John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons

John Gordon Ross header image 3

Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”

Fark.com RSS » Smoking hot 20-year-old model who previously lived as a boy sets sights on Miss World despite death threats: "I'd love to help other confused girls and boys who are scared to be themselves. Nobody should be ashamed to be who they want to be&#

Saturday 2 August 23:36:45 UTC 2014

Hero [link] [340 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Beef prices won't even start to come down until late 2015 and pork not until at least late this year. Your dog wants steak, but is stuck settling for chicken [Interesting]

Saturday 2 August 23:14:55 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [74 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Last week: Naked blue Smurfs in Times Square. This week: Central Park Underpants Run. Slightly Not Safe For Work for those of you unfortunate to have to work on Saturday instead of running around in your underwear [Cool]

Saturday 2 August 22:46:16 UTC 2014

Cool [link] [18 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Worst. Robbery. Ever [Amusing]

Saturday 2 August 22:36:21 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [15 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » NoMoreHammy says FML

Saturday 2 August 22:01:19 UTC 2014

Today, I found a rat in my hamster cage, and my hamster nowhere to be found. Apparently she escaped from her cage, and my visiting mother mistook her for a mouse and put her outside. After realizing her mistake, she decided a rat at the pet store looked close enough because "They're all vermin." FML [Link]

FMyLife » bertiebeth says FML

Saturday 2 August 22:01:18 UTC 2014

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he wanted me to get him some take out. He responded with, "I think we should see other people. Uh, chicken please." FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Uptight vegan demands to know how it is possible to "love an adult who eats like a child." Because apparently putting ketchup on hot dogs, ketchup on eggs, only wanting cheese pizza, and eating lettuce only on a salad is "childish" [F

Saturday 2 August 21:30:54 UTC 2014

Fail [link] [269 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Remember that three-story "she cave" closet house? Turns out on the same night the owner happened to forget to arm the security system and even lock the door, burglars arrived and spent 40 minutes stealing $800K – $1M worth of stuff [Followup

Saturday 2 August 21:27:57 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [123 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Disney Union votes to approve minimum wage for employees [Florida]

Saturday 2 August 21:19:28 UTC 2014

Florida [link] [57 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » You know all those research studies that show how divorce screws up kids? Yeah, about that [Interesting]

Saturday 2 August 21:16:33 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [68 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Prize-winning goat reported missing from county fair, no information on whether it was to be used for any fraternity rituals [Scary]

Saturday 2 August 20:56:15 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [24 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » We've hit peak bacon, people. EVERYBODY PANIC [Scary]

Saturday 2 August 20:20:46 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [74 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this hot towel job [Photoshop]

Saturday 2 August 20:00:01 UTC 2014

Photoshop [link] [19 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Geraldo Rivera arrested for fatal hit & run in Tampa. Charges for reckless reporting still pending [Florida]

Saturday 2 August 19:02:19 UTC 2014

Florida [link] [62 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 2 August 18:59:25 UTC 2014

Today, my girlfriend interrupted my proposal to take a selfie with the ice cream I had just bought her. She then said no. FML [Link]

FMyLife » heartfelt says FML

Saturday 2 August 18:59:24 UTC 2014

Today, I was rejected by a company I applied to. When I was writing my application, I spent so much time on their website researching that the ads on my browser are almost all for their products. It's like getting rejected again with every click. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Guinness finally working on making a tolerable beer [Spiffy]

Saturday 2 August 18:50:13 UTC 2014

Spiffy [link] [115 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Crazy 26 year old who lives with his mom and his gun collection says he is going to kill Obama even if it takes a lifetime. Police say it will take at least until he gets out of jail [Dumbass]

Saturday 2 August 17:47:00 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [267 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The little league barbecue is later today and I need to make a side dish. I'm feeling uninspired. What is something that the kids will love? I started looking for ideas and no kid wants a tomato and onion salad [Advice]

Saturday 2 August 17:36:27 UTC 2014

Advice [link] [377 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » WickedRene says FML

Saturday 2 August 16:38:08 UTC 2014

Today, I was watching my 3 year old brother. He asked me to get him a cookie and I said, "What's the magic word?" He looked at me angrily and said "Bitch, please." FML [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 2 August 16:38:07 UTC 2014

Today, my dad was doing FaceTime with a friend. He turned his iPhone towards my sister and said "There's my daughter…" He then turned it to me and said "…and there's my ugly son", then walked away. I'm still not sure if it's a joke or not. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Old and busted: birthday cake. New hotness: $900 birthday cupcake [Cool]

Saturday 2 August 16:12:15 UTC 2014

Cool [link] [56 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Caption this clown guy [Caption]

Saturday 2 August 16:00:01 UTC 2014

Caption [link] [44 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Apartment maintenance worker enters your home and digs through your stuff? Seems legit. No crime committed here, Mr. Citizen [Interesting]

Saturday 2 August 15:54:17 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [106 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » It may be Caturday, but that does not means dogs can get special recognition. This lab that walked 30 miles to get a new home has now been adopted [Sappy]

Saturday 2 August 15:49:45 UTC 2014

Sappy [link] [19 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » 300 rats removed from Ohio apartment now up for adoption by rat rescue group. In other news, there are rat rescue groups [Strange]

Saturday 2 August 15:05:08 UTC 2014

Strange [link] [64 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Book him, Dan-O [Dumbass]

Saturday 2 August 15:00:14 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [18 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » One Hour of Q

Saturday 2 August 15:00:00 UTC 2014

Adam Savage and Jamie Hyneman, the MythBusters, hosted their own Q&A session at Comic-Con last week. Usually these are moderated panels, but this year the guys dispensed with that formality and just took questions from the crowd. For an hour. And it's awesome. Here's an hour of stories from the trenches of MythBusting: But that's not the only thing the … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Before the Buy Fair Trade Coffee movement, enjoying a morning cup of coffee wasn't so complicated [Obvious]

Saturday 2 August 14:59:55 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [70 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Marijuana activist claims responsibility for placing white flags on top of the Brooklyn Bridge. He could have gotten away with it since most people pegged it as the work of the French [Followup]

Saturday 2 August 14:57:00 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [61 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Apartment complex residents find large rattlesnake, proceed to film a PSA on how NOT to handle a rattlesnake [Dumbass]

Saturday 2 August 14:54:13 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [23 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Cops break into locked car, save a helpless baby… doll [Fail]

Saturday 2 August 14:42:05 UTC 2014

Fail [link] [53 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If you're planning public nakedness in Sweden here are some simple rules to follow. (SFW and deslided for your comfort) [Amusing]

Saturday 2 August 14:33:39 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [26 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Mother of five who was mocked for her stretch marks while on a public beach takes a pregnant pause and then responds to her critics [Followup]

Saturday 2 August 14:04:06 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [224 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If you ever get bitten by a brown recluse spider, keep in mind that no matter how bad it hurts at that moment, in 24 hours it's going to hurt a hell of a lot more [Scary]

Saturday 2 August 13:46:53 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [71 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Weekend Links: Superhero Science

Saturday 2 August 13:05:24 UTC 2014

Plenty of superhero powers are the stuff of pure fantasy; others have a surprising basis in real science. There's still a long way until Iron Man, though. * However inconceivable it might be to forget your dentures, skis, television, or death certificate on the subway, there's almost no object too weird to have crossed the threshold of New York City … [Link]

Weird Universe » Follies of the Madmen #226

Saturday 2 August 13:00:42 UTC 2014

Clunkiest metaphor ever. Garment causing deadly vision obstruction that will be shredded by fanbelt = engine protection.

Original ad here. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this guy who won't take Wu for an answer [Photoshop]

Saturday 2 August 13:00:01 UTC 2014

Photoshop [link] [22 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » The MIT Icicle

Saturday 2 August 12:59:25 UTC 2014

Back in January 1960, the craze that swept college campuses was creating massive icicles. And students at MIT took top honors by creating a four-story icicle down the side of Baker House. In fact, they declared it to be the largest man-made icicle ever created.

As reported in an Associated Press story about it from Jan 1960:

"They tied an … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Toledo area FARKers: WATER ADVISORY. Don't drink it, boil it, or even shower in it. Well, the last part is a stretch, but you never know. EVERYBODY PANIC [Scary]

Saturday 2 August 12:26:49 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [140 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Make no bones about it, the "Killing Caves" of the Khmer Rouge is an emotionally powerful tourist destination [Sad]

Saturday 2 August 12:17:27 UTC 2014

Sad [link] [53 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » No don't take my bukkit [Sad]

Saturday 2 August 12:16:11 UTC 2014

Sad [link] [49 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Paul the cat scratches one off his bucket list, climbs one of Colorado's 14ers. Hey, I can see Caturday from here [Caturday]

Saturday 2 August 12:00:00 UTC 2014

Caturday [link] [819 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » infortunatename says FML

Saturday 2 August 11:37:58 UTC 2014

Today, I won a big raffle. However, my name is so ridiculous-sounding that they thought someone was playing a prank, and pulled a different ticket. I was too embarrassed to say anything. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If you are running for Governor, try not to be caught "getting lost" at 4:30am in an industrial park with a woman not your wife [Dumbass]

Saturday 2 August 11:08:44 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [67 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » It's the question men have asked since the dawn of time: Should I go to the beach or build a swimming pool in my living room? [Silly]

Saturday 2 August 10:42:00 UTC 2014

Silly [link] [24 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Pennsylvania Department of Agriculture cracks down on the menace of unregulated seed libraries, thus rescuing the state from going full Somalia – too late for Philadishu, however [Stupid]

Saturday 2 August 9:13:47 UTC 2014

Stupid [link] [68 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » French hospital is planning on building a wine bar with the hope it will improve the quality of day-to-day existence of patients both terminal and short term [Spiffy]

Saturday 2 August 8:47:00 UTC 2014

Spiffy [link] [17 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » Unlikely Similes

Saturday 2 August 6:12:28 UTC 2014

Winston Churchill said that playing golf was “like chasing a quinine pill around a cow pasture.” For twenty years I’ve stared my level best
To see if evening — any evening — would suggest
A patient etherised upon a table;
In vain. I simply wasn’t able. – C.S. Lewis In 1910, unable to get his one-act play “The First Poet” … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » It's all fun and games 'til you piss off the the wrong otter [Scary]

Saturday 2 August 5:01:00 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [69 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 2 August 4:31:01 UTC 2014

Today, I got suspended from work after getting caught reading a work-related FML. Irony is funny, but it doesn't pay the bills. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Bristol waste recycling plant would like to advise their customers that they do not currently have a Soylent Green production facility. It would appear one customer is not aware of this fact [Sad]

Saturday 2 August 4:31:00 UTC 2014

Sad [link] [21 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » lacieQ says FML

Saturday 2 August 4:30:59 UTC 2014

Today, I confided to my grandma that I'm suffering from depression and I feel like a burden to everyone. She replied that her grandpa used to suffer from depression too, but that he'd cured himself in the end, namely by committing suicide. Thanks, grandma, thanks. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » When you break into a store and tell police you got "locked in the bathroom overnight" its best not to be found surrounded by empty beer bottles, cigarette butts, and open cookie boxes [Dumbass]

Saturday 2 August 4:22:30 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [28 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Father builds son a Apollo 13 simulator with LED readouts, rumble speaker, and a robot arm deploying satellites; USS Flagg sits in large corner as recovery ship [Spiffy]

Saturday 2 August 3:29:40 UTC 2014

Spiffy [link] [98 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Airport ground crew fix helicopter's broken wheel … as it hovers 8ft above them [Cool]

Saturday 2 August 3:25:38 UTC 2014

Cool [link] [25 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » The Richest Person in Each State

Saturday 2 August 3:08:02 UTC 2014

Bill Gates, Warren Buffett, several Walton heirs… [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Woman finds IKEA bags stuffed with 80 human skeletons. No word on if she was able to assemble them without having to call the support line [Scary]

Saturday 2 August 3:00:17 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [74 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Parents of the year hire woman as surrogate mother of twins, take healthy girl home but ditch boy that has Down syndrome and congenital heart defect in foreign country [Sick]

Saturday 2 August 2:50:25 UTC 2014

Sick [link] [146 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » whoops says FML

Saturday 2 August 2:45:19 UTC 2014

Today, my girlfriend's dad returned home from deployment. Being the grade A fucktard that I am, I got flustered and asked, "So um, did you make it back?" He looked me dead in the eyes and said completely deadpan, "No, obviously I died. Moron." FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "The problem with Ebola for the more sensational sections of the media is that it's too good a scare story to pass up" [Followup]

Saturday 2 August 2:13:09 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [50 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The inventor of the cronut inches mankind closer to sugary destruction with 'ice cream sundae in a can' [Interesting]

Saturday 2 August 2:05:42 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [25 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Daily running doesn't have any real health benefits [PSA]

Saturday 2 August 1:57:29 UTC 2014

PSA [link] [74 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Tribe emerges from Brazilian jungle for first time ever. Hears about Kardashians, runs back into jungle [Interesting]

Saturday 2 August 1:43:34 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [36 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If you're gonna get shot, it's better to be naked, presumably because it makes for a better Fark headline [Interesting]

Saturday 2 August 1:08:21 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [13 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Old & busted: Fighting fire with fire. New hotness: Fighting monkeys with monkey impersonators [Amusing]

Saturday 2 August 0:44:44 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [18 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Mayor of Calgary criticized for lacking comprehensive peace plan for Middle Eastern conflicts [Obvious]

Saturday 2 August 0:40:16 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [67 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » WWI Centennial: France Mobilizes, Germany Declares War on Russia

Saturday 2 August 0:23:23 UTC 2014

The First World War was an unprecedented catastrophe that shaped our modern world. Erik Sass is covering the events of the war exactly 100 years after they happened. This is the 136th installment in the series. July 31-August 1, 1914: France Mobilizes, Germany Declares War on Russia When Russia’s Tsar Nicholas II agreed to order general mobilization on the afternoon … [Link]

Mental Floss » Grave Sightings: Patty Smith Hill

Saturday 2 August 0:23:22 UTC 2014

After realizing that there are a lot of taphophiles (cemetery and/or tombstone enthusiasts) out there, I’m finally putting my photo library of interesting tombstones to good use. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this bee [Photoshop]

Saturday 2 August 0:00:01 UTC 2014

Photoshop [link] [26 comments] [Link]

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