John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons

John Gordon Ross header image 3

Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”

Fark.com RSS » Cops say guy who drowned in Little River wasn't lonesome loser, but Canadian tourist [Sad]

Sunday 13 April 23:38:31 UTC 2014

Sad [link] [56 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Raising taxes on the rich actually helped some people who make around $500k a year due to an obscure rule called AMT addback. This just happens to include people like the President [Obvious]

Sunday 13 April 23:16:39 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [79 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » A woman that said she was attacked by five bears was in fact only attacked by one [Followup]

Sunday 13 April 23:03:44 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [61 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If you set anything on the ground during the Boston Marathon, cameras will report it as a possible bomb. So you might want to leave small children at home if you don't want them detonated [PSA]

Sunday 13 April 22:57:38 UTC 2014

PSA [link] [61 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » There's stupid and then there's tweeting a threat to American Airlines stupid [Stupid]

Sunday 13 April 22:43:40 UTC 2014

Stupid [link] [65 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Man drives off 80ft cliff and survives, later credits Red Bull for giving him wings. No, really [Dumbass]

Sunday 13 April 22:36:21 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [11 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Douchebag tagger invents douchebag tagging drone so he can douchebaggedly tag hard-to-reach places from the safety of his douchebaggy douche lair [Dumbass]

Sunday 13 April 22:21:16 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [77 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Two marathon runners take the legend of Pheidippides' a little too literally [Sad]

Sunday 13 April 22:16:13 UTC 2014

Sad [link] [53 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » School district schedules FCAT exams, forgets all about Passover [Florida]

Sunday 13 April 21:39:16 UTC 2014

Florida [link] [63 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If you ever listened to the song Kashmir and thought "Traveling there would be wonderful", you were wrong [PSA]

Sunday 13 April 21:20:15 UTC 2014

PSA [link] [51 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » In order to make mail delivery profitable Canada Post will no longer deliver mail (Not safe for work image in article) [Asinine]

Sunday 13 April 21:17:08 UTC 2014

Asinine [link] [104 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Japan introduces its largest warship since WW II, claims it's a destroyer even though it looks like a carrier. Naturally China has a problem with this [Interesting]

Sunday 13 April 20:51:00 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [218 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Gunman on rampage targeting Jewish outfits in Kansas City [News]

Sunday 13 April 20:42:15 UTC 2014

News [link] [261 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this mysterious man [Photoshop]

Sunday 13 April 20:00:39 UTC 2014

Photoshop [link] [13 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » A woman's sex drive begins to plummet once she is in a secure relationship, according to research. Sherlock "No Shiat" Holmes, Captain Obvious, Ric Romero unavailable for comment [Obvious]

Sunday 13 April 19:34:05 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [366 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » How bad is the housing shortage in Manhattan? [Amusing]

Sunday 13 April 19:28:03 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [44 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » What Tax Prep Software Looked Like in 1991

Sunday 13 April 19:26:55 UTC 2014

Let's face it, tax time is upon us. For most of us, "doing our taxes" means using some kind of tax preparation software — whether it's using a website, a desktop app, or having a professional run some fancy system for you, it is rare these days to do your taxes entirely on paper from start to finish. But in … [Link]

Futility Closet » Another Equivoque

Sunday 13 April 19:21:26 UTC 2014

This poem takes a pretty dark view of marriage — unless you read only the alternate lines: That man must lead a happy life
Who’s free from matrimonial chains,
Who is directed by a wife
Is sure to suffer for his pains.
Adam could find no solid peace
When Eve was given for a mate;
Until he saw a woman’s … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Abdullah Abdullah leads leads early early voting voting results results in in Afghanistan Afghanistan [Interesting]

Sunday 13 April 18:47:40 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [49 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The best looking college strippers in New York come from Baruch and Brooklyn Colleges, the most rejects from Queens College and NYU. "They're not so good-looking. I don't know why. So far, none have met our standards" [Interesting]

Sunday 13 April 18:39:38 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [50 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "I like my beer like I like my violence…domestic" sign gets bartender fired. FARK: the sign sports the Heineken logo [Dumbass]

Sunday 13 April 18:23:36 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [84 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 8 Things You No Longer See At Gas Stations

Sunday 13 April 18:00:00 UTC 2014

There are exceptions to every rule, so there are probably some gas stations that still have uniformed mechanics on duty and free maps. But for the most part, gas stations today resemble convenience stores more than a one-stop haven for all things automotive. Some changes are for the better, but there are some amenities that are missed. 1. Mechanic On … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Bought any potting soil lately? Congratulations, citizen, you're under arrest [Asinine]

Sunday 13 April 17:35:11 UTC 2014

Asinine [link] [161 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Prince William is just a regular guy, and he does stuff regular guys like you would do given the chance. For example, apparently he's been plowing Kate Middleton morning, noon and night [Spiffy]

Sunday 13 April 17:18:10 UTC 2014

Spiffy [link] [109 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » worker666 says FML

Sunday 13 April 16:45:27 UTC 2014

Today, my coworker tried to convince my boss that I'm not human. Her examples of how I'm influenced by demons included how I don't wear a jacket in the winter, and that I once got a nosebleed from sneezing. My boss thinks she's hilarious and is playing along. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Ticklish says FML

Sunday 13 April 16:45:26 UTC 2014

Today, I realized that my boyfriend is so obsessed with tickling me that my body has developed a conditioned response. Now I flinch every time he touches me, no matter what we're doing. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » M&Ms and Skittles will be the new 'dime bags' in our schools. Thanks, Michelle Obama [Obvious]

Sunday 13 April 16:42:32 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [115 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Weekend Links: Lemons vs. Limes

Sunday 13 April 16:35:00 UTC 2014

With limes suddenly in short supply, lemons are the obvious substitute—but is it really so easy to tell the difference? * Anyone looking to propose to their significant other this baseball season might like to know which stadiums will let them pop the question for a bargain price, and which will take a hefty chunk out of their future wedding … [Link]

Weird Universe » News of the Weird (April 13, 2014)

Sunday 13 April 16:33:56 UTC 2014

News of the Weird
Weirdnuz.M366, April 13, 2014
Copyright 2014 by Chuck Shepherd

Lead Story

Noise Is Golden: The Formula One circuit is generally thought to attract fans as a showcase of motorcar technology and racing skill, but organizers of the Australian Grand Prix (the first of the 19 races on the annual circuit) threatened a lawsuit in March against … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Muslim blogger decides to wear a hijab in public to prove that people are racist. Fark: Everyone was nicer to her, and gave her respect (to be fair, this was Canada) [Interesting]

Sunday 13 April 16:32:28 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [128 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » De-evolution: want to go back to living in caves? Keep driving your fat SUVs. INTL scientists release report from Berlin. UN Panel screams: wake the hell up guys. 2050 is looming – w mass extinctions [Scary]

Sunday 13 April 16:21:10 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [175 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Please allow me to be amongst the first to call bullshiat on this story [Fail]

Sunday 13 April 15:29:47 UTC 2014

Fail [link] [51 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The Great Moral Dilemma of our Time: Should companies have the right to track an employee's fitness levels? [Strange]

Sunday 13 April 15:02:44 UTC 2014

Strange [link] [197 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » For a brief moment in time, the Arizona Navy existed to make sure California didn't build an unauthorized dam on the Colorado River. Until the fleet got tangled up in some cables and needed to rescued by the Californians [Amusing]

Sunday 13 April 14:55:53 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [45 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » True, drones do a lot of rotten things like blowing up wedding parties and spying on Americans. But they also discover ancient villages buried in New Mexico [Cool]

Sunday 13 April 14:41:47 UTC 2014

Cool [link] [26 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "Crews confirmed one cow was in the swimming pool and was not distressed" [Weird]

Sunday 13 April 14:12:38 UTC 2014

Weird [link] [20 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Is Iran finally getting on board with that whole 21st century thingy? [Interesting]

Sunday 13 April 14:07:34 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [61 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Man arrested for numerous crimes including possessing meth, giving alcohol to minors, owning illegal firearms, and letting his family sleep in a house filled with trash and feces. Headline: "Father admits to smoking pot with young children" [

Sunday 13 April 13:52:34 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [37 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » SOCCKET (Energy-Producing Soccer Ball)

Sunday 13 April 13:43:27 UTC 2014

It sounds like a nice idea. The "SOCCKET" is an electricity generating soccer ball. So children in impoverished communities, whose parents can't afford electric light, can play soccer during the day to charge the device up, and then use it at night to power a small lamp to read by.

Plenty of money was raised to produce these things and … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Police determine that the missing man's body has been 40ft up a tree at a golf course for three years. Apparently someone didn't play the fair way [Strange]

Sunday 13 April 13:42:23 UTC 2014

Strange [link] [61 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » …and then there was that time the CIA and Howard Hughes tried to steal a Soviet submarine [Amusing]

Sunday 13 April 13:18:07 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [72 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » That guy who names America's best beaches every year explains his criteria. Buried cigarette butts and dogs need not apply [Florida]

Sunday 13 April 13:05:01 UTC 2014

Florida [link] [20 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this romantic moment [Photoshop]

Sunday 13 April 13:00:39 UTC 2014

Photoshop [link] [25 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The secret to happiness is to immediately stop and bask in the glow of appreciation every single time something happens to you [PSA]

Sunday 13 April 12:27:10 UTC 2014

PSA [link] [55 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Free the Boobies [Interesting]

Sunday 13 April 12:04:04 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [157 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » The Great Mull Air Mystery

Sunday 13 April 11:41:47 UTC 2014

In 1975, a pilot in a small plane makes a mysterious unscheduled night flight, and goes missing.

Several months later, the pilot's body is found, close by the air base from which he took off.

His plane is found even later, sunk in the ocean.

Did he jump from the plane in mid-air? No injuries consistent with that.

Did he … [Link]

FMyLife » annoyed teen says FML

Sunday 13 April 11:31:59 UTC 2014

Today, I had to work at the restaurant instead of going to the prom, which nobody asked me out to. For five hours, I got to shamefully greet and seat people on their way home from the prom, all of whom knew I was too lame to get asked out. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » PRO TIP: If you are standing around watching an alligator in a place called Alligator Alley you should be very aware and know that it's not just alligators that hang out there [Florida]

Sunday 13 April 11:30:23 UTC 2014

Florida [link] [67 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Highly paid female informant may soon have her identity unmasked thanks to a court order [Florida]

Sunday 13 April 11:15:27 UTC 2014

Florida [link] [56 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Ieri says FML

Sunday 13 April 10:55:08 UTC 2014

Today, I was on a date with my boyfriend. As we walked back home from the cinema, he was checking his phone, when suddenly someone grabbed it and ran off. I had to be the one to go run after the thug because my 23-year-old boyfriend froze on the spot, crying. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The ten most boring places in California. Meh [Stupid]

Sunday 13 April 10:29:59 UTC 2014

Stupid [link] [99 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Just in time for prom season, KFC rolls out the drumstick corsage. No word on the availability of the breast and thigh versions [Strange]

Sunday 13 April 9:56:00 UTC 2014

Strange [link] [53 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Woman hospitalized after meeting five bears in her garage [Florida]

Sunday 13 April 9:09:00 UTC 2014

Florida [link] [25 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Man in Superman hoodie saves baby from burning building. Clark Kent's wardrobe trifecta now weirdly in play [Hero]

Sunday 13 April 8:11:49 UTC 2014

Hero [link] [15 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » Silent Films

Sunday 13 April 7:24:22 UTC 2014

The word zombie is never used in Night of the Living Dead. The word Mafia is never used in The Godfather. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Marc Klaas, child advocate and father of Polly Klaas who was kidnapped and murdered in 1993 slams Sheriff Laurie Smith, saying that she stonewalled the search for 15-year-old Sierra LaMar who was kidnapped while waiting for a school bus in 2012 [Sad]

Sunday 13 April 7:11:25 UTC 2014

Sad [link] [41 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » What are some good, creepy books? Not House of Leaves, I have that, just haven't read it yet [Advice]

Sunday 13 April 6:56:39 UTC 2014

Advice [link] [158 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Atlanta Farkers have lost the most upbeat, lovable traffic reporter known to mankind. RIP Captain Herb Emory [Sad]

Sunday 13 April 6:35:16 UTC 2014

Sad [link] [34 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Missouri plans to deter speeders by blasting 153 decibels of sound at them. What could go wrong? [Stupid]

Sunday 13 April 5:20:18 UTC 2014

Stupid [link] [109 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Carol Grimaldi, 76, owner of the best Pizza in New York, passes away. Of course, everyone knows the best pizza is in Chicago [Sad]

Sunday 13 April 5:07:53 UTC 2014

Sad [link] [58 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Not news: Wedding. News: Priest sings during ceremony. Fark: It's so freakin' awesome [Sappy]

Sunday 13 April 4:11:29 UTC 2014

Sappy [link] [37 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » The Most Expensive Properties in 11 Special Edition Monopoly Games

Sunday 13 April 3:30:06 UTC 2014

Every month on the 11th, we run a bunch of lists of 11. Arika Okrent gets us started. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Hepatitis C treatment cures over 90 percent of patients with cirrhosis. Still no cure for Pamela Anderson [Cool]

Sunday 13 April 3:07:20 UTC 2014

Cool [link] [54 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » In New York City, 22 year old Measles Mary contracted measles and passed it along to four others. Difficulty: all five of these people should have been immune. Measles Mary and two of the others had actually been vaccinated [Interesting]

Sunday 13 April 3:02:33 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [200 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Want a better sex life? Get married and go to church. SCIENCE HAS SPOKEN [Obvious]

Sunday 13 April 1:11:05 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [140 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Mother of the year candidate takes her children on a vacation to Florida, kicks her 12-year-old son out of the car with no shoes on for reading the GPS incorrectly and sends her 8-year-old daughter out to look for more beer [Florida]

Sunday 13 April 0:46:55 UTC 2014

Florida [link] [53 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » It's all fun and games till your mother is pulling you out of bed at 4am to go start car fires with her [Fail]

Sunday 13 April 0:40:47 UTC 2014

Fail [link] [20 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this woman within her work [Photoshop]

Sunday 13 April 0:00:39 UTC 2014

Photoshop [link] [15 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » princess says FML

Sunday 13 April 0:00:23 UTC 2014

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky, and I whispered that I love him. He immediately lost his boner, and a few minutes later "remembered" he had to be somewhere else. FML [Link]

FMyLife » BeatByA9yrold says FML

Sunday 13 April 0:00:22 UTC 2014

Today, my girlfriend's little brother challenged me to a water gun fight. I accepted, not knowing he was going to fill his gun with vinegar, then shoot me in the eyes with it. FML [Link]

FMyLife » traumatized says FML

Sunday 13 April 0:00:21 UTC 2014

Today, I was taking the biggest shit of my life. When I worked the thing out, it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat, prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong. FML [Link]

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