Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”

Fark.com RSS » Contrary to popular belief, smoking heroin in the bathroom of a Chuck E. Cheese restaurant does not make the Chuck E. Cheese experience any less terrifying [Strange]

Sunday 13 July 23:44:33 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » After more than a year of being free from Ariel Castro's house of horrors, Michelle Knight has finally figured out how to live by herself. She also doesn't want to be a celebrity because money brings fake friends out of the woodwork [Followup

Sunday 13 July 23:38:27 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Your etiquette guide to summer vacation-house sex. Biggest takeaway: if you are the noisiest, then you must make pancakes in the morning [Silly]

Sunday 13 July 23:02:26 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Protip: If you've failed your written driver's test 110 times, perhaps a license isn't in your future [Fail]

Sunday 13 July 22:29:13 UTC 2014

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Futility Closet » In a Word

Sunday 13 July 21:46:39 UTC 2014

juvencle
n. a young girl minauderie
n. a coquettish manner or air increpation
n. a chiding, reproof, or rebuke porporate
adj. clad in purple [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Pope Francis: You have a 1 in 50 chance of being molested by a priest [Obvious]

Sunday 13 July 21:34:10 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » News: Plane diverted to Midway Airport. Fark: Plane diverted to Midway Island Airport [Scary]

Sunday 13 July 21:24:20 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » The Raelians are determined to take the swastika back from the Nazis, and if that requires them to fly a banner over a crowded beach, so be it [Interesting]

Sunday 13 July 21:10:06 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Teenage boy kept wondering why people kept telling him to stop standing up on top of the double-decker bus. And then it hit him [Fail]

Sunday 13 July 20:51:22 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » County forced to tell two dozen employees that the raises they all got were a clerical error [Florida]

Sunday 13 July 20:47:24 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » I…I can't even…. I'm just going to say that if you can get through this page without tearing up a little, then you are a monster who should be banished from the face of the Earth [Sad]

Sunday 13 July 20:40:00 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Isolated lodge on an island in the Rockies asks $6.5 million. Mentally insert yourself there, and take a few moments to soak it all up [Cool]

Sunday 13 July 20:27:08 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Begun, the Armadillo Invasion has [Scary]

Sunday 13 July 20:22:18 UTC 2014

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FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Sunday 13 July 20:13:03 UTC 2014

Today, I discovered the downside to having a "sneak-attacks-allowed" tickle war with my 4-year-old son. I had to explain to several outraged strangers at the supermarket why my son kept flinching and pulling away whenever I made any sudden movements near him. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop what this hand is drawing [Photoshop]

Sunday 13 July 20:00:01 UTC 2014

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Weird Universe » News of the Weird (July 13, 2014)

Sunday 13 July 19:58:41 UTC 2014

News of the Weird
Weirdnuz.M379, July 13, 2014
Copyright 2014 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.

Lead Story

Prominent theoretical chemist David Glowacki was ejected from a classical music concert at England’s Bristol Old Vic in June for disrupting a performance of Handel’s “Messiah” by attempting to crowd-surf in front of the stage. Dr. Glowacki, an expert in non-equilibrium molecular … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » No, really, SHUT DOWN EVERYTHING [Followup]

Sunday 13 July 19:22:44 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Revealed: the Taliban's most closely guarded secret. Their shopping list [Strange]

Sunday 13 July 18:53:50 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » If you attend a Christian university and decide to marry your lesbian partner, you best believe you will be expelled from school lickety split [Stupid]

Sunday 13 July 18:47:18 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » It's time once again to look at The Chicago Shooting Tracker, which shows that out of the twenty-five people shot in Chicago over the weekend, only three died. Better average than on a normal weekend [Followup]

Sunday 13 July 18:43:26 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Admit it. Swiping these two things and making a run for it would have been a perfect caper on a hot summer day. When you were about 13 [Obvious]

Sunday 13 July 18:36:04 UTC 2014

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Mental Floss » The 12 Biggest Electrical Blackouts In History

Sunday 13 July 18:30:00 UTC 2014

Fifty years ago today, the Great Northeast Blackout trapped 800,000 people in New York City's subways. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Nineteen year-old woman who survived the Boston Marathon bombing was kicked out of TJ Maxx because she wouldn't comply with a new company policy saying all service dogs had to be put in a shopping cart [Sick]

Sunday 13 July 18:24:06 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Well, we've survived another Super Moon. Tell us your stories. Mercury's retrograde just recently finished, too — were there any noticeable, lingering effects? [Scary]

Sunday 13 July 18:07:14 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Like eleventy thousand kids atend unproducktive schools [Asinine]

Sunday 13 July 17:59:58 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Dear Gaza, the bombing begins tonight. Anyone wishing not to die better clear out of town. Sincerely, Israel [Scary]

Sunday 13 July 17:59:14 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » "In every princess, there's a little slut who wants to try it just once" slogan on camper vans is upsetting some princesses [Obvious]

Sunday 13 July 17:10:43 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Target security spots repeat shoplifter on video — is the security guard fired for A) chasing down the thief and tackling him, B) grabbing the man's arm, or C) reporting it to the police? Hint: thief happens to be a cop [Asinine]

Sunday 13 July 16:02:29 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Tillamook: Who moved our cheese vans? [Sad]

Sunday 13 July 15:20:12 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Not News: Yale grad takes a hike. News: It was 9,000 miles long. FARK: He did not speak for that entire time [Strange]

Sunday 13 July 15:18:13 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » If your contract coroner's van had a body fall out the back recently, the Bucks County authorities would like a word with you [Scary]

Sunday 13 July 14:54:06 UTC 2014

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FMyLife » NoSexForMe says FML

Sunday 13 July 14:46:48 UTC 2014

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he could finally go down on me. He said, "No, that's disgusting" and then asked me for a blowjob. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Sunday 13 July 14:44:45 UTC 2014

Today, I decided to tan naked in a secluded part of my yard, so I wouldn't get tan lines. I even felt adventurous enough to leave my bikini and towel inside. This idea backfired however when my mom stopped home from work, assumed I wasn't home, and locked all the doors before she left again. FML [Link]

Mental Floss » Inside the "Game of Thrones" Season 4 Effects

Sunday 13 July 14:30:00 UTC 2014

Here's a five-minute reel showing how Game of Thrones uses special effects to construct scenes. It's purely visual (no narration), showing how effects are layered into a shot. You can almost hear the director saying, "Can we drop a few hundred more dudes in there? Or maybe an extra boat?" And, boom, more dudes and boats. Enjoy: Now here's a … [Link]

Mental Floss » Weekend Links: Are You Smarter Than a 4-Year-Old?

Sunday 13 July 13:30:00 UTC 2014

Standardized tests are getting harder these days, even for kindergarteners. Are you smarter than a 4-year-old? * Take some relationship advice from the world's longest-married couple. After 80+ years together, they seem to have figured most of it out. * These thumbnail-sized food paintings are very literally too pretty to eat. * What is this mysterious "Fed" that has such … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Here are 23 things you're only pretending to like. Just admit it, you'll feel better [Obvious]

Sunday 13 July 13:28:47 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » NSA Whistleblower: Metadata shmetadata, they're storing the entire content of 80% of the world's phone calls [Obvious]

Sunday 13 July 13:13:23 UTC 2014

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Weird Universe » Cash Cannon

Sunday 13 July 13:08:55 UTC 2014

I imagine this is what investment bankers do at parties. Just spray each other with money while laughing maniacally! Available at thecashcannon.com. Real cash not included.

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Fark.com RSS » Photoshop these drying spacesuits [Photoshop]

Sunday 13 July 13:00:01 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » This is it, the sky is falling: Seattle's City Attorney apologizes for bringing weed to the office [Dumbass]

Sunday 13 July 12:48:22 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Man hurts his back, and medicine makes him temporarily delusional, so he stops taking it. Just to be on the safe side, authorities lock him away, totally sane, in the funny farm for 20 years [Scary]

Sunday 13 July 12:43:15 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Moviegoers have to jump off a high ledge to escape a fire. It was like something straight out of a novel [Scary]

Sunday 13 July 12:19:01 UTC 2014

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Weird Universe » Driverless Cars of Yesteryear

Sunday 13 July 11:36:32 UTC 2014

Why can't Google do a fun ad like this for their robot cars?

Original ad here. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Red king crabs are normally red, not deep periwinkle blue [Weird]

Sunday 13 July 11:26:00 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » GTA x3 [Florida]

Sunday 13 July 10:52:45 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » See pictures of the most uniquely beautiful places in the world, otherwise known as the Sci-Fi film producers' list of shot locations [Interesting]

Sunday 13 July 9:39:59 UTC 2014

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FMyLife » Workhorse says FML

Sunday 13 July 9:02:11 UTC 2014

Today, my boss called me to inform me that I'm being laid off. In my ensuing fit of rage, I deleted the recent project I've been working on for weeks. Pretty soon after, he called me back to let me know it was a prank. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Can't get by on a million dollars a year? Rich people problems [Fail]

Sunday 13 July 8:17:11 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » LeBron returning to Cleveland is likely to fark up the 2016 GOP Convention [Amusing]

Sunday 13 July 7:58:39 UTC 2014

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Mental Floss » Study: Smelling Farts is Good for Your Health

Sunday 13 July 7:08:14 UTC 2014

All right. [Link]

Futility Closet » Oh

Sunday 13 July 6:28:10 UTC 2014

During Arthur Conan Doyle’s first tour of the United States, in 1894, he encountered a cabbie in Boston who declined his fare and asked instead for a ticket to that evening’s lecture. Surprised, Doyle asked how he had recognized him. The cabbie replied: “If you will excuse other personal remarks, your coat lapels are badly twisted downward, where they have … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » A 59-year-old man is charged with 7 counts of assault and battery with a dangerous weapon after doing what? A) Firing shots at the DMV, B) Throwing diapers at the neighbors, or C) Throwing cayenne pepper at several customers at a grocery store [Stran

Sunday 13 July 6:26:46 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Virginia dad claims abandoned African region of Bir Tawil, establishes absolute monarchy, just to make his 7 year old daughter an actual Princess [Cool]

Sunday 13 July 5:44:05 UTC 2014

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FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Sunday 13 July 5:26:22 UTC 2014

Today, I accidentally twisted my balls in my own underwear so badly that I had to be hospitalized. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Police in Allentown blame web site for surge in prostitution, but the restlessness was handed down [Obvious]

Sunday 13 July 4:58:20 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » NPR convinced a stress psychologist to do an AMA on Reddit. Here are the results [Amusing]

Sunday 13 July 3:39:43 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » CNN interviewed a pirate about Google exec's death at the hands of a prostitute. Surely the return of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is nigh [Weird]

Sunday 13 July 3:31:07 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Today's camel accident comes to you from (a) the sands of the Sahara, (b) somewhere on the Arabian peninsula, or (c) the westbound Pike near Otis, Massachusetts [Weird]

Sunday 13 July 2:26:43 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Forget about the economy, crime, or global warming. Florida officials are worried about: Air Potatoes [Florida]

Sunday 13 July 1:25:27 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Our long national nightmare is over and we can stop lighting candles, praying for and looking for Penelope the pregnant tarantula whose missing posters have been seen in Brooklyn, because the whole thing has been revealed as a prank [Followup]

John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons