Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”
Fark.com RSS » Man shot with sword. Never bring a sword to a sword-that-shoots fight [Sad]
[link] [68 comments] [Link]
FMyLife » fired tomoz says FML
Today, I woke up to a text from my manager, saying "Hed's up dude, ur gettin fired tomoz. CEO's pissed. No hard feelins m8". Great. FML [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Ten "Too Soon" Halloween Costumes You Should Avoid. Also known as "What Everybody Will Be Wearing Halloween Night" [Scary]
[link] [123 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » 20 Purrfect Products for Cats and Their Humans
Here are a few things that you can buy to show your feline pride—and spoil that special kitten in your life. [Link]
Mental Floss » The Missing Links: Strange Things Banned Around the World
Be careful where you lip synch. *
It’s not easy being green. Here’s why that’s the chosen color for witches. * Portland artist Danielle Delph photoshopped herself into her mother's childhood, imagining them hanging out as teenagers and little kids. * It’s where she had what she was having. How does NYC’s iconic Katz's Deli keep the lights on? * … [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Quick–what color is the blood of a penis worm? Penis worm [Weird]
[link] [62 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Lysol: Kills 99% of Ebola on contact [Spiffy]
[link] [90 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » School police officer charged with "official oppression," which is a fancy way of saying he would pull drivers over and ask to smell their feet [Dumbass]
[link] [50 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » 7 million voters may be excluded from the rolls on election day because their names all look the same to me [Asinine]
[link] [232 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » I want my face to be clean-shaven… but I really want a beard… eureka [Amusing]
[link] [89 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » 10 Horrifying Demons and Spirits from Japanese Folklore
Oni (demons) and yurei (ghosts) have played a role in Japanese culture for thousands of years, and stories of new spirits continue to be told today. Here are just a few tales of demons, ghosts, and women you don't want to mess with. [Link]
The Onion » Street Harasser Haunted By Woman Who Got Away With Dignity Intact
CHICAGO—Regretting his failure to take advantage of the perfect opportunity, local street harasser Jason Foster told reporters Wednesday that he continues to be haunted by the woman who got away with her dignity intact. 
[Link]
FMyLife » carless says FML
Today, I watched as the teenage neighbor girl tried to parallel-park between me and my wife's cars. She was doing pretty well until she backed into mine, got scared, hit the accelerator and ran into my wife's. FML [Link]
FMyLife » NoColor says FML
Today, my little sister decided to color-in my favorite black-and-white comic book. It was worth over $200. When I told my mother, she said, "Oh that old thing? I thought it was a stupid coloring book you were too stupid to color." FML [Link]
The Onion » Traumatized Nation Terrified To Make Its Voice Heard In Another Election
WASHINGTON—Citing decades of repeated indignities and post-electoral trauma, Americans from across the political spectrum reported Wednesday that they were terrified at the prospect of making their voices heard in another nationwide vote. The U.S. e… 
[Link]
The Onion » American Voices: Pope Francis: Evolution Is Not Inconsistent With God
Pope Francis told one of the Vatican’s scientific academies that the theory of evolution is not inconsistent with the notion of God, saying that God is not a magician “with a magic wand able to do everything.” What do you think? 
[Link]
Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this beach frying pan [Photoshop]
[link] [17 comments] [Link]
The Onion » Bears GM Hoping To Motivate Jay Cutler With More Guaranteed Money
CHICAGO—Saying that the organization feels compelled to light a fire under its struggling quarterback, Chicago Bears general manager Phil Emery told reporters Wednesday that he is hoping to motivate Jay Cutler by offering him even more guaranteed mo… 
[Link]
Fark.com RSS » NASA warns the public not to take any of the awesome, cool, totally neato to have, and really worth big money on eBay debris from the Antares rocket that may wash up onshore [Unlikely]
[link] [180 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Police officer finds $120,000 and confiscates it as drug money. Just kidding, he returned it to the owner [Cool]
[link] [40 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Fireball Cinnamon Whiskey: great for your holiday party, great for winterizing your car [Cool]
[link] [74 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Widower dining alone with a photo of his dead wife at an In-N-Out Burger will cause your heart to shatter into a million pieces today [Sad]
[link] [170 comments] [Link]
The Onion » ONN Exclusive: Fire-Ninja Inferno Becomes First Openly Gay Fatal Melee Fighter
He’s crushed skulls in the Under Realm. He’s ripped out the spines of his enemies. But ruthless up-and-comer Inferno says coming out was the most difficult thing he’s ever done. 
[Link]
Mental Floss » 7 Dinner Party Lifehacks
Presented by Wells Fargo [Link]
Mental Floss » Name the European Country Based on Three Letters
[Link]
Mental Floss » The Tinder of the ’70s
Don’t want small talk to trip up your dance game? U.S. Patent 4173016 A can help. [Link]
Mental Floss » Name the Shared Two-Letter Abbreviations
[Link]
Fark.com RSS » Thief armed only with her own breasts squirts milk at pharmacy workers, makes off with $127 [Strange]
[link] [73 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Atlanta business owners would really appreciate it if MARTA would reopen their restrooms, because they're getting tired of people peeing on their showroom floors and overdosing in their restrooms [Interesting]
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Fark.com RSS » Missing Broncos fan found safe, had "had his fill of football," and was not, in fact, the dead man outside of the stadium [Followup]
[link] [48 comments] [Link]
Futility Closet » Hot Lunch
Christina Malmo of Montana patented this combination lantern and dinner pail in 1905. The lantern, which contains its own fuel source, hugs the pail, “conducting heat to the victuals within.” “This close connection between the lamp attachment and the dinner-pail serves the double purpose of steadying the lamp, thus avoiding any swinging which would occur were the lamp attached by … [Link]
Mental Floss » 26 Not-So-Spooky Facts About Halloween
John Green dons a series of animal masks while delivering some Halloween history. [Link]
Mental Floss » College Students Can Now Waste Time Online for Credit
UPenn is offering a class next semester called Wasting Time on the Internet. [Link]
The Onion » Delicate Little Man Kept Awake All Night By Having Coffee After Four O’Clock
GRAND RAPIDS, MI—Tossing and turning way past his beddy-bye, delicate little man Jeremy Palazola was reportedly unable to sleep Tuesday night because he drank a teensy bit of coffee after four o’clock. 
[Link]
The Onion » Restaurant Patrons Rapidly Losing Faith Parents Going To Do Something About 4-Year-Old
SARATOGA, CA—Casting numerous glances at the table of three, patrons at Gallo’s Italian Restaurant were said to be rapidly losing faith Monday that a nearby couple would do something about their 4-year-old son. 
[Link]
The Onion » How Ebola Quarantine Works
The Onion – America's Finest News Source 
[Link]
Fark.com RSS » Woman walks–Hey, how you doin'…Woman walks aro–'sup darlin'…Woman walks around New–Hey baby, you lookin fine…Woman walks around New York with a GoPro–Daayum. Just watch [Interesting]
[link] [1171 comments] [Link]
The Onion » Antidepressant Can’t Believe It’s Expected To Fix This Mess All On Its Own
SEATTLE— Stunned and dismayed that it will have no assistance in treating the serious mood disorder, the antidepressant Prozac cannot believe that it is being asked to fix this mess entirely on its own, sources said Wednesday. 
[Link]
Fark.com RSS » Hartford Courant obfervef itf 250th anniverfary to-day [Spiffy]
[link] [26 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » A father of eight explains why he hasn't saved a penny for his kids' college education [Hero]
[link] [305 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » Brain Game: The Fruit Bowl
Can you solve the Word Ladder in today's mentalfloss.com Brain Game Wednesday Wordplay challenge in five steps? Prove it! By changing one letter in each step to form English words, and leaving all other letters in their original positions, convert GRAPE into PEACH in the fewest possible steps. G R A P E
_ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ … [Link]
Fark.com RSS » While other states have dealt with possible Ebola exposure as if they might have actually seen a Zombie movie before, Vermont stashes their patient zero in a remote farmhouse somewhere. This should end well [Scary]
[link] [69 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » 8 Things You May Not Have Known About 'Aaahh!!! Real Monsters'
The sometimes creepy nineties Nickelodeon cartoon based in an underground world may have hidden some secrets from you. [Link]
Mental Floss » MINI USA | MINI TAKES THE STATES 2014
Thousands of MINI Coopers rallying across the country is not your average road trip. Yet there’s something about the camaraderie of MINI after MINI carving the same corner that compels them. It’s the freedom of the open road and the comfort of banding together with like-minded Motorers that makes spending vacation days on the road worthwhile. MINI TAKES THE STATES … [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Florida neighborhood to release pack of dogs to protect children from wild hogs. Expects dogs to simply freeze in the winter [Florida]
[link] [93 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Yo dawg, I heard you liked turtles so I put a turtle pendant inside your turtle [Interesting]
[link] [32 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » Where Does Bingo Come From?
The game we call "bingo” actually started out as “beano.” The history of the game dates back to the mid-1500s. "Lo Giuoco del Lotto D'Italia," or the Italian Lottery, was all the rage. Players had cards with numbered squares on them, and the winning numbers were drawn out of a sack. The game made its way to France in the … [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Costco CEO: "Our employees work especially hard during the holiday season and we simply believe that they deserve the opportunity to spend Thanksgiving with their families" [Hero]
[link] [277 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Nigerian man who died at European international airport downgraded from fatal Ebola victim to fatally unlucky drug mule [Followup]
[link] [58 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Papa John's founder attends funeral for slain employee, offers to pay funeral expenses if Obamacare hasn't yet made him too poor [Interesting]
[link] [130 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Arizona high school defends its nickname of the Redskins. Apparently it isn't referring to Native Americans, but rather what happens to residents who go outside for five minutes without sunscreen [Followup]
[link] [55 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Mud slide in Sri Lanka that kills 10 (with more than than 250 still missing) leaves the rest if the world thinking the same thing: Why would anyone live in Sri Lanka? [Scary]
[link] [65 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Las Vegas FBI engineered an internet outage so they could send in agents disguised as repairmen to gather evidence. My god, Comcast makes sense now [Scary]
[link] [124 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Okay who's the lame and limp baker who thought of baking Peppa Pig biscuits that look like flaccid genitals? [Amusing]
[link] [45 comments] [Link]
The Onion » American Voices: Anti-Vaxxer Group: Staple Vaccine Warnings To Halloween Candy
The National Vaccine Information Center, an anti-vaccination advocacy group that believes vaccines may be linked to autism and other childhood disorders, has reportedly encouraged parents to tape vaccine warnings to the Halloween candy they give out to ne… 
[Link]
Fark.com RSS » When planning an armed robbery best practice is probably not to stand under a HD security camera BEFORE you cover your face [Dumbass]
[link] [18 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Fox News explores the alcoholic habits of American Presidents. George Washington was a beer man and Warren Harding carried a fifth of whiskey to the golf course during Prohibition [Interesting]
[link] [48 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » The people who thought that the man who just decapitated a woman and kicked her head down the street before jumping in front of a train was just a Halloween prank didn't know he was having a 'Ta Da' moment [Sick]
[link] [42 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » If you love corn — and who doesn't? — you owe it to yourself to pop in and visit the Corn Palace in Mitchell, South Dakota [Unlikely]
[link] [84 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » The good news: Plastic surgery uses lasers to remove testicular wrinkling. The bad news: You will now truly be sporting the youthful genitals of a two-year-old [Amusing]
[link] [119 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » Watch Daniel Radcliffe Rap "Alphabet Aerobics"
It's no surprise that Daniel Radcliffe likes rap—in our October cover story, he told us that his favorite karaoke jam was "anything by Eminem." Last night, while on The Tonight Show to promote his movie Horns, Radcliffe told Jimmy Fallon that "I've always had kind of an obsession with memorizing complicated lyric-y intricate and fast songs"—then proceeded to prove it, … [Link]
Mental Floss » 11 Mountains on the Ultimate American Autumn-Hike Tour
Looking for a place to get some fresh air and enjoy the fall foliage? Set a course for one of these can’t-miss mountains. [Link]
Fark.com RSS » America is now officially bored with Ebola and doesn't want to hear any more stories about it [Followup]
[link] [119 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » 10 Words With Spooky Etymologies
Ghosts, ghouls and monsters turn up everywhere at Halloween—including in our language. [Link]
The Onion » Man’s Heart Stops As Speaker Asks Audience To Turn To Person Next To Them
BLOOMINGTON, MN—Attending a corporate leadership seminar at a local hotel conference center Wednesday, area sales director Mark Nellis reportedly felt his heart stop when a workshop speaker asked audience members to take a moment and turn to the per… 
[Link]
Mental Floss » The Weird Physics of H.P. Lovecraft’s "Corpse-City," R’lyeh
Benjamin Tippett's playful paper is a lot of fun and reads like a mashup of a standard science paper and one of Lovecraft’s own stories. [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this victory pump [Photoshop]
[link] [22 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » You can now buy a do-it-yourself at-home colon cancer test. This could be quite the hit after the third bottle of wine is cracked open at your next dinner party [Spiffy]
[link] [90 comments] [Link]
FMyLife » Anonymous says FML
Today, trying to be a good role model for the kids behind me, I stopped and thoroughly checked both sides of the road before crossing. I still managed to get hit by a car. FML [Link]
FMyLife » shadysheikh says FML
Today, I had my first job interview. The manager asks me to sell him his pen. Thinking I'm all smart, I reenact the scene from the Wolf of Wall Street and say, 'Write down your name'. He calmly reaches into his drawer, takes out another pen and writes his name down. He then looks at me and laughs. FML [Link]
Weird Universe » Dr. Bouchaud’s Flesh-Reducing Soap
"Will absorb all fatty tissues from any part of the body." I wonder if Dr. Bouchaud was related in any way to Dr. Anton Phibes?
From The Australian Home Journal, June 1926 [via Vintage Ads] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Turns out an ankle cyst was having Kim Jong Un removed, according to South Korean intelligence [Followup]
[link] [49 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » MTM
[Link]
Mental Floss » 5 Questions: MTM
[Link]
Fark.com RSS » Yes, you can be arrested for possessing a ninja throwing star, and subby's nomination for Mugshot of the Week is included in this article [Dumbass]
[link] [84 comments] [Link]
Weird Universe » The Relaxed Wife
[Link]
Fark.com RSS » Chicago's police union opposes the release of misconduct records because of course they do [Asinine]
[link] [146 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » Morning Cup of Links: Cats Just Don’t Understand Us
Why Your Cat Thinks You’re a Huge, Unpredictable Ape. They may be right, but we should find a better way to communicate with our pets.
*
The 50 Best “Ripped From the Headlines” Law & Order Episodes, Ranked. Along with information on the real-life cases that inspired them.
*
10 Foods That Contain Antibiotics. They include both natural germ-fighters and foods … [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Has anybody thought about how are we going to properly dispose of all the Ebola medical waste lying around the country? [Sick]
[link] [130 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » The problem with arresting a zombie for a DWI is that she quickly reanimates and then you have to pull her over again [Dumbass]
[link] [21 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » "Some of them I remember ran as high as 20% infested and this worm would be an inch and a half long; this tremendous creature. And they'd just grind them up and make tomato sauce out of them" [Interesting]
[link] [62 comments] [Link]
FMyLife » Anonymous says FML
Today, my mom talked to me and my brother about how great it was that our cousin was getting away from drugs and becoming sober, as he would have so many more opportunities opened up for him now. She explained all this while sitting on our patio, smoking a blunt. FML [Link]
Fark.com RSS » The ACLU sues Tennessee, because parents should be allowed to name their snowflakes things like Maddisynn Alexxxys TotalFark [Obvious]
[link] [135 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » It is not effective to quarantine people coming to the United States from West Africa. Except every single one of our troops being deployed there [Followup]
[link] [96 comments] [Link]
Futility Closet » Death Poems
In Japanese culture it is traditional to write a “farewell poem to life,” or jisei, as death approaches. Zen monk Kozan Ichikyo wrote this verse on the morning of his death in 1360: Empty-handed I entered the world
Barefoot I leave it.
My coming, my going —
Two simple happenings
That got entangled. And monk Mumon Gensen wrote this in … [Link]
Fark.com RSS » We finally know why James Bond is such a good spy. The NSA lets the Brits tap into its data even when they don't have a warrant [Interesting]
[link] [42 comments] [Link]
FMyLife » Anonymous says FML
Today, my school put on a musical. I was one of the leads, and in the middle of my solo, I got a huge nosebleed. A little girl in the front row screamed. FML [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Darling, if you love me, you'll let me have sex with another five women. My life may very well depend on it [Unlikely]
[link] [81 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » The people of Lucas, Kansas are on the edge of their seats as they wait to hear if their public restroom has won best in the nation [Strange]
[link] [30 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » Bubble Tricks That Look Like Magic
Anyone who has recently made bubbles with their hand soap knows they're just as fun to play with as an adult. Here are three ways to up your bubble game. [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Police state that man found bound, gagged, and stuffed in a sleeping bag is the worst case of suicide they've seen in quite some time [Unlikely]
[link] [55 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Two items from the US Forest Service: Firstly, please stop getting close to bears so you can take selfies with them. Secondly…actually that's pretty much it [PSA]
[link] [92 comments] [Link]
FMyLife » BurnedDown says FML
Today, I wanted to spice things up in the bedroom with my husband, so I set up some Halloween torches to create a wild ambiance. Unfortunately our dickhead neighbours saw the glow, didn't remember that fire tends to give off smoke, and called the fire department on us. FML [Link]
FMyLife » Anonymous says FML
Today, I went to a first aid training course. I had to lie on the floor and pretend I was unconscious. We were supposed to be doing the recovery position, but the guy I was working with decided to perform CPR instead and grope my boobs in the process. FML [Link]
FMyLife » not drunk says FML
Today, I've been one year sober. My health has improved a lot, unlike my social life, which has died a horrible, lonely death. FML [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Newspaper decides to secede from the columnist who wrote that the South should secede from the Union again [Followup]
[link] [36 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » You Could Own This Idyllic (But Haunted) Ghost Town
Johnsonville is still on the market! [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this KO [Photoshop]
[link] [16 comments] [Link]
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