John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons

John Gordon Ross header image 3

Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”

Fark.com RSS » A pooch named Peanut that only a mother could love wins the 'World's Ugly Dog' competition [Spiffy]

Saturday 21 June 23:42:37 UTC 2014

Spiffy [link] [31 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Brewpubs finding ways to reuse hundreds of pounds of yeast left over from brewing beer: "We have a very high-quality moonshine. This is the best moonshine you've ever tasted" [Cool]

Saturday 21 June 23:39:00 UTC 2014

Cool [link] [50 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Put away your #2 pencil. Hampshire College becomes the first school to ban the SAT/ACT from their admissions process [Interesting]

Saturday 21 June 23:17:43 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [80 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » US Park Service decides to start removing trash cans from national parks so that visitors will "take their trash with them" when they leave instead of throwing it away. Your cunning plan, I do not think you thought it all the way through [Fai

Saturday 21 June 23:11:44 UTC 2014

Fail [link] [104 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Giant flying donuts threaten to destroy Southern city. Subby's money would have been on colossal Moon Pies riding tidal waves of RC Cola, but I'll take it [Interesting]

Saturday 21 June 23:06:08 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [26 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » That criminal gangster whose mugshot went viral on Facebook because people are stupid? Yeah, he's just as big and violent a criminal affiliated with a dangerous gang as rational people suspected [Followup]

Saturday 21 June 22:55:34 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [115 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Having solved all other problems, New York bans posing for photos while hugging tigers [Strange]

Saturday 21 June 22:36:40 UTC 2014

Strange [link] [32 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Animal shelter owner goosed for getting badgered and driving drunk as a skunk. Her mugshot looks like something the cat dragged in and hopefully she'll stay away from the hair of the dog that bit her [Interesting]

Saturday 21 June 22:19:16 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [11 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Chobani has "deceived millions" because their Greek yogurt isn't Greek enough and is, in fact, closer to a Nestle ice cream bar. WELL I NEVER knew people were too stupid to read a nutrition label [Silly]

Saturday 21 June 22:14:28 UTC 2014

Silly [link] [71 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Mass graves discovered in desert hellhole, known for its religious extremists. Is it: A) Iraq? B) Syria? C) Texas? [Sick]

Saturday 21 June 21:42:01 UTC 2014

Sick [link] [168 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this retro cryptographic machine [Photoshop]

Saturday 21 June 20:00:01 UTC 2014

Photoshop [link] [16 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Dammit, Otis… don't put the hot air balloon down in the prison parking lot. How am I, Lex Luthor, the greatest criminal mind, to escape if you put it down in the parking lot [Misc]

Saturday 21 June 19:43:27 UTC 2014

Misc [link] [16 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » anon says FML

Saturday 21 June 19:18:24 UTC 2014

Today, I got hit by a car while walking into the hospital to visit my wife, who had also gotten hit by a car. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Axelerate says FML

Saturday 21 June 19:18:23 UTC 2014

Today, while ringing up a girl, I asked for an ID to verify her credit card. She said she forgot it but pulls out her Facebook on her phone to show me it really is hers. FML [Link]

FMyLife » misoranomegami says FML

Saturday 21 June 19:18:22 UTC 2014

Today, my mother came over to check on my new kitten while I was at work. She took a video of the kitten playing on my bed and climbing on my nightstand. Right on top of my vibrator I forgot to put away. I'm not sure if she noticed or not but she's certainly been showing the video around. FML [Link]

FMyLife » secret meat says FML

Saturday 21 June 19:18:21 UTC 2014

Today, after being a vegetarian for 5 years, I found out that my boyfriend of 2 years has secretly been feeding me meat. His reason is that he thinks it's "funny" that I still call myself a vegetarian afterwards. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 21 June 19:18:20 UTC 2014

Today, a customer bitched at me for "making" the ice in her drink float to the top instead of stay at the bottom. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 21 June 19:18:19 UTC 2014

Today, my husband decided that if he's not hungry, then I'm not allowed to make myself any food. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "An Australian man who is a member of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster says police confiscated four of his guns because he posed for his firearm licence photo with a colander on his head" (pic) [Dumbass]

Saturday 21 June 19:02:48 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [166 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Canadian woman gets 7 days in jail for stealing $2.50 worth of candy? What's that all aboot? [Dumbass]

Saturday 21 June 18:30:44 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [58 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » World's biggest haggis unveiled, and at more than a ton, weighs more than many small cars. That's just offal (pics) [Amusing]

Saturday 21 June 18:23:52 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [45 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Slate decides to ruin everyone's summer by making people feel bad about visiting the zoo. "It's terrible for animals; it's a prison for them and causes sociological problems for them" [Stupid]

Saturday 21 June 18:22:24 UTC 2014

Stupid [link] [107 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Tree-hugging, animal loving activist and member of various pro-animal groups admitted to feeding black bears in his neighborhood, including the one who viciously attacked his neighbor. Sadly, he received no prison time for his idiocy [Florida]

Saturday 21 June 18:03:09 UTC 2014

Florida [link] [83 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "A man is in hospital after flying off the back of a pickup truck with the mattress he was attempting to hold down. Police are reminding people that a human being cannot hold down an untied mattress if it goes airborne" (pics) [Dumbass]

Saturday 21 June 17:55:35 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [36 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Police arrest 25 people against goodness and normalcy at suspicious, drug-fuelled ceremony [Obvious]

Saturday 21 June 17:38:40 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [24 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Let's just pick up this mom-of-the-year story from "drove her 14-year-old daughter and two other girls, to the Cow Flop on Washington Avenue on May 23 for the sole purpose of having a fist-fight with a 12-year-old girl" and take it from t

Saturday 21 June 17:25:19 UTC 2014

Fail [link] [48 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Twenty words whose meaning is entirely different in the Midwest. Though let's be honest; the only true word to describe a carbonated, fizzy beverage is indeed "pop." Anything else is just wrong [Amusing]

Saturday 21 June 15:46:15 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [251 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Pro-tip: Do not try to rob a convenience store that is owned by a Special Forces veteran. Study it out… next time [Dumbass]

Saturday 21 June 15:22:39 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [40 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Weekend Links: Pigeon Mail

Saturday 21 June 15:00:00 UTC 2014

Passenger pigeons: coming soon to the air near you, maybe. * Right around World Cup season, Americans around the world start to get flack for calling the black-and-white ball sport "soccer," rather than "football" – but as with so many other confusing cultural quirks that Americans have, it's actually the British who are to blame. * On a cynical day, … [Link]

Mental Floss » How the Picturephone Failed

Saturday 21 June 15:00:00 UTC 2014

In 1964, Bell created the Picturephone in the hopes of augmenting telephone services with long-distance video chat. The technology was awesome (for the time), but also insanely expensive. It flopped, costing Bell roughly half a billion dollars and attracting few actual customers. But how did it work, and why did it fail? Behold: And here's an amazing five-minute demo of … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Grumpy, angry, negative people are more efficient at their jobs than happy people because they don't care about your ugly children or planning the next office party [Obvious]

Saturday 21 June 14:57:48 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [136 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Marine who wasn't allowed to wear his uniform to graduation….I can't even finish this one [Hero]

Saturday 21 June 14:53:31 UTC 2014

Hero [link] [207 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If you've never wanted to move to Australia, they're enticing visitors with up to $10,000 per person to not stay [Spiffy]

Saturday 21 June 14:25:45 UTC 2014

Spiffy [link] [64 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » How awesome is Alaska? Every summer in Anchorage RV owners are allowed to park in school parking lots for free in exchange that they look out for vandals [Cool]

Saturday 21 June 14:23:19 UTC 2014

Cool [link] [32 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop Extreme Challenge: Update Rockwell's "Day In The Life" [Photoshop]

Saturday 21 June 13:00:01 UTC 2014

Photoshop [link] [20 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Old and busted hipster pet: Potbellied pigs. New and trendy hipster pet: Miniature roosters [Weird]

Saturday 21 June 12:56:22 UTC 2014

Weird [link] [44 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If you work at a daycare, it's okay to tuck the children in for their naps. Just don't do it with duct tape. "It was something that probably shouldn't have been done" [Asinine]

Saturday 21 June 12:55:11 UTC 2014

Asinine [link] [24 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Experts say the Church of Scientology and the City of Clearwater should learn to live together happily, like proper clear thetans [Florida]

Saturday 21 June 12:21:25 UTC 2014

Florida [link] [59 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Video footage shows Lil Bub and Grumpy Cat meeting for the first time, just in time for Caturday (Update: Original video has been set to private) [Caturday]

Saturday 21 June 12:00:00 UTC 2014

Caturday [link] [647 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » Hitchhiking Robot

Saturday 21 June 11:57:38 UTC 2014

Researchers have created a hitchhiking robot named hitchBOT that will be making its way across Canada this summer. If all goes well (and no one steals or destroys the thing) it will make its way from Halifax to Victoria. When people pick it up, it'll make "regionally relevant conversation using a combination of GPS and Wikipedia."

More details: hitchBOT website, … [Link]

Weird Universe » Skin Laxative

Saturday 21 June 11:43:16 UTC 2014

From an era when "laxative" obviously meant something different than today–I hope!

Original (full) ad here. Scroll to page 8. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Long arm of the law recovers double amputees' stolen truck, prosthetics [Florida]

Saturday 21 June 11:36:48 UTC 2014

Florida [link] [12 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Our long national nightmare is finally over after a Illinois man finds his 13 missing cattle… in his neighbor's yard after someone left a gate open. In other news, 13 cattle are worth $25,000 [Weird]

Saturday 21 June 11:22:04 UTC 2014

Weird [link] [41 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Article reminded subby that it's time for Florida's long overdue revamp of its state flag to the silhouette of a man bearing down on two pit bulls with nun-chucks as the dogs viciously attack another man [Florida]

Saturday 21 June 10:06:47 UTC 2014

Florida [link] [65 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » They found the plane, It's on CNN right now! Wait, wait, never mind… [Unlikely]

Saturday 21 June 9:44:09 UTC 2014

Unlikely [link] [25 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Mysterious sea creature in Gulf finally identified after 2 years thanks to unusual sex organ. After confirming it wasn't your mom, they found it to be a placental jellyfish usually found in the Antarctic that was checking what warm water feels li

Saturday 21 June 9:14:10 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [33 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » This tiny Welsh town saved its economy by turning itself into Britain's wacky contest capital. Last weekend was the Man vs. Horse Marathon. The next one? Finger jousting [Amusing]

Saturday 21 June 9:02:55 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [8 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Four reasons you shouldn't take pictures on train tracks. Uh, make that five reasons [Dumbass]

Saturday 21 June 8:38:36 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [55 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Alex says FML

Saturday 21 June 8:34:22 UTC 2014

Today, my dad told me that I was conceived while he and my mother were high on LSD. He then stared into the distance, mumbled "Probably explains a few things" and chuckled to himself. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 21 June 8:34:21 UTC 2014

Today, I was feeling frisky and asked my boyfriend if he wanted a blowjob. He said "Fuck no", then rolled over to go to sleep. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » This is what a DDOS attack looks like. Joshua is impressed [Cool]

Saturday 21 June 8:31:25 UTC 2014

Cool [link] [49 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » California legislature considering bill aimed at allowing college students to just spit if they're not quite ready to swallow [Interesting]

Saturday 21 June 8:16:00 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [17 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » Far From Home

Saturday 21 June 6:02:51 UTC 2014

In 1964 British meteorologist Allan Crawford visited tiny, freezing Bouvet Island in the South Atlantic, the most remote island in the world, to investigate the possibility of establishing a weather station there. When his helicopter touched down near a shallow lagoon in the island’s interior he found a surprise: There was an abandoned whaleboat in quite good condition, though lying … [Link]

FMyLife » legitfile.bat.virus.exe says FML

Saturday 21 June 5:33:03 UTC 2014

Today, my doctor got my blood test results from the lab. He looked at me gravely and told me I had just weeks left to live. After I started hyperventilating and crying, he burst out laughing and said he was kidding. He then prescribed me some iron tablets and sent me on my way. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "Bloody good show, lads, catching that absconded prisoner from our open jail last . . . blimey, did anyone remember to lock the door this time? Oh, bloody hell, there goes another one" [Stupid]

Saturday 21 June 4:10:29 UTC 2014

Stupid [link] [40 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » You're scared to go to the dentist. Do you: A) be tough and go anyway, B) ask a parent to go with you, or C) fake your own kidnapping? [Dumbass]

Saturday 21 June 3:44:49 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [58 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Your boss fires you from your job, you burn his truck – it's the Florida way [Florida]

Saturday 21 June 3:42:52 UTC 2014

Florida [link] [17 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Forty American performance cars found in a Canadian barn. No word if a red Barchetta was found [Cool]

Saturday 21 June 3:27:00 UTC 2014

Cool [link] [93 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Three amateurs decide to move alligator off the road, ends exactly like you'd think. Obvious tag trumps dumbass [Obvious]

Saturday 21 June 3:06:26 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [42 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 9 Times Companies Used Puppets to Sell Stuff

Saturday 21 June 3:00:03 UTC 2014

There has been a lot of backlash with puppets in commercials lately. That wasn't always the case. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Doctors without borders: "Ebola out of control" [Followup]

Saturday 21 June 2:01:19 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [133 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » App lets you send dick pics to a doc to see if you've got an STD [Weird]

Saturday 21 June 1:26:32 UTC 2014

Weird [link] [66 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » So crime. Much thief [Obvious]

Saturday 21 June 0:48:25 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [47 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Rush Limbaugh accuses independent bookstore in Washington DC of being "exclusionary, racist, and bigoted" for refusing to carry his children's history book [Amusing]

Saturday 21 June 0:44:55 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [168 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » blackchin III says FML

Saturday 21 June 0:26:48 UTC 2014

Today, a fly landed on my face. Before I could even react, my brother "helpfully" punched it hard enough to both kill the fly and knock me out. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 21 June 0:26:47 UTC 2014

Today, we went to the wedding of one of my friends. As she was about to throw her bouquet, my boyfriend muttered that if I tried to catch it, we'd be through. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Saturday 21 June 0:26:46 UTC 2014

Today, I found out I have genital herpes. I'm a virgin. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "What are you in solitary for?" "I murdered two people. You?" "I'm the State Secretary for Corrections and wanted to check out the accommodations" [Interesting]

Saturday 21 June 0:19:02 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [58 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this lab equipment doing something very, very important [Photoshop]

Saturday 21 June 0:00:01 UTC 2014

Photoshop [link] [26 comments] [Link]

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