John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons

John Gordon Ross header image 3

Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”

Fark.com RSS » Headline: "Naked man goes on violent rampage at Oregon hemp fest", with "Yup, that's about right" mugshot [Dumbass]

Sunday 7 September 23:37:07 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [90 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Leaving a box of donated clocks inside a government building may have unintended consequences [PSA]

Sunday 7 September 23:03:55 UTC 2014

PSA [link] [57 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Sunday 7 September 22:41:49 UTC 2014

Today, I woke up to find a huge zit directly between my two eyebrows. My friends have started calling me "The North Star." FML [Link]

FMyLife » imgonnadie says FML

Sunday 7 September 22:41:48 UTC 2014

Today, I'm staying with my grandma and her older sister while my parents are away. It's been two hours and so far they've popped vicodins, talked about banging Alex Trebek, and had a farting contest. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » At least the earthquake ended the drought [Followup]

Sunday 7 September 22:17:00 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [57 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Teenagers Just Can't Figure Out the Original NES

Sunday 7 September 21:35:21 UTC 2014

Video game technology has come a long way since the Nintendo Entertainment System debuted in the 1980s, so it's no surprise that the teenagers examining the device in the Fine Brothers' latest React video are kind of bemused by the device. "Is this a projector?" one asks. Game of Thrones' Maise Williams thinks it might be a video player; another … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » A woman was so determined to not stop an underage alcohol party that she slipped an IV to a 14 year-old girl suffering alcohol poisoning [Sick]

Sunday 7 September 21:29:51 UTC 2014

Sick [link] [174 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Man had a backyard envied by his neighbors; full of statues, furniture, and plants, it was the highlight of the neighborhood. And then his neighbors started to realize their own objects were missing [Florida]

Sunday 7 September 21:08:03 UTC 2014

Florida [link] [27 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » News of the Weird (September 7, 2014)

Sunday 7 September 20:56:26 UTC 2014

News of the Weird
Weirdnuz.M387, September 7, 2014
Copyright 2014 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.

Lead Story

They Didn’t See This Coming? (1) German Rolf Buchholz, who owns the Guinness Book world record for most body piercings (453), said he was upset to be denied entrance into United Arab Emirates in August to fulfill a performance of sorts at … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop these men in chairs [Photoshop]

Sunday 7 September 20:00:01 UTC 2014

Photoshop [link] [17 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » goodmorning says FML

Sunday 7 September 19:28:06 UTC 2014

Today, I was eating a bowl of cereal and noticed something float to the top. On closer inspection, it turned out to be a mouse turd. I had already eaten half the bowl. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Sunday 7 September 19:28:05 UTC 2014

Today, I realized how truly insecure I really am, when the guy in the show I'm watching looked straight into the camera and I immediately looked away. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Here is the dustiest story you will read all day, an Eagle Scout died while playing football and his friends finish his project that would have gotten him his Eagle badge [Sappy]

Sunday 7 September 18:49:09 UTC 2014

Sappy [link] [102 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » France selling the Mona Lisa? Victor Lustig sold the Eiffel Tower. I have a bridge in Brooklyn [Dumbass]

Sunday 7 September 18:18:10 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [55 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » And in South Africa, the score is Hippo 8, Motorists 1 [Scary]

Sunday 7 September 18:08:08 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [61 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The most expensive home publicly listed for sale in the United States hasn't even been finished yet but can be yours for a mere $139 million [Florida]

Sunday 7 September 17:39:00 UTC 2014

Florida [link] [83 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Warehouse where medical marijuana is legally grown catches on fire. Every fire department from a 100-mile radius volunteers to help battle the smoke [Interesting]

Sunday 7 September 17:23:00 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [24 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » UK to Scotland: Oh, yeah. If you want independence then we will make a massive border fence, armed border guards, strict immigration controls and border checkpoints. because we are a bunch of two year olds [Dumbass]

Sunday 7 September 16:47:04 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [211 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » After four days on the loose in Southern California, deadly albino cobra now captured. David Coverdale says he hadn't seen so many people interested in a white snake since 1987 [Followup]

Sunday 7 September 16:22:04 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [46 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » A Tour of the Internet in 1993

Sunday 7 September 15:55:23 UTC 2014

Here's what the Internet looked like 21 years ago. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » National Guard to cut back on drills for a bit as they brace for a cash shortage [Interesting]

Sunday 7 September 15:49:06 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [50 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Meowit says FML

Sunday 7 September 15:09:28 UTC 2014

Today, it's my birthday, and everyone, family and friends, forgot. Except my dog who left me a present on my bed. FML [Link]

FMyLife » healthfreak says FML

Sunday 7 September 15:09:27 UTC 2014

Today, my daughter's teacher called me, very concerned, because my child told the whole class she's not virgin anymore. The word is "vegan", honey. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Not Wanted says FML

Sunday 7 September 15:09:26 UTC 2014

Today, I'm moving out of the house. My little sister can't wait and I've never seen my dad so happy. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Three motorcycles wreck on Crash Road. The motorcyclists now wish they had decided to take a nice ride on Puppies and Cotton Candy and Soft Mattresses Lane instead [Interesting]

Sunday 7 September 15:08:18 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [31 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » One in ten California workers are in the country illegally. The other nine are still trying to move somewhere they can actually afford to live [Fail]

Sunday 7 September 14:58:08 UTC 2014

Fail [link] [146 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Leaning quietly against a stoop when the cops get a noise complaint? That's an arrestin'. Asking why you're being arrested? That's a punchin', kickin', beatin', pepper-sprayin'… and a droppin' of all charges late

Sunday 7 September 14:55:44 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [154 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Now they say eating toast the wrong way causes cancer [Sad]

Sunday 7 September 14:54:58 UTC 2014

Sad [link] [61 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » A Pig Story

Sunday 7 September 14:30:13 UTC 2014

I don't know whether this book will really "provoke thinking," but the cover could definitely provoke nightmares. Available from Amazon.

Book description:
A future pig, adopted by a loving family, can communicate through brain-wave actuation via a gadget called b-prompter. Her education of a pet’s place in human society brings her from self-awareness to cannibalism of pig eating pork. Her … [Link]

Weird Universe » Options

Sunday 7 September 14:14:02 UTC 2014

You've heard the phrase 'don't take a knife to a gun fight', well, with this weapon you would never have the wrong thing at hand. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » We don't finish anything anym [Misc]

Sunday 7 September 14:12:21 UTC 2014

Misc [link] [40 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Jack The Ripper identified using DNA. I'm sure everyone will now accept this without any hesitation and consider the matter settled [Interesting]

Sunday 7 September 14:01:16 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [116 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Christ on a crutch, our children are just getting dumber and dumber [Florida]

Sunday 7 September 13:42:54 UTC 2014

Florida [link] [139 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop Usher and his assistant [Photoshop]

Sunday 7 September 13:00:01 UTC 2014

Photoshop [link] [12 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Duff Beer banned in Australia. Apparently Australia is Fudd Country [Sad]

Sunday 7 September 12:56:12 UTC 2014

Sad [link] [48 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » More than 50 British schoolchildren were sent to detention because they were wearing the wrong kind of pants, because that apparently matters [Stupid]

Sunday 7 September 12:47:45 UTC 2014

Stupid [link] [57 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Weekend Links: What Would Happen If You Stopped Dreaming?

Sunday 7 September 12:30:00 UTC 2014

Something to think about while you're drifting off to sleep tonight. Madagascar's locust problem is getting out of hand, and the pictures are terrifying. * Fredkin's Paradox explains why the most difficult choices in life are often the most insignificant ones; sadly, it doesn't explain how to avoid agonizing over something as meaningless as ordering the chicken or the fish. … [Link]

Weird Universe » Midget Wrestling

Sunday 7 September 12:22:54 UTC 2014

I don't follow contemporary wrestling, but some cursory googling seems to reveal that there are still "little people" active in the sport.

But nothing like these glory days, I imagine… [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Cherries Waffles Tennis arrested in Jupiter, because spear gun [Florida]

Sunday 7 September 12:21:48 UTC 2014

Florida [link] [53 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » SymmetricalPizzaFace says FML

Sunday 7 September 11:52:28 UTC 2014

Today, my hormones decided to make my pimples appear symmetrically on my face around my nose and mouth. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Judge rules that BP was "grossly negligent" in the 2010 Gulf Oil Spill, also determines that Osama bin Laden was not a very nice man [Followup]

Sunday 7 September 11:46:26 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [51 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Cucamonga youth stage "sleep in" to protest authorities' removal of neighbor's pet alligator, Chopper: "I never had children. She is my child" [Sad]

Sunday 7 September 7:50:55 UTC 2014

Sad [link] [52 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » A Painting Conundrum

Sunday 7 September 6:50:40 UTC 2014

From Stephen Barr’s Experiments in Topology (1989) via Miodrag Petkovic’s Mathematics and Chess (1997): This apartment contains eight rooms, each measuring 9 square meters, except for the top one, which measures 18 square meters. You have enough red paint to cover 27 square meters, enough yellow paint to cover 27 square meters, enough green paint to cover 18 square meters, … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Man gets sick and tired of the same old perfume commercials and creates his own [Amusing]

Sunday 7 September 6:24:59 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [25 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » Cat Island

Sunday 7 September 6:17:39 UTC 2014

If you remember Japan has a Rabbit Island . Well, they also have Cat Island. Wonder how many of these islands there are? What kind of island would you like to see guys? [Link]

Fark.com RSS » What does ammonium nitrate do when the truck carrying it rolls? It disintegrates the truck, destroys two firefighting vehicles and two bridges, and blows a hole in the Highway. With pics [Scary]

Sunday 7 September 5:22:00 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [160 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Coming up at the top of the hour it's Livingston Stapler Company Presents. Two hours of live music from Juneau, Alaska, hosted by a farker [Spiffy]

Sunday 7 September 4:58:38 UTC 2014

Spiffy [link] [314 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Good: Father aspires to teach his daughter what he calls "good habits and culture." Not so good: By trying to hire someone to kill his estranged wife and her boyfriend [Dumbass]

Sunday 7 September 4:21:01 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [24 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Sunday 7 September 4:15:40 UTC 2014

Today, my boyfriend canceled his plans to attend my father's wake, not even 10 minutes after he found out there won't be any alcohol on offer. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Sunday 7 September 4:15:39 UTC 2014

Today, I came home early to surprise my wife. No, it's not what you're thinking: I didn't find her cheating on me. She wasn't even home, but my dad was. He'd used his spare key and was on my sofa, drinking my beer and watching my TV. The first words out of his mouth? "Your beer's shit." FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Nine-year-old boy steals city bus and drives it for two blocks, hitting another bus and a parked car along the way. *ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED* [Stupid]

Sunday 7 September 4:12:59 UTC 2014

Stupid [link] [36 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Did I mention that Rube Goldberg is the chief of the Detroit Fire Department? [Interesting]

Sunday 7 September 3:40:48 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [86 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Drew Carey is offering to help Bay Village police find the teens behind the "ice bucket" prank played on an autistic teenager [Followup]

Sunday 7 September 3:24:31 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [66 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Sunday 7 September 2:59:55 UTC 2014

Today, I looked at a girl's profile on a dating website, and it told her I'd visited it. Later on, she sent me a message. It said: "Don't even think about it." FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Are you drunk? Naked? Then please stop going to Barcelona. It's pissing everyone off [PSA]

Sunday 7 September 2:40:41 UTC 2014

PSA [link] [39 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The danger of an open casket funeral is that you never know whether or not the funeral home put the right corpse in the coffin [Florida]

Sunday 7 September 2:15:22 UTC 2014

Florida [link] [45 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » And in Canada, the current score is Moose 10, Motorists 1 (graphic image warning) [Scary]

Sunday 7 September 1:43:19 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [69 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Anti-drunk driving judge saves a baby falling from a burning building. Just kidding, he got busted driving drunk [Dumbass]

Sunday 7 September 1:25:46 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [52 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If you recently took a souvenir from Dinosaur National Monument, the Park Service would like you to return it [Sad]

Sunday 7 September 1:12:39 UTC 2014

Sad [link] [39 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If you get evicted from the house you've been renting you could use the low moment as a valuable life lesson and vow to grow stronger from it. Or you could hide in a closet and rob the landlord [Dumbass]

Sunday 7 September 1:10:14 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [13 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop these martial monks [Photoshop]

Sunday 7 September 0:00:01 UTC 2014

Photoshop [link] [18 comments] [Link]

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