John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons

John Gordon Ross header image 3

Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”

Fark.com RSS » Study finds that Southern death row inmates are more likely to apologize at execution. Bless their hearts [Misc]

Thursday 10 April 23:07:30 UTC 2014

Misc [link] [61 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Unfortunately now she'll never be able to tell us where she got the world's very best noise-cancelling headphones [Dumbass]

Thursday 10 April 23:07:02 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [63 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » A simple analysis of why you shouldn't want a big tax refund each year, as told using marshmallow peeps (video) [Interesting]

Thursday 10 April 23:02:01 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [80 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Town declares Sriracha a 'public nuisance;' world feeling much the same way about that town [Interesting]

Thursday 10 April 23:00:33 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [108 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » A Brief History of 'Choose Your Own Adventure'

Thursday 10 April 23:00:00 UTC 2014

R.A. Montgomery, the original publisher and author of the Choose Your Own Adventure Series, passed away on November 9. He was 78 years old. An an unproven assistant editor in her early twenties, Joëlle Delbourgo got an unwelcome message: Her boss at Bantam wanted to see her. Immediately. It was 1978, and Delbourgo was championing a new children’s title called … [Link]

Futility Closet » Math Notes

Thursday 10 April 22:58:15 UTC 2014

Prove that log10 5 is irrational. SelectClick for Answer Suppose it’s rational. Then log10 5 = a/b, where a and b are positive integers. Then 10a/b = 5 and 10a = 5b. But these two values can never be equal — any positive integral power of 10 will end in 0, and any such power of 5 will end in … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Sergeant Major of the Marine Corps explains how cutting the pay and benefits of junior troops will somehow make make the military a more disciplined, stronger organization [Dumbass]

Thursday 10 April 22:40:22 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [109 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Woman gets robbed on live TV while talking about how terrible her police force is [Ironic]

Thursday 10 April 22:36:20 UTC 2014

Ironic [link] [41 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » crazytown says FML

Thursday 10 April 22:33:25 UTC 2014

Today, my psycho ex boyfriend, who I broke up with over a month ago showed up at my work yelling and crying because I didn't get him anything for his birthday. My boss now thinks I'm an asshole. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Restaurants are out to kill you. More at noon, six pm and eleven [Scary]

Thursday 10 April 22:23:38 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [12 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Remember that DuPont heir who got sentenced to only probation and time at an inpatient treatment center for raping his three-year old daughter? Seems he never actually bothered to actually go to the treatment center either [Followup]

Thursday 10 April 22:21:15 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [95 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Sometimes, you just gotta park next to that hydrant to make it to the gym in 26 minutes. And, sometimes, karma happens [Dumbass]

Thursday 10 April 22:10:18 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [117 comments] [Link]

The Onion » American Voices: Canadian Dentist Plans To Clone John Lennon

Thursday 10 April 22:10:00 UTC 2014

Canadian dentist Michael Zuk told reporters that he paid $33,000 for John Lennon’s tooth in an auction and is looking forward to the day when he can clone the late Beatles frontman and raise the child as his own, then sign him up for guitar lessons.
[Link]

Fark.com RSS » What wine goes with slippers and no pants? Boxed, of course [Florida]

Thursday 10 April 22:04:12 UTC 2014

Florida [link] [19 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Popcorn futures rise on news of authenticity of Jesus' wife [Interesting]

Thursday 10 April 22:02:34 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [93 comments] [Link]

The Onion » Biologists Confirm God Evolved From Chimpanzee Deity

Thursday 10 April 21:30:00 UTC 2014

BERKELEY, CA—Challenging long-held views on the origins of divinity, biologists at the University of California, Berkeley, presented findings Thursday that confirm God, the Almighty Creator of the Universe, evolved from an ancient chimpanzee deity. …
[Link]

Fark.com RSS » Fark Food Thread: Let's head out to the great outdoors. What are your tips and tricks for making the most of campfire cooking? Have some good recipes? [Interesting]

Thursday 10 April 21:26:27 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [164 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The search for Flight 370 has was declared "the most difficult search ever undertaken". Amelia Earhart could not be reached for comments [Obvious]

Thursday 10 April 21:25:47 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [66 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Stabbing suspect's family was "like the Brady Bunch". Marcia, Marcia, Marcia [Unlikely]

Thursday 10 April 21:13:04 UTC 2014

Unlikely [link] [42 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Want to raise a bridge over a key shipping lane? First you'll need 47 permits from 19 different federal agencies, each of which is utterly essential and to remove even one from the decision chain would be total Somalia [Obvious]

Thursday 10 April 21:11:42 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [137 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » In an effort to make Fark headlines more often in the future, the town of Downers Grove seeks to give an old folk's home a liquor license [Amusing]

Thursday 10 April 21:05:16 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [47 comments] [Link]

The Onion » Area Man Mystified By Layout Of Adjacent Town’s Kroger

Thursday 10 April 21:05:00 UTC 2014

BELLEVUE, KY—Eyeing the shelves of products with visible puzzlement as he tentatively wandered up and down the grocery store’s aisles, Woodlawn resident Patrick Gatling admitted to being deeply mystified Thursday by the layout of the Kroger in…
[Link]

Fark.com RSS » You'd think by the time you're a teenager, you'd have learned how to use a child's swing and not have to get rescued by the fire department [Dumbass]

Thursday 10 April 21:04:09 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [16 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Who would have thought a norovirus outbreak would happen at the restaurant notorious for its giant rat [Sick]

Thursday 10 April 21:03:14 UTC 2014

Sick [link] [14 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Dear Prudy, will my fiance laugh at my "shame-shame" on our wedding night? [Weird]

Thursday 10 April 21:02:02 UTC 2014

Weird [link] [100 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Author claims to have solved disappearance of 23-year-old heir Michael Rockefeller in 1961. (spoilers) Apparently his boat overturned off coast of New Guinea, he swam to shore, and was then immediately devoured by cannibals [Interesting]

Thursday 10 April 21:01:06 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [31 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Wonderful Nicknames for Natives of 40 U.S. Cities

Thursday 10 April 21:00:00 UTC 2014

Sometimes, naming the residents of a place is as easy as adding adding -ite, -ian, or -er to their city's name. Occasionally, though, it's not that simple: What locals call themselves can be weird, delightful, or hard to pronounce, and, sometimes, even just adding an -ian has unintended consequences. But whatever category the nicknames fall into, Paul Dickson has catalogued … [Link]

The Onion » Statue Of Liberty Corporation To Shut Down All But New York Flagship Statue

Thursday 10 April 20:55:00 UTC 2014

NEW YORK—Following years of declining profits and lackluster attendance at its locations throughout the United States, the Statue of Liberty Corp. announced Thursday that the company will be shuttering all but its flagship statue in New York City. 
[Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this melting mass [Photoshop]

Thursday 10 April 20:30:39 UTC 2014

Photoshop [link] [22 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Can you spot the subtle difference between actual McDonald's customers and TV-friendly McDonald's customers? A nuanced examination [Video]

Thursday 10 April 20:04:58 UTC 2014

Video [link] [257 comments] [Link]

The Onion » The Lasting Impact Of Climate Change

Thursday 10 April 20:00:00 UTC 2014

A new report released by the U.N. illustrated the wide-ranging effects that rising temperatures will have on the environment unless restrictions are placed on greenhouse gas emissions.
[Link]

Fark.com RSS » Certified organic pork rinds with extra stubble? Coming to a Walmart near you [Interesting]

Thursday 10 April 19:58:23 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [37 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » The Missing Links: Movies That Don't End At the Credits

Thursday 10 April 19:46:00 UTC 2014

The Neverending Story Vulture put together a brief rundown of movies that continue on even after the end credits are done. * This Movie Stinks Literally. Learn more about Smell-o-Vision and other failed movie theater gimmicks designed to draw people in. * It’s Been A Big Week For: Really Late Messages A woman just received a couple of letters mailed … [Link]

Mental Floss » 27 Things You Probably Didn't Know About 'Unsolved Mysteries'

Thursday 10 April 19:45:38 UTC 2014

Join me. Perhaps you will learn some things you didn't know about this wonderfully spooky show. [Link]

Mental Floss » 6 People Who Make a Difference

Thursday 10 April 19:38:20 UTC 2014

Keeping a public toilet clean can mean the difference between life and death. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » And this is when spending $100 on a grilled cheese sandwich is actually warranted [Interesting]

Thursday 10 April 19:37:16 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [130 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » News flash: Jellybean-flavored milk is the worst of both worlds [Fail]

Thursday 10 April 19:33:28 UTC 2014

Fail [link] [21 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The 5 best video games (used as propaganda by governments) [Interesting]

Thursday 10 April 19:31:19 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [35 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 19 Essential Talking Points for the Banana Enthusiast

Thursday 10 April 19:30:00 UTC 2014

1. In recorded history, bananas date back to around 600 B.C.E., when they were mentioned in Buddhist texts. 2. Bananas came to the Americas in the 15th century but weren't regularly imported to the United States until later, following their showcase at the 1876 Philadelphia Centennial Exhibition. 3. On average, American consumers eat 30 pounds of bananas a year.
… [Link]

The Onion » Determined Restaurant Patrons Tough It Out On Chilly Patio

Thursday 10 April 19:30:00 UTC 2014

CHICAGO—Steeling themselves against the occasional breeze and the cold of the wrought iron table and chairs against their skin, a group of determined restaurant-goers reportedly braved the slightly chilly temperature Thursday and dined on the outdoo…
[Link]

Fark.com RSS » Woman posts a video of her beating her son with a belt on Facebook and tells viewers they are "free to call social services if they wish". They did. She's in jail now [Dumbass]

Thursday 10 April 19:26:04 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [156 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Why do some Eastern Ukrainisnd want to rejoin Russia? It's less about ethnic ties and more about the fact that the area is basically Ukraine's Detroit and people have forgotten just enough about the "good old days" to be nostalgic for

Thursday 10 April 19:24:39 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [40 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » A million zebra finches randomly plucking strings on an electric guitar will eventually play the entire works of Jimi Hendrix [Cool]

Thursday 10 April 19:20:41 UTC 2014

Cool [link] [37 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Inmate's ingenious plan to get revenge on prosecutor by kidnapping her father doesn't end quite like he imagined [Strange]

Thursday 10 April 19:17:11 UTC 2014

Strange [link] [24 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Wind farm to be constructed using only an Allen wrench and incomprehensibly vague instructions [Spiffy]

Thursday 10 April 19:13:06 UTC 2014

Spiffy [link] [29 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » The Story Behind "Bliss," Windows XP's Desktop Photo

Thursday 10 April 19:12:18 UTC 2014

Microsoft announced this week that support for Windows XP has ended. Released in 2001, it's one of the longest-lived consumer desktop operating systems, and one of the most popular. Its popularity has made Microsoft's choice for the default desktop image into a ubiquitous icon of the twenty-first century. The default desktop image for Windows XP is called Bliss. Taken by … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "The most segregated cities in the U.S. are above the Mason-Dixon line." Suck it, Damyankees [Ironic]

Thursday 10 April 18:59:51 UTC 2014

Ironic [link] [167 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » You know, it was just the other day that I was saying "Boy, I wish we had a European war to fight. I miss the good ol' days" Well, the NATO chief has the same feelings [Scary]

Thursday 10 April 18:59:26 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [53 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » It’s Cherry Blossom Time!

Thursday 10 April 18:54:41 UTC 2014

No matter how hard you are working, or how rushed you are, you need to take just a few minutes today to go outside and look at the cherry trees. If you’ve looked and cannot find any cherry trees where you are, feast your eyes on the beautiful pictures of blooming cherries from the far corners of the world. Photograph … [Link]

Mental Floss » 10 Heart-Wrenching Chokes at The Masters

Thursday 10 April 18:30:00 UTC 2014

Of all the majors, The Masters gives golfers the greatest shot at low scores. It's inviting, but Augusta is also a temptress—having scorned many astute veterans and hapless newbies. [Link]

The Onion » Baseball Fans Call For More Goofy-As-Shit Batting Stances

Thursday 10 April 17:50:00 UTC 2014

WASHINGTON—Citing past players like Jeff Bagwell and Kevin Youkilis as perfect examples, baseball fans across the country unanimously called for more goofy-as-shit batting stances in Major League Baseball, sources confirmed Thursday.
[Link]

FMyLife » war_monkey says FML

Thursday 10 April 17:33:42 UTC 2014

Today, my co-worker started talking in third person. Not only that, but he narrates his daily tasks. "Jeff reached for a stapler", "Jeff stapled a report". I have to sit beside this chimp for 8 hours a day, and nothing I say can end this. FML [Link]

FMyLife » CheapFamily says FML

Thursday 10 April 17:33:40 UTC 2014

Today, I graduated from Basic Training. I was really looking forward to seeing my family after being away for almost three months. They decided not to come to graduation because they didn't want to spend the money to travel here. They live 30 minutes away. FML [Link]

FMyLife » voyagevoyage says FML

Thursday 10 April 17:33:39 UTC 2014

Today, I told my neighbor that I was going to Réunion Island on vacation in a few months. She said that she'd always wanted to go there. As a light-hearted joke, I said she should come with me. She's now booked a plane ticket. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Here's a question you probably haven't spent enough time wondering about: Do camel farts contribute to global warming? And if so, how much? [Strange]

Thursday 10 April 17:33:05 UTC 2014

Strange [link] [92 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Large Hadron Collector just confirmed existence of another fundamental particle. Or so scientists claim. It's not like you can just drop by the lab and SEE it [Unlikely]

Thursday 10 April 17:30:08 UTC 2014

Unlikely [link] [122 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Some Bats Call “Dibs” on Food

Thursday 10 April 17:30:00 UTC 2014

It’s not just me and my brothers and sisters that warn each other to back off from our food: Scientists now think that bats do it, too. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Oklahoma entrepreneurs busted for running a combination meth by mail, hydro weed and cockfighting operation, proving yet again that over-regulation of small businesses is killing the economy [Fail]

Thursday 10 April 17:29:14 UTC 2014

Fail [link] [17 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The real winners in the continuing advance of same-sex marriage may be the divorce lawyers [Interesting]

Thursday 10 April 17:28:26 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [94 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » These aerial photos of Dutch tulip fields are simply stunning. Subby is happy to just get a dozen to bloom at the same time [Cool]

Thursday 10 April 17:20:43 UTC 2014

Cool [link] [41 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "Twenty-one were stabbed in a Pennsylvania school rampage Wednesday, but all are expected to live – and one even took a selfie. Think how different the toll would have been with bullets" [Followup]

Thursday 10 April 17:18:49 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [293 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » New report: Tamiflu is crap and we wasted millions of dollars on it [Followup]

Thursday 10 April 17:18:33 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [50 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Nancy Grace covered the Ultimate Warrior's death with nothing but class. Just kidding [Obvious]

Thursday 10 April 17:17:14 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [159 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The latest member of Rob Ford's "the Eh-Team" has been recruited [Dumbass]

Thursday 10 April 17:15:40 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [14 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » No pressure, kids: that guy in the back of the auditorium watching you perform Billy Joel songs is Billy Joel [Cool]

Thursday 10 April 17:14:03 UTC 2014

Cool [link] [36 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Chicago also lowered their murder rates. By not reporting murders [Followup]

Thursday 10 April 17:12:35 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [18 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Fisherman after catching 2-ton great white shark that dragged the boat 2 miles: I'm going to need a bigger chair… and maybe a bigger boat [Interesting]

Thursday 10 April 17:11:21 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [19 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Baskin Robbins worker facing jail time for selling 32nd flavor [Amusing]

Thursday 10 April 17:10:34 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [21 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Man running with scissors injures four. If only there was a well-known warning that could have prevented this tragedy [Strange]

Thursday 10 April 17:09:16 UTC 2014

Strange [link] [15 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Somehow, Syrian rebels are getting their hands on advanced American anti-armor missiles. TANKS, OBAMA [Interesting]

Thursday 10 April 17:05:46 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [34 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » News: Man sets world record for wearing heaviest coat. Fark: It's made of more than 460,000 live bees [Hero]

Thursday 10 April 17:01:41 UTC 2014

Hero [link] [16 comments] [Link]

The Onion » Child Shown Field Where Cubs Suck

Thursday 10 April 16:50:00 UTC 2014

CHICAGO—Visiting for the first time in his young life, 9-year-old Jacob Tendering was reportedly shown the field where his favorite team, the Chicago Cubs, suck every home game of the year, sources confirmed Wednesday.
[Link]

Fark.com RSS » If you left your crocodile at T.J. Maxx Plaza, the police would like to speak with you. The crocodile would like to take a walk [Strange]

Thursday 10 April 16:49:52 UTC 2014

Strange [link] [14 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » This is CBS, the Colbert Broadcasting System [NewsFlash]

Thursday 10 April 16:38:24 UTC 2014

NewsFlash [link] [407 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Alvin Holmes (D-Alabama) offers to put up his house as a bet that whites do not adopt black children. Numerous families offer refrigerator boxes for the now homeless representative [Dumbass]

Thursday 10 April 16:33:53 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [286 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Newspapers bet their futures on social media: "If you give readers enough top-ten lists and animated GIFs they'll do all your marketing for you. You don't even have to worry about search engine optimization because nothing ever went viral

Thursday 10 April 16:32:25 UTC 2014

Sad [link] [34 comments] [Link]

The Onion » Statshot: Where Did It All Go Wrong?

Thursday 10 April 15:30:00 UTC 2014

Where Did It All Go Wrong?
[Link]

The Onion » American Voices: CDC: Teens Losing Virginity Prior To Sex Ed

Thursday 10 April 15:30:00 UTC 2014

According to a new report by the CDC, more than 80 percent of teenagers don’t receive formal sex education by the time they have sex for the first time, leading many young teens to engage in risky birth control methods.
[Link]

Fark.com RSS » Your official live hospital news conference on stabbing victims thread [Followup]

Thursday 10 April 15:24:33 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [102 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » Second Chances

Thursday 10 April 15:24:11 UTC 2014

A man was hanged who had cut his throat, but who had been brought back to life. They hanged him for suicide. The doctor had warned them that it was impossible to hang him as the throat would burst open and he would breathe through the aperture. They did not listen to his advice and hanged their man. The wound … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If a 'mega-preacher' sends you a friend request on Facebook, then promises $50,000 if you to wire $80 to an account in Africa, he may just be a money changer at the temple [Stupid]

Thursday 10 April 15:06:52 UTC 2014

Stupid [link] [60 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Brain Game: Vroom!

Thursday 10 April 14:52:46 UTC 2014

Here's a classic mentalfloss.com Think Thursday Brain Game challenge from several years ago. Good luck! These might sound like the names of five rather odd automobile makes/models, but they're actually the names of car makes and models currently available on the market – with their letters mixed up a bit. Unscramble each name to discover the real cars shown on … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Even without the streaming video, jury awards $5,001 to a man whose coffee pot was tainted with urine [Followup]

Thursday 10 April 14:35:38 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [49 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » An interesting look at the career arc of hitmen: "Everyone starts as a novice, whatever your job. You bumble around, make mistakes, learn by doing, then if not captured, move on to dilettante, journeyman and finally, the master" [Interesting]

Thursday 10 April 14:35:20 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [128 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Since you can already make boats and cars and guns with 3D printers, why not try to make a human heart? [Cool]

Thursday 10 April 14:33:59 UTC 2014

Cool [link] [25 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » You know that bright flash of light shooting up into the Martian sky captured by the Mars rover? NASA says it's merely a shiny rock and it's certainly not an alien beacon and just forget you ever saw anything and go back to watching the Karda

Thursday 10 April 14:33:56 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [51 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Official stashes meth pipe in his rectum. No word on if it damn near killed him [Florida]

Thursday 10 April 14:33:11 UTC 2014

Florida [link] [15 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Woman who tweeted "2drunk2care" before driving the wrong way on a highway at 100mph and causing a double fatality accident, will start caring now that she's being held on $600k bond. w/ yeah, you'd probably hit it in a drunken stupor

Thursday 10 April 14:32:21 UTC 2014

Florida [link] [140 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Not to make you paranoid if you're currently growing marijuana in the privacy of your own home, but the federal government can and will legally seize your home if you growing marijuana in the privacy of your own home [Scary]

Thursday 10 April 14:31:48 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [31 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » WW2 veteran has specific instructions for knife-wielding robber: "You go to hell" [Hero]

Thursday 10 April 14:30:36 UTC 2014

Hero [link] [12 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The IRS needs more money so you can send them more money. Please help [Obvious]

Thursday 10 April 14:29:14 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [13 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Singing "Ding dong, the witch is dead" might seem appropriate when your mother-in-law passes away, but be advised it may not go over well with your husband [Obvious]

Thursday 10 April 14:28:32 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [10 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Then and Now pictures from the Great War [Interesting]

Thursday 10 April 14:27:07 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [10 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » You can't even begin to grasp how much robot clams will someday improve your life [Cool]

Thursday 10 April 14:24:55 UTC 2014

Cool [link] [7 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » This is how America dies. Not with a bang but with one of the guys from Duck Dynasty giving public relations advice to a licentious congressman [Asinine]

Thursday 10 April 14:23:58 UTC 2014

Asinine [link] [18 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Polar vortex, pollen vortex, what's the diff? We're all screwed [Stupid]

Thursday 10 April 14:21:13 UTC 2014

Stupid [link] [12 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Coffee shop bans tablets, smartphones, and computers, sees an immediate uptick in sales [Obvious]

Thursday 10 April 14:20:54 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [16 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Prosecutor: You killed 9 people. Suspect: Nope, try a little higher [Asinine]

Thursday 10 April 14:19:15 UTC 2014

Asinine [link] [6 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » More Pings raise hope that flight MH370 will be found. The Pings are cruel, cruel men [Followup]

Thursday 10 April 14:18:05 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [38 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Care home worker sacked for sharing photos of dead residents on WhatsApp group with captions such as "probably too much morphine" [Sick]

Thursday 10 April 14:16:12 UTC 2014

Sick [link] [4 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If you think it's ridiculous to buy bottled water, take a deep breath before you read this [Stupid]

Thursday 10 April 14:15:05 UTC 2014

Stupid [link] [10 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Researchers conclude that babies are the ultimate cockblockers [Obvious]

Thursday 10 April 14:13:20 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [10 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If you steal a laptop, try and resist the urge to call customer service for help [Dumbass]

Thursday 10 April 14:12:36 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [2 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Cab driver repeatedly turns down smoking hot woman's sexual advances, so she gets him thrown in jail. Good News: He caught the whole thing on camera. Fark: Police didn't even bother looking at it until he sued (video is not safe for work) [Mi

Thursday 10 April 14:12:35 UTC 2014

Misc [link] [25 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » For just $1,400 a month, you can share a 440-sq. foot one-bedroom apartment in New York with the saddest man in the world (pics) [Sad]

Thursday 10 April 14:10:23 UTC 2014

Sad [link] [14 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » 64-year-old woman vows to complete the bucket list of the 21-year-old whose heart saved her life, says that though she doesn't know what a Justin Bieber is, she plans to blow it nonetheless [Sappy]

Thursday 10 April 14:08:17 UTC 2014

Sappy [link] [9 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » How Far Does Mario Have to Run (and Swim) in Super Mario Bros.?

Thursday 10 April 14:00:00 UTC 2014

In Super Mario Bros., Mario has a pretty rough day. He's forced to rescue a princess completely on his own, which seems suspicious given the fact that most royal families have designated security details at their disposal. What kind of third-rate dynasty hires a plumber to save an heiress? [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Titanic officer may have 'played down' collision to dodge negligence claims – shocking considering the iceberg was up to 100ft high by 400ft wide, the 46,000-ton ship was speeding through an ice field at night, and the crew failed to spot it

Thursday 10 April 13:43:45 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [25 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "The great part about it is, since squirrels don't have Internet access, they don't know that we're making fun of them," he said. "If they actually had access to the Internet, they would be angry" [Amusing]

Thursday 10 April 13:31:49 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [30 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop Theme: Buffoonery [Photoshop]

Thursday 10 April 13:30:39 UTC 2014

Photoshop [link] [7 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » No More Rice Krispies!

Thursday 10 April 13:18:31 UTC 2014

Back in the late 1960s, Rice Krispies ran three opera-themed commercials, which are remembered as some of the most popular commercials of all time. I found two of them on YouTube (Pagliacci – Vesti La Giubba, and Madame Butterfly). The third one, which featured the Toreador song from Carmen, doesn't appear to be online. At least, I can't find it. … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Miley Cyrus has filled the gaping hole in her heart after the death of her beloved dog Floyd by buying a gigantic inflatable replica of Floyd that can be rolled out in the middle of her concerts [Strange]

Thursday 10 April 12:47:53 UTC 2014

Strange [link] [54 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » How to Put English on a Cue Ball

Thursday 10 April 12:30:00 UTC 2014

You may not be a pool shark, but the next time you find yourself in a pool hall or a mansion’s billiards room, you’ll be able to go further and wow your companions if you have this skill in your arsenal. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Men should pay more at buffets because they eat more than women [Fail]

Thursday 10 April 12:05:29 UTC 2014

Fail [link] [181 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Mystery man found in a snowdrift in Norway after being tied up and drugged emerges from a coma to reveal he speaks English, is not Norwegian and has no idea who he is [Weird]

Thursday 10 April 11:35:53 UTC 2014

Weird [link] [43 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » macaroni17 says FML

Thursday 10 April 11:33:36 UTC 2014

Today, we had a speaking assessment in Spanish class. When it was my turn, I yawned in the middle of a sentence, said "excuse me" and finished my sentence. She took points off because I hesitated and I spoke in English, not Spanish. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » News: Ice kills 9 blue whales near Newfoundland. Fark: 9 whales is 4% of their Atlantic population [Sad]

Thursday 10 April 10:53:00 UTC 2014

Sad [link] [85 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » zoegirl_455 says FML

Thursday 10 April 10:41:47 UTC 2014

Today, my teacher used an online program and accused me of plagiarism. According to the program, I plagiarized my own last name. FML [Link]

Weird Universe » Nazi Musicals

Thursday 10 April 10:40:35 UTC 2014

The Ginger Rogers of Nazi Germany.

More on Marika Rokk here and here.

[Link]

Fark.com RSS » Kansas City, Missouri Police would like to remind you that there is, in fact, no hunting season for moving vehicles on highways [Scary]

Thursday 10 April 9:34:00 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [30 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Morning Cup of Links: Grandma's First Roller Coaster

Thursday 10 April 9:30:04 UTC 2014

Ria took her first roller coaster ride at age 78. She shouldn’t have waited so long to have this much fun.
*
The Super Mario Bros Learn The Hard Way Why You Shouldn’t Break Blocks With Your Head. Don’t try this at home -unless you’re using a video game console.
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Photoshop can make some very strange illusions. When you … [Link]

Mental Floss » Watch Everything That Happens Behind the Scenes of An Episode of SNL

Thursday 10 April 9:30:00 UTC 2014

One of the American institutions cherished almost as much as watching Saturday Night Live each weekend is the habit of spending the following days complaining about how awful Saturday Night Live was the previous weekend. The American public has a way of labeling every successive new cast as the worst in the show’s long history. Now-legendary casts like the one … [Link]

Mental Floss » 5 Questions: Grandparental Guidance

Thursday 10 April 9:29:19 UTC 2014

[Link]

Fark.com RSS » Hide yo g-strings, hide yo grannies, cuz the Lingerie Looter is taking everybody's panties [Amusing]

Thursday 10 April 8:41:00 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [35 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "More and more athletes are coming out of the closet…it seems homosexuality really is contagious." You may want to rethink that headline, Slate [PSA]

Thursday 10 April 7:41:24 UTC 2014

PSA [link] [79 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » In a Word

Thursday 10 April 6:55:41 UTC 2014

meridiation
n. a midday rest [Link]

FMyLife » worstpetowner says FML

Thursday 10 April 6:46:26 UTC 2014

Today, my overly-attached 14-year-old cat wanted attention while I was in a heated Skype argument with my girlfriend. Worked up from the fight, I raised my voice and said, "Not now, go away!" He ran to his little bed, had a heart attack and died. I was a complete dick to my cat in his last moments. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Max says FML

Thursday 10 April 6:46:25 UTC 2014

Today, due to my wife saying I never cook and we always order pizza, I spent a good hour preparing dinner. While serving it to my kids, they started complaining. My wife told them to shut up. When she took a bite, she looked up at me, smiled, and said, "Do you, you know, want to just order pizza?" FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The five things you should do about the new Heartbleed bug. Number one: PANIC [Scary]

Thursday 10 April 6:37:27 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [146 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Lost wallet returned missing $40, but with a heartwarming note [Florida]

Thursday 10 April 6:01:00 UTC 2014

Florida [link] [44 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Christ, maybe now Sting will shut the hell up [Followup]

Thursday 10 April 5:24:00 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [54 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » damn says FML

Thursday 10 April 5:12:17 UTC 2014

Today, I witnessed my roommate telling a girl that he has "really healthy shits". I wanted to make fun of him, but he got laid by said girl and I went home to jerk off. FML [Link]

Mental Floss » Charting the Many Varieties of Whiskey on One Giant Poster

Thursday 10 April 4:53:49 UTC 2014

Over 200 kinds of whiskey are mapped by origin and style in this striking new poster from Pop Chart Lab. The levels of complexity inherent in the history of drink become apparent as American whiskey is whittled down to Jim Beam Bourbon and Scottish Whiskey distills into The Glenlivet. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Olestra speeds up removal of toxins from your body. Mind you, Olestra speeds up removal of lots of things from your body [Obvious]

Thursday 10 April 4:11:00 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [112 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Theme of Farktography Contest No. 466: "Tableau 2". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme [Farktography]

Thursday 10 April 4:01:00 UTC 2014

Farktography [link] [7 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » So when you lose a bidding war for what you believe is your dream home, the most logical thing to do is pose as the buyer and request rape fantasies on craigslist [Sick]

Thursday 10 April 3:24:33 UTC 2014

Sick [link] [104 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Standing in line waiting to vote? Well, to bad; you can't use the bathroom until you're finished [Florida]

Thursday 10 April 2:12:56 UTC 2014

Florida [link] [76 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » One million people are buried on this NYC island and no family members are allowed to visit their graves because it's too dangerous. To be a forgotten soul is pretty lonely [Stupid]

Thursday 10 April 1:19:12 UTC 2014

Stupid [link] [105 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » California is a disaster area. Moreso than usual, that is, because of 25% less snowpack [Obvious]

Thursday 10 April 1:09:00 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [92 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » World War I Centennial: Tampico Incident Brings U.S., Mexico to Brink of War

Thursday 10 April 1:00:00 UTC 2014

The First World War was an unprecedented catastrophe that killed millions and set the continent of Europe on the path to further calamity two decades later. But it didn’t come out of nowhere. With the centennial of the outbreak of hostilities coming up in August, Erik Sass will be looking back at the lead-up to the war, when seemingly minor … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Millions of Russians freaking out over video that shows expansionist Ukraine invading Russia and stealing territory. Story needs a tag that combines "stupid" "irony" "silly" "amusing" "dumbass" "weird"

Thursday 10 April 0:49:50 UTC 2014

Fail [link] [63 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Do 300 year old Stradivarius violins sound better than modern knock offs? Only if you can hear pretentiousness [Obvious]

Thursday 10 April 0:45:07 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [132 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Britons warned to eat fewer baked beans due to impact on global warming and proliferation of Dutch ovens [Silly]

Thursday 10 April 0:05:37 UTC 2014

Silly [link] [52 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this plea bargain [Photoshop]

Thursday 10 April 0:00:39 UTC 2014

Photoshop [link] [23 comments] [Link]

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