John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons

John Gordon Ross header image 3

Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”

Fark.com RSS » News: climbers rescued from sudden ice storm after being buried for one hour. Bonus: on a 72-degree day in El Paso, TX [Scary]

Sunday 20 April 23:51:10 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [44 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Kidnapped boy uses the ultimate weapon against his abductor: Gospel music [Spiffy]

Sunday 20 April 23:14:05 UTC 2014

Spiffy [link] [47 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » 2014 is the year of the bacial – the butt facial. In other news, there's such a thing as a butt facial [Interesting]

Sunday 20 April 22:41:53 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [64 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Malaysia Airlines flight leaving Kuala Lumpur makes emergency landing. On land this time [Scary]

Sunday 20 April 21:51:53 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [44 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Just because you're scared to go back to your country because there's a lot of crime and it's hard to live there, is no reason to enter the U.S. illegally. We hope you can change it when you return [Obvious]

Sunday 20 April 21:04:55 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [137 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Guy who drove his truck into a restaurant survives after being hit by train later that night. Lay odds on boat or plane tri-fecta to the right [Dumbass]

Sunday 20 April 20:53:42 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [28 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Ukraine's army is resorting to bake sales to raise the money it needs to defend its Eastern borders [Unlikely]

Sunday 20 April 20:33:41 UTC 2014

Unlikely [link] [32 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Smoke 'em if you got 'em. It's your official 420 Thread [Spiffy]

Sunday 20 April 20:20:00 UTC 2014

Spiffy [link] [190 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this happy robot [Photoshop]

Sunday 20 April 20:00:39 UTC 2014

Photoshop [link] [17 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Protip: If you are thinking there's a possibility the police may be looking for you, and you don't want to to get caught, stay away from them. Or, if for some reason you do want to get caught, just do what this guy did [Strange]

Sunday 20 April 19:28:35 UTC 2014

Strange [link] [16 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » A: However much that can fit in his pocket [Interesting]

Sunday 20 April 19:10:29 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [21 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Saudi Arabia has confirmed seven new cases of Middle East Respiratory Syndrome, adding up to 36 infections in five days, a sudden increase of a disease that kills about a third of the people infected and has no cure. الجم&#161

Sunday 20 April 18:58:50 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [95 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » #cockblocked says FML

Sunday 20 April 18:37:06 UTC 2014

Today, my girlfriend discovered that I immediately go soft at the mention of the word "marriage". FML [Link]

FMyLife » allaturca says FML

Sunday 20 April 18:37:05 UTC 2014

Today, my husband bitched me out for going to the toilet after we had sex. He thinks it's my way of not getting pregnant and from now on, I can't go to the toilet for at least 2 hours after sex. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Cadbury Eggs vs. Reese's Peanut Butter Eggs. Ready, fight [Spiffy]

Sunday 20 April 18:35:40 UTC 2014

Spiffy [link] [173 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Hotels and restaurants claim that Colorado's marijuana tourism is a myth, as they have seen no increase in tourism business. Or else the out-of-state stoners blow all their money on weed and have to crash with friends and dealers [Followup]

Sunday 20 April 18:29:03 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [65 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Disney World, you are disappoint [Obvious]

Sunday 20 April 18:15:06 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [143 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » Confederados

Sunday 20 April 18:12:19 UTC 2014

When the Civil War ended, thousands of Confederates chose to leave the United States entirely and settle in Brazil. “Shall any Southerner be blamed, if he seeks a land where the night of vengeance has not come, that his day may not be one of threatening?” asked Ballard S. Dunn in Brazil, the Home for Southerners (1866). “Why should he? … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Miss America defends the actions of a brave, horny teenager who asked her to prom [Followup]

Sunday 20 April 18:08:00 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [67 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Another banker cashes out. He was clearly living on borrowed time. Media shows interest but no statement forthcoming [Interesting]

Sunday 20 April 17:43:20 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [60 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Parents are shocked and dismayed after high school students turn an annual music show into a production filled with raunchy jokes more suitable for a gin mill. "It was something like, 'After last night, Uranus was totally destroyed'"

Sunday 20 April 17:24:47 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [40 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » OK, I returned your dog and TV — can we have a second date? [Followup]

Sunday 20 April 17:18:13 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [22 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If you thought the American razor industry couldn't get any more ridiculous, you'd be wrong. And it represents what's wrong with American ingenuity [Stupid]

Sunday 20 April 16:56:13 UTC 2014

Stupid [link] [243 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » why?? says FML

Sunday 20 April 16:54:42 UTC 2014

Today, I went hiking with my family. A local had told us about the trail, saying the two mile walk would lead us to a seventy-foot waterfall. After seven miles of trekking in the sweltering sun with no food, we finally found the waterfall. It was barely ten feet tall. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Sunday 20 April 16:54:41 UTC 2014

Today, my guide dog sneezed so hard that it slammed its head on the floor and knocked itself out. I have to trust this dog with my life. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » MoDOT will not be vaporizing speeders with 153 dB sonic blasts. At least not this year [Followup]

Sunday 20 April 16:25:06 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [53 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Fox News executive starts fundraising campaign for families of the victims of missing Flight 370. You bet that's a firing [Asinine]

Sunday 20 April 16:13:43 UTC 2014

Asinine [link] [61 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The story of the Hurricane does finally end [Sad]

Sunday 20 April 15:47:34 UTC 2014

Sad [link] [59 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Cost of Malaysia Airlines jet search now tops $234 million, not including the anchor salaries at CNN [Followup]

Sunday 20 April 15:33:21 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [37 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » So remember that New Years Resolution to get involved with some charity? Today is your lucky day, especially if you like cupcakes [Cool]

Sunday 20 April 15:28:23 UTC 2014

Cool [link] [13 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » 'In retrospect, I should have put my pants on'. We've all been there County Supervisor, we've all been there [Dumbass]

Sunday 20 April 15:18:25 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [14 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Weekend Links: Life As A Snail

Sunday 20 April 15:00:00 UTC 2014

Snails make excellent, if teeny-tiny, models for the most magical macro photography series. * Dinah Fried’s photo recreations of the most famous meals in literature allow both foodies and litterateurs to vicariously experience the eating experiences of Holden Caulfield, Esther Greenwood, and Gregor Samsa, though some meals are sparser than others–for example, Oliver Twist’s. * This fifth-grader is not thrilled … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » So, how much do you tip the drunken guy who just mowed your lawn without permission? [Survey]

Sunday 20 April 14:33:18 UTC 2014

Survey [link] [70 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » Most powerful suit?

Sunday 20 April 14:08:05 UTC 2014

Could be useful if you really don't like carrying a credit card. Except that now you have to be wearing the suit to buy anything.

[Link]

Fark.com RSS » At last, our long national nightmare is over. California farmers will get more water thanks to The Department of Water Resources, the U.S. Bureau of Reclamation and state and federal officials [Followup]

Sunday 20 April 14:03:06 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [115 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 7 Vintage Easter Commercials

Sunday 20 April 13:48:26 UTC 2014

Let's look at some old commercials selling Easter-themed stuff, shall we? Care Bears These kids are overly knowledgeable about the proper names of each Care Bear. M&Ms "Thanks, Easter Bunny." PAAS Easter Egg Coloring Kit This is the proper way to dye Easter eggs…. Shake an Egg …And this scares me. Kinder Surprise Me scrooble now. (Note: I have no … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Don't you hate it when you're vacationing in Puerto Rico and your child tries Jif peanut butter for the first time and likes it more than the organic peanut butter you get at Whole Foods so you lie to him and say you can only get Jif in Puert

Sunday 20 April 13:31:08 UTC 2014

Silly [link] [204 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » For a small fortune you too can travel to an Argentine base on Antarctica where you sip coffee, mail a postcard, and get your passport stamped with a picture of a krill, a kind of small shrimp that is the symbol of the base [Cool]

Sunday 20 April 13:09:03 UTC 2014

Cool [link] [40 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this master and his ceremony [Photoshop]

Sunday 20 April 13:00:39 UTC 2014

Photoshop [link] [20 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Dumb: Getting caught texting while driving. Dumber: You're an on-duty police officer. Fark: On a motorcycle [Dumbass]

Sunday 20 April 12:43:21 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [50 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » News of the Weird (April 20, 2014)

Sunday 20 April 12:33:51 UTC 2014

News of the Weird
Weirdnuz.M367, April 20, 2014
Copyright 2014 by Chuck Shepherd

Lead Story

The billion-dollar deer-farming industry in America produces generations of bucks growing progressively larger racks of antlers mainly for eventual bragging rights by the so-called “hunters” who will pay large fees to kill them in fenced-in fields just so they can hang the grotesque antlers in … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Workers at a Central California ranch could hardly believe their eyes when they spotted a) all their pecan trees were ready to harvest, b) bones dug up by one of the ranch's dogs, or c) a sea lion pup hopping through an orchard [Strange]

Sunday 20 April 12:27:28 UTC 2014

Strange [link] [26 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » Happy Easter!

Sunday 20 April 12:16:56 UTC 2014

[Click to make big]

More on the artist. Many images of a bare-breasted nature. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » How do you get overweight people to have more self confidence? Make them stand on a scale that lies to them, of course [Weird]

Sunday 20 April 11:35:50 UTC 2014

Weird [link] [58 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "Maybe there ain't no sin and there ain't no virtue, they's just what people does. Some things folks do is nice and some ain't so nice, and that's all any man's got a right to say." Happy 75th birthday to Grapes Of Wra

Sunday 20 April 11:05:56 UTC 2014

Cool [link] [73 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » It's time once again for the annual Peeps Show Diorama contest. Power to the peeple [Amusing]

Sunday 20 April 9:02:00 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [24 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » notmine says FML

Sunday 20 April 8:39:39 UTC 2014

Today, I work at a food joint as a chef, and a customer found a long strand of hair in her food. The manager blamed me, even though I'm bald. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » 2 or 3 people are offended by 4/20 ad featuring Jesus smoking a joint and promoting burger specials in Seattle. Owner says, "Hey, I'm not your moral compass, I'm selling burgers. If you're looking to me for moral direction, you're

Sunday 20 April 7:17:49 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [218 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » Alison’s Triangle

Sunday 20 April 6:05:46 UTC 2014

I’m not sure who came up with this — this simple diagram reflects all possible true trigonometric identities of the form x ÷ y = z or x × y = z, where x, y, and z are the basic trigonometric functions of the same angle t. For any three neighboring functions on the perimeter of the star, the product … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The homeless man who had his coffin-sized shanty inside Manhattan Bridge torn down by the NYPD on Thursday has found himself a new place to sleep at night, and he's lovin' it [Followup]

Sunday 20 April 6:01:24 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [83 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Coming up live at the top of the hour it's Livingston Stapler Company Presents. Two hours of music from Juneau, Alaska, hosted by a farker [Cool]

Sunday 20 April 4:58:13 UTC 2014

Cool [link] [227 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » You might want to reevaluate your life choices when the SWAT team has to rip off the front part of your home to find you and your neighbors and onlookers cheer when you are arrested [Amusing]

Sunday 20 April 4:12:20 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [64 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 5 Theories About Why We Dye Eggs for Easter

Sunday 20 April 4:00:22 UTC 2014

Every year at Easter, people hardboil eggs and dye them brilliant colors. Where did this tradition come from? [Link]

Fark.com RSS » News: Twins attack carjacker with fists and rubber snake. Fark: They're seven years old [Hero]

Sunday 20 April 3:28:29 UTC 2014

Hero [link] [27 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » WWI Centennial: Serbian Government Fears Military Coup

Sunday 20 April 2:36:26 UTC 2014

We're covering the events that led to World War I exactly 100 years after they happened. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » An Easter miracle? Woman finds the image of Jesus Christ on a decaying tree stump in her front yard [Florida]

Sunday 20 April 2:25:11 UTC 2014

Florida [link] [87 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » burnmyeyes says FML

Sunday 20 April 2:02:39 UTC 2014

Today, I walked in on my brother shaving his nuts, all while giggling like a maniac and seemingly high out of his mind. FML [Link]

FMyLife » snore says FML

Sunday 20 April 2:02:38 UTC 2014

Today, I was feeling really depressed and ended up asking my mom why guys aren't interested in me. She replied with a laundry list of reasons, including, "Hair. Boobs. Face. Everything." FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Let's educate people about child abduction. How should we do that? I know, let's abduct a child [Dumbass]

Sunday 20 April 1:13:40 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [72 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If you thought Taco Bell's Waffle Taco was obscene, wait 'til you get a load of Del Taco's $4,000 Crunch Ta-Da [Asinine]

Sunday 20 April 0:40:34 UTC 2014

Asinine [link] [58 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this French invasion [Photoshop]

Sunday 20 April 0:00:39 UTC 2014

Photoshop [link] [15 comments] [Link]

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