John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons

John Gordon Ross header image 3

Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”

Fark.com RSS » When soldiers in World War I had their faces disfigured, this sculptor gave them a new one [Interesting]

Saturday 27 September 23:55:28 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [36 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » nyx says FML

Saturday 27 September 23:47:44 UTC 2014

Today, my boyfriend asked me to marry him. When I happily told my dad, he kept asking if I'd consider taking back my ex. FML [Link]

FMyLife » heretoserve says FML

Saturday 27 September 23:47:43 UTC 2014

Today, I got yelled, screamed, and cursed at by a customer until I was reduced to tears. This was all because I double-checked to make sure she wanted large fries. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Burglarizing cars while drunk is no way to go through life, but if you are going to do that, try and avoid burglarizing the car that belongs to the chief of police, while it's parked in front of the chief's house [Dumbass]

Saturday 27 September 22:43:56 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [14 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » These airline luggage fees are getting just a little out of hand now [Stupid]

Saturday 27 September 21:57:55 UTC 2014

Stupid [link] [45 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Old and busted: Turning water into wine. New hotness: Turning gasoline into pineapple juice [Unlikely]

Saturday 27 September 21:36:48 UTC 2014

Unlikely [link] [68 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Woman who was denied her first choice lottery scratcher stuck with a mere million dollars [Spiffy]

Saturday 27 September 21:23:54 UTC 2014

Spiffy [link] [25 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Fratboi DJs ask listeners to help create list of local porn stars. Slander-larity ensues [Dumbass]

Saturday 27 September 20:49:03 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [97 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 27 September 20:26:37 UTC 2014

Today, my boyfriend tried to be dominant during sex. It was so out of character for him, I couldn't help but break into hysterical laughter. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 27 September 20:26:36 UTC 2014

Today, I'm sick with the worst head cold of my life. For some reason whenever I cough, I also fart. Everyone thinks I'm just trying to cover up flatulence with fake coughing. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this moment of weightlessness [Photoshop]

Saturday 27 September 20:00:01 UTC 2014

Photoshop [link] [22 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » It's International Rabbit Day. I knew I had this pancake on my head for a reason [Spiffy]

Saturday 27 September 19:36:32 UTC 2014

Spiffy [link] [84 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Uber's highly vetted drivers are safer than licensed cab drivers, until they turn around and start smashing your skull in with a hammer [Scary]

Saturday 27 September 19:30:00 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [101 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Man charged with carrying a concealed weapon months after man filed a federal lawsuit over his original arrest in the matter. City attorney swears that the charges were in no way retaliation for the lawsuit. Seriously guys, they are unrelated [Obviou

Saturday 27 September 18:45:49 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [103 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » How the heavy drinking scene persists in Cairo, despite the constant threats of death from Muslim extremists: "If they come for my beer, I'll come at them with my gun. A man's alcohol is his kingdom" [Obvious]

Saturday 27 September 18:00:06 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [56 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Man fleeing accident scene was not too sharp. The barbed wire fence he climbed was [Dumbass]

Saturday 27 September 17:57:54 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [10 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Pith helmet-wearing Brit, not content to pedal his penny-farthing around the world, continues with a grueling tour of America, including a leg-searing ascent of Glacier Park's Going-to-the-Sun Road in snow and rain. Pip pip cheerio [Amusing]

Saturday 27 September 16:21:39 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [62 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The only female Arab pilot to take part in action against ISIS is disowned by her family. Scary tag considered for possible consequences, Cool tag for UAE treating women as people, but both lose to Followup tag due to original FoxNews idiocy [Followu

Saturday 27 September 16:16:17 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [231 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Man with implanted horns and a 666 tattoo on his forehead convicted in murder case, tells jury, "I'll see you all in hell." (with grumpy cat facial expression pic) [Dumbass]

Saturday 27 September 16:01:42 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [115 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Restaurant that kicked out a blind man because he brought his service dog with him learns about a little thing called the Americans with Disabilities Act [Followup]

Saturday 27 September 15:42:43 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [142 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » dumass says FML

Saturday 27 September 15:42:05 UTC 2014

Today, the day before my wife and I leave for our 1 year anniversary trip, I realized my passport expires in 2014, not 2015. Instead of a week's stay at an all-inclusive resort in the Dominican Republic, we'll be spending three days in Louisville. Three angry days in Louisville. FML [Link]

FMyLife » lgt5628 says FML

Saturday 27 September 15:42:04 UTC 2014

Today, a man approached my delivery van and asked for change for a $5 bill. I guess I should've expected him to grab the change and run off with the extra money. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Hac in hora / Sine Mora / Corde pulsum tangite / Quod per sortem / Sternit fortem / Mecum omnes plangite [Cool]

Saturday 27 September 15:25:55 UTC 2014

Cool [link] [154 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Weekend Links: Mind Tricks to Get What You Want

Saturday 27 September 15:21:06 UTC 2014

They won't even see it coming. [Link]

Weird Universe » 4-way Suicide

Saturday 27 September 15:11:20 UTC 2014

"Wearied of a life of egg frying," the unfortunate Jim Smith decided to end it all. But despite trying to torch, hang, poison, and shoot himself simultaneously, his plan didn't succeed.

I'm skeptical that this ever happened. It sounds like the kind of thing reporters used to make up to pad newspaper columns. From The Seattle Star – March 24, … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Boko Haram leader reportedly killed in an airstrike. For the third time [Interesting]

Saturday 27 September 14:15:50 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [38 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Caption this derpy dog [Caption]

Saturday 27 September 14:00:01 UTC 2014

Caption [link] [40 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » The Molting, Mildly Revolting, Japanese Spider Crab

Saturday 27 September 14:00:00 UTC 2014

In this short timelapse video, we see a Japanese spider crab shed its old shell. The process rides the line between gross and amazing; for almost a minute it looks like not much is happening, then, boom, a brand-new crab sneaks out! Freaky, indeed. And check out the hordes of tiny crabs running around on the bottom of the tank. … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If you were one of the gullible sheeple who actually bought into the government's propaganda about getting a mind-controlling flu shot, here are three ways to make it more effective [Spiffy]

Saturday 27 September 13:54:03 UTC 2014

Spiffy [link] [31 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this 'art' display [Photoshop]

Saturday 27 September 13:00:01 UTC 2014

Photoshop [link] [21 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » Lunchroom Manners

Saturday 27 September 12:24:22 UTC 2014

[Link]

Fark.com RSS » Cats texting cats on Caturday [Caturday]

Saturday 27 September 12:00:00 UTC 2014

Caturday [link] [551 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » 19collegestudentandpregant says FML

Saturday 27 September 11:38:53 UTC 2014

Today, I found out my parents are divorcing and my mom is moving out. I'm 11 weeks pregnant. Breaking the news should be fun. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 27 September 11:38:52 UTC 2014

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend, only for her to slap me, throwing the "fake ring" away and storming off, convinced it was a cruel joke. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Bay Bridge officials concerned about 'rod corrosion,' which would make a great porn star name [Followup]

Saturday 27 September 11:35:31 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [72 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Marine who disappeared in Iraq and then reappeared and came back to the US and then disappeared into Lebanon has now reappeared and is back in the US is facing court martial for desertion…maybe [Followup]

Saturday 27 September 11:20:40 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [25 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Don't download child porn. But if you do, don't use your work-issued laptop. But if you do, don't take it to the IT shop if you think it has a virus [Dumbass]

Saturday 27 September 8:18:00 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [110 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » Big Talk

Saturday 27 September 7:22:59 UTC 2014

“The German long word is not a legitimate construction, but an ignoble artificiality, a sham,” wrote Mark Twain. “Nothing can be gained, no valuable amount of space saved, by jumbling the following words together on a visiting card: ‘Mrs. Smith, widow of the late Commander-in-chief of the Police Department,’ yet a German widow can persuade herself to do it, without … [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 27 September 6:42:23 UTC 2014

Today, I asked my 12-year-old son what he wanted for his birthday. He looked me dead in the eyes and said, "A whore." FML [Link]

FMyLife » Operation Yewtree here I come says FML

Saturday 27 September 6:42:22 UTC 2014

Today, I was sitting on a bench at the local park, eating a banana. A guy old enough to be my grandfather walked by, turned to look at me, then said "Young man, I wish I were that banana." He walked away, and I almost blacked out choking on it in shock. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 27 September 6:42:21 UTC 2014

Today, I got back home from work and casually asked my dad "What's up?" He casually replied: "Wishing I'd had a son instead." and stared glassy-eyed at me until I left the room. FML [Link]

Mental Floss » John Wilkes Booth's Accomplice

Saturday 27 September 6:15:04 UTC 2014

The mysterious Confederate deserter who became John Wilkes Booth's right-hand man. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Brooklyn postal worker who has watched too much Seinfeld fails to deliver 40,000 pieces of mail [Dumbass]

Saturday 27 September 6:13:00 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [38 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Midwestern hipsters outraged to learn that Templeton Rye, which bills itself as a "small-batch Iowa whiskey" is actually aged and distilled in Indiana [Ironic]

Saturday 27 September 4:44:00 UTC 2014

Ironic [link] [153 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » When you're a burglar, efficiency is key, and sometimes you need to call the police on yourself [Amusing]

Saturday 27 September 3:46:57 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [5 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If you were stabbed inside a Quicktrip, please let the Tulsa Police know how things turned out: "The victim walked up to the store's clerk and apologized for the blood trail" [Strange]

Saturday 27 September 3:24:52 UTC 2014

Strange [link] [57 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Cops called to city dumpster and find a naked couple having "intimate relations" on a heap of trash [Strange]

Saturday 27 September 3:12:07 UTC 2014

Strange [link] [69 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Attendees at a food safety conference get a world class education on the importance of their chosen field of work [Followup]

Saturday 27 September 2:31:19 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [37 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "Chocolate-covered pumpkin spice Twinkie." SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY [Hero]

Saturday 27 September 2:20:02 UTC 2014

Hero [link] [66 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » Curiosity Called The Cows

Saturday 27 September 1:16:09 UTC 2014

A drone crashed in a Belgian field and drew the attention of some of the bovines residing there. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "A Florida woman may pursue legal action against police and prosecutors after she spent more than a month in jail for possession of SpaghettiOs" [Fail]

Saturday 27 September 0:52:58 UTC 2014

Fail [link] [144 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Man's dream of reaching Pac Man kill screen dashed for potentially the next 15 years [Dumbass]

Saturday 27 September 0:47:38 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [32 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The downfall of the world's richest country [Sad]

Saturday 27 September 0:47:23 UTC 2014

Sad [link] [87 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Jesus saves… you from having to scrub those hard-to-reach areas [Unlikely]

Saturday 27 September 0:00:54 UTC 2014

Unlikely [link] [33 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this excitement [Photoshop]

Saturday 27 September 0:00:01 UTC 2014

Photoshop [link] [15 comments] [Link]

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