John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons

John Gordon Ross header image 3

Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”

Overheard In The Office » I Suppose Such a Thing Is Possible, but Why?

Friday 8 August 23:51:34 UTC 2014

Customer: I’d like a double hamburger.McGenius: Is that like a double cheeseburger without cheese?McDonald’s
Bucksport, MaineOverheard by: Mr. E. Meat [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Friday 8 August 23:33:52 UTC 2014

Today, I finally felt ready for intimacy with my boyfriend, and I sent him a sexy picture of myself topless. He texted back, "Ewwwww." FML [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Friday 8 August 23:33:51 UTC 2014

Today, I realized that my dog, who's 11, eats his own shit, and chews bones like crazy still has 10 times nicer teeth than I do. FML [Link]

FMyLife » sirphilmckraken says FML

Friday 8 August 23:33:50 UTC 2014

Today, I let my coworker use my PC during lunch, because his was having problems. A few hours later, my boss called me into his office and gave me hell for apparently looking at furry porn during lunch break. He won't believe my explanation. For fuck's sake, Dave. FML [Link]

Mental Floss » 13 Facts About Disney’s Haunted Mansion

Friday 8 August 23:30:00 UTC 2014

Wikimedia Commons This month marks the 45th anniversary of Disneyland’s Haunted Mansion. It opened on August 9, 1969, and quickly became one of the park’s most beloved attractions. Every Magic Kingdom built since then, from Florida to Tokyo and beyond, has included some version of the Haunted Mansion. To celebrate 45 years of grim, grinning ghosts, here are 13 facts … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » World's oldest eel dies in Swedish well. Sadder: As used here, "eel" and "well" are not euphemisms [Sad]

Friday 8 August 23:27:23 UTC 2014

Sad [link] [66 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The British Dental Journal says there's no best way to brush your teeth [Obvious]

Friday 8 August 23:21:17 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [23 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » WWII vet who captured and stomped Hitler's top hat has died. That is all [Sad]

Friday 8 August 23:16:18 UTC 2014

Sad [link] [35 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Woman discovers that she loves her husband like a brother, in all the wrong ways [Strange]

Friday 8 August 23:16:11 UTC 2014

Strange [link] [43 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Well that's one way to reduce junk mail I suppose, not a real bright way granted, but it is a way [Dumbass]

Friday 8 August 23:11:42 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [19 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Nude Sport Games 2014 held in Malaysia has caused outrage, OUTRAGE and now the police are hunting down the foreign participants for "obscene acts." And no, this is not going to be the next episode of Naked and Afraid [Asinine]

Friday 8 August 23:04:58 UTC 2014

Asinine [link] [39 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The casino industry is coming together in a noble, nation-wide effort to teach its patrons that, yes, it's fine to spend your days pissing away money you don't have, but please stop leaving your children locked inside your car while you do [H

Friday 8 August 22:57:33 UTC 2014

Hero [link] [24 comments] [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Satan Was Apparently So Last Season

Friday 8 August 22:48:49 UTC 2014

Phone rep on cell: All right, we'll just keep giving praise to god then!Chesapeake, VirginiaOverheard by: Project Manager [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Homeland Security official finds out that if a mom agrees to let you have sex with her 13-year-old daughter, it's probably an FBI sting [Sick]

Friday 8 August 22:33:40 UTC 2014

Sick [link] [29 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Canada sending military supplies to Ukraine, say they are pleased that their equipment was finally doing what it was designed for, defending against 1970s-era Soviet Union equipment somewhere in Europe [Interesting]

Friday 8 August 22:18:07 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [44 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » No joke, there's a stand-up comic in NYC that's suing the city because she fell on to the subway tracks because she was too busy texting and the train operator didn't stop fast enough [Stupid]

Friday 8 August 22:01:15 UTC 2014

Stupid [link] [87 comments] [Link]

The Onion » Obama: Iraq Airstrikes Not Slippery Slope To Other Humanitarian Interventions

Friday 8 August 21:55:00 UTC 2014

WASHINGTON—In an effort to reassure a weary American public, President Obama said Friday that his decision to authorize airstrikes to protect Iraqi Kurds and besieged Yazidi minorities was not the beginning of a slippery slope toward other humanitar…
[Link]

Fark.com RSS » There's only one state to try and open your second fraudulent Christian day care center [Florida]

Friday 8 August 21:49:07 UTC 2014

Florida [link] [18 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Come to Our Super Fun Trivia Show This Weekend!

Friday 8 August 21:45:14 UTC 2014

If you couldn’t tell from the exclamation point in the title, we’re really excited to be partnering with Barnes and Noble on a page-to-screen trivia show this weekend. [Link]

Overheard In The Office » This Whole Reproduction Thing Is a Mystery to Me

Friday 8 August 21:44:53 UTC 2014

Male coworker in all-male meeting: I don’t know where Jill* is. She is pregnant. Maybe she’s palpitating.Spartanburg, South CarolinaOverheard by: Grammatically Stunned [Link]

Mental Floss » The Missing Links: Tweeting 'Rainbow'

Friday 8 August 21:30:00 UTC 2014

Take A Look, It’s In A … Tweet? LeVar Burton unveils a new (and totally fake) Twitter version of Reading Rainbow. * “Heeeeeere’s Posters” The iconic film graphic artist Saul Bass designed a bunch of poster concepts for The Shining. Stanley Kubrick didn’t like them. See what you think. * The Paper Robots Are Taking Over Not really, but this … [Link]

The Onion » American Voices: NRA Removes ‘Guns For The Blind’ Video

Friday 8 August 21:30:00 UTC 2014

After receiving widespread backlash, the NRA has pulled an installment of its NRA News segment in which a U.S.
[Link]

Fark.com RSS » How Obama has "evolved" on Iraq. Why, it's almost like he said stuff just to get elected [Obvious]

Friday 8 August 21:16:29 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [23 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » freakedout says FML

Friday 8 August 21:13:57 UTC 2014

Today, I fell asleep in the doctor's waiting room. When I woke up, the room was empty, and there was a $1 bill tucked into my cleavage. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Justin Bieber thinks Pakistani heroine Malala Yousafzai would make a great belieber [Misc]

Friday 8 August 21:10:43 UTC 2014

Misc [link] [54 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Looks like Geoff from the Craigy Ferg show already has a new gig [Strange]

Friday 8 August 21:08:01 UTC 2014

Strange [link] [7 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » It's all fun and games 'til you enter a doughnut eating contest at an anti-crime event packed with police who happen to recognize you as being wanted for felony break-ins [Dumbass]

Friday 8 August 21:02:23 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [15 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Are you brave enough to test your IQ and post the results? Subby got 162, but wasn't really trying [Cool]

Friday 8 August 20:55:58 UTC 2014

Cool [link] [302 comments] [Link]

The Onion » Rest Of Evening Spent Declaring Asshole Not Going To Ruin Evening

Friday 8 August 20:55:00 UTC 2014

SAN RAMON, CA—Following a brief and uncomfortable confrontation with an obnoxious stranger during their night out, a local group of friends spent the remainder of the evening declaring that they would not let the total asshole ruin their evening, so…
[Link]

Fark.com RSS » How ironic misandry is reinventing feminism #MaleTears [Amusing]

Friday 8 August 20:47:55 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [165 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Apparently Sean Hannity is literally quite upset at Stephen Colbert [Amusing]

Friday 8 August 20:46:37 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [87 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Pancreas, gall bladder – they all look the same when you're elbow deep in some patient's guts [Scary]

Friday 8 August 20:33:18 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [19 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "My first thought was, 'Hey, let's go get some ducks out of a sewer'" (pics) [Sappy]

Friday 8 August 20:31:56 UTC 2014

Sappy [link] [7 comments] [Link]

The Onion »  Security Experts Advise Americans To Not Click Anything

Friday 8 August 20:30:00 UTC 2014

A civilian casualty is flattered to have been mistaken for a Hamas leader, the entirety of a man’s personal data is protected by a reference to the third season of ‘The West Wing’, and an asexually reproduced sea sponge is worried she…
[Link]

Fark.com RSS » FDA rules that "Gluten-Free" products can't have gluten in them. Well, duh. Thanks for that [Obvious]

Friday 8 August 20:22:46 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [48 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Accused child molester beaten to a pulp by victim's dad pleads not guilty. Also, he looks a lot better now [Followup]

Friday 8 August 20:11:27 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [58 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Dumbass claims Obama loves radical Muslims the same day Obama OKs air strikes on radical Muslims [Fail]

Friday 8 August 20:10:38 UTC 2014

Fail [link] [79 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Remember, responsible parents don't let children play with loaded diaper bags [Scary]

Friday 8 August 20:03:00 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [17 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this American eagle [Photoshop]

Friday 8 August 20:00:01 UTC 2014

Photoshop [link] [19 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 13 Scientific Terms You Might Be Using Wrong

Friday 8 August 20:00:00 UTC 2014

When scientists use these words, they typically mean something completely different than what they do when non-scientists use them. Sometimes our definitions are too narrow or too broad; sometimes, we use terms interchangably when they actually shouldn't be. We dug deep into the American Museum of Natural History's website to help set the record straight. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Clear your desks, chase out the dog, clear your head and slap your mammy: it's time for the Fark Weird News Quiz [Survey]

Friday 8 August 19:42:37 UTC 2014

Survey [link] [26 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » US town of Boring preparing for twinning festival with British town of Dull. It's not expected to be much of a party [Amusing]

Friday 8 August 19:40:54 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [30 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Hi, Ms. Atwood. I know it's your son's wake and all, but we just found out he was gay. In that case, the church is going to go ahead and cancel his funeral [Sick]

Friday 8 August 19:40:03 UTC 2014

Sick [link] [161 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » British police raid pub after pub owner's twin sister mistakenly lights the Grail-shaped beacon [Strange]

Friday 8 August 19:30:49 UTC 2014

Strange [link] [33 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » 14 year old creates filtering system to reduce internet trolling. Politics Tab scoffs [Interesting]

Friday 8 August 19:25:44 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [47 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Elementary school bans birthday cakes, cookies, fruits, vegetables, rice, water due to students being allergic to damn near everything under the sun, and whatever's left causes autism, cancer and/or low self-esteem [Stupid]

Friday 8 August 19:19:12 UTC 2014

Stupid [link] [68 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Hate Google reading your mail? Get over it [Obvious]

Friday 8 August 19:14:59 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [96 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Sh*t [Sick]

Friday 8 August 19:10:31 UTC 2014

Sick [link] [87 comments] [Link]

The Onion » Cardinals To Donate $1,000 To Charity Every Time John Lackey Hits A Batter

Friday 8 August 19:05:00 UTC 2014

ST. LOUIS—As part of their ongoing effort to give back to the community, the St. Louis Cardinals announced Friday that the team will be donating $1,000 to charity for every batter that starting right-hander John Lackey hits with a pitch.
[Link]

Fark.com RSS » Well most people probably would not want this guy flashing them or anybody, either [Scary]

Friday 8 August 18:43:09 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [19 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » A Brief History of the Ouija Board

Friday 8 August 18:31:31 UTC 2014

The Ouija board has terrified countless slumber party children and served as a plot vehicle in a number of Hollywood films. Here’s where it came from. [Link]

Mental Floss » The Time Muhammad Ali Made a Record About Fighting Tooth Decay

Friday 8 August 18:31:30 UTC 2014

There is a version of this story that is very short and goes something like this: Here is a real thing that exists, now go tell all your friends about it. [Link]

Mental Floss » Signs in the Workplace

Friday 8 August 18:31:29 UTC 2014

On Fridays, we ask a bunch of unrelated questions. Your answers help get us through the afternoon. Answer one, answer all, or ask your own question. On to this week's topics… [Link]

Mental Floss » New Twitter Study Discovers “Global Superdialects”

Friday 8 August 18:30:12 UTC 2014

Researchers found something unexpected when they combined the data on all the words together. [Link]

Futility Closet » The Ultimate Machine

Friday 8 August 18:21:45 UTC 2014

Marvin Minsky invented this machine at Bell Labs in 1952: Arthur C. Clarke wrote, “It sits on Claude Shannon’s desk driving people mad.” [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Argument over golf rules involving "casual water" leads to a beat down with a 3-wood, a golf course melee, and two dumbasses in jail [Dumbass]

Friday 8 August 18:09:05 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [64 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Bargain Booze liquor store charges shopper a fee for checking that she was old enough to buy. "I go there all the time because the booze is so cheap, and I quite often get asked for ID, but I've never noticed being charged before" [Weird]

Friday 8 August 18:04:58 UTC 2014

Weird [link] [78 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Well I'll be damned, all those e-mails were REAL? US DOJ seizes $480 million from bank accounts around the world belonging to former Nigerian dictator Sani Abacha [Interesting]

Friday 8 August 17:51:47 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [26 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » 15 year old boy's Mom calls cops because, A) He was caught doing it with a teacher, B) He was selling drugs, or Fark) He watched porn [Dumbass]

Friday 8 August 17:44:46 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [126 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » McDonald's starts trial delivery service for customers presumably too fat to get out of their houses without cutting out a wall [Interesting]

Friday 8 August 17:43:57 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [71 comments] [Link]

The Onion » Magazine: Can Anyone Challenge Koala For Baby Changing Station Dominance?

Friday 8 August 17:30:00 UTC 2014

Can Anyone Challenge Koala For Baby Changing Station Dominance?
[Link]

The Onion » Frito-Lay Contest Offers Consumers Chance To Appear In Upcoming Bag Of SunChips

Friday 8 August 17:30:00 UTC 2014

PLANO, TX—Inviting consumers to experience their favorite snack product like never before, Frito-Lay announced a new sweepstakes this week that will offer customers the chance to appear inside an upcoming bag of SunChips.
[Link]

Fark.com RSS » "According to reports, 56-year-old Jerald L Hill, who was President of the Windermere Baptist Conference Centre in Missouri, posted messages on Craigslist seeking dogs and other animals to have sex with" (mugshot) [Sick]

Friday 8 August 17:26:57 UTC 2014

Sick [link] [101 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » screwed says FML

Friday 8 August 17:17:05 UTC 2014

Today, as a last resort for my back problems, I tried accupuncture. After the needles were placed and the doctor had left, I couldn't move for 30 minutes. I had a panic attack. FML [Link]

FMyLife » alisaav says FML

Friday 8 August 17:17:04 UTC 2014

Today, I saw a cute guy walking out of a restaurant. When he saw me, he smiled and to be a bit flirty I bit my lip. Too bad it started to bleed like hell. FML [Link]

Weird Universe » Let’s Make a Sandwich!

Friday 8 August 17:00:54 UTC 2014

Yum! [Link]

Fark.com RSS » China's 700 million smartphone users will no longer be able to share funny or outrageous stories about politics without official approval in latest terrifying way life in China is becoming like a Fark link [PSA]

Friday 8 August 16:59:01 UTC 2014

PSA [link] [54 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Defendant claims it was self defense when he shot up with meth and repeatedly bayoneted a man. Difficulty: Not Florida [Unlikely]

Friday 8 August 16:53:23 UTC 2014

Unlikely [link] [15 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Some mysterious pilot flew his float plane underneath a traffic bridge on the Ottawa River yesterday afternoon, apparently just because he could. Tag is for you, sir (pics, video) [Hero]

Friday 8 August 16:52:08 UTC 2014

Hero [link] [81 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Hilarity is currently ensuing as diamond company drops $20,000 gem from hot air balloon over Britain and says whoever finds it can keep it. "It's probably in a field or up in a tree somewhere," they hint [Strange]

Friday 8 August 16:50:20 UTC 2014

Strange [link] [41 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » From Feb 26 – Marvel's "Guardians Of The Galaxy" is doomed to be a box office failure. Let me educate you as to why [Dumbass]

Friday 8 August 16:44:48 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [225 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Water Utilities 10 years ago: "We need to save water. Install high-efficiency toilets and washing machines." Water Utilities now: "You're not buying enough water. Enjoy your new maintenance and infrastructure fees. And a 9 percent inc

Friday 8 August 16:28:13 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [132 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Fargo has problem with business sign that reads, "Ex wife sale: Duct tape, chainsaw, shovels" [Amusing]

Friday 8 August 16:18:43 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [59 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » This just in from the Romero Institute: Hurricanes are disruptive of everyday life [Obvious]

Friday 8 August 16:16:51 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [7 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Africans are dying of Ebola. Kurds are dying of thirst in Iraq's mountains. Putin is about to declare war. Before getting caught up in those distractions, consider this– a new pizza app is forcing DC residents to enter "VA" as their stat

Friday 8 August 16:15:29 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [50 comments] [Link]

The Onion » American Voices: McDonald’s Testing 60-Second Drive-Thru Guarantee

Friday 8 August 16:05:00 UTC 2014

Select McDonald’s restaurants in South Florida are testing out a new promotion that guarantees drive-thru customers a 60-seconds-or-less wait period for food or else they’ll get a free sandwich on a future visit, which has drawn criticism from…
[Link]

Fark.com RSS » Bra-stealing ghosts plagued my life after I bought old dressing table [Scary]

Friday 8 August 15:50:53 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [55 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » What excuse did a man give police for the alligator in the bed of his truck and the shotgun in the passengers seat? A) He was going to make a belt. B) He was going to have it stuffed and mounted. Or C) He was hungry [Florida]

Friday 8 August 15:49:36 UTC 2014

Florida [link] [34 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Brain Game: Meet Sandy

Friday 8 August 15:31:50 UTC 2014

At 4 pm on Saturday, August 9, long-time mental_floss research editors Kara Kovalchik and Sandy Wood will host a special "Page to Screen" Trivia Show at the beautiful Barnes & Noble located at 2800 S. Rochester Road in Rochester Hills, Michigan. We'll have quirky trivia, fun games, and prizes for the winners! The show is just part of the fun … [Link]

Mental Floss » 5 Questions: Go Fly One

Friday 8 August 15:31:48 UTC 2014

[Link]

Fark.com RSS » Slate gets outraged that anyone wanting to become a lawyer and pass the bar exam have to disclose if they have ever had a mental illness, failing to realize anyone who wants to become a lawyer already has a mental illness [Fail]

Friday 8 August 15:17:51 UTC 2014

Fail [link] [107 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » After finding Lollipop man dead in his home for weeks, Lollipop police investigate but admit they're licked [Interesting]

Friday 8 August 15:14:53 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [54 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » This is why New York City can't have nice things: Beautiful and bizarrely artistic street signs featuring skulls, spires, coat hangers and other strange icons from the DOT that were placed around Manhattan are being stolen by quasi-satanic hipste

Friday 8 August 15:04:12 UTC 2014

Asinine [link] [54 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Autocorrect: it mate be fudging up your lift [Asinine]

Friday 8 August 14:33:38 UTC 2014

Asinine [link] [47 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Cops find steroids after raiding home of a suspiciously muscled man [Misc]

Friday 8 August 14:30:55 UTC 2014

Misc [link] [37 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Progressive policies are already a smashing success in NYC as squeegee men make their triumphant comeback, to be followed by the Times Square mugger-reintroduction program and occasionally-decent Mets baseball [Fail]

Friday 8 August 14:20:22 UTC 2014

Fail [link] [91 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Obama launches air strike on Iraq, cementing his record as Nobel Peace Prize winner with the most confirmed kills [News]

Friday 8 August 14:15:11 UTC 2014

News [link] [593 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Toddler squeezes through White House fence. Secret Service agents quickly subdued, quoted saying "Who's my little terrorist baby? Yes you ARE. Yes you are" [Amusing]

Friday 8 August 13:43:18 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [95 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » How Did “Bunny” Become a Cutesy Word for “Rabbit”?

Friday 8 August 13:31:20 UTC 2014

“Doggy” for dog makes sense, as does “kitty” for cat, when you think about it. (“Kitty” is a simply corruption of the word “kitten.”) But where does “bunny” come from? [Link]

Mental Floss » Watch Auditions for 'Forrest Gump'

Friday 8 August 13:31:12 UTC 2014

Forrest Gump turned 20 this summer, and this video from the auditions is making the rounds. At that point, the character didn't have a southern accent. It seems Hanks already has the part, and it's the other actors who are auditioning. If you like a good screen test, here are some famous actors auditioning for roles they didn't get, like … [Link]

Mental Floss » 11 of the Craziest S’mores Combinations Ever

Friday 8 August 13:30:32 UTC 2014

Get ready for National S'mores Day on Sunday. [Link]

Overheard In The Office » It Helps That He’s a Golden Retriever

Friday 8 August 13:04:07 UTC 2014

Lady peon: I really want to fuck him, but I can’t. I’m trying to be monogamous in my non-relationship relationship. Club restroom
Anchorage, Alaska [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Fill It Up with Regular and Check the Tires, Please

Friday 8 August 13:04:06 UTC 2014

Employee #1: May I take your order, please?Drive-thru customer: I want a Double Whopper, plain — only cheese and a little mustard.Employee #1: … I’m sorry, we don’t sell Double Whoppers here.Customer: Oh, you don’t? Okay, let me get just a Whopper, then.Employee #2: Sir, we don’t sell Whoppers. This is Wendy’s.Customer, unfazed: Oh. Okay then.1066 Independence Boulevard
Norfolk, VirginiaOverheard by: wage … [Link]

Overheard In The Office » But May Is National Masturbation Month

Friday 8 August 13:04:05 UTC 2014

Lady peon: Having a shower in December is the perfect idea. You’re going to get so many sex toys!Baby goods store
Danbury, ConnecticutOverheard by: This makes my job worth it… [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Tropic of Cancer Has That Effect on a Lot of People

Friday 8 August 13:04:04 UTC 2014

New mother, about boss’s new book: I’ll pop a boob out while I’m looking at the book. [Coworkers look shocked.] Oh, no! I meant while I’m breastfeeding!Navy Yard
Washington, DC [Link]

Overheard In The Office » I Never Felt So Free

Friday 8 August 13:04:03 UTC 2014

Cube rat #1: Could you stop? That's annoying me.Cube rat #2: Jim, feel free to suck it.Radnor, PennsylvaniaOverheard by: CubeKing [Link]

Overheard In The Office » I’ll Be Going Postal, So Bring a Tourniquet

Friday 8 August 13:04:02 UTC 2014

Receptionist #1: Is tomorrow your last day?
Receptionist #2: Yes.
Receptionist #1: Good. Park Place
Cardiff University, United Kingdom Overheard by: stranded_in_UK [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Two– I Only Count the Happy Years

Friday 8 August 13:04:01 UTC 2014

Coworker #1: So what are you doing this weekend?Coworker #2: My wife and I are celebrating our 23rd anniversary.Coworker #1: So how long have you guys been married?Phoenix, ArizonaOverheard by: huh? [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Thought I’d Rob Your Punk Ass, Is Why

Friday 8 August 13:04:00 UTC 2014

Employee: Can I help you find something?Customer: No, you don’t have it.Employee: Then why are you still here?Northgate Mall
Seattle, Washington [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this drone following Morgan Freeman [Photoshop]

Friday 8 August 13:00:01 UTC 2014

Photoshop [link] [28 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Hands down, this is subby's nomination for Mugshot of the Week: the guy accused of stabbing his son with pliers [Dumbass]

Friday 8 August 12:47:54 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [42 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Having frequent nosebleeds? Check to see that you don't have an extra tooth growing in your nose [Weird]

Friday 8 August 12:45:09 UTC 2014

Weird [link] [20 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » Mathilda the Bottled Hen

Friday 8 August 12:32:42 UTC 2014

Mathilda, a white leghorn chicken, was pushed into a five-gallon glass jug by her owner, Henry Willis, minutes after she emerged from her shell. She then grew into an adult chicken in the bottle, and became known as Mathilda the Bottled Hen of Denver. This was back in 1936.

Willis said he bottled her as part of an experiment to … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Today is National Cat Day, and here are pictures of 24 of them that couldn't care less [Amusing]

Friday 8 August 12:25:09 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [46 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Friday 8 August 12:23:07 UTC 2014

Today, my boss pretty much told me that I'm too ugly to meet clients, and should stay in the office doing the paperwork. So basically, I'm a modern day Hunchback of Notre Dame. FML [Link]

FMyLife » pocketrocket90 says FML

Friday 8 August 12:23:06 UTC 2014

Today, I got a call from my very drunk boyfriend at 1:30am asking for my permission to have sex with a "gross fat chick" he met at a pub, because he "felt sorry for her". The conversation ended with me getting hung up on because I "don't have a heart". FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Army Core of Engineers to New Orleans: Sorry our levees broke on you and flooded your city, but we're immune from any legal consequences. Kthxbai [Sad]

Friday 8 August 11:54:28 UTC 2014

Sad [link] [158 comments] [Link]

Overheard In The Office » …Because I've Got All This Blow Lying Around…

Friday 8 August 11:42:27 UTC 2014

Cubicle dweller #1: I heard there are dogs they've actually trained to sniff trace amounts of gluten.Cubicle dweller #2: Wait, so… (long pause) Can you train a dog to sniff anything?Purchase, New York [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Ebola won't cause a pandemic like AIDS or H1N1. But that doesn't stop idiots like Donald Trump. Enter: Science Cop [Interesting]

Friday 8 August 11:39:46 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [144 comments] [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Crime Goes Better With a Nice Dessert

Friday 8 August 10:41:13 UTC 2014

Employee #1: I think you were aiding and abetting a felony.Employee #2: Yay, it's been a big day. I made brownies.Chicago, Illinois [Link]

Mental Floss » Morning Cup of Links: All the Pop Songs of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Friday 8 August 10:30:00 UTC 2014

All the pop songs of the Teenage Mutant Turtles, ranked. * Want to read more books written by women? Here's 50 of them. * Writers, film makers, critics, and scientists came together to decide on the top 100 Science Fiction movies. * Summer is the perfect time to enjoy refreshing watermelon drinks and dishes. Here are nine recipes to try … [Link]

Mental Floss » Go Fly One

Friday 8 August 10:21:29 UTC 2014

[Link]

FMyLife » mamagelmane says FML

Friday 8 August 9:39:52 UTC 2014

Today, my husband jolted in bed and while still half-asleep said, "I had a nightmare; I dreamt we had a kid." I'm 8 months pregnant. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Move over Bloody Mary with a cheeseburger slider, make room and get ready for the "Chicken Fried Bloody Beast." An epic masterpiece of a Bloody Mary that comes with an entire fried chicken on top of it, courtesy of a Milwaukee bar [Cool]

Friday 8 August 9:12:00 UTC 2014

Cool [link] [49 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Are you tired of the endless fighting? The dinnertime brawls? The long uncomfortable silences around the home? Finally here is an article that will resolve all of those issues [Interesting]

Friday 8 August 8:36:00 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [75 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Fight between family members at a golf course leaves a hole in one [Scary]

Friday 8 August 7:26:00 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [29 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Not news: Man has his parents for dinner. Fark: With some fava beans and a nice chianti [Sick]

Friday 8 August 6:20:00 UTC 2014

Sick [link] [66 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » Sotto Voce

Friday 8 August 6:17:17 UTC 2014

In 1959, as he prepared the seventh edition of his Textbook of Pediatrics, Waldo E. Nelson enlisted his family to help compile the index. Nelson would call out items from each page and his wife and three children would write them down on index cards. Only after the book appeared did he notice this entry: Birds, for the, 1-1413 It … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Actual headline: Car crashes into sheriff's department helicopter [Ironic]

Friday 8 August 4:45:34 UTC 2014

Ironic [link] [40 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 15 Things You Probably Didn’t Know About 'Conan the Destroyer'

Friday 8 August 4:30:00 UTC 2014

Here’s everything you need to know to fully enjoy Arnold and his sword’s triumphant return. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Man illegally tries to fly camera drone over Yellowstone Park's Grand Prismatic Spring, winds up in hot water [Dumbass]

Friday 8 August 3:44:52 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [102 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » WWI Centennial: Bloodbath at Liège

Friday 8 August 3:30:57 UTC 2014

While the most enduring images of World War I come from the long period of trench warfare, the bloodiest phases were actually the shorter “war of movement” at the beginning and end of the conflict. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Predictably, since Cannabis legalization, Colorado highway fatalities have soared. Wait…what? They haven't and are near historic lows? I just don't which propaganja to believe anymore [Interesting]

Friday 8 August 3:13:57 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [87 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » After it was already used on two patients, the experimental drug designed to fight Ebola is cleared for human usage [Followup]

Friday 8 August 3:13:13 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [79 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » What would make concealed carry and hunting even more dangerous and deadly? How about legalizing silencers [Florida]

Friday 8 August 3:12:04 UTC 2014

Florida [link] [135 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Obama announces new airstrikes on Iraq in a bid to distract the world from the release of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles [News]

Friday 8 August 2:45:37 UTC 2014

News [link] [255 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Purse snatcher runs away with your date's purse. Do you A) Run after him B) Leave your date stranded C) Hang out with the thief in his motel room D) All of the above [Florida]

Friday 8 August 2:06:59 UTC 2014

Florida [link] [39 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Less than 24 hours after leaving jail and saying she'd never do it again, woman arrested at LAX after trying to sneak on board airplane again [Followup]

Friday 8 August 1:56:46 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [48 comments] [Link]

Overheard In The Office » 9AM So…Drowsy…

Friday 8 August 1:25:59 UTC 2014

Partner: Do you think the girls would mind if I popped an Ambien and went to sleep in their bathroom? 10 South Riverside Plaza
Chicago, Illinois [Link]

Overheard In The Office » They Stopped Doing the Circular Because of the Weird Envelopes

Friday 8 August 1:25:58 UTC 2014

Customer: Do you have a circular for this week?Cashier: Uh, no. We don’t have those.Customer: You don’t have a flyer advertising your weekly specials? Cashier: Oh, you mean this?Customer: Yeah! The circular. What I said.Cashier: Ma’am, this is not a circular. This is a rectangle.Target
Waldorf, MarylandOverheard by: SeeNoSpeakNo [Link]

Overheard In The Office » They’re in the Faculty Freezer Now

Friday 8 August 1:25:57 UTC 2014

Teacher: Hugh*, why are you out in the hallway? You should be in the classroom.Student: Well, I had skidmarks in my underpants so, you know, I was putting them away…Pittsburgh, PennsylvaniaOverheard by: another teacher [Link]

Overheard In The Office » 2PM Get New Temp

Friday 8 August 1:25:56 UTC 2014

Manager on phone: She’ll only be filing and sorting so as long as she doesn’t come in drunk and screw up the files, I don’t really care about the DUI. 2250 Alcazar Street
Los Angeles, California [Link]

Overheard In The Office » *Sigh* We Know, Madonna.

Friday 8 August 1:25:55 UTC 2014

Cube dweller to office: I used to enjoy getting dirty… Once upon a time…Melbourne
AustraliaOverheard by: confused but amused [Link]

Overheard In The Office » I'm Finding This Conversation Increasingly Tough to Swallow

Friday 8 August 1:25:54 UTC 2014

Young secretary #1: I don't understand why men are all interested in cougars now.Young male employee: Mmmmm… cougars.Young secretary #2: There's a Greek quote that says the older chicken is juicier.Young secretary #1: Yeah… But isn't it harder to chew?Lausanne
SwitzerlandOverheard by: You lost me at juicier. [Link]

Overheard In The Office » You May Know Them As Blue Man Group

Friday 8 August 1:25:53 UTC 2014

Professor: People never say half the things they are supposed to have said. I mean, just ask Jesus — ‘It wasn’t me, it was my flippin’ disciples.’Queens University
Kingston, Ontario
Canadia [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Eh, the Whole State Has a Permanent Case of Colony Collapse Disorder

Friday 8 August 1:25:52 UTC 2014

Grunt #1: Oh, man, I need a bagel. I weighed myself this morning and I’m lighter than I should be.Grunt #2: One thirty-nine?Grunt #1: Yeah, that’s bad… Even for me.Grunt #3: Carbo-load.Grunt #2: Put butter and cream cheese on the bagel.Grunt #1: Oh my god, did you hear about the bees?Grunt #2: No.Grunt #1: They’re dying.Grunt #3: Oh, yeah, I think … [Link]

Overheard In The Office » Are You Hitting on Me?

Friday 8 August 1:25:51 UTC 2014

Woman to man: You're like, one of those, like, glass dolls, and there's like, an owl, in a shop.Monroe, ToledoOverheard by: Katy [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Criminal genius goes shopping with stolen credit card, poses for photo. With stolen credit card [Florida]

Friday 8 August 1:10:38 UTC 2014

Florida [link] [49 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The woman who may have invented nude selfies has been taking a picture of herself topless every year on her birthday– since 1974. LGT slideshow of aging topless woman (Not safe for work) [Hero]

Friday 8 August 0:43:35 UTC 2014

Hero [link] [120 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Body found in Merrimack pond, authorities to Monitor situation [Sad]

Friday 8 August 0:32:43 UTC 2014

Sad [link] [63 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 10 Already Obsolete Things Included in the 5000-Year Westinghouse Time Capsule

Friday 8 August 0:30:00 UTC 2014

Austin Hall, Flickr The site of the 1939 World’s Fair is home to a time capsule that was put in the ground in 1938 and is due to be unearthed and opened in the year 6939. The “Immortal Well” that houses the capsule is located in the Westinghouse Pavilion of the fairgrounds in Queens, New York, and remains untouched to … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this weird ass-asteroid that the European Space Agency wants to harpoon later this year [Photoshop]

Friday 8 August 0:00:01 UTC 2014

Photoshop [link] [32 comments] [Link]

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