittacosaurus has never spent much time in the public eye. Read on to find out more about this amazing critter you’ve probably been neglecting. 1. Its Name Means “Parrot Lizard” Henry Fairfield Osborn (1857-1935), who gave short-faced Psittacosaurus this moniker in 1923, had coined the most famous dinosaur name … [Link]

Mental Floss » The Weird Week in Review

Friday 19 December 20:20:38 UTC 2014

Ice Pancakes It gets very cold in Scotland in December. Cold enough for ice pancakes! These strange discs of ice were seen on the River Dee at Lummels Pool in Aberdeenshire. River Dee Team biologist Jamie Urquhart said it was thought foam floating about on the water started to freeze and bump together, forming the discs. The phenomenon can be … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Twas the Friday before Christmas, and all through the Fark, not a creature was getting 1000 on the Fark Weird News Quiz, which they took on a lark [Survey]

Friday 19 December 20:20:03 UTC 2014

Survey [link] [18 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » THIS. This is what happens when you don't give your dog steak [Amusing]

Friday 19 December 20:18:49 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [28 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Condemnation of the Pakistani Taliban's attack on a a school and murder of over 100 schoolchildren has been swift and nearly universal with even the Afghan Taliban denouncing their actions. And then, there is this asshole [Dumbass]

Friday 19 December 20:07:54 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [68 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Woman Recovers Lost Luggage After 20 Years

Friday 19 December 19:56:07 UTC 2014

A Tucson woman finally recovered her lost luggage…20 years after it went missing! On Tuesday, Maria Dellos got a call from the Transportation Security Administration at Tucson International Airport about her lost luggage. She assumed it was in reference to bags she lost four months ago (this woman has lousy luck with luggage!), but to her surprise, it was about … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Not news: Woman takes out restraining order against a man. News: Judge lifts the order: FARK: So they can get married [Strange]

Friday 19 December 19:52:37 UTC 2014

Strange [link] [50 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The eight lamest capitulations in entertainment, sports and politics before Sony raised the bar for everyone else [Sad]

Friday 19 December 19:43:55 UTC 2014

Sad [link] [38 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Tax collectors in Russia have stumbled across a new way of getting people to pay their debts – by threatening to take away their cats [Asinine]

Friday 19 December 19:32:50 UTC 2014

Asinine [link] [35 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Grave Sightings: Roy Bertelli, Mr. Accordion

Friday 19 December 19:30:00 UTC 2014

Every time we so much as touch a toe out of state, I’ve put cemeteries on our travel itinerary. From garden-like expanses to overgrown boot hills, whether they’re the final resting places of the well-known but not that important or the important but not that well-known, I love them all. After realizing that there are a lot of taphophiles out … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If you really want to save money this holiday just give people mixed tapes and planted herbs as gifts [Spiffy]

Friday 19 December 18:47:50 UTC 2014

Spiffy [link] [56 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » A 27 year-old woman was arrested after she slapped her 72 year-old grandmother "multiple times" for not accepting her Facebook friend request. Guess she really wanted those Candy Crush lives [Florida]

Friday 19 December 18:35:46 UTC 2014

Florida [link] [43 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Benjamin Harrison and the White House's First Christmas Tree

Friday 19 December 18:30:00 UTC 2014

Most Americans don’t know much about our 23rd commander-in-chief. Furthermore—adding insult to injury—many of the things for which Benjamin Harrison is remembered have little or nothing to do with his actual achievements. He famously interrupted Grover Cleveland’s non-consecutive terms. His opponents called him “Little Ben” due to his 5’ 6” stature. And his grandfather, William Henry Harrison, was also president…albeit … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Just a reminder – TSA scanning devices can see through plastic and find gun parts hidden in a Playstation 2 [Fail]

Friday 19 December 18:26:34 UTC 2014

Fail [link] [58 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » Haruki’s Theorem

Friday 19 December 18:26:21 UTC 2014

Draw three circles, each of which intersects the other two at two points, and connect these points of intersection as shown. Now, neatly, ace/bdf = 1. Discovered by University of Waterloo mathematician Hiroshi Haruki. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Generally speaking, legit modeling agency talent scouts won't solicit nude photos from you over Facebook [Obvious]

Friday 19 December 18:20:41 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [26 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Apparently there are people out there who are trying to actually *avoid* drinking too much during the holidays. Not sure why this is being posted on Fark, though…not really the target audience [Interesting]

Friday 19 December 18:12:38 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [20 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Misunderstood Geniuses: William Harvey

Friday 19 December 18:12:07 UTC 2014

William Harvey was a trailblazer, fighting against centuries of established scientific dogma virtually by himself. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Crazy scientists who watch too much Futurama are not ready to give up on the pneumatic tube "swoosh and squish" train system between San Francisco and LA [Interesting]

Friday 19 December 18:09:12 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [64 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Russia's economic woes kill big-ass deal. Sorry, make that big-gas deal. Actually, they kill a big-ass big-gas deal [Spiffy]

Friday 19 December 17:54:58 UTC 2014

Spiffy [link] [44 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "What happens when people with absolutely no technical skill make robots then make those robots fight each other? Hilarity. One robot can't do anything but stick its tongues out, while another inexplicably has half a Barbie attached to it&#34

Friday 19 December 17:49:31 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [51 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Gaylard Williams, a US pastor who leads a church which preaches against homosexuality has been arrested for – wait for it – sexually harassing a man at a lake. But you could sorta see where that one was going after 'Gaylard' [Dumbass]

Friday 19 December 17:30:51 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [123 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Lies Your Parents Told You

Friday 19 December 17:18:52 UTC 2014

On Fridays, we ask a bunch of unrelated questions. Your answers help get us through the afternoon. Answer one, answer all, or ask your own question. On to this week's topics… [Link]

Mental Floss » Win a Great Mustache Mug From the Mental_Floss Store

Friday 19 December 17:18:49 UTC 2014

We've decided to start a new tradition here at Mental_Floss where we give you some great swag from our store as a prize for winning silly and sometimes arbitrary contests. And this is the very first one. First, some logistics: Leave your submission as a comment. Then, we will announce the winner along with the following contest. So if you … [Link]

Mental Floss » 5 Questions: Tenth Day of Christmas

Friday 19 December 17:18:47 UTC 2014

[Link]

FMyLife » NothinButDisappointment says FML

Friday 19 December 17:14:56 UTC 2014

Today, by some miracle, I made an almost full court shot during my high school basketball game. I was psyched, until the other coach tried to get the shot thrown out, stating, "None of his players has the skills to do that" as his excuse. The official agreed. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Friday 19 December 17:11:12 UTC 2014

Today, I was shocked to notice that my hair has started growing out entirely silver, supposedly due to pregnancy. I'm 19. Apparently, according to my aunt, "It runs in the family." FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Post a vague/objective description of a movie [Silly]

Friday 19 December 17:09:54 UTC 2014

Silly [link] [2829 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 21 Things You Didn't Know About 'The Nightmare Before Christmas'

Friday 19 December 17:00:00 UTC 2014

Christmas is a time for donning festive garb, singing holiday songs, festooning your home in decorations, and giving thoughtful gifts. Of course, all those tasks turn out a bit more twisted when assigned to the denizens of Halloween. Mixing light and dark, jolly and macabre, is The Nightmare Before Christmas. But even if this holiday mash-up movie is part of … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » High school principal duties: #57 – Make sure that the signs outside your school do not contain embarrassing spelling mistakes [Fail]

Friday 19 December 16:53:16 UTC 2014

Fail [link] [39 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "Meatloaf killed our parents," claims distraught family, who vow they will do anything for justice…but they won't do that [Scary]

Friday 19 December 16:44:49 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [91 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Bad Santa lurks in crowd at San Francisco SantaCon after robbing bank. Subby is jealous he didn't think up such a jolly plan [Strange]

Friday 19 December 16:37:46 UTC 2014

Strange [link] [17 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Police chief lets his officers give drunk drivers a ride home instead of arresting them. Some people have a problem with this [Interesting]

Friday 19 December 16:35:40 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [78 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Something's not right if you can't make a profit running a brew pub in Oregon [Obvious]

Friday 19 December 16:27:00 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [59 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Sydney's chief Muslim funeral director refuses to accept the body of hostage-taker Man Haron Monis, says "chuck him in the bloody shiathouse" [Followup]

Friday 19 December 15:57:56 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [136 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Can you guess which is the most obese profession? Cops, you say? Yeah, done in one [Obvious]

Friday 19 December 15:48:52 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [87 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Slate argues that Christmas should be postponed until February, as it gives people time to recover from Thanksgiving and it's not really Jesus's birthday on 12/25, so the whole thing's arbitrary anyway [Silly]

Friday 19 December 15:37:13 UTC 2014

Silly [link] [116 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » How Did NORAD Start Tracking Santa?

Friday 19 December 15:30:00 UTC 2014

The North American Aerospace Defense Command is serious business. A joint effort between Canada and the United States, NORAD's responsibilities include identifying potential nuclear strikes, launching strategic air defense, and tracking Santa Claus as he makes his Christmas journey on his sleigh. That last bit all started when Sears Roebuck ran an ad in a Colorado Springs-area paper in 1955. … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Christmas is less than a week away so it's time for the media to once again ask just what the heck is frankincense and myrrh [Obvious]

Friday 19 December 15:29:52 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [28 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » A storm took down part of a tree, what do you do? How about decorate it for the holidays? [Amusing]

Friday 19 December 15:25:16 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [9 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Mysterious ice pancakes appear on Scottish river. MMMMM Scotch-flavored pancakes [Cool]

Friday 19 December 15:19:29 UTC 2014

Cool [link] [26 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » George Clooney explains why Sony stood alone in North Korean cyberterror attack and why that's a problem for all of us [Interesting]

Friday 19 December 15:13:19 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [280 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » ISIS now looking to hire 3 more #2s [Interesting]

Friday 19 December 14:53:12 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [31 comments] [Link]

The Onion » Infographic: How To Navigate The Holidays Alone

Friday 19 December 14:35:00 UTC 2014

While many people will be gathering with family and friends this holiday season to eat, drink, and be merry, others may not have anyone with whom to celebrate the festivities.
[Link]

The Onion » Family Knows Better Than To Fall For Mom’s Little Bullshit Speech About No Presents This Year

Friday 19 December 14:30:00 UTC 2014

RICHMOND, VA—Saying that several of them had learned the hard way, members of the Gordon family confirmed to reporters Friday that they knew damn well not to believe Mom’s little bullshit speech about not giving gifts this Christmas.
[Link]

Fark.com RSS » Doctors rebuild double amputee with the world's most advanced prosthetic limbs. Sure these high tech limbs probably cost more than they spent on the Six Million Dollar Man but hell they're awesome [Cool]

Friday 19 December 14:05:43 UTC 2014

Cool [link] [52 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "Do atheist fundamentalists exist?" Spoiler: yes [Obvious]

Friday 19 December 14:01:29 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [378 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this Christmas plundering [Photoshop]

Friday 19 December 14:00:01 UTC 2014

Photoshop [link] [19 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 5 Wrapping Tips You Should Know

Friday 19 December 14:00:00 UTC 2014

With wrapping season well underway, you're going to need all the help you can get. Check out these tricks and shortcuts to make your presents look twice as good with half the effort. [Link]

Weird Universe » Meow Mansion

Friday 19 December 13:55:12 UTC 2014

"Meow Mansion" is a large gingerbread house with a serious message — neuter your cat!

The house, created by artist Kazz Morohashi, is home to (gingerbread) Kitty and Boots and their 65 kittens. But since Kitty and Boots haven't been neutered, their family just keeps growing and growing. Next year it'll be up to 300. And by 2017 up to … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Attention passengers: Yes, it's a long flight and we have a baby continually crying, but please do not drag the mother into the aisle and beat her senseless [Dumbass]

Friday 19 December 13:35:15 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [147 comments] [Link]

Overheard In The Office » What Did I Tell You About Discussing Your Period in the Office?

Friday 19 December 13:21:13 UTC 2014

Coworker: Yes, the commission-table has arrived!Norway [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Now Comes the Tricky Part

Friday 19 December 13:21:11 UTC 2014

Cube dweller #1: You just have to insert his name, then you should be able to get it up.
Cube dweller #2: What?!
Cube dweller #3: It would be surprising if she could get it up.
Cube dweller #4: Got it!
Cube dweller #1: She got it up! Melbourne
Australia Overheard by: confused but amused [Link]

Overheard In The Office » But, As Interns Go, She’s Pretty Good

Friday 19 December 13:21:10 UTC 2014

Sales rep to customer on phone: Of course the pupils are going to be shaped differently than that of a human…Owings Mills, MarylandOverheard by: widget [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Like Texans Still Do?

Friday 19 December 13:21:09 UTC 2014

Boss on phone: Do you think when Jesus comes back he wants to see himself on the cross? It's like going up to Jackie O with a rifle on a chain and saying, “I'm remembering JFK!”Atlanta, GeorgiaOverheard by: Ren [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Wait! What Kind of Razor Do You Think She Uses?

Friday 19 December 13:21:08 UTC 2014

Creepy waiter: The new girl’s pants sure are tight.Mousy waitress: Yeah.Creepy waiter: You can tell she shaves her biscuit. [Mousy waitress blinks, quickly puts on long apron, and walks away.]Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, IndianaOverheard by: Shatmandu [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If you value heavy metal bands, Nordic walking, and naked saunas, then Finland is the place for you [Cool]

Friday 19 December 13:05:16 UTC 2014

Cool [link] [68 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » Follies of the Madmen #237

Friday 19 December 13:04:35 UTC 2014


Original ad here. [Link]

Mental Floss » Tenth Day of Christmas

Friday 19 December 12:45:00 UTC 2014

[Link]

Fark.com RSS » Actual headline: "Police tase chocolate-crazed monkey after 'bedlam' at elementary school" [Weird]

Friday 19 December 12:35:21 UTC 2014

Weird [link] [31 comments] [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Often Happens When There's Pot Involved

Friday 19 December 12:19:48 UTC 2014

Facilities manager, explaining a construction delay: So the erectors didn't come…Carmel, IndianaOverheard by: ass chaps [Link]

Fark.com RSS » A single CIA officer dropped the ball on 9/11, personally tortured suspects, and lied to Congress. They won't release her name but you'll be happy to know they demoted her to General [Scary]

Friday 19 December 12:05:00 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [286 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » This Beer Promises to Make You More Creative

Friday 19 December 12:00:00 UTC 2014

Ernest Hemingway may never have actually said, "write drunk; edit sober," but that doesn't mean it's bad advice. Jennifer Wiley of the University of Illinois at Chicago found that getting a little tipsy actually helped get the creative juices flowing— the sweet spot is .075%, just under the legal limit. “Sometimes a reduced ability to control one’s attention can have … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Denver International Airport opens luxury pet boarding facility. Your dog wants some prime dog airport hotel steak. You'd stay too if you were allowed (pics) [Spiffy]

Friday 19 December 11:49:02 UTC 2014

Spiffy [link] [38 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Itchy biatchy slap fight over sheep breaks out during meeting [Amusing]

Friday 19 December 11:19:52 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [10 comments] [Link]

Overheard In The Office » …But I Am Loving This Kilt!

Friday 19 December 11:15:29 UTC 2014

Male employee to female coworkers: Who knows, maybe I am transgendered.Louisville, KentuckyOverheard by: Amused coworker [Link]

Mental Floss » Morning Cup of Links: Goodbye, Colbert Report

Friday 19 December 11:00:21 UTC 2014

Watch the All-Star Musical Finale From The Final Episode Of The Colbert Report. Everybody who's anybody was there, whether they were there or not.
*
8 Changes In The Hobbit Movies You Didn't Know Were A Huge Deal. This doesn’t include the fact that it takes longer to watch the three movies than to read the book they’re based on.
* … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Caption this North Korean hacker [Caption]

Friday 19 December 11:00:01 UTC 2014

Caption [link] [63 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » ai_lauren says FML

Friday 19 December 10:34:32 UTC 2014

Today, I got 3 different rejection letters mailed to me from the same college. FML [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Recording: The Cousin You Have Reached Is Not in Service…

Friday 19 December 10:11:13 UTC 2014

sales rep: can't anyone in west virginia keep their phone on? I mean, stop having sex with your cousin for like two seconds and pay the frickin' phone bill!Fort Mill, SC [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Pizza Hut's newest abomination: Lay's potato chip stuffed crust [Sick]

Friday 19 December 9:11:00 UTC 2014

Sick [link] [61 comments] [Link]

Overheard In The Office » The Aunt Needed to Be Wormed after an Unfortunate Incident with a Tequila Bottle

Friday 19 December 9:09:58 UTC 2014

Sales assistant #1: My dad came over this last weekend and wormed Annabelle for me.Office manager: Why did your dad have to do it?Sales assistant #2: Is this your aunt?Office manager: Don’t you just give her a pill?Sales assistant #1: No, you put it up her… poo.Sales assistant #2: Ummm…Sales assistant #3: It’s an animal, Ed*!Sales assistant #1: My dad … [Link]

FMyLife » I warned him says FML

Friday 19 December 9:09:57 UTC 2014

Today, I beat my boyfriend in a video game. He promptly dumped me and told me to leave. FML [Link]

Mental Floss » The Time an Artist Sold His Own Excrement for the Price of Gold

Friday 19 December 9:00:00 UTC 2014

Well played, Cards Against Humanity, but you're not the first to see the potential for a profound prank in feces. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » When you move to Texas to start a church you know God's testing your faith as you find yourself wringing a burglar's urine out of your weeping wife's wedding gown [Obvious]

Friday 19 December 7:39:00 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [65 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » Time and Chance

Friday 19 December 6:41:51 UTC 2014

A bit more on philosophy and time travel: It seems consistent to suppose that a time traveler can affect the past but not change it. Perhaps I will invent a time machine tomorrow and race heroically back to 1865 to save Lincoln from John Wilkes Booth. I might arrive at Ford’s Theater and race up to Lincoln’s box; I might … [Link]

Mental Floss » 11 Innovative Techniques for Getting Better Recordings of Your Kids' Holiday Pageants

Friday 19 December 5:39:08 UTC 2014

Few things in life are more adorable and worthy of their own video recording than your child's first holiday pageant. Even if you’re not an award-winning director, you can still capture great footage on your phone or tablet with the right tech and equipment. 1. Pack a Tripod Smartphones are getting better at countering the effects of shaking hands, but … [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Friday 19 December 5:15:13 UTC 2014

Today, I found out my girlfriend and all of our friends have begun referring to the time I was meant to lose my virginity, but couldn't get hard, as the "cheese stick incident." They all think it's hilarious, and the worst part is that it's actually a pretty appropriate description. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » How does your drinking measure up to the average from countries around the world in the month of December? Use this calculator to figure out if you drink like a Belarusian on a bender [Amusing]

Friday 19 December 5:10:00 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [120 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Land of the rising sun buried beneath feet of snow [Obvious]

Friday 19 December 4:11:07 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [38 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » World Pie Eating Championship refused to recognize the winner because the pie was not the right size [Strange]

Friday 19 December 3:00:17 UTC 2014

Strange [link] [40 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 7 Cool Facts About the Greenland Shark

Friday 19 December 3:00:00 UTC 2014

This week, video popped up of a researcher freaking out after he spotted a rare Greenland shark on footage he had downloaded from a remote camera in the Russian arctic (you can watch the hilarious video above). Here are a few things you might not have known about this elusive deep sea denizen. 1. The first part of its scientific … [Link]

Overheard In The Office » So Please Silence Those Cell Phones and Clean Up After Yourself

Friday 19 December 2:52:14 UTC 2014

Meeting host: I have to leave early, so I want to thank you for coming prematurely.Boulder, Colorado [Link]

Overheard In The Office » As Required by the Lesbian Code

Friday 19 December 2:52:13 UTC 2014

Female coworker: … And you know what she did? She went to hug me, and when she did they shot her.1250 Broadway
New York, New York [Link]

Overheard In The Office » I Refuse to Look and I Refuse to Say

Friday 19 December 2:52:12 UTC 2014

Female coworker to male coworker: Do these pants make me look like I have a penis?Lisbon Street
Lewiston, Maine [Link]

Overheard In The Office » …Taunting All the Customers with My Designer Clothing.

Friday 19 December 2:52:11 UTC 2014

Male cubicle rat, about lottery: I think it's up to around $80 million.Female cubicle rat: I'd be spending a lot of time at Wal-Mart!Waco, Texas [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Why You Never See a Teenage Horticulturalist

Friday 19 December 2:52:10 UTC 2014

Reporter: I’m so middle-aged, I missed the turn-off.Editor: We’re all getting on a bit…Reporter: I don’t care. I’m happy just to sit here, let my belly grow, and get interested in plants.Newcastle
United Kingdom [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Judge: "Guilty." Defendant: *Fart* [Amusing]

Friday 19 December 2:11:15 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [78 comments] [Link]

Overheard In The Office » 12PM Schedule Next Week’s Meeting

Friday 19 December 2:04:31 UTC 2014

Meeting Attendee #1: When’s a good time to schedule the meeting with [Gary]?
Meeting Attendee #2: Well, he will be back from his heart attack next week. 2964 Peachtree Road NW
Atlanta, Georgia [Link]

Fark.com RSS » That's not what they meant by 'the South shall rise again' [Sick]

Friday 19 December 1:59:01 UTC 2014

Sick [link] [105 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Snarky woman says to man, "Do you not think that's more than enough?" and slams a door in his face. In her defense, he had just shot her 12 times [Scary]

Friday 19 December 1:14:33 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [69 comments] [Link]

Overheard In The Office » 4PM Finalize Itineraries

Friday 19 December 1:00:43 UTC 2014

Grunt: Can I get those itineraries?
Agent: No, life’s a bitch.
Grunt: Life’s what you make of it, not what it makes of you. 3675 Ruffin Road
San Diego, California [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this demo [Photoshop]

Friday 19 December 1:00:01 UTC 2014

Photoshop [link] [16 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Burgers with buns made of Mac & Cheese are trending, thank God [Amusing]

Friday 19 December 0:55:27 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [29 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Nebraska is trying to harsh Colorado's mellow in court [Stupid]

Friday 19 December 0:50:55 UTC 2014

Stupid [link] [214 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » peteto818 says FML

Friday 19 December 0:29:07 UTC 2014

Today, my boyfriend jokingly said that if I didn't pass my exam, he wouldn't have sex with me for a month. I failed it, and now he thinks I did it on purpose. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » China tests ICBM with multiple warheads. But hey–we're all still friends, right? [Scary]

Friday 19 December 0:10:51 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [97 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Man saddled with dead horses pleads not guilty to cruelty [Sad]

Friday 19 December 0:04:43 UTC 2014

Sad [link] [13 comments] [Link]

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