Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”
Overheard In The Office » 3PM Internship
Boss: How many servers do you think Google has?
Lackey: Infinite.
Boss: Infinite? You’re a retard. 15 Alatarinda Road
Orinda, California Overheard by: choking on a brownie [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Vogue editor thinks Chinese 'facekinis' could be the next hot fashion trend, Nickleback could be the next Beatles [Unlikely]
[link] [113 comments] [Link]
Overheard In The Office » A Deal They Were Willing to Swallow
Salesman: They like us. We have a good taste in their mouth.Bay StreetToronto, Ontario, Canada [Link]
Mental Floss » 10 Elaborate Floor Plans from Pre-World War I New York City Apartments
By the mid-1800s, most of New York City's upper and middle class still lived in private stand-alone homes while apartment life was a feature of the working and lower class. Inspired by multi-residence buildings that were all the rage in Paris, New York developers began introducing the idea of "French flats" to monied Manhattanites around 1870. The idea caught on, … [Link]
FMyLife » embarrassed says FML
Today, I went to a baseball game with my girlfriend's dad. I got a boner when they sang the anthem, because that's what I sing in my head when having sex with his daughter so I last longer. FML [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Washington Post reports Michael Brown had that devil weed in his system, quoting an unnamed "source familiar with the county's investigation" [Followup]
[link] [983 comments] [Link]
FMyLife » FANZZY says FML
Today, I learned that when someone is choking you don't do the "hymen maneuver", you do the "heimlich maneuver". I was corrected by my girlfriend's parents. FML [Link]
Mental Floss » 16 Out-of-Context IKEA Instructions to Help You Live a Better Life
Taken out of context, certain pages from IKEA instruction books can be interpreted as guides to living a fuller and more satisfying life. [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Just because an animal is a vegetarian, doesn't mean it won't kick you in the face [Dumbass]
[link] [68 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Fark announces partnership with DERP. No, seriously [Plug]
[link] [140 comments] [Link]
The Onion » Infographic: The Pros And Cons Of Militarizing The Police
The ongoing clashes between residents of Ferguson, MO and heavily armed police forces—which are equipped with M16 rifles and armored vehicles—have drawn attention to the increasing militarization of police in the United States. 
[Link]
Fark.com RSS » Fark-ready headline: Blind bison looking for new home [Strange]
[link] [30 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » The Missing Links: Surviving A Shipwreck
After the Ship Sinks: A How To Guide Here’s how you survive a shipwreck. * Wow, I Feel Old How is there a list of the 100 greatest video games of all time, and I have never even heard of the game named as the #1 best ever? * The Great Bambino Was A Medical Trailblazer He was one of … [Link]
The Onion » Geneticists Debate Ethics Of Cloning Humans And Forcing Them To Fight To Death In Pit For Our Amusement
GENEVA—In an effort to explore the complex moral issues surrounding the controversial topic, the world’s leading geneticists gathered at an international conference this week to debate the ethics of cloning human beings and compelling them to … 
[Link]
Fark.com RSS » In the wake of the questions surrounding the Ferguson shooting, many people are pushing for the police to wear body cameras, but as San Diego shows, even where cops DO wear them it's unlikely YOU will ever get to see the footage, citizen [Interes
[link] [190 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Photoshop these turtle trainers training [Photoshop]
[link] [19 comments] [Link]
The Onion » American Voices: SeaWorld To Expand Orca Environments
After the marine park’s profits dropped precipitously amid fallout from the documentary Blackfish, which investigated the death of a trainer by a psychologically disturbed orca in captivity, SeaWorld San Diego has announced that it will doubl… 
[Link]
Fark.com RSS » If you've been to a hospital for any reason in the last five years, chances are fairly high that your personal data has been stolen by Chinese hackers [Scary]
[link] [72 comments] [Link]
The Onion » Fourth-Grade Teacher Polishing Up Speech On This Not Being Third Grade Anymore
PALMYRA, PA—Saying it was important for her students to understand their increased expectations at the start of the new school year, Pine Street Elementary school teacher Veronica Potter reportedly spent Sunday evening putting the finishing touches … 
[Link]
Mental Floss » How Every School in the Preseason Top 25 Got Its Nickname
The Associated Press's preseason rankings are out, which means college football is right around the corner. [Link]
Mental Floss » 29 Games Nobody Plays Anymore
You’ve played blind man’s bluff and hide-and-go-seek. You have Marco Poloed, hot potatoed, and I-Spied. But you’ve probably never had to pull a peg out of the ground with your teeth because your knife wasn’t as sharp as the others, or tried to knock a metal plate into a basin with the dregs of your drink. [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Yeah, but have you ever tried weed on your sex? (not safe for work language) [Cool]
[link] [90 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Airline stowaway released from jail after serving a fraction of her sentence after police deem her not to be a flight risk [Misc]
[link] [22 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » We're adding misogyny to Fark moderator guidelines DIT -Drew [PSA]
[link] [4116 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Paralyzed BASE jumper vows to not learn his lesson about not jumping off of tall things [Dumbass]
[link] [37 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Serial chicken smuggler caught at Sweden/Norway börder. Again [Misc]
[link] [27 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » China bans pork imported from USA. Guess it didn't contain the minimum required levels of lead, phthalates and melamine [Interesting]
[link] [78 comments] [Link]
The Onion » Fireflies Almost Salvage Man’s Shitty Day
TOLEDO, OH—According to reports, the intermittent flicker of fireflies above Charles Michaelson’s front porch Friday evening came close, but ultimately fell just short of salvaging his shitty day. 
[Link]
FMyLife » Stellarum says FML
Today, I listened to a little girl explain how her scabs taste great with lemon juice. FML [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Man abused position as hospital nurse to amass large collection of human penises taken from bodies of dead patients. What a dick [Sick]
[link] [86 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » The Robots are Here
Excuse me, internet, the robots have arrived. In the video below, C.G.P. Grey lays out a compelling argument that robots are sufficiently advanced and available that they are on the verge of filling a whole bunch of jobs that we have traditionally thought of as very human-reliant. One of his examples is cab drivers. Take a self-driving car, delete the … [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Obama decides to head back to D.C. because really, when we think of "good leadership" we think of a man who is hated by most people, wigged out on stress, hasn't had a day to relax in 6 years and has his hands on the nuclear football [Fol
[link] [273 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » Morning Cup of Links: New Story From 'Harry Potter' World
J.K. Rowling just released a new story about a tertiary character in the Harry Potter World. Read about Celestina Warbeck, the singing sorceress, here. * Over the weekend, 13-year-old Mo'ne Davis became a national sensation after pitching a shutout for Philadelphia's Taney Dragons. She is the first female player to toss a shutout in the Little League World Series. * … [Link]
Fark.com RSS » If you're the person who dropped off 100 tuxedo cats, the animal shelter would like to have a word with you about getting pets fixed [Obvious]
[link] [57 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Officials operating a massive solar power collector in the Mojave desert say those plumes of black smoke federal officials reported seeing about once every two minutes over the array weren't NECESSARILY birds being incinerated in mid air [Scary]
[link] [146 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » Strange States: Mississippi’s Phantom Barber of Pascagoula
If you want to learn about someplace, you can always pick up a textbook. But if you want to get to know a place, you're going to have to dig a little deeper. And what you find there might be a little strange. The Strange States series will take you on a virtual tour of America to uncover the unusual … [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Forget riots and coups and airstrikes. Canadians are mourning a white squirrel [Interesting]
[link] [43 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Helpful video for 'why you shouldn't put a lit firecracker in your pocket' since if you need to be told, you probably can't read [Dumbass]
[link] [32 comments] [Link]
The Onion » Area Facebook User Incredibly Stupid
DOYLESTOWN, PA—Describing him as frequently frustrated and overwhelmed, sources confirmed Monday that local Facebook user Michael Huffman is incredibly stupid. 
[Link]
The Onion » Weak-Willed Termite Eats Whole Log In One Sitting
A local man feels even lazier when he thinks about how much ISIS has accomplished this year, a police officer doesn’t see a difference between black and light-skinned black suspects, and a weak-willed termite eats a whole log in one sitting. 
[Link]
Fark.com RSS » Heroin-using couple arrested after passing out in car after shooting up. Overheard muttering, "I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for those meddling kids. In the back seat" [Dumbass]
[link] [28 comments] [Link]
FMyLife » 919191 says FML
Today, my two-year-old daughter's favourite word is 'No'. After leaving her with my sixteen-year-old brother, she now knows other N words as well. Niet, Nein, Non and Never. Her teenage uncle thinks it's hilarious. FML [Link]
FMyLife » I hate children says FML
Today, two children decided it would be fun to try to ding-dong-ditch me. I never answered the door as I saw them running away. They did it a couple of times before getting bored. That's when they decided it would be fun to come into my house instead. FML [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Ever wonder what Popeye would look like after a sex change? Me neither, but you can find out in this week's Mugshot Roundup [Fail]
[link] [107 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Drunk driving activists say changing DUI laws to the point that you can't drive after having a single beer with supper makes for safer roads, fewer drunk driving crashes [Unlikely]
[link] [192 comments] [Link]
The Onion » Onion Poll: Would You Give Financial Support To Your Adult Child?
The Onion – America's Finest News Source 
[Link]
Fark.com RSS » It will cost you nearly a quarter of a million dollars to raise a child born in 2013 to the age of 18. In other news, have I shown you my vacation photos from Tahiti? [Obvious]
[link] [139 comments] [Link]
Weird Universe » Last Week in Weird (August 18, 2014)
Last Week in Weird
datelines 8/8/2014–8/15/2014 (Part II)
[Links, chronological, on Extended page]
Copyright 2014 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.
The Way The World Works: Comcast and Time Warner Cable have to make it past the FCC to consummate their $45bn merger, and they just happen to have recently contributed $132,000 to the FCC chairwoman’s favorite foundation–and, and, and, … [Link]
Fark.com RSS » A bag full of cat heads has been found next to a road full of Indian restaurants. Worryingly, we don't know where the rest of the cat went. Or do we? [Sick]
[link] [91 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » 10 Disney Sidekicks That Got the Axe
There are a number of reasons why a sidekick could end up on the cutting room floor instead of helping to save the day. [Link]
Mental Floss » Brain Game: Math Square #229
Please enjoy today's mentalfloss.com Brain Game, Math Square #229: Place the digits 1 through 9 in the white blanks so that the mathematical equations work both across and down. Each digit 1 through 9 should appear only once in the main grid (the red square). 
Here is the SOLUTION. [Link]
Fark.com RSS » So apparently, Congressional staffers have little else to do besides spend the workday helping to build out the Wikipedia page on the most important issue of the day: The Choco Taco [Amusing]
[link] [75 comments] [Link]
The Onion » Slideshow: The Week In Pictures – Week Of August 18, 2014
The Week In Pictures – Week Of August 18, 2014 
[Link]
The Onion » Editorial Cartoon: Strapped In … And Tightening
Strapped In … And Tightening 
[Link]
The Onion » American Voices: Study: Meerkats Have Dark, Sinister Side
Contrary to their portrayal in cartoons and shows like Meerkat Manor, which depict them as cute and cuddly, a new study has found that meerkats can actually be mean and sinister, with females banishing other moms from the group and eating their off… 
[Link]
Fark.com RSS » Playing a game of fetch the live grenade with your dog ain't right [Scary]
[link] [36 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » German man who looks like Satan himself, implanted horns and all, is shocked… shocked I tell you that he was denied entry into Dubai [Obvious]
[link] [148 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Old South Church in Boston is sending 1000 origami cranes to Ferguson to help. Well unless they have secret, anime-like superweapons stuffed inside their folds, that's really kinda useless in terms of helping Ferguson deal with crooked cops [Cool
[link] [87 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Why escaped Ebola patients is terrifying because now we need to SHUT. DOWN. EVERYTHING [Scary]
[link] [159 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » A rousing game of duct duct goose, mother gets her baby back baby back baby back, and Romney needs a full OS upgrade: a few of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 8/10 – 8/16 [FarkBlog]
[link] [4 comments] [Link]
Overheard In The Office » Help Him, Obi-Wan Kenobi, You’re His Only Hope
Lady coworker: I really need to rent the Star Wars movies and watch them again. I only remember, like, the old guy and the little robot thingy.4505 Maryland Parkway
Las Vegas, NevadaOverheard by: Princess Leia [Link]
Overheard In The Office » You're Fired.
Colleague on phone: I want to got to Mexico in May, but I don't want to miss Cinco de Mayo.Boston, Massachusetts [Link]
Overheard In The Office » The Fir Department’s Going to Get Sick of Her When She Goes through Menopause
Office girl: I’m on heat… Fire! Fire — I meant ‘fire’! Shut up.London
England [Link]
Overheard In The Office » …As Is the Traditional Manner Of Celebrating Christ's Birth.
Disembodied voice: Everyone's got their ducks crossed and their i's dotted.Kirkland, Washington [Link]
Overheard In The Office » He Also Freaked When She Ordered a Case Of White-Out
Black lady cleaning out her desk: I got to get rid of all these crackers in here.White guy passing through: I heard that!Wilmington, DelawareOverheard by: Saltine McCrackerface [Link]
Overheard In The Office » An Egg-Laying Mammal Would Be Worth Catching
Co-Worker, trying to catch a mouse loose in the office: Bill*, he’s under your desk! Try to catch him!
Bill: Why? Is he going to lay an egg or something? 4613 Philips Highway
Jacksonville, Florida Overheard by: Miss Kitty [Link]
Overheard In The Office » Worst. Tooth Fairy. Ever.
Diner: Well, you know, when she was young she just liked to sleep with dead animals under her pillow.Denver, Colorado [Link]
Overheard In The Office » 12PM Restock Supplies
Employee: I have a problem and don’t know what to do.
Manager: What is the problem?
Employee: The toliet paper is missing, and I don’t know what to do. 1850 14th Avenue SE
Albany, Oregon [Link]
Mental Floss » What Does Space Smell Like?
Astronauts describe the smells that cling to their equipment after spacewalks. [Link]
Mental Floss » 10 Mind-Boggling Interactive Music Videos
For music videos, just standing in front of a camera and pretending to play your hit single doesn’t cut it anymore. These amazing modern videos don’t just let fans watch and listen—they give the viewers control. [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Bad: You kill a guy and ask your girlfriend to help bury him. Worse: She refuses so you threaten to kill her too. Fark: He wasn't even dead, he just had a broken nose [Florida]
[link] [68 comments] [Link]
Overheard In The Office » Sorry, Hermaphroditic
Customer: What is the Happy Meal toy for boys this week?Employee: Oh, no ma’am, we don’t have boy or girl toys this week — they are bisexual.Customer: What?!McDonald’s
Santa Monica, California [Link]
Weird Universe » Follies of the Madmen #227
[Click to enlarge]
Yes, our product is number one among insane vegan fashionistas!
From Woman's Day for April 1962. [Link]
Weird Universe » The First Robot Ever Arrested
Today is the anniversary of the day on which the first robot was ever arrested. The event occurred on August 18, 1982 when a robot called DC-2 was taken into custody by the Beverly Hills Police Department. Its crime was illegally distributing business cards on North Beverly Drive.
More info at Paleofuture.
[Link]
Fark.com RSS » Photoshop these holy toys [Photoshop]
[link] [17 comments] [Link]
Futility Closet » Podcast: Episode 22
On Feb. 9, 1855, the residents of Devon in southern England awoke to find a bewildering set of footprints in the newfallen snow. “These are to be found in fields, gardens, roads, house-tops, & other likely and unlikely places, deeply embedded in snow,” ran one contemporary account. “The shape was a hoof.” In this episode of the Futility Closet podcast … [Link]
Mental Floss » Inside Our September "Big Questions" Issue, On Sale Now!
There are two types of big questions. There’s the really big kind, the ones Plato was always fretting over: What is knowledge? What is experience? What is existence? And so on. And then there are the other ones: the smaller but somehow more insatiable curiosities—the stuff we’re driven to Google to find out. [Link]
Overheard In The Office » Words to Live By.
Normal coworker: Jackie* is in Vegas, isn't she?Less normal coworker: Yeah.Normal coworker: I wonder how hot it is there?Less normal coworker: Probably about 107 degrees.Normal coworker: I don't think I could handle that kind of heat. I would have to stay inside the whole time.Less normal coworker: Nah, you just sit out under the flamingos and let them pee water on … [Link]
Mental Floss » 5 Questions: More or "Lis"
[Link]
Mental Floss » More or "Lis"
[Link]
Fark.com RSS » Meanwhile in Canada: Burglars break into home, leave note reminding homeowner to lock his doors [Amusing]
[link] [89 comments] [Link]
FMyLife » Degueusement says FML
Today, to spice things up, my boyfriend suggested we wear disguises. Amused by the idea, I accepted. That's how I ended up having sex with Gandalf. FML [Link]
Weird Universe » Correction to News of the Weird M384
Among the world's foods cited in a London Daily Mirror story mentioned in this space on August 17, 2014, was "Squeez Bacon," which was apparently an April Fool's joke from 2009 concocted by ThinkGeek.com. Yr Editor regrets the error that in the ensuing five-plus years, food science has been unable to create a real squeezed bacon. Very much regrets that. … [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Step 1) Pass law allowing people to carry guns anywhere Step 2) ??? Step 3) Have a handgun misfire on a busy street, killing one [Scary]
[link] [367 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Two girls received $47k in benefits after their father goes missing and is declared dead in 1994. 20-years later he is found alive. SSA: Uh about that money, we want it back [Interesting]
[link] [133 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Pope Francis continues to be awesome [Cool]
[link] [97 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Missouri Governor decides that what Ferguson needs right now is even more personnel with automatic weapons and military vehicles [Followup]
[link] [554 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » The scariest mugshot you'll see today [Scary]
[link] [76 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Hardened justice correspondent can't tell the difference between earplugs and rubber bullets [Dumbass]
[link] [70 comments] [Link]
Futility Closet » The Stag Hunt
Rousseau asks: Suppose that you and I hunt a stag. This requires long hours lying in wait along the trail, and it entails the risk that the stag will not appear. If, after some time has passed, a hare appears, either of us could seize it, abandoning the hope of capturing the stag but getting an immediate meal for himself. … [Link]
Mental Floss » 26 College Classes We Wish Our Schools Had Offered
From 'Harry Potter's Library' to 'South Park and Contemporary Social Issues.' [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Michael Brown autopsy results are in. If you guessed 6 shots, you win [Followup]
[link] [1487 comments] [Link]
Weird Universe » Last Week in Weird (August 17, 2014)
Last Week in Weird
datelines 8/4/2014–8/15/2014 (Part I)
[Links, chronological, on Extended page]
Copyright 2014 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.
All War Is Weird (I): Factories in Ukraine are still manufacturing and selling military gear to Russia (parts for ships, technology for tanks and nuclear missiles). The Ukraine “defense industry” says it needs the jobs. And meanwhile, the noted … [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Peshmerga + US air strikes = Reclamation of the Mosul Dam [Followup]
[link] [97 comments] [Link]
Overheard In The Office » With All Due Respect, Get Me a Fucking Cup of Coffee
Office drone #1: Would you go get me a coffee, please?Office drone #2: What?Office drone #1: I asked you to get me some coffee.Office drone #2: (silence)Office drone #1: I did say “please.”Office drone #2: Okay, then. (pause) No, thank you.Manhattan, New York [Link]
Overheard In The Office » 11AM Monitor Calls
Broker on phone: Why should you buy my bond? Because you buying it is good for my firm, good for me, and two out of three ain’t bad. 1100 Louisiana Street
Houston, Texas [Link]
Overheard In The Office » Something Of a Stretch for Americans
Coworker #1: I'm on this new diet.Coworker #2: Oh yeah?Coworker #1: Yeah, it's this diet where if you aren't hungry you don't eat.Bloomington, Minnesota [Link]
Overheard In The Office » This Could Explain Why Her Teeth Chipped Yesterday Morning
Woman #1: Oh, look at the pretty rock!Woman #2: Um… that’s part of a blueberry muffin.Woman #1: Oh.Monument Circle
Indianapolis, IndianaOverheard by: Gitcher Eyes Checked [Link]
Overheard In The Office » We Know a Lot of Places Where It Isn’t, So We’re Making Progress
Supervisor: Did you find that part?Coworker: No.Supervisor: Well, where is it?Flagstaff, ArizonaOverheard by: Jimmy [Link]
Overheard In The Office » Do I Need to Put That in the Confiscation Closet with Your Scooter?
Boss: Oh hey, what are ya'll doing in the server closet?Underling #1: He's playing with his new toy.Boss: Cool. What's his new toy?Underling #2, from behind server rack: Water gun.Dallas, Texas [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Tiny lights go out as firefly populations dwindle [Sad]
[link] [116 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Boulder, Colorado named nation's best college town thanks to its walkability, beautiful bicycle paths, outstanding public transit system, natural attractions, legal weed, the pedestrian Pearl Street Mall, and numerous science and tech employers [
[link] [91 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Ferguson Rally & etc live stream. Come on into the thread and give your respectful opinions of the interesting and changing situations as they try for fairness and justice in Missouri [Followup]
[link] [1402 comments] [Link]
Overheard In The Office » Cheney: I Swear, I Go through This Every Day!
Employee #1: I was just printing that thing you asked for!Employee #2: This isn’t what I asked for.Employee #1: Yes, it is — it’s hotel information.Employee #2: It is, but I asked you for information on a meeting.Employee #1: Okay…Employee #2: … And you printed hotel information.Employee #1: Right.Employee #2, sighing: Where is the meeting information?Employee #1: Oh! The meeting! You … [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Did you work part time for a week while collecting unemployment in the 1980s? Massachusetts wants its $100 back [PSA]
[link] [35 comments] [Link]
Overheard In The Office » Clotted Cream
Cougar colleague: It was so embarrassing–I was putting cream on my buns…Melbourne
AustraliaOverheard by: confused but amused [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this umbrella wall [Photoshop]
[link] [18 comments] [Link]
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