John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons

John Gordon Ross header image 3

Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”

Overheard In The Office » He’s Got a Business Model on the Tip of His Tongue

Thursday 4 December 23:57:15 UTC 2014

Student #1: I had a real question! I really wanted to know the answer, and he acted like it was a joke.
Student #2: So. what was the question?
Student #1: How does a blind person know when they’re done wiping?
Student #2: … What, there’s no punch line?
Student #1: That’s what my teacher asked, but I really want to know the answer — … [Link]

Futility Closet » Unquote

Thursday 4 December 23:41:05 UTC 2014

“It is true that that may hold in these things, which is the general root of superstition; namely, that men observe when things hit, and not when they miss; and commit to memory the one, and forget and pass over the other.” — Francis Bacon [Link]

Fark.com RSS » We're #2! We're #2! [PSA]

Thursday 4 December 23:39:17 UTC 2014

PSA [link] [134 comments] [Link]

Overheard In The Office » I May Have Failed to Grasp Your Point

Thursday 4 December 22:52:15 UTC 2014

Office grunt: Well, you know what they say — when the lion king roars, the cows go running. Garey Avenue
Pomona, California [Link]

Mental Floss » 11 Blubbery Facts About Sperm Whales

Thursday 4 December 22:30:00 UTC 2014

Let’s dive into the mystique and majesty of these real-life leviathans. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Sad: spending the rest of your life in prison. Oh, fark this: for swearing [Stupid]

Thursday 4 December 22:14:30 UTC 2014

Stupid [link] [111 comments] [Link]

The Onion » Infographic: How Grand Juries Reach A Decision

Thursday 4 December 22:09:54 UTC 2014

The recent non-indictments of police officers Darren Wilson and Daniel Pantaleo have shed light on the secret process of grand jury deliberations, by which a group of ordinary citizens hears a case from a prosecuting attorney and privately decides whe
[Link]

Fark.com RSS » "And what do you want for Christmas, little boy?" "I want the Waffen-SS Panther tank and a Josef Goebbels action figure" [Misc]

Thursday 4 December 22:09:18 UTC 2014

Misc [link] [137 comments] [Link]

The Onion » James Bond Fans Concerned After Learning New Film’s Shooting Locations All In New Hampshire

Thursday 4 December 22:01:00 UTC 2014

NEW YORK—Reacting with a mixture of surprise and disappointment, fans of the James Bond series voiced concern Thursday after learning that all of the latest installment’s shooting locations would be in New Hampshire.
[Link]

Fark.com RSS » Fark Food Thread: From hot cocoa to mulled cider to hot toddies, the chill will soon settle in for many a Farker. Help us all stay cozy with your warm drink recipes [Interesting]

Thursday 4 December 22:00:41 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [117 comments] [Link]

The Onion » American Voices: Chokehold Ruling Puts Police Body Camera Plan In Doubt

Thursday 4 December 22:00:00 UTC 2014

Earlier this week, President Obama proposed a spending package to equip police with body-worn cameras, which critics now doubt will bring clarity and accountability to their actions in light of a grand jury’s decision not to indict a police officer …
[Link]

Fark.com RSS » Synthetic drugs kill. So tell your kids about organic, non-gmo, gluten free drugs [PSA]

Thursday 4 December 21:52:45 UTC 2014

PSA [link] [31 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » A Cthulhu Christmas

Thursday 4 December 21:49:35 UTC 2014

Some people like to combine their traditional Christmas holiday decorations and customs with their enjoyment of H.P. Lovecraft’s dreaded elder god Cthulhu. Cthulhu’s appearance is depicted as “part man, part dragon, and part octopus,” and the incongruence of his image in the trappings of a joyous family-centered holiday is too precious to resist. Some refer to these mashups at Cthulmas … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Federal law suit alleges that for-profit college in FL used tactics such as hiring strippers to lure students to sign up for classes. Treatment, that, clearly is supposed to be reserved only for top NCAA Division 1-A football and basketball prospects

Thursday 4 December 21:44:21 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [35 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Parents decide to cancel Christmas after their kids misbehave and by no means is this a way to drive traffic to their mommy blog [Asinine]

Thursday 4 December 21:05:19 UTC 2014

Asinine [link] [139 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Man faces twenty years for stealing from Sunglass Hut. Thank God he didn't commit the fatal mistake of ripping off the Dipping Dots mafia [Strange]

Thursday 4 December 21:02:40 UTC 2014

Strange [link] [60 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this landscaping service [Photoshop]

Thursday 4 December 21:00:01 UTC 2014

Photoshop [link] [8 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » The Missing Links: Science Explains Why You Want to Bite Cute Things

Thursday 4 December 21:00:00 UTC 2014

Don’t worry, there’s a perfectly scientific explanation for the fact that you want to bite a cute baby or puppy. * This show stinks— literally. Are scent-emitting TVs the next big thing in home entertainment? * Here are 15 kids gift ideas without screens. How refreshing. * This guy went to great lengths to propose to his girlfriend— and inadvertently … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Hey, free neon sign for anybody who wants to haul it away. Difficulty: 50 feet tall [Cool]

Thursday 4 December 20:56:46 UTC 2014

Cool [link] [34 comments] [Link]

The Onion » Overworked Prosecutor Thinking Of Taking Police Brutality Case As A Little Vacation

Thursday 4 December 20:54:00 UTC 2014

CLEVELAND—Reasoning that he has earned some much-needed rest and relaxation, overworked Cuyahoga County prosecutor Brian Gorman told reporters Thursday that he is thinking of taking on a police brutality case as a nice little vacation.
[Link]

Fark.com RSS » What's black and white and all over the place [Obvious]

Thursday 4 December 20:47:24 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [45 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "Whatever you do, Louisiana voters, don't trust the person who's paying for my election campaign" [Stupid]

Thursday 4 December 20:46:24 UTC 2014

Stupid [link] [18 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » NASA has a problem getting it up, scrubs launch. Not an uncommon problem for an agency its age [Followup]

Thursday 4 December 20:35:10 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [31 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Every now and then one of those "Dear Abby, my manager invited me to a lesbian threesome" stories turns out to be true [Dumbass]

Thursday 4 December 20:27:51 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [65 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Ukraine's government broadcasting agency had a problem on its hands Wednesday: Zombies. Lots and lots of zombies [Amusing]

Thursday 4 December 20:22:23 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [4 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » While everyone was outraged about the "White Christmas" meme image, everyone missed on the even more heinous shiat that school official from Texas posted [Followup]

Thursday 4 December 20:16:07 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [131 comments] [Link]

The Onion » Disheartened Man Expected At Least One Text While Checking Phone After Flight

Thursday 4 December 20:16:00 UTC 2014

BALTIMORE—Expressing frustration over the lack of any new text notifications on his phone, disheartened Southwest Airlines passenger Shawn Woods confirmed Thursday that he had expected to receive at least one message upon checking the device after h…
[Link]

Mental Floss » Jackie Chan, Master of Action Comedy

Thursday 4 December 20:12:00 UTC 2014

Jackie Chan is a master of both action and comedy. What makes him so good? [Link]

The Onion » Police Officer Demonstrates Proper Technique For Subduing Grand Jury

Thursday 4 December 20:07:00 UTC 2014

NEW YORK—Saying that the maneuver was 100 percent effective if administered correctly, police captain Matthew Carlson demonstrated the proper technique for subduing a grand jury to a group of younger officers Thursday.
[Link]

The Onion » Barry Sanders Figures It His Turn To Pull Stint As Mentor For One Of League’s Fuckups

Thursday 4 December 20:05:00 UTC 2014

WEST BLOOMFIELD, MI—Saying that he has generally avoided taking on the responsibility during his retirement, former Detroit Lions running back and Hall of Famer Barry Sanders told reporters Thursday that he figures it’s probably his turn to pu…
[Link]

Fark.com RSS » Breast-shaped building could be torn down. No word on what will be the first post destruction plan [Sad]

Thursday 4 December 20:01:31 UTC 2014

Sad [link] [37 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Women filmed showering in long, hard thing filled with seamen. Well, at least filled with dicks [Sick]

Thursday 4 December 19:55:41 UTC 2014

Sick [link] [74 comments] [Link]

The Onion » American Voices: Study: Humans Have Been Drinking Alcohol For 10 Million Years

Thursday 4 December 19:39:00 UTC 2014

A new study has found that human ancestors evolved the enzymes necessary to break down ethanol and become tipsy about 10 million years ago, much earlier than previously thought, to help them eat rotting fruit when other resources were scarce.
[Link]

Fark.com RSS » Newspaper announces it will run only good news for one day, loses 80 percent of readership despite stories such as "No disruption on the roads despite snow" [Amusing]

Thursday 4 December 19:30:36 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [17 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 15 Snackable Nuggets for National Cookie Day

Thursday 4 December 19:30:00 UTC 2014

Today is National Cookie Day! Grab some cookies and read up. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The Vatican's new finance minister says the Holy See's finances are in much better shape than he thought after he found hundreds of millions of Euros "tucked away" in accounts that oddly, seem to have been accidentally omitted from th

Thursday 4 December 19:28:15 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [67 comments] [Link]

The Onion » Statshot: How Are We Getting Into The Holiday Spirit?

Thursday 4 December 19:27:00 UTC 2014

How Are We Getting Into The Holiday Spirit?
[Link]

Mental Floss » 5 Questions: "Mist"letoe

Thursday 4 December 19:11:33 UTC 2014

[Link]

Fark.com RSS » Why the long face? Here's why [Sad]

Thursday 4 December 18:28:00 UTC 2014

Sad [link] [73 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Unusual indicator that it will be a hard winter. Someone heisted three GMC Sierra 3500 plow trucks from one location [Strange]

Thursday 4 December 18:27:05 UTC 2014

Strange [link] [32 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Divorce rates in the U.S. have dropped, mostly because people are thinking twice before ruining their lives with marriage [Obvious]

Thursday 4 December 18:10:10 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [165 comments] [Link]

Overheard In The Office » You Assume I'm a Bottom?

Thursday 4 December 18:06:43 UTC 2014

Cubicle dweller #1: What better way to die, backpacking across Antarctica?Cubicle dweller #2: I can see the headline now, “Man dies while being sodomized by a leopard seal.”Church Street
Nashville, Tennessee [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Like You’ve Never Stared at His Package?

Thursday 4 December 18:06:37 UTC 2014

Flustered bailiff: Ok, I sound a little obsessed with this woman I have zero connection to other than she had sex with the delivery guy my married co-worker has a crush on, but seriously, what a whore.Hall of Justice
Sacramento, CaliforniaOverheard by: Administration [Link]

Overheard In The Office » …Ever Since the Carrier Pigeon's Untimely Demise.

Thursday 4 December 18:06:36 UTC 2014

Engineer: The woodridge office is nice. They have an intercom system.Secretary: We have that too. It's called screaming over the top of the cubicles.Wheaton, Illinois [Link]

Overheard In The Office » At Phone Saks Fifth Avenue

Thursday 4 December 18:06:35 UTC 2014

Coworker on phone: How can I help you? Ummm… Okay. Sir, is everything alright? Well, you seem to be breathing a little heavy. No, I can’t help you with that. You should probably go out and buy a magazine. I’m hanging up now sir [hangs up]. Fucking freaks.Spring Street and Cleveland Avenue
Columbus, OhioOverheard by: Ari [Link]

Overheard In The Office » And I May Never Meet My Soulmate Unless I'm Painfully Candid at Every Opportunity

Thursday 4 December 18:06:34 UTC 2014

Gym employee: In addition to today's mail, I also have a small package.Tucson, ArizonaOverheard by: captain subtext [Link]

Overheard In The Office » 4PM Employee Review

Thursday 4 December 18:01:32 UTC 2014

Coworker: Hey, I may be dumb but I’m not stupid! 1400 AF Street
Washington, DC [Link]

Mental Floss » How Charles Dickens Fueled a World of Spontaneous Combustion Truthers

Thursday 4 December 18:00:00 UTC 2014

This story originally appeared in print in the December 2014 issue of mental_floss magazine. Subscribe to our print edition here, and our iPad edition here. By Sam Kean The first thing they noticed was the smell—like someone frying rancid meat. The two men sat in their flat in central London, awaiting their midnight appointment with the old, … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Kenny Smith calls Charles Barkley a racist – and the best power forward ever [Interesting]

Thursday 4 December 17:42:17 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [293 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Nike introduces the Kyrie 1 shoe named after Kyrie Irving, will be good to wear down the road that you must travel and through the darkness of the night [Interesting]

Thursday 4 December 17:31:15 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [36 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Latest Florida wannabe: South Wales [Stupid]

Thursday 4 December 17:13:26 UTC 2014

Stupid [link] [21 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Here are 11 facts you may not have known about Arby's. Not mentioned is the Oven Mitt's sordid history in the adult industry [Interesting]

Thursday 4 December 17:10:08 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [159 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Axelerate says FML

Thursday 4 December 17:09:13 UTC 2014

Today, after a few weeks of my dad setting up glue traps in the garage to trap mice, I found out what it's like to have a pigeon wander in and get its foot stuck on one. FML [Link]

Mental Floss » Can You Name Santa's Reindeer?

Thursday 4 December 17:07:38 UTC 2014

[Link]

Fark.com RSS » Police in central Florida say a man faces domestic battery charges after assaulting a woman during a discussion about anger management classes [Florida]

Thursday 4 December 17:05:49 UTC 2014

Florida [link] [17 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 19 Things You Might Not Know About 'Peter Pan' the Musical

Thursday 4 December 17:00:00 UTC 2014

What’s the way to Neverland? Second to the right, and straight on ’til morning! Or, turn to NBC. Since 1955, the network has broadcast the Broadway musical version of J. M. Barrie’s story about the Boy Who Would Not Grow Up to the delight of children (and children-at-heart) across the nation. Before tuning in to the latest iteration of the … [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Ask BP

Thursday 4 December 16:59:03 UTC 2014

Engineer: Guys in suits should never be allowed to touch differential equations!Orlando, Florida [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Is gang slang evolving into a separate language entirely? And can you speak it, motherfarker? [Interesting]

Thursday 4 December 16:56:20 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [62 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Did you get a flu shot this year? If so, the CDC wants you to know it probably won't work because the virus has mutated. Merry Christmas, everyone [PSA]

Thursday 4 December 16:54:56 UTC 2014

PSA [link] [144 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "Yea, these emails contain taxpayer info we released to the White House. That's why we can't share them with you… it'd be illegal to release them" [Asinine]

Thursday 4 December 16:50:20 UTC 2014

Asinine [link] [99 comments] [Link]

The Onion »  Owner's Box: Bearded Robert Griffin III Spotted Living In Houseboat On Chesapeake Bay

Thursday 4 December 16:45:00 UTC 2014

OSN’s fantasy football guru, Perry Bigwell, says dump RG3 from your roster now that he’s moved away from football to a more simple life on a houseboat.
[Link]

The Onion » World Leaders Gather To Discuss How Fucking Amazing Running A Country Is

Thursday 4 December 16:31:00 UTC 2014

ZURICH, SWITZERLAND—Arriving from around the world for a three-day political summit, the highest-ranking government officials from over 190 nations have gathered in Zurich this week for direct talks on how fucking incredible it is to run a country. …
[Link]

Fark.com RSS » Pizza Hut unveils new Doritos-crusted pizza. Surprise: Not America's fault [Amusing]

Thursday 4 December 16:30:35 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [39 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The important question is: Did they read her the Amanda Miranda Panda rights before arresting her? (tag is for parents' choice of names) [Fail]

Thursday 4 December 16:28:17 UTC 2014

Fail [link] [55 comments] [Link]

The Onion » Infographic: Decorating Your Home For The Holidays

Thursday 4 December 16:27:00 UTC 2014

Here are some tips for decorating your home
[Link]

The Onion » Police Say Conditions Too Nippy To Rescue Missing Hiker

Thursday 4 December 16:25:00 UTC 2014

VAIL, CO—Noting that there was definitely a chill in the air, law enforcement officials confirmed Thursday that conditions were too nippy to continue search and rescue operations for Kyle Higgins, a 27-year-old hiker who has been missing for two day…
[Link]

Fark.com RSS » Study shows public restrooms aren't as dirty as you think, that's just chocolate syrup and lemonade splattered on the walls [Unlikely]

Thursday 4 December 16:22:18 UTC 2014

Unlikely [link] [21 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Protected by cops, tens of thousands of clueless suburbanites flock to the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree lighting despite being surrounded by angry mobs of disenfranchised NYC residents who are tired of not being protected from the cops [Interest

Thursday 4 December 16:13:55 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [110 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 21 Things You Might Not Know About 'Elf'

Thursday 4 December 16:00:00 UTC 2014

Everyone knows the best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear! [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "I want to come home, my iPod is broken and they make me do the washing up" – European jihadist recruits in Iraq are missing their home comforts [Ironic]

Thursday 4 December 15:59:48 UTC 2014

Ironic [link] [60 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » GM to restore 1 millionth Corvette damaged in sinkhole. HOW BIG WAS THAT FARKING SINKHOLE? [Cool]

Thursday 4 December 15:58:38 UTC 2014

Cool [link] [22 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Man discovers ancient spearhead on his farm. Which is better than finding it in one's knee [Unlikely]

Thursday 4 December 15:57:09 UTC 2014

Unlikely [link] [38 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "I'd never been to a strip club before, but I made a quick decision that there is probably no better way to experience one for the first time than by taking a water taxi to a floating crab boat" [Obvious]

Thursday 4 December 15:51:13 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [31 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "If you want to know how socially conservative Britain still is, go to a restaurant" [Stupid]

Thursday 4 December 15:50:23 UTC 2014

Stupid [link] [34 comments] [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Let Me Just Unzip My Briefcase

Thursday 4 December 15:49:16 UTC 2014

Male visitor: I am here because of a class that I missed due to my court case. She (points to professor) told me I could get credit if I showed her my subpoenas.Campbell University
North Carolina [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Homeschool mom who destroyed evolution at a museum heads to the zoo in search of dragons. Welcome to America, circa 2014 [Fail]

Thursday 4 December 15:39:12 UTC 2014

Fail [link] [223 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » It's time once again for that most American of competitions: who can have the single highest electric bill for their holiday light display in the country? [Stupid]

Thursday 4 December 15:38:49 UTC 2014

Stupid [link] [18 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » Désert de Retz

Thursday 4 December 15:38:18 UTC 2014

French aristocrat François Racine de Monville added a striking summer house to his estate in 1785 — it was designed to resemble the ruined column of an imaginary gigantic temple: The “colonne brisée” contained four stories of oval rooms connected by a spiral staircase hung with rare plants under a skylight. It was admired by Benjamin Franklin, and it inspired … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If you happen to have seen a 5000 pound steel bridge on the move, the Farmington, MI police would like a word with you [Weird]

Thursday 4 December 15:33:37 UTC 2014

Weird [link] [21 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Obama administration to give out purple hearts for workplace violence [Interesting]

Thursday 4 December 15:33:03 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [27 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "Facebook's news feed remains a hotbed of hoaxes, lies, and conspiracy theories" [Obvious]

Thursday 4 December 15:20:10 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [33 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Designers create tweed jacket that naturally smells like whiskey for people who find whiskey not sweet enough to drink [Asinine]

Thursday 4 December 15:15:21 UTC 2014

Asinine [link] [19 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The Stroke Robot doesn't do what you think it does [Interesting]

Thursday 4 December 15:12:07 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [16 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Pirate who came to America in 1776 aboard one of Columbus's ships finally apprehended [Interesting]

Thursday 4 December 14:44:12 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [46 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Is Speaking a Language Different From Being Fluent in It?

Thursday 4 December 14:30:00 UTC 2014

Are you bilingual, trilingual, or multilingual? A polyglot or hyperpolyglot? [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this sweet community treat [Photoshop]

Thursday 4 December 14:00:01 UTC 2014

Photoshop [link] [12 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » The 11 Best New Words Added to Oxford Dictionaries

Thursday 4 December 13:57:16 UTC 2014

The editors at OxfordDictionaries.com just added 1,000 new words to their online dictionary. [Link]

Overheard In The Office » How to Clear Out the Men's Room in Three Words

Thursday 4 December 13:43:42 UTC 2014

Tall employee at urinal: Hey, you know the cool thing about being tall? I can look over the divider.Short employee at urinal: (silence)Tall employee: Hey, little buddy!Chattanooga, Tennessee [Link]

Mental Floss » 15 Out-of-This-World Facts About the International Space Station

Thursday 4 December 13:30:00 UTC 2014

Today marks the 16th anniversary of the first space shuttle flight to assemble the International Space Station. Let’s celebrate 16 years of the ISS with 15 things you may not have known about the world’s shared space station. 1. Sixteen nations were involved in the construction of the ISS: The United States, Russia, Canada, Japan, Belgium, Brazil, Denmark, France, Germany, … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The guy that got busted for pretending to be a soldier on Black Friday was once arrested for impersonating a police officer [Dumbass]

Thursday 4 December 13:25:37 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [156 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » Camp Bow Wow

Thursday 4 December 13:13:49 UTC 2014

If you want to work as a "counselor" at Camp Bow Wow, dog-sitting service, you're first going to have to sign an "employee confidentiality and non-compete agreement." According to this document, if you ever leave the company, you're forbidden from working at any other pet-sitting service within a 25-mile radius of any Camp Bow Wow for two years. The company explains … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Texas brain mystery turns into a non-story upon the revelation that most brains were purged years ago. Follow-up trumps obvious tag… barely [Followup]

Thursday 4 December 13:01:19 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [26 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » A Chicago church wants to know if you were given $500, would you use it for good? [Unlikely]

Thursday 4 December 13:00:29 UTC 2014

Unlikely [link] [78 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » christinamarie17 says FML

Thursday 4 December 12:57:52 UTC 2014

Today, while working in a restaurant, a woman told me I was completely incompetent, was the worst hostess she'd ever seen, and that she would call my district manager non-stop until I was fired. I'd clocked in less than 10 minutes before and hadn't said a single word to her. FML [Link]

FMyLife » maddieex says FML

Thursday 4 December 12:53:55 UTC 2014

Today, my boyfriend brought me to a restaurant on a surprise date. I guess he didn't know that my ex-boyfriend now works there, and that he would be our waiter for the evening. FML [Link]

Weird Universe » CAPTIVE BEAUTY

Thursday 4 December 12:51:08 UTC 2014

Documentary on Colombian prison beauty pageant. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » As we approach the holiday season, be sure to avoid these all-too-common drinking-induced office party disasters. *reads article*. Uh-oh. Oh, crap. Shiat. Hey, anybody know a good place that's hiring? [Fail]

Thursday 4 December 12:38:14 UTC 2014

Fail [link] [91 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The U.S. Army is looking for a new sidearm. One of the criteria is that the pistol grips be ivory. Only a pimp from a cheap New Orleans whorehouse would carry a pearl-handled pistol [Interesting]

Thursday 4 December 12:05:25 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [243 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Rogue Is Now Selling Sriracha Beer

Thursday 4 December 11:30:00 UTC 2014

You can get almost anything Sriracha flavored these days, and now, thanks to the Oregon-based Rogue Brewery, there's one more way to enjoy the sauce: in beer form. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The entry fee is $10. There's a Twitter page with "tributes" to "fallen" players. A separate YouTube account has cell phone footage of "kills." Asked if the police warning might give teens second thoughts, "It makes th

Thursday 4 December 11:26:47 UTC 2014

Cool [link] [65 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » "Mist"letoe

Thursday 4 December 11:14:00 UTC 2014

[Link]

Fark.com RSS » Orion test flight this morning, pregame show on now, lift-off at 7:05 EST. Watch it all on NASA TV [Cool]

Thursday 4 December 11:00:09 UTC 2014

Cool [link] [464 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » nikkih_06 says FML

Thursday 4 December 10:50:33 UTC 2014

Today, I got a letter in the mail from corporate saying that I'm being demoted because I don't work enough hours. I also got a text from my boss congratulating me on making the best sales numbers for November. FML [Link]

Mental Floss » Morning Cup of Links: The World's Biggest Christmas Light Display

Thursday 4 December 10:30:57 UTC 2014

The world's largest Christmas lights display makes your house look like a joke. A tasteful, energy-efficient joke.
*
Baby Bats Swaddled Like Little Burritos Are Way Cuter Than You Might Expect. The little orphans are swaddled for naps at a rescue center in Australia.
*
In 1985, a collection of about 200 brains from mental asylum patients was set into a … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The Cleveland cop who shot 12-year old Tamir Rice had previously been fired before making it out of the police academy of a neighboring city because of "a lack of maturity" and a "dangerous loss of composure" on the gun range [Followu

Thursday 4 December 9:46:00 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [262 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Two New North American Dinosaur Species Discovered

Thursday 4 December 8:54:20 UTC 2014

While examining previously-misidentified fossils that had been at the Canadian Museum of Nature for 75 years, British paleontologist Dr. Nick Longrich discovered two new species of dinosaurs that roamed western North America 75 million years ago. The fossils had previously been classified as Anchiceratops and Chasmosaurus (top), which both lived in what is now Canada. But Longrich's research revealed that … [Link]

Futility Closet » Fleet Cuts

Thursday 4 December 7:37:22 UTC 2014

In 1968, American Hugo Vihlen sailed from Casablanca to Florida in a boat 5 feet 11 inches long. In 1992, Englishman Tom McNally sailed from Portugal to Fort Lauderdale in a boat 5 feet 4.5 inches long. In 1993 Vihlen reclaimed the record by sailing from Newfoundland to Falmouth in a boat 5 feet 4 inches long. “Tom McNally made … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The best way to improve your sex life is to put down your tablet, smart phone, or other electronic device [PSA]

Thursday 4 December 6:37:00 UTC 2014

PSA [link] [56 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Fark's favorite state agrees that Satanists must have equal representation in the capitol [Florida]

Thursday 4 December 6:18:00 UTC 2014

Florida [link] [45 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 11 Innovative Tricks to Make Sure You're Always Getting a Good Deal on Holiday Shopping

Thursday 4 December 6:00:00 UTC 2014

Finding a good bargain while hunting down gifts for family and friends is a surefire highlight of the holiday season, and if you cleverly harness the right tech, apps, websites, and knowledge, you can be the savviest shopper around. 1. “Clip” a Coupon Though coupon clipping might seem like a dated practice, its digital equivalent is alive and well. Websites … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Theme of Farktography Contest No. 500: "5 for 500" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme [Farktography]

Thursday 4 December 5:01:00 UTC 2014

Farktography [link] [135 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » crazy cat lady says FML

Thursday 4 December 4:54:11 UTC 2014

Today, I learned I'm allergic to the 5-month-old kitten we got 3 days ago. It loves me, follows me everywhere and sleeps on my lap in the evenings. FML [Link]

Mental Floss » What's in Your Favorite Holiday Drinks?

Thursday 4 December 4:19:42 UTC 2014

The results may put a damper on your morning sugar rush. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Othello teacher admits ordering eight-year-old student to unclog toilet with his bare hands, gets reprimanded for using "very poor professional judgment." Iago unavailable for comment [Stupid]

Thursday 4 December 3:20:04 UTC 2014

Stupid [link] [56 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » How to immediately spot an American at any airport in the world [Amusing]

Thursday 4 December 3:05:43 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [227 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If you flushed a few gallons of concrete down a toilet near Seattle's South Lake Union district, Seattle Public Utilities would like a word with you [Dumbass]

Thursday 4 December 1:07:06 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [121 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » WTF says FML

Thursday 4 December 1:02:00 UTC 2014

Today, my boss at my new call center job said he'd gotten complaints about me. Apparently I sound "too black" and it's "upsetting" some of our customers. I don't know what that even means, but my boss said I need to "tone it down or we're gonna have some problems". FML [Link]

Overheard In The Office » When Richard Simmons Forgets to Take His Lithium

Thursday 4 December 1:01:21 UTC 2014

Male to female worker: I always support you. I empower you… You piece of shit.Beaverton, OregonOverheard by: Office Manager [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Here's Charles Darwin to Explain…

Thursday 4 December 1:01:20 UTC 2014

Coworker to another: I still live at home with my mom and dad; and I have no reproductive opportunities whatsoever.Irvine, CaliforniaOverheard by: travisperiod [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Bone China, Though

Thursday 4 December 1:01:19 UTC 2014

Office worker, about project manager's shaved head: You look like a penis.Project manager: You're a vagina.Office worker: Fine China!Parsons, Kansas [Link]

Overheard In The Office » They’re Like the Chinese Food of Eaters — An Hour Later, They’re Hungry Again

Thursday 4 December 1:01:18 UTC 2014

Important European suit: It’s like feeding Ethiopians — there’s never going to be enough food.Midtown
New York, New YorkOverheard by: And I Thought I Was Offensive . . . [Link]

Overheard In The Office » What the Song “Shake, Shake, Shake, Señora” Is Really About

Thursday 4 December 1:01:17 UTC 2014

(in the restroom)Man #1: You wanna shake it for me when I'm done?Man #2: What would your wife think?Man #1: As long as it's not a woman, she doesn't care.9th Avenue
New York City, New York [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Puppetry Of the Penis Auditions Were a Gruelling Affair

Thursday 4 December 1:01:16 UTC 2014

Boss to underling: Let me pull my package back out so it is in front of me. Black Diamond, Washington [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Why Depends Were Originally Invented

Thursday 4 December 1:01:15 UTC 2014

50-year old guy #1: I don't want to be here.50-year old guy #2, passing by: Just shit your pants. Nobody likes working with you if you have shitty pants.Rocky River, Ohio [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop these rubberneckers [Photoshop]

Thursday 4 December 1:00:01 UTC 2014

Photoshop [link] [12 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Thursday 4 December 0:34:40 UTC 2014

Today, I realized that although I'm dating the most loveable, caring and genuine man, the fact that he's a crack addict means I'll never be his drug of choice when he needs a hit. FML [Link]

Mental Floss » 11 Great Thinkers' Brilliant Study Tips for Finals Week

Thursday 4 December 0:30:00 UTC 2014

College students can try out these strategies used by some of history's greatest minds. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Giant inflatable butt plug stimulates Parisians [Plug]

Thursday 4 December 0:28:00 UTC 2014

Plug [link] [53 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Tortoise fitted with Lego wheels after he lost the use of his legs – because that's the way he rolls [Interesting]

Thursday 4 December 0:23:16 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [27 comments] [Link]

Overheard In The Office » What Happened Next Came As a Surprise to All of Us

Thursday 4 December 0:14:45 UTC 2014

Managing editor: Who didn’t have their salad tossed?Wilmington, Delaware [Link]

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