John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons

John Gordon Ross header image 3

Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”

FMyLife » Bella0304 says FML

Saturday 6 September 23:55:25 UTC 2014

Today, I found out I'm allergic to our new cat. My mom said she'd rather get rid of me than the cat. FML [Link]

FMyLife » StillPissedOffAtIrony says FML

Saturday 6 September 23:55:24 UTC 2014

Today, my mother yelled at me for not doing all of my homework. She got so mad, she tore up a drawing I'd spent over a week working on. That was my art homework. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » We can thank George W. Bush for all those wiretaps on American citizens [PSA]

Saturday 6 September 23:44:23 UTC 2014

PSA [link] [19 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "He blamed it on a disoriented state and a need to obtain an envelope in his name containing a prescription from the office of his psychiatrist." Apparently the 5431 pills he had at home were lonely [Strange]

Saturday 6 September 22:03:59 UTC 2014

Strange [link] [48 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Newbie pilot's freshly assembled mini-WW2 fighter plane combined his first and last 'sortie': "Like somebody was like a bomb" [Sad]

Saturday 6 September 21:51:13 UTC 2014

Sad [link] [153 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » UghDude says FML

Saturday 6 September 21:35:10 UTC 2014

Today, I found out that my sister licks all the flavoring off Doritos and puts them back in the bag. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » What food item(s) would you solely subsist upon if you could without deleterious effect? [Survey]

Saturday 6 September 21:25:42 UTC 2014

Survey [link] [304 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Family's home is seized by the city of Philadelphia because their drug kingpin son got busted with $40 worth of heroin [Asinine]

Saturday 6 September 20:33:12 UTC 2014

Asinine [link] [181 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If you're still living in your parent's basement, you should know that they're secretly thinking about dumping your stuff on the front lawn and changing the locks [Obvious]

Saturday 6 September 20:26:47 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [88 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » fastfoodslave says FML

Saturday 6 September 20:24:34 UTC 2014

Today, while working at McDonald's, a woman returned to the drive thru because her fries weren't hot enough. She was so angry about coming back that she threw her cold fries at me through the window and told me to "choke on them." FML [Link]

FMyLife » why me? says FML

Saturday 6 September 20:24:33 UTC 2014

Today, my roommate decided that because she has an oral report due, she's going to scream at the top of her lungs until she loses her voice to get out of it. It's been two hours and she refuses to stop. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this ceremonial boat launch [Photoshop]

Saturday 6 September 20:00:01 UTC 2014

Photoshop [link] [17 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » No need to worry, just a rabid drooling asteroid named "Pitbull" that's heading towards us and will pass between us closer than we are to the moon. No need to PANIC [Scary]

Saturday 6 September 19:47:19 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [70 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Americans don't have much love for the pawpaw, one of America's native fruits. Hell most people probably don't even know what one is. Hopefully this will change soon for this humble fruit with a coming-out party [Interesting]

Saturday 6 September 19:43:33 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [101 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Blind, deaf cyclist breaks leg after being struck by car. Maybe it's time to find a new hobby [Obvious]

Saturday 6 September 18:01:15 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [63 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "I started to think something might have been off when she left one night driving that Oldsmobile and came back the next morning in a brand new Porsche," said a man about his neighbor's caretaker, who stole $855,000 [Florida]

Saturday 6 September 17:55:55 UTC 2014

Florida [link] [18 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Hundreds of midwest children hospitalized with coughing, fever, mouth blisters. If apocalyptic movies have taught us anything, now is the time for EVERYBODY PANIC [Scary]

Saturday 6 September 17:49:52 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [79 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Two deer evicted from $3,500 San Francisco studio apartment, run length of Golden Gate Bridge into Marin during rush hour traffic [Unlikely]

Saturday 6 September 17:00:21 UTC 2014

Unlikely [link] [38 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If people point and laugh at what you are wearing, it might be because you're really really fashionable [Unlikely]

Saturday 6 September 16:40:02 UTC 2014

Unlikely [link] [57 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » You know it's a successful opening night when the bar's owner gets arrested for public drunkenness and biting a police officer [Dumbass]

Saturday 6 September 16:16:06 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [22 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "A 20-year-old Ohio man drove to the police department to turn himself in because he realized he was too drunk to drive and would get involved in a crash, according to police." He was correct (pics) [Strange]

Saturday 6 September 15:57:59 UTC 2014

Strange [link] [32 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The very drunk tale of the great English gin bender that went on for five decades in the 1800s [Interesting]

Saturday 6 September 15:37:52 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [36 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » #$*^&^&%$ **boing** @@$#$#@ **boing** &*#%$@@# **boing** [Amusing]

Saturday 6 September 15:13:54 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [46 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The Nashville Zoo celebrates the arrival of an ugly-ass baby red panda [Sappy]

Saturday 6 September 14:48:32 UTC 2014

Sappy [link] [24 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » In honor of its being World Beard Day 2014, let's look into why it's so awesome to have one [Spiffy]

Saturday 6 September 14:33:49 UTC 2014

Spiffy [link] [104 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » crop circle galore says FML

Saturday 6 September 14:32:43 UTC 2014

Today, I had to take bus to work, because yesterday my car was hit by a bus. While standing there, I noticed the driver kept looking back at me every now and then. As I went to get off, he looks at me again and says: "Sorry…" FML [Link]

FMyLife » tbee says FML

Saturday 6 September 14:32:42 UTC 2014

Today, I bought a large ice cream cake. No, there's no occasion, but I did ask the cashier to write "Happy Birthday" on it, just so she wouldn't know I was going to eat it all myself. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Two rare albino lobsters caught within week. The odds? One in 100 million. That's no white lie [Unlikely]

Saturday 6 September 14:24:30 UTC 2014

Unlikely [link] [47 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » World's weirdest chicken comes with nothing but dark meat, bones and organs, also the most expensive chicken in the world at $2,000 a bird. Probably still just tastes like chicken though [Weird]

Saturday 6 September 14:13:39 UTC 2014

Weird [link] [16 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Caption these bears [Caption]

Saturday 6 September 14:00:01 UTC 2014

Caption [link] [41 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Why are you throwing away perfectly good avocado pit when you could be using it to make mole sauce or tea? [Strange]

Saturday 6 September 13:29:05 UTC 2014

Strange [link] [48 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » You have not truly lived until you've gazed into the body of a glass frog [Strange]

Saturday 6 September 13:25:07 UTC 2014

Strange [link] [17 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » Wedding foiled by scream

Saturday 6 September 13:19:20 UTC 2014

About a year ago I posted about a wedding at which the bridegroom dropped dead of a heart attack right after saying "I do." I thought that had to qualify as one of the worst weddings ever, but this one is pretty bad also. As reported in the Chicago Tribune – Sep 21, 1907.

[Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this provocative dance [Photoshop]

Saturday 6 September 13:00:01 UTC 2014

Photoshop [link] [25 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Turns out one of the American ISIS fighters that was killed had a job with unfettered security clearance to commercial airplanes. Enjoy your flight [Scary]

Saturday 6 September 12:51:58 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [100 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Weekend Links: Our Enormous Sun

Saturday 6 September 12:30:00 UTC 2014

Never ever forget just how enormous the Sun is. * Contrary to mistaken perceptions of Alaska as an icy wasteland, the 49th state's produce can grow to truly epic proportions. * It may take true talent to write like your favorite author, but it takes very little effort at all to drink like them. * In conjunction with National Bullying … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Tucker, a one-year-old cat with a sad looking appearance due to genetic abnormalities finds her forever home just in time for Caturday. She is definitely smiling inside [Caturday]

Saturday 6 September 12:00:00 UTC 2014

Caturday [link] [641 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » Follies of the Madmen #229

Saturday 6 September 11:51:39 UTC 2014

Upskirt photography: one of advertising's less-utilized tools.

Original ad here.
[Link]

FMyLife » onlywantuanyway says FML

Saturday 6 September 10:22:39 UTC 2014

Today, my boyfriend again told me how he wants to have an open relationship. Of course, this means he can do what he likes with anyone, but if I so much as kiss someone else, I'm a cheating slut. FML [Link]

FMyLife » sometimes I wish I was says FML

Saturday 6 September 10:22:38 UTC 2014

Today, my son asked if I was a virgin. He's 17. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Why should you occasionally clean out the inside of your truck? You might come across a $3 million lottery ticket you forgot about [Spiffy]

Saturday 6 September 7:40:00 UTC 2014

Spiffy [link] [37 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » “A Rough Justice”

Saturday 6 September 6:32:19 UTC 2014

British inventor Sir Robert Watson-Watt pioneered the development of radar, a contribution that helped the Royal Air Force win the Battle of Britain. Ironically, after the war he was pulled over for speeding by a Canadian policeman wielding a radar gun. His wife tried to point out the absurdity of the situation, but the officer wasn’t interested, and the couple … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » A 58 year-old man was charged for egging his neighbor's vehicles because, in his words, "they don't know how to park" [Florida]

Saturday 6 September 5:09:00 UTC 2014

Florida [link] [71 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "Look, maybe we can work something out. You let me go and I'll mow your lawn. Sound good?" [Florida]

Saturday 6 September 4:58:42 UTC 2014

Florida [link] [46 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » almost governmental says FML

Saturday 6 September 4:32:57 UTC 2014

Today, I got a call about a job interview, saying I was hired. I was ecstatic, until they called me back and said they'd called the wrong applicant. They called again later, saying there'd been a mistake and I really was hired. When I went in to confirm it, they said they'd never heard of me. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 6 September 4:24:38 UTC 2014

Today, my girlfriend yelled at me for jokingly telling her to get back in the kitchen. After we finally made peace and I told her that I fully respect women, I turned on my stereo. The song's first words? "Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks." Cue second argument. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Scientist finds keywords in emails between partners show who holds power in relationship. Explanation for Farkers: A relationship is a strong and close association between two people that involves physical and emotional intimacy [Interesting]

Saturday 6 September 4:11:58 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [68 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 6 September 4:07:33 UTC 2014

Today, I tried to pull the old "bucket of water above the door" prank on my brother, but the bucket didn't fall when he opened the door. He noticed it, took it down, then pinned me to the floor and waterboarded me with the ice-cold water. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Italy opens dog-only beach. Your dog wants sunscreen [Spiffy]

Saturday 6 September 3:24:06 UTC 2014

Spiffy [link] [38 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Pitbull saves children from swarm of bees, Oprah [Hero]

Saturday 6 September 3:19:52 UTC 2014

Hero [link] [43 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » It's pretty sad that even when announcing murder charges against a guy who gunned somebody down during a traffic argument the prosecutor has to preface it with "I fully support the right of individuals to keep and possess firearms" [Sad]

Saturday 6 September 2:21:04 UTC 2014

Sad [link] [241 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Residents of small Colorado town are not thrilled it's being turned into a giant beer ad [Amusing]

Saturday 6 September 2:19:34 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [55 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » San Francisco Fark Party, October 11th, 7pm, at Lefty O'Doul's [FarkParty]

Saturday 6 September 2:18:29 UTC 2014

FarkParty [link] [114 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » FDA and NIH keep finding plague, tularemia, and ricin at the back of the junk drawer [Scary]

Saturday 6 September 2:06:41 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [18 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » apparentlybutch says FML

Saturday 6 September 1:56:54 UTC 2014

Today, I asked out the girl I really like. She turned me down, saying that she's a lesbian. That'd be fine, if I were a guy. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Perdito_Coño says FML

Saturday 6 September 1:56:53 UTC 2014

Today, I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. Unfortunately, she started fake-moaning like a pornstar before I even entered her, totally killing the mood and my boner. She swore she hadn't moaned, accused me of not finding her attractive enough, and angrily left. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » You're dead, Jim [Sad]

Saturday 6 September 1:15:09 UTC 2014

Sad [link] [145 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Protip: When growing marijuana, do NOT use land belonging to the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers. They WILL notice [Dumbass]

Saturday 6 September 0:56:10 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [27 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this enormous ball of copper [Photoshop]

Saturday 6 September 0:00:01 UTC 2014

Photoshop [link] [24 comments] [Link]

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