Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”

Fark.com RSS » Doomsday prepper lured out of hiding with cheeseburger [Florida]

Thursday 19 June 23:52:26 UTC 2014

[link] [79 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Apparently, competitive fishing is serious business, as evidenced by this man who used bleach to kill off $20,000 worth of his competitor's bait fish [Florida]

Thursday 19 June 23:41:42 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Today's actual news headline: Dancing man detained as truck burns on Bay Bridge [Amusing]

Thursday 19 June 23:23:35 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Police post "sexy" mugshot on Facebook and the Internet loses its shiat [Amusing]

Thursday 19 June 23:22:41 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Good: There is a cure for science denialism. Bad: It involves massive amounts of the population living in iron lungs because of polio. FARK: Will also involve Florida slipping beneath the ocean [PSA]

Thursday 19 June 23:20:44 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Excuse me Flo, what is the outrage du Jour? It's the outrage of the day. Mmm, that sounds good. I'll have that [Misc]

Thursday 19 June 23:20:00 UTC 2014

[link] [18 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » A Brief and Incomplete Timeline of T-Shirt History

Thursday 19 June 23:00:09 UTC 2014

Try this history on. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Shoot me once, shame on me. Shoot me twice…yeah, that was me again [Florida]

Thursday 19 June 22:54:33 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » 75 government scientists possibly exposed to anthrax. Treatment is expected to prevent megadeth [Scary]

Thursday 19 June 22:39:31 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Fitness critique of ISIS terrorist workout video. "Lots of good training basics but too much dust and guns in workout area" [Followup]

Thursday 19 June 22:38:26 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Couple who have spent a month in jail because they refused to sign the ticket they got for driving with an handwritten license plate say they are following "God's law." Odd, I don't remember "thou shalt not stand in line at the DM

Thursday 19 June 21:58:27 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » The green movement has become a "combination of extreme political ideology and religious fundamentalism rolled into one." says Green Peace founder [Obvious]

Thursday 19 June 21:33:46 UTC 2014

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The Onion » American Voices: Mattel Introduces Entrepreneur Barbie

Thursday 19 June 21:30:00 UTC 2014

Toymaker Mattel has unveiled its upcoming “Entrepreneur Barbie” doll, which comes equipped with a smartphone and LinkedIn account and was created under a partnership with eight real female entrepreneurs the company calls Chief Inspiration Offi…
[Link]

Mental Floss » 9 Incredible Stories of Lost and Found Cats

Thursday 19 June 21:25:24 UTC 2014

The news from Australia about a cat who came home after straying for 13 years is one of the nicest feel-good stories of this week. Tales of cats missing for long periods of time or turning up in strange places happen more often than you think, but when they are found and returned to their families, it’s always a good … [Link]

FMyLife » stopinthenameoflove says FML

Thursday 19 June 21:07:09 UTC 2014

Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be witty to buy a miniature stop sign, and hold it up when she gets bored during sex. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Puppy rescued from terribly dusty incinerator pit [Cool]

Thursday 19 June 21:05:32 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Ever get so mad you stop the car and tell your Dad to walk home? It works better when you're not both drunk, in a boat, stuck on a rock in the Gulf of Alaska [Fail]

Thursday 19 June 21:02:00 UTC 2014

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Mental Floss » 10 World Cup-Inspired Cocktails

Thursday 19 June 21:00:00 UTC 2014

Good news for your next World Cup party: The Travelling Gin Company whipped up 32 cocktails for the 32 countries competing. What better way to celebrate the blending of countries and cultures than by blending drinks? [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Fark Food Thread: Are sweet potatoes and yams only fall foods or do you work with them all year? Do you treat yams and sweet potatoes as the same thing or make different dishes with each? [Interesting]

Thursday 19 June 21:00:00 UTC 2014

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The Onion » Report: Average Male 4,000% Less Effective In Fights Than They Imagine

Thursday 19 June 20:30:00 UTC 2014

WASHINGTON—Contradicting the long-held belief that they would just go off and destroy anyone who tried to mess with them, a Department of Health and Human Services report published Thursday revealed that U.S.
[Link]

Fark.com RSS » If you thought that taking an alcohol induced nap at the drive-thru only happens at McDonald's, well apparently DUI doesn't discriminate when it comes to fast food [Dumbass]

Thursday 19 June 20:27:30 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Teen stowaway who survived a 5-hour flight in airplane wheel well: "It wasn't scary" [Followup]

Thursday 19 June 20:27:29 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » A suit made of mentos: $100. The dunk tank full of diet coke $200. The dumb look on the guy's face: priceless [Cool]

Thursday 19 June 20:27:28 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Help this fabulous little moth feel like a queen [Photoshop]

Thursday 19 June 20:27:27 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Wedding bands suck, and wedding DJs are just as bad. So what's the alternative? It's more obvious than you think [Spiffy]

Thursday 19 June 20:27:07 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Men who were videotaped doing a cannonball into a pair of manatees get probation [Followup]

Thursday 19 June 20:23:04 UTC 2014

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FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Thursday 19 June 20:20:12 UTC 2014

Today, I was feeling unappreciated and asked my boyfriend if he loves me. He faltered and replied, "Uh, my dick does." FML [Link]

The Oatmeal – Comics, Quizzes, & Stories » Quiz: Which Game of Thrones character would you be?

Thursday 19 June 20:03:11 UTC 2014

Quiz: Which Game of Thrones character would you be? I made a quiz which determines which character you'd be on Game of Thrones.View [Link]

The Onion » Missed Call From Dad At 9 A.M. Strikes Terror Into Area Man’s Heart

Thursday 19 June 20:00:00 UTC 2014

HARRISBURG, PA—While checking his phone shortly after arriving at work today, local man Scott Teresi was reportedly gripped by a sudden sense of abject terror upon noticing he had missed a call from his father at 9:09 a.m.
[Link]

Fark.com RSS » In 2006, the CIA hatched a cunning plan to convince the children of Pakistan that Osama Bin Laden was actually a Dark Lord of the Sith. Or something [Strange]

Thursday 19 June 19:54:00 UTC 2014

[link] [28 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Adorable Elderly People Test Out Google Glass

Thursday 19 June 19:49:41 UTC 2014

"Technology just rolled over me like a big old steamroller." [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Ebola continues to spread in West Africa, which has not yet SHUT. DOWN. EVERYTHING. [Interesting]

Thursday 19 June 19:14:39 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Investigative reporter discovers if you fight your red light camera ticket in the city's special red light camera court you might not get a fair trial, even though the city attorney spends several seconds considering your case [Florida]

Thursday 19 June 18:59:24 UTC 2014

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Mental Floss » Physics, the World Cup, and Bouncy Balls

Thursday 19 June 18:50:15 UTC 2014

Allow me to preface this by saying I know nothing about soccer football, and I learned most of my physics from YouTube videos. Despite this, or perhaps because of it, I came across a really fun YouTube video concerning the physics of Frank Lampard's hotly debated goal in a 2010 World Cup match. Using bouncy balls and an admirably low-budget … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If an elderly, overweight woman on oxygen armed with a back scratcher can foil your robbery attempt, you're probably in the wrong line of business [Fail]

Thursday 19 June 18:45:44 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » The seedy underbelly of Florida's retirement communities: "Every night is Saturday night in The Villages. And who's going to get pregnant?" [Florida]

Thursday 19 June 18:38:10 UTC 2014

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Futility Closet » Descartes’ Theorem

Thursday 19 June 18:27:55 UTC 2014

Image: Wikimedia Commons If three circles “kiss,” like the black circles above, then a fourth circle can be drawn that’s tangent to all three. In 1643 René Descartes showed that if the curvature or “bend” of a circle is defined as k = 1/r, then the radius of the fourth circle can be found by The ± sign reflects the fact … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Latest story on the endless search for Flight MH370 isn't why you should click the link to the left. No, the photo of the supercool Ocean Shield ship is why. It's the must-have ocean-going vessel for the supervillian on your Christmas gift li

Thursday 19 June 18:25:59 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » You'd better stock up on microbeads while you can [Interesting]

Thursday 19 June 18:24:51 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Police decide to alleviate some boredom by doing a sex sting, manage to snare 23 people, though only five were women [Florida]

Thursday 19 June 18:18:03 UTC 2014

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The Onion » Dad Thought He Could Make It Out Of Zoo Without Buying Kids Light-Up Shit

Thursday 19 June 17:55:00 UTC 2014

CLEVELAND—Making his way toward the facility’s parking lot Thursday with nearly $40 in battery-operated purchases, local father Nick Kelsey conceded to reporters he was incorrect in his belief that he could make it out of the Cleveland Metropa…
[Link]

Fark.com RSS » From the Department of Making Shiat Up to Meet a Deadline: On average, Americans spent about twice as many hours sleeping in 2013 as they did working [Unlikely]

Thursday 19 June 17:52:43 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Maybe leaving a female teacher in a room filled with sex offenders, no guards, and a radio set to a frequency no one else was on was a bad idea [Obvious]

Thursday 19 June 17:52:14 UTC 2014

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The Onion » Nation Wondering Why Struggling Mental Health System Can’t Just Pull Itself Together

Thursday 19 June 17:30:00 UTC 2014

WASHINGTON—Saying that things are only going to keep getting worse unless it’s willing to step up and make some changes, millions of frustrated Americans wondered this week why the nation’s struggling mental health system couldn’t …
[Link]

The Onion » American Voices: YouTube Threatens To Block Indie Musicians

Thursday 19 June 17:30:00 UTC 2014

YouTube has threatened to block music videos from independent labels that have not yet signed on to its upcoming subscription service, YouTube Music Pass, meaning that many indie musicians could be blacklisted from the streaming service.
[Link]

Mental Floss » Grave Sightings: Merv Griffin

Thursday 19 June 17:30:00 UTC 2014

For years, every time we so much as touch a toe out of state, I’ve put cemeteries on our travel itinerary. From garden-like cemeteries to boot hills, whether they’re the final resting places of the well-known but not that important or the important but not that well-known, I love them all. After realizing that there are a lot of taphophiles … [Link]

FMyLife » professorsdaughter says FML

Thursday 19 June 16:54:56 UTC 2014

Today, my boyfriend once again cancelled a date because he has too much homework. His professor is my dad, who's assigning astronomical amounts of homework to keep us from seeing each other. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » A sample of entries in the National Geographic Traveler Photo Contest 2014. And yeah, there are some seriously awesome pictures here [Cool]

Thursday 19 June 16:51:29 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Fish market robbed of "rare, collectible treasures." Which is code for "stuffed fish" [Florida]

Thursday 19 June 16:48:24 UTC 2014

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Mental Floss » 15 Famous Songs With Misunderstood Meanings

Thursday 19 June 16:44:36 UTC 2014

Here's what they're really singing about. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Ever wonder what it's like to work in the complaint office at the FCC? Behold the Derpocalypse [Fail]

Thursday 19 June 16:42:19 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » It's good to put up signs to let your customers know where you are, but "Drugs This Way" signs are the exception to this rule [Dumbass]

Thursday 19 June 16:40:30 UTC 2014

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The Onion » Study Finds Americans Lead World In Ability To Justify Unnecessary Purchases

Thursday 19 June 16:40:00 UTC 2014

NEW YORK—A study published Thursday by the McKinsey Global Institute confirmed that American citizens lead the world in the ability to justify needless purchases, a finding that extended across all consumer categories, from electronics, to food item…
[Link]

Fark.com RSS » The worst mistakes people make while dating includes sending too many kisses in a text, talking on the phone during dinner or a movie and thinking that this time dating is going to turn out better than the last dozen miserable failures [Interesting]

Thursday 19 June 16:29:21 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Apparently when paying off a debt, Star Wars figurines are not considered legal tender [Fail]

Thursday 19 June 16:25:52 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » "A Macon man was treated at Coliseum Northside hospital Thursday after he accidentally shot himself in the penis" [Dumbass]

Thursday 19 June 16:23:51 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Why a liberal arts education isn't just for losers who wouldn't last 15 minutes in a STEM program [Interesting]

Thursday 19 June 16:14:54 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Man placed under house arrest for stealing bras in Bra. Cool story, bra [Dumbass]

Thursday 19 June 16:13:49 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Yo, a new smartphone app which simply allows users to send each other the word "Yo" called "the most ridiculous venture to ever receive $1 million in funding." Yo [Weird]

Thursday 19 June 16:13:23 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Hey, remember George Zimmerman, the trigger-happy, racist neighborhood watch captain that shot and killed an African American kid who was eating Skittles and wearing a hoodie? Well, today is the first day of his trial against NBC [Florida]

Thursday 19 June 16:11:41 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Good news, everyone: the ranks of the super-rich are growing. That wealth is sure to start trickling down any time now [Obvious]

Thursday 19 June 16:11:34 UTC 2014

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Mental Floss » 10 Fun Things in the American Museum of Natural History's Memorabilia Collection

Thursday 19 June 16:00:48 UTC 2014

The museum has a unit devoted to cataloguing its own history, including scientific equipment, old exhibits, and the personal collections of notable contributors to the museum. We got to poke around—under close supervision, of course. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Conservationists push to triple America's grizzly bear population. What could possibly go horribly, terrifyingly, limb-rendingly wrong? [Interesting]

Thursday 19 June 15:56:36 UTC 2014

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The Onion » Statshot: Most Popular Energy Drinks

Thursday 19 June 15:50:00 UTC 2014

Fark.com RSS » The only reason most Americans haven't jumped on the solar panel bandwagon is because most solar panels look like crap. So now Elon Musk is making designer solar panels [Spiffy]

Thursday 19 June 15:35:38 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » So what type of idiot thought it would be a good idea to place a total of $100 billion in liens on homes of federal court officials? [clicks link] Oh…yeah, duh [Stupid]

Thursday 19 June 15:28:38 UTC 2014

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Mental Floss » Brain Game: Two of Eight

Thursday 19 June 15:25:44 UTC 2014

All you need is a letter of the alphabet to solve today's mentalfloss.com Think Thursday Brain Game. Fill in the question mark with the correct letter – and good luck: M, ?, E, M, J, S, U, N Here is the ANSWER.
[Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Thursday 19 June 14:54:02 UTC 2014

Today, I shouldn't have told my boss that I was interested in management. She now throws any problem she doesn't want to solve at me and either gets mad when I can't work it out or takes credit when I do. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Successful people pick lame superpowers. Yes, even more lame than Aquaman [Stupid]

Thursday 19 June 14:48:26 UTC 2014

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Mental Floss » What Is a TPS Report?

Thursday 19 June 14:30:00 UTC 2014

Mike Judge was asked this at a 10th Anniversary screening of Office Space. [Link]

Mental Floss » 5 Places Where You Can Really Get Away From It All

Thursday 19 June 14:00:15 UTC 2014

Want to get away? [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Harley Davidson is introducing and electric motorcycle, so you'll just have to make those loud, obnoxious noises with your mouth to show everyone how cool you are [Silly]

Thursday 19 June 13:59:35 UTC 2014

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Weird Universe » Banana-Launched Ship

Thursday 19 June 13:55:36 UTC 2014

On January 23, 1941, in Beaumont, Texas, the Cape Lookout cargo ship was launched using three-and-a-half tons of "well-ripened bananas" in order to lubricate its slide into the water. It wasn't the first time a ship had ever been launched using bananas, but at the time it was definitely the largest ship ever launched by this method. Does it still … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Researchers plan to raise extinct passenger pigeons from dead using DNA to find out of they really do taste as good as rumoured [Interesting]

Thursday 19 June 13:53:19 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » People are shocked, SHOCKED that a bus driver who claimed his Bible stopped two bullets from hitting him during a supposed 'hate attack', lied and actually shot and stabbed himself before making up the story [Followup]

Thursday 19 June 13:30:04 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this British cheesy chase [Photoshop]

Thursday 19 June 13:30:01 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Kids caught trading ADD meds for Cheez-Its is most ADD thing ever [Amusing]

Thursday 19 June 12:28:20 UTC 2014

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Weird Universe » Mystery Gadget 21

Thursday 19 June 12:22:28 UTC 2014

Early fecal transplants? Your best guess, before clicking through to the answer. (Scroll down half a page.) [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Family Research Council says that gay sex is way more sinful than incest. Suck it, sibs [Silly]

Thursday 19 June 11:04:07 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » New riot control drones will shoot pepper spray, and blinding lasers into your eyes. You have 30 seconds to comply [Scary]

Thursday 19 June 10:50:47 UTC 2014

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Mental Floss » Emergency!

Thursday 19 June 10:35:12 UTC 2014

[Link]

Fark.com RSS » 'Flowers for Algernon' author's IQ drops to zero [Sad]

Thursday 19 June 10:13:33 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Gallant calmly discusses the late rent with his roommate. Goofus sets his roommate on fire and flees town [Dumbass]

Thursday 19 June 10:08:50 UTC 2014

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Mental Floss » Morning Cup of Links: New Game, Classic Style

Thursday 19 June 10:00:10 UTC 2014

The gorgeous new game Cuphead looks like a 1930s cartoon. Nostalgia + interactivity = winner!
*
Mind blowing before and after visual effects. You have to wonder how we ever paid for location shooting and film sets with $2 movie tickets in the past.
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This Stray Cat Broke Into a Zoo and Became Best Friends With a Lynx. This … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » So not only are fish-eating spiders a thing but they're everywhere, too [Scary]

Thursday 19 June 9:40:00 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Remember the soldier that had his dog, Baxter, sold by his girlfriend while he was deployed? The family that bought Baxter have agreed to return him to his rightful owner [Followup]

Thursday 19 June 9:30:00 UTC 2014

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FMyLife » guest says FML

Thursday 19 June 7:44:24 UTC 2014

Today, I became the town racist for saying "black" instead of "African-American". I'm black. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » A stray cat snuck into Leningrad's Zoo in search of food, and ended up finding a new home and a new best friend [Cool]

Thursday 19 June 7:38:00 UTC 2014

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FMyLife » Shannon says FML

Thursday 19 June 7:11:50 UTC 2014

Today, a customer called the restaurant I work at to ask if our coupons were always valid, or if they expired on the expiration date printed on them. FML [Link]

Futility Closet » In a Word

Thursday 19 June 6:27:10 UTC 2014

micropsychy
n. faint-heartedness abulia
n. an inability to act decisively quakebuttock
n. a coward [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Cops: No more bull than we deal with most days [Obvious]

Thursday 19 June 4:38:09 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Gas prices up: Meh. Cable TV prices up: Yawn. In-N-Out raises price of Double-Doubles: SHIAT JUST GOT REAL [Obvious]

Thursday 19 June 4:04:47 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Theme of Farktography Contest No. 476: "Crotchfruit and Snowflakes". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme [Farktography]

Thursday 19 June 4:01:00 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Not a slideshow of adorable guinea pigs, this is not an experiment in human behavior [Interesting]

Thursday 19 June 3:58:25 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Is that a gun up your ass or are you just…HEY [Repeat]

Thursday 19 June 3:15:51 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » 'Security concern' is cited as reason flight to Las Vegas was re-screened, and by 'security concern,' they mean 'TSA screener fell asleep.' [Obvious]

Thursday 19 June 2:42:05 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Ohio boy goes wandering around old abandoned home, finds a mummified corpse hanging inside a hidden closet. Well, there goes his sense of adventure [Scary]

Thursday 19 June 2:34:57 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Baseball game in Alaska delayed by little used rule 1.11a – "Bear on the outfield wall" [Strange]

Thursday 19 June 2:23:42 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Student plagiarizes yearbook message. Wait, it was actually the principal, and he congratulates the wrong school when original text is left in message [Dumbass]

Thursday 19 June 2:19:40 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » It's okay to reserve your table at a McDonald's as you step away for a moment by dropping a napkin onto it. But don't you dare put down a packet of tissues, a surgical mask, stethoscopes, or berets [Strange]

Thursday 19 June 2:06:46 UTC 2014

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Mental Floss » How to Tell When You're in Love, According to a 1950 Instructional Video

Thursday 19 June 2:00:16 UTC 2014

"You’re the only girl I’ve dated in two months. We get along fine," Jack tells Nora in defense of his love for her at the start of this 1950 instructional video from Coronet Films. As it turns out, that is not the makings of so-called "mature love." [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Shiat, we just had an inmate execution trifecta and didn't even get a chance to put it in play first [Interesting]

Thursday 19 June 1:41:10 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Rob Ford's Escalade was arrested for being drunk and having open liquor in vehicle [Stupid]

Thursday 19 June 1:36:23 UTC 2014

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Fark.com RSS » Man puts up sign warning drivers of DUI checkpoint ahead and telling them to "turn now." Police: "Your sign is interfering with our right to randomly stop innocent drivers, and we're going to take it from you" [Hero]

Thursday 19 June 1:02:38 UTC 2014

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John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons