John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons

John Gordon Ross header image 3

Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”

Fark.com RSS » All passengers on United Airlines Flight 703 from New York quarantined at LAX because EBOLA [Scary]

Sunday 12 October 23:49:08 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [237 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Weekend Links: The Secret Recipe for Cronuts

Sunday 12 October 23:40:00 UTC 2014

The secret's out: Dominique Ansel, creator of the (in)famous cronut, has released an official at-home recipe for the coveted pastry. But be warned: with a three-day prep time, it might actually take less effort to wait in line for one. * It takes about $300,000 to raise a child, but according to "satirical scholar" Matt J. Michel, if that child … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » He's evaded police for a month, but he's poised to lose his advantage at any second…. That's it, any second now [Followup]

Sunday 12 October 22:46:51 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [178 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » MorningSickness says FML

Sunday 12 October 22:30:06 UTC 2014

Today, my morning sickness got so bad that, while at the grocery store, I had to throw up in my purse. FML [Link]

FMyLife » KO says FML

Sunday 12 October 22:30:05 UTC 2014

Today, in the middle of sex, my husband accidentally headbutted me, almost knocking me unconscious. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Strangers get their friends together after hearing about an Iraq war veteran who was paying a little at a time to have his 1965 Ford Mustang restored, and they pitch in to pay to have it fully restored, causing lots of dust to fly around in here [Sap

Sunday 12 October 21:51:59 UTC 2014

Sappy [link] [61 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Banning peanut butter isn't enough for some school officials; now they're banning a completely safe soybean-based substitute [Asinine]

Sunday 12 October 21:32:02 UTC 2014

Asinine [link] [117 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The next time anybody says the Chemtrail conspiracy theory is bunk, show them this UFO refueling in a jet's high flying contrail wake in the skies over Amsterdam [Strange]

Sunday 12 October 21:19:56 UTC 2014

Strange [link] [125 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » That Canadian woman refused a job because she's Christian? Fake. Fakety fake fake fake [Followup]

Sunday 12 October 20:26:44 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [173 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Heaven can be found on the border of China and North Korea [Cool]

Sunday 12 October 20:24:20 UTC 2014

Cool [link] [29 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop Joe keepin' it cool [Photoshop]

Sunday 12 October 20:18:27 UTC 2014

Photoshop [link] [19 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Officials evacuate Harvard Vanguard Medical Center citing Ebola protocol. And so it begins [Scary]

Sunday 12 October 20:18:26 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [261 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » A look at how clowns became terrifying. "Became?" Fairly certain they've always been nightmarish creatures of soulless abandon [Scary]

Sunday 12 October 20:15:16 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [69 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » MotherMary says FML

Sunday 12 October 19:51:31 UTC 2014

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of three years, who can't get it up for me and has been blaming blood pressure issues, apparently has no problem getting it up while watching the neighbor undress from our window. FML [Link]

FMyLife » epiclollipop says FML

Sunday 12 October 19:22:15 UTC 2014

Today, while waiting for a plane, a man in a wheelchair was struggling to get to baggage, so I helped him. I did so without realising that I passed through the "No Entry" gate. What did I forget? My phone, my ID, and my boarding pass. What do you need to get back to the plane? All of those. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The moral of this story is trust no one. And if you are having a stroke have someone call a friend or family member to come and get your $10,000 wheelchair instead of leaving it with a stranger who steals it and tries to sell it on Craigslist [Sad]

Sunday 12 October 19:14:25 UTC 2014

Sad [link] [23 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Sweden is so close to being a cashless society that four of five people there don't remember what folding krona look like [Interesting]

Sunday 12 October 19:07:53 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [43 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Using gold in food to produce ridiculous 'most expensive dinner in the world' signature dishes slammed as "pointless and outdated" by people who say metal adds nothing to a meal's taste. Goldschläger would like a word [Intere

Sunday 12 October 18:51:10 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [64 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » News of the Weird (October 12, 2014)

Sunday 12 October 18:50:22 UTC 2014

News of the Weird
Weirdnuz.M392, October 12, 2014
Copyright 2014 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.

Lead Story

Police in Japan's Kyoto Prefecture raided a shoe manufacturer in July and commandeered a list of about 1,500 purchasers of the company's signature "tosatsu”'s–shoes with built-in cameras. Investigators have begun visiting the purchasers at home to ask that they hand in the … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "Italy legalised marijuana for medical use last year, but the high cost of buying legal pot in a pharmacy meant few people signed up. Now, the government has found a solution: get the army to grow it" [Cool]

Sunday 12 October 18:41:10 UTC 2014

Cool [link] [15 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 9 Bizarre and Endearing Inventions From 100 Years Ago

Sunday 12 October 18:30:09 UTC 2014

Popular Mechanics has long profiled interesting new ideas and inventions, even if those innovations were destined to go no further than the magazine's pages. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » 10 reasons why you might want to quit the U.S for Europe. "Contrary to popular opinion, the food in Britain stopped sucking a long, long time ago" [Unlikely]

Sunday 12 October 18:04:28 UTC 2014

Unlikely [link] [181 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Residents and businesses located within 10 miles of any of Canada's nuclear reactors to be given anti-radiation potassium iodine pills for no good reason to panic whatsoever [Scary]

Sunday 12 October 17:34:07 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [55 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "For the second day in a row, a man in a wheelchair has been struck and killed by a vehicle in Osceola County." That's one unlucky man [Florida]

Sunday 12 October 17:23:53 UTC 2014

Florida [link] [16 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Thanks to ISIS, there are a lot fewer severed heads on display this year in haunted houses across America [Sad]

Sunday 12 October 17:07:17 UTC 2014

Sad [link] [51 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "Fine Dining with an Infant" [Amusing]

Sunday 12 October 17:03:34 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [59 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » ♫ Roll, roll, roll in ze hay ♫ [Fail]

Sunday 12 October 16:45:49 UTC 2014

Fail [link] [35 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » You want a beer and whisky fair? No problem. Just make sure that whisky isn't mentioned in any private blogs or we'll pull your liquor license [Asinine]

Sunday 12 October 16:42:59 UTC 2014

Asinine [link] [25 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "Townsfolk of Roy, Wash. have been mildly terrorised by a man on a week-long acid trip. George Jacobson broke into homes and made confused demands – including a sammich and a trip to McDonald's – while babbling about being on a 'spiritual

Sunday 12 October 16:09:35 UTC 2014

Strange [link] [48 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "In a work of paranoid convolution that seems to spring straight from Thomas Pynchon's Gravity's Rainbow, anti-fluoride campaigners argue that IG Farben devised fluoridation as way of suppressing occupied populations during WWII" [Obv

Sunday 12 October 15:59:07 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [46 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The headline had me at "Frozen Poop Pills" [PSA]

Sunday 12 October 15:07:17 UTC 2014

PSA [link] [25 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » World's biggest crab found in British waters. How big is it? You can see it on aerial photos, that's how big. And we have those photos [Scary]

Sunday 12 October 15:00:31 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [137 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Hunter finds a naked concert-goer lost in the woods four days after a music festival ended and absolute hilarity ensues. (with safe for work video) [Amusing]

Sunday 12 October 14:40:42 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [88 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Hell may not exist, but that didn't stop this guy from getting paid to research it for a year [Interesting]

Sunday 12 October 14:27:03 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [46 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Truck flies off the highway, rolls down a hill, lands on the beach, driver walks away unharmed. Ta-da [Scary]

Sunday 12 October 14:17:38 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [7 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » mdwillow says FML

Sunday 12 October 14:16:21 UTC 2014

Today, I got married. It was a beautiful ceremony with all of our family and friends. Too bad it ended with us leaving the reception before dancing even started, since my groom couldn't stop bawling his eyes out from all the stress. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Either this black triangle filmed haunting the skies of Shropshire, England is a UFO, or the government has invented a way to fly without engines. Or wings [Strange]

Sunday 12 October 14:09:17 UTC 2014

Strange [link] [82 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » "Coffee Jerks," An Examination of '50s and '60s Coffee Ads

Sunday 12 October 13:30:00 UTC 2014

These husbands are real jerks about their wives' coffee. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Attacker tries to grab Hit Girl in a park, suffers a severe case of Acute Failure of the Victim Selection Process [Hero]

Sunday 12 October 13:21:07 UTC 2014

Hero [link] [73 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » stressed says FML

Sunday 12 October 13:10:56 UTC 2014

Today, as a restaurant manager, I had a large party of difficult guests. They sat in their private room they'd reserved for three-and-a-half hours, then caused a huge scene when it was time to pay. One guy even ran at me like he was going to hit me. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Today's Fark-ready headline: "Washington man killed by bus inside a zombie attraction at Idaho corn maze" [Strange]

Sunday 12 October 13:07:23 UTC 2014

Strange [link] [14 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » Wendys, the Musical

Sunday 12 October 13:03:48 UTC 2014

A few months back I posted about McDonalds, the Musical. In a similar vein, here's Wendy's, the musical employee training video.

[Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop these hipsters [Photoshop]

Sunday 12 October 13:00:01 UTC 2014

Photoshop [link] [12 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Snowflake traumatized after teacher orders class to pelt her with koosh balls as punishment for chewing gum in class. Thankfully, this incident was discovered before Nerf was deployed [Stupid]

Sunday 12 October 12:56:33 UTC 2014

Stupid [link] [87 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Well it isn't a good state fair without a big brawl happening, is it? [Scary]

Sunday 12 October 12:45:13 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [21 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » Dion McGregor

Sunday 12 October 12:35:56 UTC 2014

Full explanation here. In short, recordings of a man unconsciously narrating his dreams.

Full album below.

[Link]

Fark.com RSS » "The Islamic State shall rise up, and cleanse all you hosers from the earth…you shall learn all aboot our wrath, eh?" [Dumbass]

Sunday 12 October 12:30:46 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [35 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Three centuries after being damaged in a fire, one of four remaining copies of the Magna Carta is legible again through multispectral imaging [Spiffy]

Sunday 12 October 12:15:00 UTC 2014

Spiffy [link] [30 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The dentist's waiting room is nerve racking enough and the last thing you want to see before it's your turn is some guy going Commando [Dumbass]

Sunday 12 October 12:01:17 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [14 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Cops take six minutes to get to burglary in progress at convenience store. Next door to police station [Fail]

Sunday 12 October 11:35:40 UTC 2014

Fail [link] [21 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "I Love My Husband, But Here's Why I Want to Cheat" [Interesting]

Sunday 12 October 11:13:15 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [98 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » thecaptainmorgan says FML

Sunday 12 October 10:34:54 UTC 2014

Today, my boss discovered that I'm prone to random fainting, due to hypoglycemia. He has now nicknamed me "fainting goat" and makes relentless bleating noises every time he sees me. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Dallas Bleeders Club [News]

Sunday 12 October 10:17:03 UTC 2014

News [link] [384 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » MrG says FML

Sunday 12 October 9:44:05 UTC 2014

Today, I had to write, "Do not use to freeze cat," on my bag of ice because my sister's cat died, and she refuses to bury it. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Man has crack in buttocks. 49 bags worth [Asinine]

Sunday 12 October 7:09:00 UTC 2014

Asinine [link] [21 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » The Twelve-Angled Stone

Sunday 12 October 6:56:58 UTC 2014

Image: Wikimedia Commons Midway along the northwestern face of a monumental Inca building at 410 Calle Hatunrumiyoc in Cusco is a large irregular block of stone worked by a master mason in the era before Columbus. Fitted into place without mortar despite its complex shape, the “twelve-angled stone” has become a hallmark of Inca craftsmanship. “Just as individual blocks were prepared, … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Time for everybody playing 'The Ebola Game' to update their scorecards as Macedonian health authorities announce that tests show the British man who died in their country did not have Ebola [Followup]

Sunday 12 October 6:44:46 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [37 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Treasurer of a charity toy drive…you know how this one ends [Sad]

Sunday 12 October 6:42:00 UTC 2014

Sad [link] [17 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » dykerino says FML

Sunday 12 October 6:41:46 UTC 2014

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I cut my hair short and he didn't want people to think he was gay. FML [Link]

FMyLife » ojskyguy says FML

Sunday 12 October 5:34:26 UTC 2014

Today, I knocked over and broke one of two very expensive wine bottles. As I was using the mop to clean it up, the handle knocked over and broke the other. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Recently discovered American military dossier busts myth, reveals Hitler had two perfectly working balls. However, he was into crystal meth and roughly 70 other medications [Obvious]

Sunday 12 October 5:12:14 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [76 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » You can add frisbees to the list of hoodies, tattoos, tinted car windows, turbans and other asinine things cops use to profile [Scary]

Sunday 12 October 5:07:00 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [98 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » From the heart of beautiful downtown Juneau it's Livingston Stapler Company Presents. Two hours of live music hosted by a farker [Spiffy]

Sunday 12 October 4:58:06 UTC 2014

Spiffy [link] [197 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Old and busted: Helicopter parents. New hotness: Lawnmower parents [Sad]

Sunday 12 October 2:29:09 UTC 2014

Sad [link] [106 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Beeper says FML

Sunday 12 October 1:12:01 UTC 2014

Today, as always, I have Tourette's syndrome. It causes me to occasionally make a beeping noise. My boyfriend just figured out that if he beeps back, it makes me beep again. He thinks it's hilarious and won't stop. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "Have we reached peak zombie?" [Obvious]

Sunday 12 October 1:11:22 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [105 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "The iguana wasn't charged" [Florida]

Sunday 12 October 0:34:05 UTC 2014

Florida [link] [33 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » When your college has a 'blackout' football game, you're supposed to show up wearing black shirts, black pants, and black shoes. Just don't show up in black face [Obvious]

Sunday 12 October 0:22:05 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [127 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » ♪ There is nothing like a dame…nothing in w-o-o-o-rld ♫ [Interesting]

Sunday 12 October 0:19:42 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [14 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this master debater's dramatic demonstration [Photoshop]

Sunday 12 October 0:00:01 UTC 2014

Photoshop [link] [24 comments] [Link]

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