Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”

Fark.com RSS » Zoo builds paraplegic porcupine a wheelchair out of PVC pipe and duct tape. Cheap pricks [Interesting]

Friday 4 July 23:48:12 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » "Runaway marmots are fairly common in the Bay Area" [Strange]

Friday 4 July 23:39:13 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » "It should be obvious that flying a drone through a July 4th fireworks display is unsafe and illegal." With video from people with drones who obviously didn't get that memo [Cool]

Friday 4 July 23:20:27 UTC 2014

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FMyLife » Oops says FML

Friday 4 July 21:42:52 UTC 2014

Today, I was at the gym, when I saw my uncle at the front desk. I quietly went up behind him and slapped him hard on the back while yelling "What's up, loser?!" He turned around. It wasn't my uncle. FML [Link]

FMyLife » cakefete2 says FML

Friday 4 July 21:42:51 UTC 2014

Today, I was reviewing documents at work, only to find one of my coworkers has been signing off on paperwork, claiming he's been walking one of the residents daily. Aside from being a double leg amputee, the patient died two weeks ago. The state review board comes this week. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Fox News asks, "Are American cars are going extinct?" If you can answer that, you should be able to answer "Is are children learnding?" [Fail]

Friday 4 July 21:27:18 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Only the toughest Syrian Jihadi Rebel Leaders can pull it off with a "Hello Kitty" notebook [Amusing]

Friday 4 July 21:21:24 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Man: "Look, officers, I swear I didn't drive this car to the store to buy corn. I'm drunk and would never do that–my friend here drove me." Dog: "Can you believe this a-hole?" [Dumbass]

Friday 4 July 20:28:33 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Now looka, I say looka here. Put that egghead book down boy and have a sip of this refreshing drink called the Foghorn. Any of this getting through that little old blue bonnet of yours? [Cool]

Friday 4 July 20:27:58 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Of all the achievements America has made over the past two hundred-plus years, only one thing would make Thomas Jefferson proud: the advent of craft beer [Hero]

Friday 4 July 20:23:43 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Again, donut shops are not good places to attempt to rob [Fail]

Friday 4 July 20:12:36 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Staggeringly hot, dresses like a '50s model, bakes some seriously freaky-ass pies – I think we've found Fark's perfect woman [Cool]

Friday 4 July 20:08:21 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » How Vick's Vapo-Rub ended an epic mongoose war. Again [Interesting]

Friday 4 July 20:06:09 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Photoshop these vintage pole dancers [Photoshop]

Friday 4 July 20:00:01 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Brits praise the 8 foods they are glad Americans gave them like they were sliced bread. Link includes Fluffernutter and American Cheese, much like the previous list containing foods they hate [Amusing]

Friday 4 July 19:42:40 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Disgraced televangelist Benny Hinn's foreclosed palatial church to be auctioned off on Tuesday. Flying Spaghetti Monster UFIA Revival Center up for grabs [Florida]

Friday 4 July 19:08:46 UTC 2014

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The Oatmeal – Comics, Quizzes, & Stories » Happy Scare-The-Crap-Out-Of-Your-Dog Day

Friday 4 July 19:08:39 UTC 2014

Happy Scare-The-Crap-Out-Of-Your-Dog Day View [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The man police thought was shot died from stabbing injuries and was not shot. One of the two injured men was shot. The second injured man was stabbed like it turned out the dead man was, not shot like it was thought he was [Obvious]

Friday 4 July 19:05:37 UTC 2014

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Mental Floss » Thomas Jefferson's Version of the Declaration of Independence

Friday 4 July 19:00:00 UTC 2014

Two hundred and thirty-eight years ago today, the Continental Congress ratified the Declaration of Independence. But the document you know and can probably recite from memory (at least partially) is much different from what Thomas Jefferson—the primary author in a committee of five men commissioned to draft the document—originally wrote. Jefferson submitted the “rough draught” of the Declaration of Independence … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Police shut down a multi-million dollar theft ring that specialized in stealing expensive: A) electronics; B) cars; C) baby formula [Florida]

Friday 4 July 18:54:48 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Consumer rights advocate demands Duke refund $54 million, stop sucking [Florida]

Friday 4 July 18:00:13 UTC 2014

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Mental Floss » This Time Lapse of Ice Cream Melting is Totally Mesmerizing

Friday 4 July 17:43:41 UTC 2014

With the sweltering summer heat now upon us, the video above is probably pretty relatable. Watch ice cream melt into technicolor puddles—and then reform, as the film rewinds. There's something very satisfying about watching melted vanilla get sucked back into its chocolate casing. What's neat about these melted ice cream scoops is the amount of diversity in colors and textures. … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Slightly early version of the Fark Weird News Quiz, because face it–if you're at work, you sure as heck aren't working a full day [Survey]

Friday 4 July 17:19:38 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Experts: in 10 years, every human on the planet will have internet access [Unlikely]

Friday 4 July 17:17:30 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » If you thought the Air Force's worst boondoggle in recent memory, the F-35, couldn't get any more boondogglery, well we've got some bad news for you [Fail]

Friday 4 July 17:07:08 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » This is what happens on the 4th of July when your social media manager was born after 1986 [Fail]

Friday 4 July 17:01:45 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Man starts giving homeless panhandlers new signs with catchier messages like "Someone Thinks You're Sexy" and "Keanu Reeves Is My Homeboy" and oddly enough the panhandlers have seen an increase in donations because of them [Spiffy

Friday 4 July 16:38:49 UTC 2014

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Mental Floss » 9 Super-Presidential Marriages

Friday 4 July 16:30:00 UTC 2014

The only thing that could possibly be more stars-and-stripes than a post about U.S. presidents and American historical figures is a post that doubles up on them. In honor of Independence Day, we give you nine presidential relatives who didn't have to look too far from the White House to meet their spouses. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » So, you bought hundreds of dollars of fireworks. You have the clay tubes…the blowtorch, and the safety glasses. Now, what do you have on your playlist? [Survey]

Friday 4 July 16:00:01 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » The US highway trust fund is out of money. Enjoy your summer road trip [Scary]

Friday 4 July 14:54:24 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Brits lament the eight foods they wish the Americans hadn't given them like they were smallpox-soaked blankets. List includes spray cheese, pop tarts and Hershey bars, so it's not without merit [Interesting]

Friday 4 July 14:47:58 UTC 2014

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Mental Floss » The First Fourth Of July Celebration (in 1777)

Friday 4 July 14:46:04 UTC 2014

The celebrations started just a year after the Declaration was ratified. [Link]

Mental Floss » Miki Sudo on How to Dominate at Competitive Eating

Friday 4 July 14:45:48 UTC 2014

Miki Sudo is not full. In fact, she is almost never full. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If somebody is selling a 1966 Cobra in excellent condition with new tires for only $10,000, it might be a scam [Obvious]

Friday 4 July 14:35:00 UTC 2014

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Mental Floss » How Do Fireworks Get Their Colors?

Friday 4 July 14:30:37 UTC 2014

It’s all about chemistry. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Just in time for the meat searing, flesh burning BBQ waifing smell of the neighborhood drenched in meat weekend, a few veggie burgers that don't suck and are easy to make [Spiffy]

Friday 4 July 14:28:12 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » How long would it take to try 25,000 different beers? Couple takes 35 years to sample each on a case by case basis [Spiffy]

Friday 4 July 14:19:17 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Heavy metal fans need to be careful when headbanging, it could cause your brain to bleed like with this Motorhead fan [Scary]

Friday 4 July 13:35:00 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this running romance [Photoshop]

Friday 4 July 13:00:01 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Sad: Veteran dies after waiting 30 minutes for an ambulance. Fark: He was in a VA hospital's cafeteria, 500 yards away from the ER. Sad tag grudgingly defers to the Fail tag [Fail]

Friday 4 July 12:45:15 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Australian hunk lives with smoking hot identical twin sisters and their mum [Spiffy]

Friday 4 July 12:15:20 UTC 2014

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Mental Floss » The U.S. Territories That Aren't States

Friday 4 July 12:00:00 UTC 2014

Happy Independence Day! To mark the occasion, C. G. P. Grey breaks down all the places on Earth that are part of the United States…but with various asterisks. Fire up the BBQ and learn: Wikipedia has more on that Guano Islands Act, which brought us Midway Atoll, among others. [Link]

Weird Universe » Happy July 4th!

Friday 4 July 11:57:04 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Two ugly-ass snow leopard cubs make their first public appearance at the Akron Zoo [Spiffy]

Friday 4 July 10:45:00 UTC 2014

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FMyLife » Snow-White says FML

Friday 4 July 10:29:29 UTC 2014

Today, I found a wasp in my kitchen, so I opened the back door and left the room for 10 minutes in the hope that it would fly away. Upon returning, I found that there were now three wasps, a vicious cat and a very panicked pigeon crashing around the room. FML [Link]

Mental Floss » Whale of a Quiz

Friday 4 July 10:15:28 UTC 2014

[Link]

Fark.com RSS » Stove top bacon vs. oven bacon. And the winner is _______ [Interesting]

Friday 4 July 10:11:00 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Phoenix's Wall of Dust season has officially begun. Bring on the haboobs [Cool]

Friday 4 July 8:02:00 UTC 2014

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FMyLife » AJL says FML

Friday 4 July 8:00:27 UTC 2014

Today, I parked my motorcycle in a parking spot. When I came back, my bike had been moved and was laying on its side with a note saying, "Sorry I dropped your motorcycle I was trying to move it forward so I could park my car because there weren't any other spots." FML [Link]

FMyLife » malaak2 says FML

Friday 4 July 7:48:51 UTC 2014

Today, being the class nerd hasn't stopped me from being naive: none of my so-called friends has talked to me since the last day of exams. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Oh come on, who here hasn't blown 24 men in a Magaluf bar for a free drink? [Stupid]

Friday 4 July 7:33:00 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Here's a tip, Metro-North conductors: six months after one of your zoned-out engineers got four people killed is a particularly bad time to be cheating on a safety exam [Fail]

Friday 4 July 7:22:51 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Chicken is better than beef because CLIMATE CHANGE [PSA]

Friday 4 July 6:19:00 UTC 2014

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FMyLife » Tattery says FML

Friday 4 July 5:55:21 UTC 2014

Today, my vibrator was in another room and I was too lazy to get it. I was also too lazy to do it manually. It's like I've been married to myself for too long. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Well if Americans won't provide 79,000 Detroit residents with water then that leaves it up to us Canadians. It's our first step in annexing southeastern Michigan [Hero]

Friday 4 July 5:11:00 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Police searching for suspects who siphoned gas from a gas station. Perhaps they should start looking in 1982 [Florida]

Friday 4 July 4:35:04 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Fake cop patrols lake, seizes booze. Brilliant [Amusing]

Friday 4 July 4:15:40 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » You think you've had a rough winter? Winnipeg finally gave the all clear that their pipes are no longer in danger of freezing [Cool]

Friday 4 July 2:46:30 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Poll: Americans are dissatisfied with …… everything [Interesting]

Friday 4 July 2:14:54 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Man: I want a new haircut to impress a younger woman. What are all the kids getting these days? Barber: Oh, they're having their hair styled into giant square blocks. snicker Man: LET'S DO THIS [Dumbass]

Friday 4 July 2:09:01 UTC 2014

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Mental Floss » 12 Awesome Spider Facts from a New Exhibit at the American Museum of Natural History

Friday 4 July 2:00:34 UTC 2014

Spiders Alive! showcases 16 spider species (plus two scorpions and a vinegaroon!) and features live demonstrations and a spider model 50 times life size that you can climb on. Here are a few things we learned from an early visit. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Drunk driver blames accident on Mitch McConnell, Caturday, and a certain Fark mascot [Dumbass]

Friday 4 July 2:00:00 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Casey Anthony is "basically imprisoned," assuming you think of having an apartment, working a 9 to 5 job, being able to eat what you want, and not having to live behind steel bars with gun wielding guards as "prison" [Florida]

Friday 4 July 1:35:33 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » "Uhh, excuse me…sir? Um, Mr. Naked Guy? You mind not throwing your balls against the side of our business?" [Strange]

Friday 4 July 1:28:40 UTC 2014

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Mental Floss » 10 Clawed Facts About Therizinosaurus

Friday 4 July 0:41:50 UTC 2014

If T. rex is the Citizen Kane of dinosaurs, Therizinosaurus and its kin are The Rocky Horror Picture Show: They’re strange-looking, slightly threatening, and command a dedicated fan base. Here’s some trivia guaranteed to impress your fossil-loving amigos. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Town can't afford to hire another police officer, so it dresses up a male Real Doll in a cop uniform and set it in a police cruiser by the side of the road, so people think a cop is tracking their speed [Weird]

John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons