John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons

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Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”

FMyLife » ratqueen says FML

Tuesday 25 November 23:58:28 UTC 2014

Today, I discovered that catching fewer mice in the traps I'd put out doesn't mean my pest problem is getting resolved. It means that rats have moved in. FML [Link]

The Onion » NFL To Crack Down On Players For Excessive Thanksgiving Celebrations

Tuesday 25 November 23:48:00 UTC 2014

NFL To Crack Down On Players For Excessive Thanksgiving Celebrations
[Link]

The Onion » American Voices: Budweiser Retiring Clydesdale Ads In Grab For Millennials

Tuesday 25 November 23:47:00 UTC 2014

As part of an effort to market more effectively to young millennial consumers, Budweiser has reportedly opted to remove its famous Clydesdale horses from holiday advertising.
[Link]

The Onion » American Voices: Ferguson Prosecutor: Cable News ‘Most Significant Challenge Encountered’ In Investigation

Tuesday 25 November 21:04:00 UTC 2014

Before announcing that a grand jury had declined to indict officer Darren Wilson in the shooting death of Michael Brown, prosecuting attorney Robert McCulloch blamed cable news and social media for civil unrest in Ferguson, MO, saying, “The most sig…
[Link]

The Onion » Ferguson Decision Reaffirms Right Of Police To Use Deadly Force When They Feel Sufficiently Inclined

Tuesday 25 November 19:53:00 UTC 2014

WASHINGTON—Following a legal precedent established over the course of decades, the St. Louis County grand jury decision Monday to not indict officer Darren Wilson in the shooting death of an unarmed teen reportedly reaffirmed the right of police to …
[Link]

The Onion » Nation Doesn’t Know If It Can Take Another Bullshit Speech About Healing

Tuesday 25 November 19:18:00 UTC 2014

WASHINGTON—In the wake of a grand jury’s divisive decision not to charge Ferguson, MO police officer Darren Wilson in the shooting death of unarmed black teenager Michael Brown, a weary American populace told reporters Tuesday that they are no…
[Link]

Futility Closet » Unquote

Tuesday 25 November 18:51:59 UTC 2014

“What leapings of the heart must there not have been throughout that long warfare! What moments of terror and triumph! What acts of devotion and desperate wonders of courage!” — H.G. Wells, of prehistoric man [Link]

The Onion » Infographic: Last-Minute Holiday Travel Tips

Tuesday 25 November 18:50:00 UTC 2014

Whether you’re rerouting canceled flights or changing destinations on the fly, nothing can be more stressful during the holidays than making travel arrangements at the last minute.
[Link]

The Onion » Report: U.S. Students Lead World In Knowledge Of Common Household Items That Will Give You Buzz

Tuesday 25 November 18:23:00 UTC 2014

WASHINGTON—Confirming that U.S. students’ competency in the area of knowledge had only increased in recent years, a Pew Research Center report published Tuesday found that young Americans continue to lead the world in their awareness of which …
[Link]

The Onion » American Voices: Town Considers Replacing Ugly Christmas Tree After Public Outcry

Tuesday 25 November 16:42:00 UTC 2014

City officials in Reading, PA agreed to replace a 50-foot-tall Christmas tree downtown that residents complained was “pathetic” and “ugly” before the city council president changed his mind and ordered construction workers in the p…
[Link]

The Onion » Your Horoscopes — Week Of November 25, 2014

Tuesday 25 November 15:57:00 UTC 2014

ARIES: You'll inspire thousands to go out and do something with their lives in order not to wind up being as pathetic and useless as you are.
[Link]

The Onion » Jason Garrett Insists He Can Trace Coaching Tree Back To Mayflower

Tuesday 25 November 15:30:00 UTC 2014

DALLAS—Noting that he takes great pride in the rich legacy of his predecessors, Dallas Cowboys head coach Jason Garrett told reporters Tuesday that he is able to trace his coaching tree all the way back to the landing of the Mayflower. Garret…
[Link]

The Onion » Alcoholic Father Granted Posthumous Sainthood By Catholic Family

Tuesday 25 November 15:11:00 UTC 2014

Alcoholic Father Granted Posthumous Sainthood By Catholic Family
[Link]

FMyLife » amazinghermit says FML

Tuesday 25 November 12:51:51 UTC 2014

Today, I spent a hour in my car terrified to go inside because I thought my house was being burgled. I saw rapid shadows in the light of my lounge. Eventually I plucked up the courage to creep inside with a rock to find it wasn't a robber. It was my cats, fighting in front of a toppled lamp. FML [Link]

Weird Universe » Follies of the Madmen #236

Tuesday 25 November 12:47:52 UTC 2014

[Link]

Weird Universe » Shun the Mustache Kiss!

Tuesday 25 November 11:59:04 UTC 2014

We're now three weeks into Movember. So this seems like timely advice from the Washington Post – Apr 28, 1912.

[Link]

FMyLife » anonymous says FML

Tuesday 25 November 11:55:47 UTC 2014

Today, I was in a good mood for once and my professor looks at me and says, "I don't know what you ate for breakfast but you're really annoying today." FML [Link]

FMyLife » Hammy says FML

Tuesday 25 November 10:47:46 UTC 2014

Today, I finally noticed how lonely I am when I realized I was petting my couch while reading a book. FML [Link]

Futility Closet » Sizing Up

Tuesday 25 November 6:46:30 UTC 2014

Two lines divide this equilateral triangle into four sections. The shaded sections have the same area. What is the measure of the obtuse angle between the lines? SelectClick for Answer Triangles CAM and ABN have the same area. Rotating triangle ABC 120° takes CAM into ABM1. Since ABN and ABM1 have the same area and both N and M1 fall … [Link]

FMyLife » stupid says FML

Tuesday 25 November 3:51:32 UTC 2014

Today, I realized that customers at my work ask me "Are you new or just stupid?" just as often as they did when I first started. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Tuesday 25 November 3:17:50 UTC 2014

Today, I decided to check out a dating site, when I stumbled across my ex wife's profile. She'd had it for four out of the five years of our marriage. And no, it didn't rate us as a good match. FML [Link]

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