John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons

John Gordon Ross header image 3

Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”

Fark.com RSS » Morgan Freeman, Grizzly Adams, and smokin' hot twins: it must be this week's Mugshot Roundup [Fail]

Tuesday 25 March 23:36:04 UTC 2014

Fail [link] [72 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The latest fad to make you cynically guffaw through your hipster beard: professional birth photography [Asinine]

Tuesday 25 March 23:29:42 UTC 2014

Asinine [link] [57 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Russia has a sad about being kicked out of the G8 but wants to stay in the friend zone. BFF [Followup]

Tuesday 25 March 23:27:23 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [42 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Cooking with natural gas is as unhealthy for you as smoking cigarettes [Scary]

Tuesday 25 March 23:25:59 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [65 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » So a guy goes for a walk with his dog in a remote Lithuanian field. And what he filmed living inside a thawing pond will freak you out [Weird]

Tuesday 25 March 23:23:51 UTC 2014

Weird [link] [106 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 8 Strange Things Trucks Have Spilled (Besides Corndogs)

Tuesday 25 March 23:00:09 UTC 2014

Earlier today, a truck in Shreveport, Louisiana overturned, spilling corndogs across I-220 West. The carnival staple stalled traffic for much of the morning as the highway was shut down for cleanup. This is hardly the first time an unusual spillage has taken over the roads. With help from friends at TruckSpills.com, we found some other crazy things that have littered … [Link]

FMyLife » Gibsonsgfreak21 says FML

Tuesday 25 March 23:00:04 UTC 2014

Today, I learned the hard way that when I ask a cute girl if she's artistic, it sounds like I'm asking her if she's autistic. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Chew our gum and a giant cat will take you to work [Amusing]

Tuesday 25 March 22:57:48 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [26 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Massive Houston fire is now contained [News]

Tuesday 25 March 22:36:10 UTC 2014

News [link] [73 comments] [Link]

The Onion » American Voices: Girl Sells Record 18,000 Boxes Of Girl Scout Cookies

Tuesday 25 March 22:00:00 UTC 2014

Oklahoma middle school student Katie Francis broke the national Girl Scout cookie sales record by selling more than 18,000 boxes in seven weeks, attributing her success to asking everyone she sees to buy a box.
[Link]

Fark.com RSS » The lions that ate Marius the giraffe are put down. That should settle it [Interesting]

Tuesday 25 March 21:58:22 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [125 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Typical: Police spot man driving drunk, Extra: on the sidewalk, Fark: In a stolen excavator [Interesting]

Tuesday 25 March 21:53:50 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [18 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Man Vomits on Cell Phone. Follows Florida protocol by going on machete wielding rampage [Florida]

Tuesday 25 March 21:51:14 UTC 2014

Florida [link] [20 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » BP refinery malfunction spills oil into Lake Michigan. Or as BP like to call it, "Tuesday" [Fail]

Tuesday 25 March 21:46:12 UTC 2014

Fail [link] [47 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Kansas lawmakers pass a bill to name the state's official fossils that were hidden there by Satan five hundred years ago to test our faith [Interesting]

Tuesday 25 March 21:45:27 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [22 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Police officer gives eulogy for longtime K-9 partner, and it just got a little bit dusty in here [Sad]

Tuesday 25 March 21:36:17 UTC 2014

Sad [link] [14 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » News: Hazmat team responds to clear dangerous liquid spilled by an overturned truck. Fark: Milk [Amusing]

Tuesday 25 March 21:34:55 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [38 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Malaysian Airlines: Hey, sorry about jerking you around about the whereabouts of your loved ones. Here's $5000 bucks. We're square, now, right? [Asinine]

Tuesday 25 March 21:33:25 UTC 2014

Asinine [link] [35 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Pun contests are a thing. Entrants really should quip while they're ahead [Amusing]

Tuesday 25 March 21:33:20 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [28 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Obviously a rehabilitated man: One day after finishing 15-year prison term for robbing a shoe store, man takes a bus right from prison and robs the same shoe store once again [Dumbass]

Tuesday 25 March 21:29:35 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [66 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 25 Fun Facts About Back to the Future

Tuesday 25 March 21:07:22 UTC 2014

A few things you might not know about Marty, Doc, and Doc's pet chimpanzee. [Link]

Mental Floss » All Three Seasons of Game of Thrones Recapped in Nine Minutes

Tuesday 25 March 21:01:12 UTC 2014

Game of Thrones' new season starts April 6. Can't remember exactly what's going on in Westeros? Never fear, the Fine Brothers are here, recapping everything that happened in the first three seasons in one nine-minute-long, single take video. Spoilers ahead! [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Caption this distressed dog [Caption]

Tuesday 25 March 21:01:00 UTC 2014

Caption [link] [36 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this old iron bridge [Photoshop]

Tuesday 25 March 20:01:00 UTC 2014

Photoshop [link] [34 comments] [Link]

The Onion » Report: 95% Of Grandfathers Got Job By Walking Right Up And Just Asking

Tuesday 25 March 20:00:00 UTC 2014

WASHINGTON—According to a Gallup report published Tuesday, over 95 percent of the nation’s grandfathers began their careers by walking straight into a place of business, saying “I’m the man for the job,” and receiving a posit…
[Link]

The Onion »  Report: 95% Of Grandfathers Got Job By Walking Right Up And Just Asking

Tuesday 25 March 20:00:00 UTC 2014

According to a Gallup report published Tuesday, over 95 percent of the nation’s grandfathers began their careers by walking straight into a place of business, saying “I’m the man for the job,” and receiving a position right there. Full article.
[Link]

Fark.com RSS » Remember that Got Milk? commercial with the dude with peanut butter in his mouth? That was Michael Bay's doing [Amusing]

Tuesday 25 March 19:57:33 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [47 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Seamen spilled near Lesbos, explosion victim pulls herself together, and Orange crushed: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 3/16 – 3/22 [FarkBlog]

Tuesday 25 March 19:52:49 UTC 2014

FarkBlog [link] [4 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The media says it's not the media's fault that the Presidential campaign starts earlier every 4, uh, 3, uh, 2 years [Fail]

Tuesday 25 March 19:52:37 UTC 2014

Fail [link] [43 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » I don't mind adding a slider and some onion rings as garnish to my bloody mary, but a whole roasted chicken and a brownie is a bit too much [Weird]

Tuesday 25 March 19:30:50 UTC 2014

Weird [link] [53 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » The Missing Links: The 20 Best Small Towns Across America

Tuesday 25 March 19:30:00 UTC 2014

Small Town, USA Smithsonian ranks the 20 best small towns across America. * Play With Your Favorite Band Here are what some famous bands would look like as Lego figures. These should be real—although I suspect some of these bands would strongly object to being turned into a commercial product. * The Cookie Record Crumbles This little girl is one … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Ugly-ass baby gorilla meets her mother for the first time. Did I mention ugly-ass? [Sappy]

Tuesday 25 March 19:14:52 UTC 2014

Sappy [link] [20 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » disappointed says FML

Tuesday 25 March 19:06:58 UTC 2014

Today, I finally finished watching Dexter. I was more disappointed by the finale than the picture I later received of my girlfriend cheating on me. FML [Link]

Mental Floss » "The Office" Time Machine

Tuesday 25 March 19:06:33 UTC 2014

Prepare to waste your lunch hour/evening/week! Internet hero Joe Sabia has spent the last year and a half watching all of The Office (U.S. version) and collecting all 1,300 (ish) cultural references he could find in the show. He then proceeded to cut together videos, one for each year, in this amazing Time Machine site. You pop in a year … [Link]

Mental Floss » 18 Things You Didn't Learn in History Class

Tuesday 25 March 19:06:32 UTC 2014

You probably didn't find these facts in your history textbooks. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If you're south of the mason dixon, I advise you to walk southwest at a quick clip with a jar of mustard. You'll understand why soon enough [Amusing]

Tuesday 25 March 19:04:53 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [96 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The dangers of napping on the train. Sleep tight [Amusing]

Tuesday 25 March 19:02:23 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [88 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » How hard is it to find a plane in the middle of an ocean? Turns out that it's pretty farking hard [Obvious]

Tuesday 25 March 18:59:05 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [99 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Tape, Glue, and New Kakapo

Tuesday 25 March 18:30:00 UTC 2014

When I wrote about the kakapo—a chubby, flightless parrot that looks like a parakeet crossed with an owl crossed with a Muppet—last year, a group of the birds had recently arrived at their new home on New Zealand’s Little Barrier Island. [Link]

The Onion » Infographic: Tips For Using Online Dating Sites

Tuesday 25 March 18:30:00 UTC 2014

Here are The Onion’s tips for finding love online
[Link]

Futility Closet » Pi Without Circles

Tuesday 25 March 18:28:09 UTC 2014

The sum of the squares of the reciprocals of the positive integers is π2/6. The sum of their fourth powers is π4/90. The sum of their sixth powers is π6/945. The area of the region under the Gaussian curve y = e-x2 is the square root of π. The probability that two integers chosen at random will have no prime … [Link]

The Onion » Nation Rallies Behind Embattled Celebrity Gown

Tuesday 25 March 18:20:00 UTC 2014

LOS ANGELES—In response to a rash of harsh criticism leveled against a gown worn by actress Charlize Theron at a recent Hollywood charity event, millions of Americans across the country have risen up this week to show their support for the publicly …
[Link]

Fark.com RSS » Rules for tech entrepreneurs: 1. Be a man. 2. Be attractive. 3. Don't be unattractive [Obvious]

Tuesday 25 March 18:10:15 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [78 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Words of wisdom from a former Senator: "If you're naked, you don't have any clothes on, but if you're nekkid you don't have any clothes on but you're up to something" [Amusing]

Tuesday 25 March 18:01:17 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [74 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Good job, America: Network formerly known as "The Learning Channel" has renewed the thought-provoking series "Sex Sent Me to the ER" [Followup]

Tuesday 25 March 17:57:19 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [118 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » New climate report is out. Time for everyone to panic [Interesting]

Tuesday 25 March 17:54:54 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [180 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » JPMorgan's China chief resigns to spend more time with the children of high-ranking officials he hired [Interesting]

Tuesday 25 March 17:35:02 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [21 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Putin planning to defeat the West with fitness. Richard Simmons: Your country needs you [Interesting]

Tuesday 25 March 17:32:21 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [41 comments] [Link]

The Onion » College Senior Already Has Grueling 14-Month Employment Search Lined Up After Graduation

Tuesday 25 March 17:30:00 UTC 2014

ATHENS, OH—Planning ahead to ensure he is adequately prepared for life after college, Ohio University senior Kyle Huber confirmed to reporters Monday that he already has an excruciating 14-month employment search lined up and waiting for him when he…
[Link]

Fark.com RSS » When they say "Get a room", I don't think a Walgreen's bathroom stall is what they had in mind [Florida]

Tuesday 25 March 17:27:43 UTC 2014

Florida [link] [35 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Florida judge rules that IP addresses are not equivalent to social security numbers [Obvious]

Tuesday 25 March 17:14:28 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [123 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 6 Awesome April Events from All Over

Tuesday 25 March 17:13:06 UTC 2014

The return of warm weather and the celebration of Easter give us many traditional festivals. They don’t look the same everywhere; in fact they are so different they won’t fit into any category, except they happen in April. Which of these would you jump on a plane for? 1. Naghol Land Diving Festival, Pentecost Island, Vanuatu Photograph by Flickr user … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » In loving memory of Yellowstone Supervolcano. 2.1 million years BC – 2014. You destroyed Earth like no other. RIP [Hero]

Tuesday 25 March 17:01:26 UTC 2014

Hero [link] [121 comments] [Link]

The Onion » Your Horoscopes — Week Of March 25, 2014

Tuesday 25 March 16:55:00 UTC 2014

Aries Fate will give you a lot to do next week, and you had better do exactly as you are told or Fate will start executing hostages. Taurus This is a good time to make aggressive moves at work, as when the global economy…
[Link]

FMyLife » dani says FML

Tuesday 25 March 16:45:55 UTC 2014

Today, I was at Walmart and had to use the bathroom. I sat down and farted real loud. I didn't realize someone was in there with me until I heard a voice say, "Dude, that was a good one." It was a man's voice. I then realized I was in the men's restroom. FML [Link]

Mental Floss » 12 Simpsons Easter Eggs You Might Have Missed

Tuesday 25 March 16:30:04 UTC 2014

Even Simpsons obsessives who watch each episode repeatedly might not know everything about the series. Here are 12 hidden gems from Springfield. [Link]

The Onion » American Voices: New Technology Creates Mug Shots From DNA

Tuesday 25 March 16:00:00 UTC 2014

Scientists have announced the creation of a new technology capable of producing 3D models of people’s faces by examining their DNA, a tool experts say could help police create mug shots of criminals from DNA evidence taken from a crime scene.
[Link]

Mental Floss » Brain Game: Won't You Be

Tuesday 25 March 15:54:58 UTC 2014

Today's mentalfloss.com Tuesday Test Time Brain Game asks you to break down an eight-letter word, one letter at a time. Are you up to the challenge? By removing one letter from the mix at each step,
and rearranging the other letters as necessary to form new words,
reduce the word "NEIGHBOR" to the letter "O."
N E I G H B … [Link]

The Onion » How A Predator Drone Works

Tuesday 25 March 15:30:00 UTC 2014

How A Predator Drone Works
[Link]

Mental Floss » What Happens If I Survive the Apocalypse and Only Have One Pair of Contact Lenses?

Tuesday 25 March 15:00:00 UTC 2014

Our biggest fear. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Has Wal-Mart become a welfare queen after revealing it is dependent on food stamps? [Interesting]

Tuesday 25 March 14:33:36 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [455 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Ireland needs shaggy sheep for 'shearing Olympics', cold, lonely nights [Amusing]

Tuesday 25 March 14:20:09 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [29 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Country singer manages to lose an aggregate 260 pounds [Interesting]

Tuesday 25 March 14:16:56 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [117 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Redskins owner Daniel Snyder visits 28 reservations to learn how offensive his team name is, writes letter showing he learned nothing [Dumbass]

Tuesday 25 March 14:13:17 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [371 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » NSA "reform" bill would let the NSA do pretty much anything they liked, which is allegedly a big improvement over the current situation [Fail]

Tuesday 25 March 14:07:21 UTC 2014

Fail [link] [112 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » For one writer, doing things the hard way meant staying in the hellhole that is Akron, Ohio [Sad]

Tuesday 25 March 13:49:36 UTC 2014

Sad [link] [47 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » As if being the Father of the Internet wasn't enough, Al Gore now has a praying mantis species named after him [Cool]

Tuesday 25 March 13:47:21 UTC 2014

Cool [link] [30 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » NATO is "very concerned" about the Russian military buildup along the Ukrainian border. Dude sounds concerned [Scary]

Tuesday 25 March 13:46:26 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [51 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Nude dancers file suit against……you've already clicked the link [Followup]

Tuesday 25 March 13:45:44 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [44 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » 5-year-old party animal found walking 20 miles from home looking for playground to celebrate his birthday [Hero]

Tuesday 25 March 13:45:39 UTC 2014

Hero [link] [41 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "Sorry about that natural gas explosion that killed your friend and neighbor. Here are some free pizza coupons for your whole town. Sincerely, Chevron" [Followup]

Tuesday 25 March 13:41:32 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [44 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Luckiest 8th grade male student ever. *Looks at mugshot* Okay maybe not [Sick]

Tuesday 25 March 13:38:45 UTC 2014

Sick [link] [44 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » It sucks when you discover you're allergic to bees after an angry swarm descends on your neighborhood [Scary]

Tuesday 25 March 13:36:53 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [8 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photographer at Madrid Zoo captures some photos of the friendliest bear you'll find this side of San Fransisco [Interesting]

Tuesday 25 March 13:36:47 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [13 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » No matter your intentions, no matter the context, if you're a Republican lawmaker just don't ever use the phrase 'tar baby' in any of your speeches [Obvious]

Tuesday 25 March 13:35:08 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [121 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Your skateboard's not worth a door handle, especially when it's from a police station [Dumbass]

Tuesday 25 March 13:34:46 UTC 2014

Dumbass [link] [9 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Hobby Lobby wants to provide employees decent wages, nice hours, a retirement plan but no access to IUDs or morning after pills [Interesting]

Tuesday 25 March 13:31:34 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [187 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » When you don't turn into traffic fast enough for the old people in the gold Lexus behind you, that's when shiat can start to get real [Florida]

Tuesday 25 March 13:30:49 UTC 2014

Florida [link] [27 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Early Instructional Videos for Using a Rotary Phone

Tuesday 25 March 13:30:00 UTC 2014

A couple of weeks ago, we posted a hilarious and adorable video of children reacting to rotary phones. Most of them, raised on iDevices, had no idea how to use it. The kids aren't alone in their confusion. Based on these early instructional videos, it seems like our ancestors were also pretty puzzled by rotary phones. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Hair appointment ends in tragedy…and someone died, too [Scary]

Tuesday 25 March 13:28:47 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [11 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Store service is so lousy, even its ghosts get frustrated with employees [Strange]

Tuesday 25 March 13:26:04 UTC 2014

Strange [link] [13 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » 12 Years a Slave: working for the Post Office – NJ scandal catches fire as national letters pour in to local paper and $75 billion pension money GONE [Followup]

Tuesday 25 March 13:25:58 UTC 2014

Followup [link] [45 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Although 'Star Wars' is the most famous sci-fi movie of the '70s, 'Westworld' or 'Flesh Gordon' might be the greatest [Cool]

Tuesday 25 March 13:24:25 UTC 2014

Cool [link] [96 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » ATMs have gotten so convenient criminals can rob them via text message [Scary]

Tuesday 25 March 13:22:53 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [8 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Bad: You won't see your spouse for nearly two years because you're both deployed to different aircraft carriers. Sappy: The Navy lets you fly over for a visit when one carrier relieves the other in the Gulf of Oman [Sappy]

Tuesday 25 March 13:22:01 UTC 2014

Sappy [link] [21 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Teddy Roosevelt comes out in favour of keeping national parks and monuments unchanged. This is not a repeat from 1906 [Hero]

Tuesday 25 March 13:20:05 UTC 2014

Hero [link] [13 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this jester [Photoshop]

Tuesday 25 March 13:01:00 UTC 2014

Photoshop [link] [17 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » Rosario Muniz

Tuesday 25 March 12:24:02 UTC 2014

WARNING: Large, hairy Italian man gyrating in his tighty whiteys. (I have no idea what he's singing about).

[Link]

Fark.com RSS » Nine jobs one can only do in Germany. And no, you can't do that one anymore [Interesting]

Tuesday 25 March 12:16:09 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [67 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » Hodges, James & Smith

Tuesday 25 March 12:09:50 UTC 2014

In 1973 they signed a recording contract with 20th Century Fox Records. Their first album, "Incredible" …was not! The only thing incredible about it was the speed it reached cut-out bins at discount record stores…. Another 20th Century album "Power In Your Love," disappeared so fast that most people can't recall its release.

I suspect part of the reason for … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » School won't let 11-year-old girl back to school because she violated the school's dress code policy by: A) wearing a t-shirt with a bad word, B) wearing shorts that revealed her underwear or C) shaving her head to support her friend with can

Tuesday 25 March 11:35:50 UTC 2014

Asinine [link] [121 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Not to freak anyone out, but a highly contagious version of ebola may have shown up in Canada [Scary]

Tuesday 25 March 11:05:52 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [68 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 5 Questions: Plumber's Helpers

Tuesday 25 March 10:42:10 UTC 2014

[Link]

Fark.com RSS » Suspect claims he accidentally kidnapped child, who he thought was his stepdaughter. 'Cause it's okay to kidnap your stepkids, just not other people's kids [Fail]

Tuesday 25 March 10:36:30 UTC 2014

Fail [link] [22 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Tuesday 25 March 10:29:16 UTC 2014

Today, I was walking around my college campus when someone asked me if I had gotten separated from my tour group. He didn't believe me when I said I was a student there. This happens all the time. FML [Link]

Mental Floss » Morning Cup of Links: Prom?

Tuesday 25 March 9:58:29 UTC 2014

Here are 24 creative ways teenagers are asking for a date to the prom. You can’t back out once it’s photographed, posted, and gone viral.
*
A group that fights copyright infringement in software was caught using a pirated photograph in their ads. The photo was removed, but the hypocrisy has been well-publicized.
*
Fans were excited to hear that … [Link]

Mental Floss » 13 Ice Cream Secrets From Ben

Tuesday 25 March 9:58:18 UTC 2014

Including the one flavor they'll never make. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Two dead in Naval base shooting [News]

Tuesday 25 March 9:08:08 UTC 2014

News [link] [80 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » A new high-tech gumshield with a silicone balloon inside that rests against the teeth and is connected to a small machine that pumps air in and out of the balloon could replace braces… If it didn't make the wearer look even more ridiculous [Wei

Tuesday 25 March 9:05:00 UTC 2014

Weird [link] [37 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Did we say 18 missing people? We meant 176….I guess we shouldn't have had the Prime Minister of Malaysia do our press release [Scary]

Tuesday 25 March 9:01:00 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [42 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Mom successfully ensures her kids will be social pariahs until at least high school [Stupid]

Tuesday 25 March 8:36:00 UTC 2014

Stupid [link] [110 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "There was more than one egg thrown, which is against the law obviously to assault anybody with an egg, let alone a parking enforcement officer, You're assaulting someone who has a badge. We take that very seriously" [Obvious]

Tuesday 25 March 7:46:32 UTC 2014

Obvious [link] [59 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Ever wonder what it looks like to base jump off the World Trade Center? Well, today is the day (w/video) [Stupid]

Tuesday 25 March 7:44:00 UTC 2014

Stupid [link] [24 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Sarah Palin may actually get a chance to see Russia from her house [Unlikely]

Tuesday 25 March 7:25:00 UTC 2014

Unlikely [link] [63 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Tuesday 25 March 6:59:15 UTC 2014

Today, I told my boyfriend the dentist said my blood pressure was high. He was more interested in the fact that the dentist took my blood pressure than my blood pressure being high. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Vampprobs says FML

Tuesday 25 March 6:59:14 UTC 2014

Today, my neighbor called the police for the seventh time because he's convinced I'm a vampire. He's also gotten in the habit of leaving garlic cloves in my yard. My parents come next week. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Shot through the heart, in the Ukraine (Warning: Graphic photo in twitter link within article) [News]

Tuesday 25 March 6:31:06 UTC 2014

News [link] [163 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Invention from mother of wheelchair-bound son helps him and other physically impaired children walk for the first time. Parents advised not make auto-loader noises, or simulate fights with xenomorphs [Cool]

Tuesday 25 March 6:28:00 UTC 2014

Cool [link] [29 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » Unquote

Tuesday 25 March 6:26:54 UTC 2014

“Mr. Hoover, if you see ten troubles coming down the road, you can be sure that nine will run into the ditch before they reach you and you have to battle with only one of them.” — Calvin Coolidge, to Herbert Hoover [Link]

Fark.com RSS » When an 8-year-old student sent a Flat Stanley to a soldier he didn't know in Iraq, he had no way of knowing the journey it would take, or how much dust the last sentence in this story would kick up [Cool]

Tuesday 25 March 5:22:00 UTC 2014

Cool [link] [51 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Taco Bell sent 1,000 free "breakfast phones" to "fast-food influencers" to go on "secret breakfast missions." Unemployed millennials, consider branding yourselves as fast-food influencers to get some respect [Stupid]

Tuesday 25 March 5:02:00 UTC 2014

Stupid [link] [53 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Florida woman claims police made her poop on her lawn during meth bust. Scheiße [Florida]

Tuesday 25 March 4:47:00 UTC 2014

Florida [link] [44 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Not news: D.C. woman calls for an ambulance. News: Paramedics start to argue. FARK: She takes the Metro to the Hospital [Scary]

Tuesday 25 March 3:11:58 UTC 2014

Scary [link] [64 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Texas cop gets a ticket from a 14-year-old girl for parking in a fire lane. FARK: She does NOT get TAZED [Amusing]

Tuesday 25 March 2:21:51 UTC 2014

Amusing [link] [113 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » When asked why the bike path cost $9.4 million, the Bay Area Toll Authority replied that they couldn't justify spending more because the bike path is only temporary and they'll be destroying it in a few months [Stupid]

Tuesday 25 March 1:31:24 UTC 2014

Stupid [link] [145 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Two year-old injured after slicing open hands on razor blades glued to playground equipment at a city park. Yes, you read that right [Sick]

Tuesday 25 March 1:21:09 UTC 2014

Sick [link] [117 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Everyone can throw away their brackets for Consumerist's "Worst Company in America" as the 2-time reigning champ is knocked out in the first round by Time Warner Cable [Interesting]

Tuesday 25 March 1:10:12 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [66 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Tuesday 25 March 1:01:56 UTC 2014

Today, my clingy girlfriend refused to leave me alone long enough for me to read an article about dealing with clingy girlfriends. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Tuesday 25 March 1:01:55 UTC 2014

Today, I was ordering a pizza over the phone. When the guy asked for my order, I yelled "Hey, you guys wanted pepperoni, right?" In reality, I was yelling this to my cat. College hasn't made me many friends so far. FML [Link]

FMyLife » bloodyhell says FML

Tuesday 25 March 1:01:54 UTC 2014

Today, at my job as a bouncer at a music venue, a guy got his nose broken in a rowdy mosh pit. When I went to help him up and see if he was okay, he said, "It was an accident, please don't kick me out," but the word "please" came out as a hot spray of his blood across … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Oh bother [Strange]

Tuesday 25 March 0:32:41 UTC 2014

Strange [link] [65 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » There's a creepy clown creeping through Staten Island streets that's freaking out the residents, Internets [Strange]

Tuesday 25 March 0:26:41 UTC 2014

Strange [link] [51 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » A burger within a burger that's only 10,000 calories? Sounds burgerey [Weird]

Tuesday 25 March 0:22:21 UTC 2014

Weird [link] [49 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Girl, British and boy, American, dead after killing German, officer [Strange]

Tuesday 25 March 0:07:46 UTC 2014

Strange [link] [79 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » When you live at 1400 Pennsylvania Ave. in Washington, D.C. you sometimes receive a lot of hate mail that wasn't meant for you [Interesting]

Tuesday 25 March 0:04:18 UTC 2014

Interesting [link] [30 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » Alaska, USA

Tuesday 25 March 0:04:14 UTC 2014


A petition to secede from the union and join Russia is circulating in Alaska. It gained 10,000 signatures in a three day period, if it gets 100,000 the White House is obliged to respond. They must have brain freeze up there. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop Emma Watson from the Noah movie [Photoshop]

Tuesday 25 March 0:01:00 UTC 2014

Photoshop [link] [43 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 3 Epic Pun Contests (And A Few Of Their Winning Entries)

Tuesday 25 March 0:00:00 UTC 2014

Jest be careful using these in real life! [Link]

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