John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons

John Gordon Ross header image 3

Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Sunday 8 April 23:55:36 UTC 2012

Today, I realized the reason my 20-year-old daughter has been so moody and aggressive is because she missed the promotional My Little Pony toys at McDonald's. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Hot chick quits Facebook because "peer pressure". *hands out jars* Come Farkers, let us collect her tears and savor their sweet, savory salty taste [Stupid]

Sunday 8 April 23:27:42 UTC 2012

Stupid [link] [242 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Farker's daughter found after missing for 4 days. She's safe and back home after several days of partying. Subby thanks those who kept a look out for her and shared her info [Followup]

Sunday 8 April 23:24:06 UTC 2012

Followup [link] [560 comments] [Link]

The Onion » Unsung Heroes: Esther Hatcher

Sunday 8 April 23:00:00 UTC 2012

Esther Hatcher ate an entire box of her roommate’s cookies and replaced them after her roommate noticed and got mad. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Tears, sneers, and a guy with a head like a potato. It's this weeks Mugshot Roundup [Amusing]

Sunday 8 April 22:53:51 UTC 2012

Amusing [link] [185 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » kirsty says FML

Sunday 8 April 22:18:34 UTC 2012

Today, I went to a new deli in town. While waiting in line, I hadn't made up my mind on what to order, so I let the guy behind me go instead. Turns out he was the hundredth customer, and they gave him his lunch for free. FML [Link]

The Onion » TV Listings: New Television Show

Sunday 8 April 22:00:00 UTC 2012

NBC 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. CDT From the makers of Lost, The Wire, Friday Night Lights, Kenan And Kel, Freaks And Geeks, Mad About You, The Adventures of Teddy Ruxpin, The Michael Richards Show, Joey… [Link]

FMyLife » dcort says FML

Sunday 8 April 21:39:25 UTC 2012

Today, while I was getting out of the shower, I saw a spider climb into the ceiling vent. Wanting it to come out so I could kill it, I turned on the fan. It came out, along with a dozen of its friends. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Lawrence Cobbold has filled every room in his three-bedroom house with a 21,600-strong collection of bird ornaments. Why yes ladies he is single [Strange]

Sunday 8 April 21:11:50 UTC 2012

Strange [link] [64 comments] [Link]

The Onion » Ask The Stage Directions To Tennessee Williams' Cat On A Hot Tin Roof

Sunday 8 April 21:00:00 UTC 2012

The stage directions from Tennessee Williams' Cat On A Hot Tin Roof is a syndicated columnist whose weekly advice column, Ask The stage directions to Tennessee Williams' Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, appears in more than 250 newspapers nationwide. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this 360-degree Panoptic 3D camera [Photoshop]

Sunday 8 April 20:00:01 UTC 2012

Photoshop [link] [33 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Awkward family photos, Easter edition [Silly]

Sunday 8 April 19:44:56 UTC 2012

Silly [link] [55 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Still no cure for….oh wait [Cool]

Sunday 8 April 19:20:02 UTC 2012

Cool [link] [129 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » GPemTGM says FML

Sunday 8 April 19:06:55 UTC 2012

Today, I went to see my grandfather in hospital, to see how well he's recovering from his stroke. He asked who I was. After I told him I'm his grand-daughter, his head almost rolled off his neck in disappointment. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » I PITY THE FOOL who orders their steak well done [Florida]

Sunday 8 April 19:01:51 UTC 2012

Florida [link] [146 comments] [Link]

The Onion » Flag Football Game Ends With Participants Believing They Played Football

Sunday 8 April 19:00:00 UTC 2012

Flag Football Game Ends With Participants Believing They Played Football [Link]

FMyLife » jess says FML

Sunday 8 April 19:00:00 UTC 2012

Today, I woke up and decided to make my mom a special Easter breakfast in bed. I pre-heated the oven to bake the sausage just the way she likes. Guess where my easter basket was. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » 's Law is absolute [Wheaton]

Sunday 8 April 18:40:59 UTC 2012

Wheaton [link] [61 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » psychoticbiatch says FML

Sunday 8 April 18:28:49 UTC 2012

Today, it's my 30th birthday. I was having a great night until I overheard my mother say, "I can't believe that thing made it to 30." FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Cruise ship to retrace voyage of the Titanic, to the point where it sank. What could possibly go wrong? [Stupid]

Sunday 8 April 18:22:05 UTC 2012

Stupid [link] [78 comments] [Link]

The Onion »  Jeremy Lin Blows Away Nurses By Dying On First Day In Hospital

Sunday 8 April 18:15:00 UTC 2012

Doc and Kenny catch a case of bullet-breath as they pull the trigger on Stephen Strasburg’s Opening Day ceremony, Kentucky’s draft prospects, and the Charlotte Bobcat’s first ever dunk. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Teachers threaten to boycott standardized tests for five year olds [Interesting]

Sunday 8 April 18:01:53 UTC 2012

Interesting [link] [66 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » Name Trouble

Sunday 8 April 17:50:28 UTC 2012

In 2008, a New Zealand couple lost custody of their 9-year-old daughter because they had named her Talula Does the Hula From Hawaii. “The court is profoundly concerned about the very poor judgment that this child’s parents have shown in choosing this name,” said family court judge Rob Murfitt. “It makes a fool of the child and sets her up … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Department of Highway Safety says elderly drivers are safer [Florida]

Sunday 8 April 17:49:54 UTC 2012

Florida [link] [53 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » British child finds hand grenade during Easter egg hunt. Everyone runs when he says, "And first, thou shalt take out the holy pin" [Amusing]

Sunday 8 April 17:48:04 UTC 2012

Amusing [link] [59 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If you could buy it, this would be the world's most expensive car. A photographic homage to one of the finest cars ever built, the Mercedes-Benz 300 SL [Cool]

Sunday 8 April 17:26:32 UTC 2012

Cool [link] [105 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Not news: resident discovers a peeping tom and calls police. News: officers arrive and apprehend suspect. Fark: peeping tom is a deer [Amusing]

Sunday 8 April 17:26:31 UTC 2012

Amusing [link] [18 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Puppies and bunnies and chicks…oh my [Sappy]

Sunday 8 April 17:17:55 UTC 2012

Sappy [link] [32 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » In memory of RabidDog (Carl Wade) on his birthday. DIT [Followup]

Sunday 8 April 17:02:53 UTC 2012

Followup [link] [95 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Caravaggio didn't die of syphilis. He was killed by the Knights of Malta in a murder endorsed and hidden by the Catholic Church. No, this is not the plot of the next Dan Brown novel [Interesting]

Sunday 8 April 16:54:00 UTC 2012

Interesting [link] [38 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » How to hit a nude beach. Tips include "don't gawk", "don't bring a camera", "always bring a towel", and "always wear your sunscreen – carefully". SFW (come on, it's Fox News) [PSA]

Sunday 8 April 16:26:19 UTC 2012

PSA [link] [85 comments] [Link]

The Onion » Promising 9-Pound Bass To Turn Pro

Sunday 8 April 16:15:00 UTC 2012

Promising 9-Pound Bass To Turn Pro [Link]

The Onion » National News Highlights

Sunday 8 April 16:15:00 UTC 2012

OXFORD, OH—After 12 years, area woman Helen Bonners finally got what the Salt-N-Pepa song “Push It” was about. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Tick tick, tick tick, tick tick, tick tick, tick tick, tick tick, tick ti [NewsFlash]

Sunday 8 April 15:45:13 UTC 2012

NewsFlash [link] [176 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » He has no fish stamp, cast him out [Strange]

Sunday 8 April 15:32:12 UTC 2012

Strange [link] [66 comments] [Link]

The Onion » Singing, Dancing Man Just Getting Started

Sunday 8 April 15:25:28 UTC 2012

CHICAGO—Despite having just completed a brief, wholly satisfactory down-tempo song-and-dance number followed by a brief pause that led many to believe he had completed all singing and dancing… [Link]

FMyLife » Jordan says FML

Sunday 8 April 15:07:34 UTC 2012

Today, my boyfriend told me that he believes getting kicked in the balls is a scientifically-proven method of birth control. FML [Link]

Oddee.com » 12 Most Awesome Easter Eggs

Sunday 8 April 15:01:58 UTC 2012

Happy Easter to all of Oddee's fans. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Generations of stoners can thank Disneyland for the best selection of rides on LSD….and the invention of Doritos? [Interesting]

Sunday 8 April 14:50:10 UTC 2012

Interesting [link] [46 comments] [Link]

The Onion » Rod Stewart Mistaken For Elderly Aunt

Sunday 8 April 14:45:00 UTC 2012

Rod Stewart Mistaken For Elderly Aunt [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Ass = Donkey. And other essential translations for US visitors to the Olympics this year [Amusing]

Sunday 8 April 14:17:17 UTC 2012

Amusing [link] [175 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » Chuck’s April Fool’s News Specials

Sunday 8 April 14:08:07 UTC 2012

Usual suspects, from last week (leaving to others any actual verifications):

Due to the drought in Great Britain, some of those crazy local councils are embracing "amnesty" for turning in garden hoses. The Independent

Cooking Classes for Left-Handers Launched Daily Express (London)

Announcing the Yugawara in Kanagawa Prefecture, Japan, the world's first luxury hotel that accepts pets pet sheep (which … [Link]

FMyLife » claudio117 says FML

Sunday 8 April 13:46:19 UTC 2012

Today, during an Easter egg hunt, I found divorce papers. FML [Link]

Mental Floss » Weekend Links: 65 Sketchy Easter Bunny Photos

Sunday 8 April 13:44:21 UTC 2012

Get in the holiday spirit with BuzzFeed’s round-up of the 65 sketchiest Easter Bunnies. Happy Easter!
*
To quote Finn Jones, from whom I got this link, “this is best thing I’ve ever seen on the internet. Have a play – may take a while to load but trust me, it’s worth it.” I think I’ve seen versions of this … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Catholic priest dying of pancreatic cancer discovers the news during Lent, refuses to tell his parishioners and ruin Holy Week for them. But he has some words for everyone in what would be his last sermon [Sad]

Sunday 8 April 13:34:20 UTC 2012

Sad [link] [285 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this balance test [Photoshop]

Sunday 8 April 13:30:01 UTC 2012

Photoshop [link] [16 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » Teenage Zombies

Sunday 8 April 12:29:35 UTC 2012

Why watch newfangled zombies like The Walking Dead when you can have the classics?

If you like the trailer above, watch the whole film, below.

Comments [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Kids are going reverse-jenkum by getting high on hand sanitizer and mouthwash cocktails [Unlikely]

Sunday 8 April 12:24:00 UTC 2012

Unlikely [link] [125 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Does espresso made by a bikini barista get you all hot and frothy? You might want to check for security cameras before you act on that impulse [Obvious]

Sunday 8 April 10:46:54 UTC 2012

Obvious [link] [104 comments] [Link]

The Onion » Fan On The Street: On Nike Becoming The NFL’s Athletic Gear Provider

Sunday 8 April 10:30:00 UTC 2012

On Nike Becoming The NFL’s Athletic Gear Provider [Link]

FMyLife » iJuli says FML

Sunday 8 April 9:47:05 UTC 2012

Today, my boyfriend thought it'd be a good idea to break up with me in his car. I had to walk home. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Brianna Weltmire says FML

Sunday 8 April 9:43:09 UTC 2012

Today, my mom tagged me in a picture on Facebook. It's a very zoomed in picture of a zit that had just recently erupted on my face. The caption is "My baby's biggest zit yet!" FML [Link]

Weird Universe » 3D Chocolate Printer

Sunday 8 April 8:43:17 UTC 2012


A printer that makes 3D images in solid chocolate. Sounds like a winner!

Comments [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Twin Cities Fark Party TONIGHT April 21st, Psycho Suzi's Motor Lounge. Now with 17% more out-of-towner [FarkParty]

Sunday 8 April 8:16:08 UTC 2012

FarkParty [link] [551 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Problem: Japanese farms being attacked by crows. Solution: Hire a schoolgirl and her pet falcon to deal with the crows [Cool]

Sunday 8 April 7:55:00 UTC 2012

Cool [link] [91 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » jordyn173 says FML

Sunday 8 April 6:53:59 UTC 2012

Today, my boyfriend and I went to a basketball game. A very pretty woman sat next to him. During the third quarter, the kiss cam came on. But it didn't show him and me, it showed him and the other girl. And they kissed. FML [Link]

FMyLife » Millian2 says FML

Sunday 8 April 6:53:58 UTC 2012

Today, I learned that when you take off your sweatshirt, it can get stuck in your braces. I was in public. FML [Link]

Futility Closet » Unquote

Sunday 8 April 6:42:16 UTC 2012

“How can it be that mathematics, being after all a product of human thought which is independent of experience, is so admirably appropriate to the objects of reality?” — Albert Einstein “The miracle of the appropriateness of the language of mathematics for the formulation of the laws of physics is a wonderful gift which we neither understand nor deserve.” — … [Link]

Dilbert Daily Strip » Comic for April 8, 2012

Sunday 8 April 5:56:41 UTC 2012

[Link]

Fark.com RSS » Binky-hating 114-year-old pediatrician Dr. Leila Denmark has died: "When she began to practise, an appointment to see her cost $4. By the time she retired aged 103, she had more than doubled her fees – to $10" [Sad]

Sunday 8 April 5:48:00 UTC 2012

Sad [link] [98 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Nebraska likely to force telephone company to keep payphone in business despite pulling in a whopping $19.58 in coins to offset $1,469 cost to maintain it [Asinine]

Sunday 8 April 4:37:14 UTC 2012

Asinine [link] [186 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » 6 Easter Traditions You Might Not Know

Sunday 8 April 4:01:41 UTC 2012

The sacred Christian holiday of Easter is celebrated in somewhat similar ways around the world, but there are some traditions from various regions that may be new to you. 1. Baranek Wielkanocny The Baranek Wielkanocny, or Easter Butter Lamb is a hunk of butter shaped into a woolly lamb to celebrate Easter in Poland. You might find one in your … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » This just in: Fierce battles broke out in cities all across the globe today——- as the feathers flew for the fifth annual International Pillow Fight Day [Followup]

Sunday 8 April 3:27:33 UTC 2012

Followup [link] [32 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Gay, lesbian, and bisexual Brigham Young University, make an "It gets better..{until you are excommunicated by your church, banned from your ward and disowned by your own family}" video [Interesting]

Sunday 8 April 2:03:18 UTC 2012

Interesting [link] [245 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Submitter can't decide whether this one goes under the "Yet another State Trooper caught sending nude dancing video in sting" or it goes under "Yet another State Trooper gets a slap on wrist", but either way it is stupid [Stupid]

Sunday 8 April 1:44:19 UTC 2012

Stupid [link] [25 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Now you can get the best spicy mustard in the world, delivered right to your doorstep [Cool]

Sunday 8 April 1:37:07 UTC 2012

Cool [link] [60 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Pilot: Smoke in the cockpit, request emergency landing. Air traffic controller: LOL, nah [Asinine]

Sunday 8 April 1:08:14 UTC 2012

Asinine [link] [129 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » How to Eat a Chocolate Easter Bunny, According to a Very Important Survey

Sunday 8 April 0:53:10 UTC 2012

Toddler image via Shutterstock According to the BBC, 74% of American children say chocolate bunnies should be eaten ears first. Happy Easter! [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Sunday 8 April 0:40:44 UTC 2012

Today, my wife sent me to the store to pick stuff up so we could make BLTs. I got the bacon, but couldn't remember what else went into them, so I bought an avocado and napkins. When I got back home, my wife very slowly and sarcastically explained what BLT stands for. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Happy Easter from Kate Upton [Video]

Sunday 8 April 0:38:06 UTC 2012

Video [link] [156 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » breakfast tea says FML

Sunday 8 April 0:30:39 UTC 2012

Today, I was escorted out of the building for getting in a scuffle at my anger management class. FML [Link]

Mental Floss » Last Week’s Most Popular Stories

Sunday 8 April 0:14:42 UTC 2012

In case you weren’t obsessively refreshing mentalfloss.com all week, here’s what you missed: 1. Why Some Civil War Soldiers Glowed in the Dark, by Matt Soniak
*
2. 20 TV Shows Recreated With Peeps, by Miss Cellania
*
3. 11 Things That Have No Business Being Lip Balms, by Jill Harness
*
4. 17 Offbeat Holidays You Can Celebrate in … [Link]

FMyLife » strokingitasitype says FML

Sunday 8 April 0:12:27 UTC 2012

Today, I cleaned my computer screen for the first time in ages. When I turned it on a few hours later, I spent an embarrassing amount of time trying to figure out why the brightness was suddenly so painfully high. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Local church gives away free gasoline to the poor. Story contains photo of what poor people in Alabama might look like [Asinine]

Sunday 8 April 0:02:08 UTC 2012

Asinine [link] [143 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this wild horse woman [Photoshop]

Sunday 8 April 0:00:01 UTC 2012

Photoshop [link] [26 comments] [Link]

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