John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons

John Gordon Ross header image 3

Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”

Fark.com RSS » Pumpkin pie spice gum, because why the fark not? [Stupid]

Tuesday 26 August 23:59:43 UTC 2014

Stupid [link] [36 comments] [Link]

Overheard In The Office » 4PM Caren Out

Tuesday 26 August 23:43:18 UTC 2014

Clerk #1: Why is she leaving now?
Clerk #2: She had to leave early to go get her brakes fixed. She was going on and on how they weren’t working this morning.
Clerk #1: So they’re going to start suddenly working now or is she just going to pray for green lights the whole way? 2121 Main Street
Buffalo, New … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Abusive, rogue Android takes down National Weather Service website [Scary]

Tuesday 26 August 23:05:34 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [82 comments] [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Trying to Turn on the Wheels in Her Brain Is the Hard Part

Tuesday 26 August 22:42:40 UTC 2014

Blonde peon #1: My husband just texted me to tell me to turn on my all-wheel drive. He must think I’m an idiot.Blonde peon #2: Well, it is icy.Blonde peon #1: I mean, I only have four-wheel drive.18th and Oak Streets
Kansas City, Missouri [Link]

Mental Floss » 12 of the Most Distracting Extras in Movie History

Tuesday 26 August 22:30:00 UTC 2014

Background actors, also known as extras, have one of the most important jobs on a film shoot. They contribute to the overall believability of a scene while making it easier for filmmakers to control a set or location. But sometimes, extras draw attention to themselves—either intentionally or unintentionally—and break the main focus of the scene. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Come for the story about the DUI wreck involving a pantsless woman. Stay for the eyewitness account video [Weird]

Tuesday 26 August 22:16:21 UTC 2014

Weird [link] [61 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » County health department feels the need to warn people not to set themselves on fire [Stupid]

Tuesday 26 August 22:15:28 UTC 2014

Stupid [link] [38 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Gas prices to rise on Isle of Man, affecting everyone who currently pays for man gas [Misc]

Tuesday 26 August 22:04:47 UTC 2014

Misc [link] [29 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » How not to totally piss everyone else off on your flight and get your ass tackled by an air marshal [Interesting]

Tuesday 26 August 22:01:18 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [182 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » ISIS is still very active in Iraq, but at least we ran them out of Florida [Florida]

Tuesday 26 August 21:39:56 UTC 2014

Florida [link] [47 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Woman films day-drinkers stumbling out of a popular bar and posts the video on YouTube like it's a bad thing. "Some waddle over to the Taco Bell across the street" [Interesting]

Tuesday 26 August 21:36:04 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [132 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Florida provides its alternate ending to "baby locked in a hot car" [Florida]

Tuesday 26 August 21:34:14 UTC 2014

Florida [link] [53 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » The Missing Links: What Lies Beneath Stonehenge

Tuesday 26 August 21:00:00 UTC 2014

Beneath the Rock What is beneath Stonehenge? * The World That Was and Wasn’t Some of these 1960s prognostications are incredibly prescient. Others not so much. * Laugh It Up These are the 25 best standup comedy specials available to stream on Netflix. * How Far It Has Come Swipe your mouse back and forth on these pictures and see … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Man discovers Tennessee is a far cry from India [Sad]

Tuesday 26 August 20:38:26 UTC 2014

Sad [link] [43 comments] [Link]

The Onion » Middle-Aged Man Having Best Snacks Of His Life

Tuesday 26 August 20:34:34 UTC 2014

MORTON, MN—Marveling at the increases in both quality and satisfaction that have come with decades of experience, local 51-year-old Doug Kearns told reporters Tuesday that he has lately been having the best snacks of his life.
[Link]

The Onion » American Voices: ‘Knee Defender’ Passenger Fight Diverts Entire Plane

Tuesday 26 August 20:25:00 UTC 2014

A flight from New Jersey to Denver was diverted to Chicago after a passenger used a device called a “knee defender,” which prevented the person in the seat in front of him from reclining, inciting her to turn around and throw water in his face…
[Link]

The Onion » Wes Welker Confident He Will Be Ready For Patriots’ Season Opener

Tuesday 26 August 20:15:00 UTC 2014

Wes Welker Confident He Will Be Ready For Patriots’ Season Opener
[Link]

Fark.com RSS » Nine-year old girl fails class. Which is bad, but even worse when it's a shooting class, according to her teacher Professor Headwound [Fail]

Tuesday 26 August 20:14:01 UTC 2014

Fail [link] [182 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "He was pretty upset. You might say… *removes sunglasses* …he saw red. YEEAAAHHHH" [Scary]

Tuesday 26 August 20:12:40 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [13 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Go Greyhound and leave the drunk driving to us [Stupid]

Tuesday 26 August 20:01:48 UTC 2014

Stupid [link] [18 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop these water watchers [Photoshop]

Tuesday 26 August 20:00:01 UTC 2014

Photoshop [link] [18 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Baby on board, Dad in Walmart [Sad]

Tuesday 26 August 19:52:55 UTC 2014

Sad [link] [39 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » I don't know why these kids are complaining about student loans, after all, their social security checks will cover it [Scary]

Tuesday 26 August 19:45:01 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [138 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Bear heads stolen from remote Maine cabin. Bear heads stolen from remote Maine cabin [Interesting]

Tuesday 26 August 19:36:02 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [28 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » After years of painstaking research, Italian professor declares he can't find the G-spot. Will have to repeat experiment [Interesting]

Tuesday 26 August 19:34:49 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [49 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If your parents name you Spartacus, you may be destined for great things. Or you could be like this guy [Dumbass]

Tuesday 26 August 19:34:41 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [33 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 12 Amazing Dogs to Remember on National Dog Day

Tuesday 26 August 19:30:06 UTC 2014

Celebrating the best of man’s best friend. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » RUSSIAN SOLDIER: "No, seriously, this is all just a big mistake. I totally meant to go left at Albuquerque" [Followup]

Tuesday 26 August 19:27:38 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [38 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Rules for an outing at the park…..1). No #1. 2) No #2 [Sick]

Tuesday 26 August 19:26:51 UTC 2014

Sick [link] [26 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Is that a helicopter in your kilt, or are you just glad to . . . you know what? Never mind. I don't want to know [Stupid]

Tuesday 26 August 19:24:56 UTC 2014

Stupid [link] [23 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The odd, jerky movements and theatrical gestures of the aliens in 'Mars Attacks' were inspired by the silent-screen-style emoting of Gloria Swanson in Sunset Boulevard. And other things you didn't know about Tim Burton's movies [Weird

Tuesday 26 August 19:21:06 UTC 2014

Weird [link] [12 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » How shall we keep the neo-Nazis away? I know, let's play the music from Schindler's List from the church bells [Hero]

Tuesday 26 August 19:05:18 UTC 2014

Hero [link] [39 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Man with 100 pound scrotum prepares for surgery. That takes balls [Interesting]

Tuesday 26 August 18:56:10 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [49 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Six months after the Olympics, Sochi is a decaying ghost town [Followup]

Tuesday 26 August 18:45:39 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [176 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » Church Work

Tuesday 26 August 18:40:11 UTC 2014

By 1905 parts of Winchester Cathedral were in danger of collapse — the 13th-century builders had rested their structure on a bed of peat, which had been sinking under continuous pressure of 40 tons per square foot. In order to shore up the building, diver William Walker was enlisted to work in the church’s flooded foundations, replacing the peat with … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Time is running out to get your penis pastries [Misc]

Tuesday 26 August 18:37:31 UTC 2014

Misc [link] [24 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Death by Anteater

Tuesday 26 August 18:30:45 UTC 2014

With their long snouts, bushy tails, and beautifully patterned coats, giant anteaters are cute—in a weird sort of way. And their babies ride around on their moms' backs for their first year, which is adorable. But if you’re ever tempted to try and snuggle one or throw a leash on it and take it for a stroll, though, a recent … [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Tuesday 26 August 18:12:00 UTC 2014

Today, I was fixing the plumbing at my father-in-law's house. I told him to shut off the water and yell to me when he did. A few minutes later, I heard a yell and removed the pipe. I was met with a face full of water. Turns out he was just very excited when the Rangers beat the Mariners. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Remember that mysterious bombing in Libya last week? No? Well we found out who bombed. Egypt and the UAE. The UAE? The UAE has their own bombers? I thought they just catapulted prisoners and had them go "BOOM" when they hit? [Followup]

Tuesday 26 August 18:08:35 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [61 comments] [Link]

The Onion » Increased Violence Leads State Department To Issue Advisory For Americans Traveling To 1861

Tuesday 26 August 18:05:00 UTC 2014

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Responding to reports of political turmoil and growing instability, officials from the U.S.
[Link]

Fark.com RSS » Have you packed the bags yourselves? Are you carrying any dangerous objects? Did you take a shower in the last four weeks? [Strange]

Tuesday 26 August 17:59:29 UTC 2014

Strange [link] [66 comments] [Link]

The Onion » Infographic: Back-To-School Preparation Tips For Parents

Tuesday 26 August 17:55:00 UTC 2014

With millions of children heading back to school next week, parents across the country are stocking up on supplies, getting in touch with teachers, and setting expectations to help their kids succeed.
[Link]

Fark.com RSS » Some people see Fidel Castro as their idol, this kid dresses like him. He got to meet the real thing [Spiffy]

Tuesday 26 August 17:41:59 UTC 2014

Spiffy [link] [61 comments] [Link]

The Onion » Opinion: We’re Going To Enjoy This Cocaine-Fueled Mason Jar Rocket Ride For As Long As It Lasts (by James E. Lillie)

Tuesday 26 August 17:30:00 UTC 2014

By James E. Lillie, CEO, Ball Mason Jars
[Link]

The Onion »  GOP Maintains Solid Hold On Youth That Already Look Like Old Men

Tuesday 26 August 17:25:00 UTC 2014

The Republican Party may have an insurmountable lead among young voters who dress and act like they’re already 50 years old.
[Link]

Fark.com RSS » The "problem" with bombing ISIS. Well, not a problem for the US, per se, but someone nonetheless [Strange]

Tuesday 26 August 17:10:05 UTC 2014

Strange [link] [153 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The "Ice Bucket Challenge" is scheduled to jump the shark as soon as someone can convince a shark to dump a bucket of ice water on its head [Amusing]

Tuesday 26 August 17:06:36 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [120 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Future psychopathic messianic leader found in Austria. We did so well with the last one [Asinine]

Tuesday 26 August 17:00:38 UTC 2014

Asinine [link] [37 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » For sale: Former home of JD Salinger. Property is isolated and secluded [Interesting]

Tuesday 26 August 16:56:15 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [51 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Today we celebrate the best holiday of the year. National Dog Day. Suck it, Caturday [Spiffy]

Tuesday 26 August 16:56:10 UTC 2014

Spiffy [link] [80 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » hellangelrose says FML

Tuesday 26 August 16:48:59 UTC 2014

Today, I was staying in my family friend's house in France. The church bells ring every hour, which I thought was cute. Until 8 this morning where they rang 24 times. FML [Link]

Mental Floss » The Last Speaker of Her Language

Tuesday 26 August 16:42:50 UTC 2014

Marie Wilcox is a member of the Wukchumni tribe, and she is the last fluent speaker of her tribe's language. She spent seven years creating a Wukchumni dictionary, in an attempt to preserve the language for future speakers and future study. Today, around 200 Wukchumni remain, and the language is considered "critically endangered" by UNESCO, meaning it is likely to … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Don't you just hate it when your pet cat turns out to be a pissed off raccoon? That's almost as bad as when your talking pet dog turns out to be a capybara [Strange]

Tuesday 26 August 16:39:21 UTC 2014

Strange [link] [62 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » DumbAndYoung says FML

Tuesday 26 August 16:37:45 UTC 2014

Today, I had to go to a public restroom. I have anxiety problems and can't go unless I'm the only one in the room. Another girl came in right after me, and I was waiting for her to leave. She was also waiting. After a while, I left first and had to hold my pee for a few more hours. … [Link]

FMyLife » whotouchedyou1 says FML

Tuesday 26 August 16:37:44 UTC 2014

Today, while my teacher was demonstrating how to use the ultrasound equipment, we all figured out that I'm pregnant. FML [Link]

FMyLife » NotThePhantom says FML

Tuesday 26 August 16:37:42 UTC 2014

Today, at my father's funeral, they were playing the song from Phantom of the Opera where she sings about her lost father. Apparently the song organizer forgot to edit out the part where her romantic interest runs toward her and yells, "That… That THING is not your father!" FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The Ukraine shows 10 Russian paratroopers they captures who "got lost on a training exercise". Yup, I'm sure that's exactly what happened [Unlikely]

Tuesday 26 August 16:34:35 UTC 2014

Unlikely [link] [136 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 25 Words For Other Words

Tuesday 26 August 16:30:00 UTC 2014

One of the intriguing things about languages is that they eventually develop vocabularies comprehensive enough to describe themselves, often down to their smallest units and components. So as well as drawing a distinction between nouns, verbs, and adjectives, we can talk about things like synonyms (happy, content) and antonyms (happy, sad); homophones (oar, ore, or) and homographs (bass the guitar, … [Link]

The Onion » Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 26, 2014

Tuesday 26 August 16:26:33 UTC 2014

VIRGO: The blessed arrival of a baby in your life would be greeted with a lot more joy if you could figure out who mailed it to you.
[Link]

Fark.com RSS » Fargo sheriff's deputy shoots and kills rampaging cow that was coming right for him. His life was in danger, don'tcha know [Silly]

Tuesday 26 August 16:23:54 UTC 2014

Silly [link] [60 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » CDC learns that people with Ebola have been lying to them about not having Ebola. CDC officials became suspicious when the supposedly Ebola-free patients started bleeding from their eyeballs [Scary]

Tuesday 26 August 16:16:53 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [88 comments] [Link]

Overheard In The Office » …Come by the Office Later and I'll Give You a Check.

Tuesday 26 August 16:13:18 UTC 2014

Female executive VP on phone son: I'm not giving you money today. I'm not giving it to you. I'm not giving it to you. I'm not giving it to you. (pause) Michael, did you hear what I just said? I'm not giving you any money today. I'm. Not. Giving. You. Any. Money. Today. (pause) I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I said I'm … [Link]

Overheard In The Office » I Use It to Drive Nelson Mandela Around

Tuesday 26 August 16:13:17 UTC 2014

Hungarian coworker with heavy accent on phone with auto repair shop: I drive a 2007 black Foreigner. (pause) Yes, Foreigner, Foreigner -like the Toyota.Broomfield, Colorado [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Superhero Question Man Had Trouble Making Friends

Tuesday 26 August 16:13:11 UTC 2014

Customer: Hi! Are you a horticulturalist?Clerk: Yes.Customer: Were is your washroom?Ottawa, Ontario
CanadiaOverheard by: Counter Guy [Link]

Overheard In The Office » I Barely Escaped North Korea With My Life

Tuesday 26 August 16:13:10 UTC 2014

Penny stock broker on phone: "she was pretty hot, but she didn't want anything to do with me… Then I figured out that the place was for koreans only, and they don't want anyone else there"450 7th Ave. NYC [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Wasted Away Again in Marymagdaville

Tuesday 26 August 16:13:09 UTC 2014

Owner: Oh shit. I just spilled tequila on the church fliers.Jonesboro, ArizonaOverheard by: Mark Knight [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "This is stupidity 101. Not only does he let an 8-year-old steer, a 9-year-old is in the back seat. And once he's out of the car, he keeps drinking the beer while claiming he did nothing wrong and was 'only letting the kids go for a drive

Tuesday 26 August 16:11:54 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [20 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Tim Horton Originally Sold Hamburgers

Tuesday 26 August 16:08:03 UTC 2014

With Burger King buying the Canadian coffee and donut giant for $11.4 billion, things have come full circle. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The United States and Canada have a peaceful and healthy relationship with each other. Until the United States starts running out of water and realizes just how much water Canada really has [Interesting]

Tuesday 26 August 15:57:04 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [136 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The good news is that the rat poison deployed in Central Park is killing off all the rats. The bad news is that it's also killing off all the dogs, cats, great horned owls, golden eagles and foxes in Central Park as well [Interesting]

Tuesday 26 August 15:56:00 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [45 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Massholes are worst drivers in US says Allstate. And congrats to D.C. for making it all the way up to 3rd worst [Obvious]

Tuesday 26 August 15:55:49 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [124 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Butte police deal with slew of Butte-ass naked people over the weekend, including nude man talking to God, topless woman lying on pile of luggage, and pantsless lady exposing herself to traffic [Weird]

Tuesday 26 August 15:53:08 UTC 2014

Weird [link] [31 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Naked man roams the streets of Topeka, wang merrily flopping to and fro, and there's nothing the police can do about it [Strange]

Tuesday 26 August 15:51:32 UTC 2014

Strange [link] [39 comments] [Link]

Overheard In The Office » China Wear Is Very Popular This Season.

Tuesday 26 August 15:51:03 UTC 2014

Coworker to another: I love your shirt. I have some plates that look just like it.Orlando, Florida [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Georgia reinstates gun rights for convicted rapist and ex-cop. Still can't be a cop though [Asinine]

Tuesday 26 August 15:40:59 UTC 2014

Asinine [link] [66 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Brain Game: Most Circular

Tuesday 26 August 15:39:31 UTC 2014

Today's mentalfloss.com Tuesday Test Time Brain Game asks you to break down an eight-letter word, one letter at a time, forming new words along the way. Are you up to the challenge? By removing one letter from the mix at each step,
and rearranging the remaining letters to form new words,
reduce the word "ROUNDEST" to the letter "O."
R O … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Thousands of homeowners who could benefit from HARP mortgage reductions are failing to take advantage of them because gubmint bad [Dumbass]

Tuesday 26 August 15:38:47 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [61 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Tokyo evening commute delayed by 30 minutes after authorities shut down everything to chase train groper, who escaped by jumping on the tracks. "He was wearing jeans" [Fail]

Tuesday 26 August 15:33:52 UTC 2014

Fail [link] [29 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Man accused of having sex with a mattress apparently just really needed his Beautyrest [Dumbass]

Tuesday 26 August 15:30:42 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [18 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Anglican pastor attracts new members through signs outside his church, such as 'Dear Christians, some people are gay, get over it, Love God.' Local politician has a problem with this, but doesn't complain because of the short sermons [Spi

Tuesday 26 August 15:29:42 UTC 2014

Spiffy [link] [56 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The test flight of a military hypersonic glider designed to fly so fast it can reach anywhere on the globe in about an hour went great. For the first four seconds [Interesting]

Tuesday 26 August 15:28:59 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [27 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Fishermen in Norway have caught a record 729 whales this year. They were reminded to save the whales, trade them for fabulous prizes [Asinine]

Tuesday 26 August 15:27:58 UTC 2014

Asinine [link] [21 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Dutchman van der Sloot goes on hunger strike in Peruvian jail, warden says he's still paying for himself [Followup]

Tuesday 26 August 15:27:22 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [17 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Moose shows up at German office canteen. Bystanders report he was just checking to see if all the juice was gone [Amusing]

Tuesday 26 August 15:22:11 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [20 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » FBI receives audio of gunshots from Michael Brown shooting. Spoiler: Cop shot first….and often [Interesting]

Tuesday 26 August 15:22:03 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [299 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Man steals approximately $32,000 from 12 different banks, promptly loses it all playing roulette in Atlantic City [Dumbass]

Tuesday 26 August 15:14:28 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [20 comments] [Link]

The Onion » Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 26, 2014

Tuesday 26 August 15:05:00 UTC 2014

Aries You'll become embroiled in a steamy office romance next week, which would be better if you weren't the trusty in charge of bringing the warden his meals. Taurus It's going to be hectic and stressful for the next fe…
[Link]

The Onion » Condoleezza Rice Spends First 15 Minutes Of College Football Committee Meeting Asking What The Fuck She Is Doing There

Tuesday 26 August 15:05:00 UTC 2014

NEW YORK—Saying that she could use a short reminder of why she has a significant sway in the shaping of the collegiate sports landscape, sources confirmed that former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice spent the first 15 minutes of a College Footba…
[Link]

Mental Floss » Why Do We Have Middle Names?

Tuesday 26 August 15:00:17 UTC 2014

This story originally appeared in the September 2014 issue of mental_floss magazine. Subscribe to our print edition here, and our iPad edition here. The phrase “middle name” first appeared in an 1835 Harvard University periodical called Harvardiana, but the practice dates back much further. In ancient Rome, having multiple names was an honor usually bestowed upon the most important people—like … [Link]

The Onion » Leaving Dorm Room Door Open To Play Large Role In Freshman’s Social Strategy

Tuesday 26 August 15:00:00 UTC 2014

GREENCASTLE, IN—Anticipating that it will serve as a springboard for the formation of new friendships, DePauw University freshman Andrew Russett said Tuesday that leaving his dorm room door open will be a central component of his social strategy. Ru…
[Link]

Fark.com RSS » Rocket containing experimental military weapon explodes over Kodiak, Alaska. So far no residents have reported gaining super powers, but sales of tin foil have exploded as well [Scary]

Tuesday 26 August 14:52:05 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [36 comments] [Link]

Overheard In The Office » I Always Thought “PC Load Letter” Sounded Dirty

Tuesday 26 August 14:49:13 UTC 2014

Coworker: I knocked up the printer.West Lafayette, Indiana [Link]

Fark.com RSS » 350 years ago today, the Guinea anchored in New Amsterdam harbor and took over from the Dutch, beginning a centuries-long transition for the NYC metro area from Orange to orange [Interesting]

Tuesday 26 August 14:43:29 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [20 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 5 Questions: Ends with "I"

Tuesday 26 August 14:41:41 UTC 2014

[Link]

Fark.com RSS » Now that's what I call cashback: Golden ticket debit card paid out to couple every time they went shopping [Unlikely]

Tuesday 26 August 14:37:02 UTC 2014

Unlikely [link] [24 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Burger King threatens to move to Canada where it would be known as Burger Prime Minister [Repeat]

Tuesday 26 August 14:30:47 UTC 2014

Repeat [link] [129 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Yes there are crocodiles in Florida, and for the first time in the state's history they attacked a pair of late-night swimmers [Florida]

Tuesday 26 August 14:28:57 UTC 2014

Florida [link] [16 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Dear Prudence: I am a happily married woman and I find women to be attractive. I've had sex with women before. Should I start referring to myself as a bisexual? Or is that a secret I should keep? [Dumbass]

Tuesday 26 August 13:57:56 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [132 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » byebyeromance says FML

Tuesday 26 August 13:55:10 UTC 2014

Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend before going to bed. He farted really loud and spat in my face as he laughed. FML [Link]

FMyLife » NotThePhantom says FML

Tuesday 26 August 13:55:09 UTC 2014

Today, at my father's funeral, they were playing the song from Phantom of the Opera where she sings about her lost father. Apparently the song organizer forgot to edit out the part where her romantic interest runs toward her and yells, "That… That THING is not your father!" FML [Link]

Overheard In The Office » 9AM Back to Work

Tuesday 26 August 13:48:38 UTC 2014

Partner #1: You’re wearing a t-shirt?
Partner #2: It’s not a t-shirt. It’s designer.
Partner #1: Glad to see you’re back in gay mode. 222 North Lasalle
Chicago, Illinois Overheard by: new here [Link]

Fark.com RSS » New study shows that three-quarters of white Americans don't even have a pretend black friend [Sad]

Tuesday 26 August 13:40:37 UTC 2014

Sad [link] [194 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The ritual wussification of the United States is now complete. Many Americans now think it should be illegal for children under 9 to play outside by themselves [Asinine]

Tuesday 26 August 13:34:57 UTC 2014

Asinine [link] [146 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If your kid refuses to return to college do you a) talk to him about the benefits of a college degree; b) offer to pay his tuition as long as he keeps up his grades; or c) pull out a Ruger SR40 handgun and threaten to put a hole through his head [Dum

Tuesday 26 August 13:25:45 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [59 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » 17-year-old Taco Bell cashier forced to give counterfeit bills as change by managers who claimed to be undercover cops and then… Look, just don't eat there [Stupid]

Tuesday 26 August 13:22:54 UTC 2014

Stupid [link] [55 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Bedbugs evolve into Subwaybugs. Coming soon: Taxibugs, Theaterbugs [Sick]

Tuesday 26 August 13:15:56 UTC 2014

Sick [link] [25 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Well, it took a little longer than I thought it would, but we've finally had a "flight diverted because some asshat used a Knee Defender to prevent another passenger from reclining her seat" incident [Dumbass]

Tuesday 26 August 13:03:39 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [232 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this enthusiastic moment [Photoshop]

Tuesday 26 August 13:00:01 UTC 2014

Photoshop [link] [12 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » Heidelberg Beer Club

Tuesday 26 August 12:50:14 UTC 2014

I came across this in the Washington Post (Mar 27, 1892). I like the idea that the ability to drink a gallon of beer in one sitting makes you "beer honorable".

[Link]

Weird Universe » Canadian Anti-smoking PSA

Tuesday 26 August 12:46:24 UTC 2014

[Link]

Overheard In The Office » It's Still Hard to Feel Sorry for Tiger Woods

Tuesday 26 August 12:45:09 UTC 2014

Peon #1: Where did this ball come from? Is this your ball?Peon #2: It's not mine. I haven't touched my balls in a long time.Los Alamitos, CaliforniaOverheard by: Jen [Link]

Fark.com RSS » FL DOT has a new weapon against people driving faster than 45mph on the interstate: A road that'll damage your car [Florida]

Tuesday 26 August 12:43:50 UTC 2014

Florida [link] [39 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Puzzled police probe penguin purloining potables, promise prompt prosecution [Strange]

Tuesday 26 August 12:28:34 UTC 2014

Strange [link] [16 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Man using chainsaw in tree falls 30 feet, sticks the landing on a metal fence post [Sad]

Tuesday 26 August 12:20:44 UTC 2014

Sad [link] [41 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Former AP correspondent explains how and why reporters get Israel so wrong, and why it matters [Interesting]

Tuesday 26 August 12:03:18 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [139 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 9 Breakfast Tips and Tricks from 19th-Century Etiquette Books

Tuesday 26 August 12:00:04 UTC 2014

"It is rather pleasant to dismiss the servants and to wait on one’s self at breakfast." [Link]

Overheard In The Office » They're an Important Source Of Vitamin Sea

Tuesday 26 August 11:42:45 UTC 2014

Cubicle worker with a cold: I've been sucking on Fisherman's Friends all day and it's not helping.Sedro-Woolley, Washington [Link]

Mental Floss » Ends with "I"

Tuesday 26 August 11:02:44 UTC 2014

[Link]

Fark.com RSS » Two men arrested for arguing with their pants down. Thankfully cops stepped in before it turned into a real pissing match [Amusing]

Tuesday 26 August 10:39:00 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [29 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Morning Cup of Links: Pizza Cats!

Tuesday 26 August 10:30:23 UTC 2014

Meet Pizza Hut Japan's Pizza Cats. * The Internet gets a bad rap, but it might actually help our memory. * The best summer songs of the year. Listen now before Labor Day! * Some selfies are more intense than others. Here's one at the very top of a Hong Kong skyscraper. * All the states ranked by how good … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Jones Soda unveils their newest abomination: Peanut Butter & Jelly pop [Sick]

Tuesday 26 August 10:00:00 UTC 2014

Sick [link] [45 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Surrogate mom, 'Bama style [Sick]

Tuesday 26 August 8:51:00 UTC 2014

Sick [link] [85 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » It was 50 years ago when the British invaded Las Vegas [Cool]

Tuesday 26 August 8:15:43 UTC 2014

Cool [link] [12 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Floating food truck failboat [Fail]

Tuesday 26 August 7:37:00 UTC 2014

Fail [link] [20 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "Hey ISIS, your flag is awesome… for me to poop on" (Not safe for work) [Interesting]

Tuesday 26 August 7:31:00 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [140 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » From Life

Tuesday 26 August 6:34:08 UTC 2014

Sculptor Marc Quinn chose a unique medium for his 1991 self-portrait Self: The life-sized bust is fashioned from nine pints of the artist’s own blood, collected over a period of weeks, poured into a mold, and frozen. It sits in a transparent cube with its own refrigeration unit. “I have come across viewers who, on seeing Self for the first … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Worried about your date slipping a roofie in your drink? There's a nail polish for that [Spiffy]

Tuesday 26 August 6:07:00 UTC 2014

Spiffy [link] [207 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Doctors use computers to help with belly button makeovers, hope to help those who have been attacked by a navel destroyer [Interesting]

Tuesday 26 August 6:03:00 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [25 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Woman gets 6 month sentence for murder [Followup]

Tuesday 26 August 4:29:00 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [85 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » fanaticalfuckspawn says FML

Tuesday 26 August 4:14:29 UTC 2014

Today, I told my mom I've been taking yoga lessons, and that it'd be cool if she took some with me. She immediately went on a rant, calling yoga "satanic" and accusing me of trying to get her into "devil worship". Well, that's the last time I try to patch our relationship up. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Festival held in the middle of the desert in August is delayed by rain [Ironic]

Tuesday 26 August 3:10:00 UTC 2014

Ironic [link] [88 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Prescription painkiller deaths fall in medical marijuana states almost 25% [Interesting]

Tuesday 26 August 2:59:07 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [94 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » nhyari says FML

Tuesday 26 August 2:58:43 UTC 2014

Today, my girlfriend got her period. It seemed more painful for her than usual, so I offered to go out and buy some painkillers and maybe some chocolate for her. She thought I was being sarcastic and slapped me so hard I saw stars. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Every state in the USA ranked by its beer. Or another reason to stay out of Mississippi [PSA]

Tuesday 26 August 2:54:51 UTC 2014

PSA [link] [134 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » University of Phoenix founder John Sperling has passed away. No word on whether he will rise from his ashes [Sad]

Tuesday 26 August 2:39:47 UTC 2014

Sad [link] [50 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 14 Beautiful Museums in Australia and New Zealand

Tuesday 26 August 2:30:27 UTC 2014

We've featured striking and stunning museums from North America, South America, Europe, Asia and Africa. Now it's time to finish the list with some of the most beautiful museums in Australia. [Link]

Overheard In The Office » It’s a Series of Limericks, Each Filthier Than the Last

Tuesday 26 August 2:21:37 UTC 2014

Branch manager: I’m sending you an e-mail.Cube rat #1: Thanks…Cube rat #2: You’re one of those people, huh?Branch manager: Ha, no, but he’ll like this.Cube rat #2: Is it a funny one about a cat?Branch manager: No!Cube rat #2: Drat.8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina [Link]

Overheard In The Office » HR's Job Is to Give It to Somebody

Tuesday 26 August 2:21:36 UTC 2014

Obnoxious HR employee: I'm going to pick this up because it looks like poop.Eugene, Oregon [Link]

Overheard In The Office » And What Could I Cover It With?

Tuesday 26 August 2:21:35 UTC 2014

Customer: What’s this called?Sales associate: A duvet cover.Customer: No, no… what’s inside it?Sales associate: A duvet.IKEA
Costa Mesa, CaliforniaOverheard by: trying not to laugh [Link]

Overheard In The Office » … Than Having Him in the Oval Office for the Past Eight Years

Tuesday 26 August 2:21:34 UTC 2014

Lawyer: If he was downstairs in the Girl Scout’s uniform, that would’ve been even better.43rd Street and Madison Avenue
New York, New York [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Not While I'm Dating Mr. Creosote

Tuesday 26 August 2:21:33 UTC 2014

Woman on phone: I'm not going to eat before something called “belly-buster night!”Arlington, Virginia [Link]

FMyLife » JackieD says FML

Tuesday 26 August 2:05:27 UTC 2014

Today, I was watching the movie Frozen with my 8 year old daughter. I had seen it before, so I sung along with some of the songs. My daughter put a finger over my lips, said "Shhhhhhhhut the fuck up," then turned back to the TV, giggling. FML [Link]

Overheard In The Office » 12PM Order Staplers from OfficeMax

Tuesday 26 August 1:45:04 UTC 2014

Co-worker: Oh, there’s my stapler! I was looking for it.
Boss: Actually it’s my stapler. I own this company; everything here is mine. I’m just letting you keep it at your desk. 1718 Villa Avenue
Indianapolis, Indiana [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Living in the city makes you bigger and fatter, just ask the spiders [Scary]

Tuesday 26 August 1:02:13 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [65 comments] [Link]

Overheard In The Office » You Wanted the Beef a La Mode, Right?

Tuesday 26 August 0:42:10 UTC 2014

Lady in large party: How can you remember all of this?Waiter: The longer I stand here, the less I remember.Restaurant
Placerville, California [Link]

Mental Floss » 12 Vintage School Supplies You Can Still Buy

Tuesday 26 August 0:30:02 UTC 2014

If you're at all like me, the back to school season makes you incredibly nostalgic. Not for actually going back to school, of course, but for all the awesome school supplies you'd buy before hitting class. Thankfully, you can relive your elementary school glory days—and spice up your boring office—by buying these vintage back-to-school staples. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this Corinth crossing [Photoshop]

Tuesday 26 August 0:00:01 UTC 2014

Photoshop [link] [16 comments] [Link]

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