John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons

John Gordon Ross header image 3

Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”

Fark.com RSS » Poll finds average person knows five gay guys and three lesbians, which is helpful if you need help redecorating or to borrow a pickup truck [Interesting]

Saturday 5 July 23:48:55 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [128 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If you're a newspaper photographer and you have to work on the Fourth of July, you can always hope the editor will send you to the beach to take pictures of women in red-white-and-blue bikinis [Spiffy]

Saturday 5 July 23:46:55 UTC 2014

Spiffy [link] [39 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Fireworks Filmed With a Drone

Saturday 5 July 23:40:50 UTC 2014

Stunning footage. [Link]

FMyLife » Rowansgonnarow says FML

Saturday 5 July 23:30:54 UTC 2014

Today, a girl I recently slept with messaged me, explaining through a rendition of "Call Me Maybe" that she'd given me chlamydia. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Study finds adults have trouble identifying stinging bugs, preferring to KILL THEM ALL [Obvious]

Saturday 5 July 23:07:51 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [72 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Pope Francis calls for an end to work on Sundays. Unless you're in the restaurant or retail industries, of course [PSA]

Saturday 5 July 23:07:47 UTC 2014

PSA [link] [56 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If the FCC has its way, all of your full length cat videos will be closed captioned for the meowing impaired [Stupid]

Saturday 5 July 22:51:04 UTC 2014

Stupid [link] [34 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Authorities have found the stolen Iridium-192 inside an abandoned truck [Followup]

Saturday 5 July 22:44:10 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [35 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Russian special forces evacuate from the city of Sloviansk. Looks like the big bad bear may not be as fierce as once thought [Followup]

Saturday 5 July 22:21:58 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [62 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Boca Raton, Florida is becoming the capital of the hair growth industry, which makes sense if you've ever seen the backs of the men on the Boca Raton beaches [Florida]

Saturday 5 July 22:15:11 UTC 2014

Florida [link] [16 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 5 July 21:55:41 UTC 2014

Today, my dad interrupted my job interview with a phone call, just to say "I fucked your mom." No shit, dad. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Albuquerque Police officer's lapel camera has its third malfunction, but this time during a shooting instead of the previous two times where he only beat people up. Coincidence? [Unlikely]

Saturday 5 July 21:32:53 UTC 2014

Unlikely [link] [88 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The Mayday PAC, described as the "PAC to end all PACs," has raised $5 million [Followup]

Saturday 5 July 21:28:16 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [26 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Dear Ms. Talley, Remember when we told you that you were the oldest living American at 115 years old? Well, there's been a change [Followup]

Saturday 5 July 21:19:41 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [25 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "A clerk saw the infant in an oversized diaper being fed a cappuccino and felt that something was 'not right,'" [Obvious]

Saturday 5 July 20:37:05 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [48 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » A civil rights group that advocates on behalf of sex offenders are suing cities in California over ordinances that ban them from places. In other news there are groups that advocate on behalf of sex offenders [Scary]

Saturday 5 July 20:35:57 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [108 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this monitor monitoring [Photoshop]

Saturday 5 July 20:00:01 UTC 2014

Photoshop [link] [18 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » What's the Difference Between the Beach and the Shore?

Saturday 5 July 18:30:38 UTC 2014

You could say one is specific to New Jersey—and colloquially, that would be correct. But technically, people in New Jersey can go to the beach, and there are shores even outside the Garden State. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "Univision needs to stop exploiting women by having them talk about sports in skimpy outfits, have them appear on variety shows in nothing but bikinis, and treat them as people instead of objects." Because FEMINISM [Amusing]

Saturday 5 July 17:53:26 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [442 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Weekend Links: The Best Time to Drink Coffee

Saturday 5 July 17:45:00 UTC 2014

There are peak times of day to drink coffee (and times when it can do more harm than good). Don't miss them! * Architect Antonio Gaudí's long-unfinished masterpiece, the Sagrada Familia church in Barcelona, is one of the world's greatest works in progress. Instead of waiting for the real thing to be completed, some Dutch graduate students have decided to … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "Man chases cab driver with pots & pans after trying to buy his girlfriend's cats." You have to click on the story to find out who wanted to buy the cats and who had the pots and pans [Strange]

Saturday 5 July 17:32:23 UTC 2014

Strange [link] [19 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Marijuana should be legalized–but it should also be very, very expensive [Obvious]

Saturday 5 July 16:57:22 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [234 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Are you ordering discount prescription drugs? Well, if so, be forewarned that they might not be the drugs you thought they were and could, in fact, kill you. But hey, you saved a few bucks [PSA]

Saturday 5 July 16:52:03 UTC 2014

PSA [link] [29 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » While we're still debating the merit of Obamacare, the Canadian government just opened a recreational flying trapeze center in Montreal where anyone can go for free to train like a Cirque du Soleil performer [Cool]

Saturday 5 July 15:58:37 UTC 2014

Cool [link] [49 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » That jerk who's been graffiti-ing subways with "DG" since 1985 has electrocuted himself on the third rail [Dumbass]

Saturday 5 July 15:54:45 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [244 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The arrival of 3-D printers in public libraries puts librarians in a potentially sticky situation when people naturally want to use libraries for the same thing we read about them being banned from libraries for [Interesting]

Saturday 5 July 15:47:48 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [45 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "Selfies" officially linked to narcissism and mental illness. Make some popcorn and post this one to your Facebook feed. Watch your millennial relatives try to deny it [Obvious]

Saturday 5 July 15:30:16 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [79 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Not news: City bans texting while driving. Fark: City bans texting while biking [Interesting]

Saturday 5 July 15:29:33 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [43 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Woman who tried to recreate the classic Coppertone girl pose with her own daughter at the beach is shocked, SHOCKED that Facebook would ban her for 24 hours and remove the photo saying it was considered pornographic [Obvious]

Saturday 5 July 15:29:22 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [72 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » umerin says FML

Saturday 5 July 15:02:14 UTC 2014

Today, I woke up to my young niece hammering a metal cookie cutter into my leg. I'll have a teddy bear shaped scar for the rest of my life. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Wow says FML

Saturday 5 July 15:02:13 UTC 2014

Today, I was on the internet playing a game. I have a speech impediment, and the guy running it told me to get off his server for making fun of disabled people. FML [Link]

FMyLife » bad in the sack says FML

Saturday 5 July 15:02:12 UTC 2014

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. She was on top, and then stopped, got off, and said, "Let's go get ice cream." I think this was her way of telling me I suck at sex. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Not news: $2 million pot farm found in Texas. News: On federal land [Unlikely]

Saturday 5 July 14:44:43 UTC 2014

Unlikely [link] [71 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Finish this limerick: There once was a hurricane in Nantucket [Followup]

Saturday 5 July 14:34:18 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [40 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » WWI Centennial: Germany Gives Austria-Hungary a “Blank Check”

Saturday 5 July 14:30:00 UTC 2014

bildarchivaustria.at The First World War was an unprecedented catastrophe that shaped our modern world. Erik Sass is covering the events of the war exactly 100 years after they happened. This is the 127th installment in the series. July 5, 1914: Germany Gives Austria-Hungary a “Blank Check” The “blank check” is an infamous episode in the history of the First World … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » In an emotional interview, embattled Toronto mayor Rob Ford says he can't promise his name is going to stay out of Fark headlines [Sad]

Saturday 5 July 14:28:32 UTC 2014

Sad [link] [25 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Mother. Of. God. It's a miracle [Spiffy]

Saturday 5 July 13:54:13 UTC 2014

Spiffy [link] [64 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Here's Arizona's version of a hot television reporter trying to do a live shot in the middle of a hurricane [Scary]

Saturday 5 July 13:48:27 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [36 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Good morning, sunshine. It's July 5, 2014. You've survived last night's rousing July 4 celebration, you managed to not burn your house down with fireworks, and you have one hell of a hangover to deal with. Try this [Interesting]

Saturday 5 July 13:43:47 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [26 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » Epitaph as personal ad

Saturday 5 July 13:37:20 UTC 2014

As reported by numerous 19th century sources (such as here and here), a tombstone bearing the following epitaph supposedly once stood in a "quiet Maine graveyard":

"sacred to the memory of James H. Random, who died Aug. the 6th, 1800. His widow, who mourns as one who can be comforted, aged only 24, and possessing every qualification of a good … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this seaside salvage [Photoshop]

Saturday 5 July 13:00:01 UTC 2014

Photoshop [link] [24 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » ISIS declares reconquista of Spain [Stupid]

Saturday 5 July 12:39:13 UTC 2014

Stupid [link] [148 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » Chimpnology

Saturday 5 July 12:30:52 UTC 2014

[Link]

FMyLife » iphonerevolution says FML

Saturday 5 July 12:18:56 UTC 2014

Today, my teenage daughter faked a suicide because I bought her a Samsung instead of an iPhone for her birthday. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Latest wedding photo trend is something I am sure every Farker wants to get behind [Amusing]

Saturday 5 July 12:18:30 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [96 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Hoarder who previously had 636 cats confiscated by the humane society, defies court order and you can probably guess the rest from the Florida tag [Florida]

Saturday 5 July 12:05:24 UTC 2014

Florida [link] [33 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Newcastle Beer: We are sick of you rubbing it in our noses. You could have been better had the British won (link changed since the video stopped working on the other one) [Amusing]

Saturday 5 July 12:04:29 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [46 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Let's face it, everybuddy wants to be a cat on Caturday [Caturday]

Saturday 5 July 12:00:00 UTC 2014

Caturday [link] [552 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » It's all fun and games 'til you can't use your grill on the 4th of July because you have a 12-foot python trapped in it [Florida]

Saturday 5 July 11:15:02 UTC 2014

Florida [link] [27 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » News: Man found curled up in a blood-stained bed with his cousin's naked body hanging nearby. WTFark: He claims it was rough sex gone wrong and is cleared of all charges [Sick]

Saturday 5 July 10:12:00 UTC 2014

Sick [link] [55 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » 'Stop endangering yourself.' *smack* 'Stop endangering yourself.' *smack* 'Stop endangering yourself.' *smack* [Sick]

Saturday 5 July 7:58:00 UTC 2014

Sick [link] [70 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » Flash Mob

Saturday 5 July 6:29:26 UTC 2014

When Wilhelm Kieft tried to outlaw smoking in New Amsterdam in the 1630s, he brought on a unique protest. Washington Irving writes: A mob of factious citizens had … the hardihood to assemble before the governor’s house, where, setting themselves resolutely down, like a besieging army before a fortress, they one and all fell to smoking with a determined perseverance, … [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 5 July 4:47:59 UTC 2014

Today, the deranged idiot that I am defending in court went completely nuts and told the judge that I am the guy who planned the whole armed robbery that he is on trial for. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » On this 4th of July as we celebrate our freedom and independence a Gallup survey reveals that Americans are less satisfied with their freedom and that the attitude of the country is down [Obvious]

Saturday 5 July 3:58:41 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [176 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 5 July 3:55:10 UTC 2014

Today, my 11-year-old son and I took an IQ test for a laugh. To be honest, I've often suspected that I may have some form of mental retardation, but I didn't expect to get a score of 79, while he got one of 114. FML [Link]

FMyLife » fleatitting fame says FML

Saturday 5 July 3:30:40 UTC 2014

Today, a guy told me that I look like Angelina Jolie. Before I could thank him, he continued, "I mean like in the chest area. After the mastectomy, you know?" FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Arizona State University offers female students extra credit for not shaving their armpits for a semester. Presumably for French class [Strange]

Saturday 5 July 3:13:39 UTC 2014

Strange [link] [88 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 25 Future Stars Who Appeared on 'Seinfeld'

Saturday 5 July 3:04:10 UTC 2014

These now-familiar faces had minor roles on Seinfeld before going on to bigger and better things. [Link]

Mental Floss » 12 Slams on 'Seinfeld'

Saturday 5 July 3:03:53 UTC 2014

For its first two seasons—and then occasionally throughout—Seinfeld was panned by critics for being too lame, too self-indulgent, too racist, too homophobic, too yuppish, and too liberal. [Link]

FMyLife » The Rock's arse says FML

Saturday 5 July 2:29:01 UTC 2014

Today, I hit rock bottom; I watched one of those shitty infomercial channels, without even being forced into it at gunpoint. Even worse is that I practically creamed myself over a damn fruit juicer, all because it was 50% off and I could actually afford it. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » I haven't seen a Tesla this devastated since Edison cheated him out of $50,000 [Sad]

Saturday 5 July 2:28:23 UTC 2014

Sad [link] [265 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The US is now the world's biggest oil producer, meaning it may have to invade itself at some point in the future [Ironic]

Saturday 5 July 2:14:42 UTC 2014

Ironic [link] [131 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Before devouring 61 dogs in 10 minutes Joey Chestnut asked his girlfriend to marry him [Sappy]

Saturday 5 July 1:41:20 UTC 2014

Sappy [link] [33 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » To prove pet food is as nutritious as human food, woman will mange to live on it for a month [Strange]

Saturday 5 July 0:56:36 UTC 2014

Strange [link] [54 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » neryc says FML

Saturday 5 July 0:43:09 UTC 2014

Today, my little sister started freaking out, because she was playing with some white-out eraser and got some on her finger. She started crying inconsolably because she thought her entire finger was going to disappear. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 5 July 0:43:08 UTC 2014

Today, on my first day as a lifeguard, a man had a heart attack in the pool. I jumped in, pulled him out, and even went to the hospital with him. He seemed genuinely offended, saying "You should've let me die." FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Bank teller claims she was fired on account of saying "Have a blessed day" [Fail]

Saturday 5 July 0:26:26 UTC 2014

Fail [link] [284 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Motivational speaker's $5 million Connecticut mansion burns to the ground. He will now have to live in a van down by the river [Sad]

Saturday 5 July 0:25:34 UTC 2014

Sad [link] [43 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Grave Sightings: Benjamin Harrison

Saturday 5 July 0:00:10 UTC 2014

For years, every time we so much as touch a toe out of state, I’ve put cemeteries on our travel itinerary. From garden-like expanses to overgrown boot hills, whether they’re the final resting places of the well-known but not that important or the important but not that well-known, I love them all. After realizing that there are a lot of … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this dog wizard [Photoshop]

Saturday 5 July 0:00:01 UTC 2014

Photoshop [link] [14 comments] [Link]

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