Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”
The Onion » HOUSTON, TX—Wouldn't you know it? Just as Mike Sanner got to the head of the lengthy emergency room queue, a guy with a power auger sticking out of his chest was wheeled in.
HOUSTON, TX—Wouldn't you know it? Just as Mike Sanner got to the head of the lengthy emergency room queue, a guy with a power auger sticking out of his chest was wheeled in.
[Link]
Futility Closet » Being and Nothingness
There was a shoemaker in Paris, which was a widower, and he was not very wise. Of him Scogin bought all his shooes, and on a time Scogin came to the shoemaker’s house to speak with him. The shoemaker was at dinner, and bad his maid say that he was not at home. Scogin, by the maid’s answer, perceived that … [Link]
The Onion » TV Listings: Cash Bus
Discovery 9:00 p.m. EST/8:00 p.m. CST No one on the B48 to Greenpoint knows the capital of Indonesia.
[Link]
FMyLife » bananamuffin says FML
Today, I realized that the "holla" tattoo I stupidly got on my lower lip five years ago isn't fading as I expected it to, and will probably contribute to my unemployment for years to come. FML [Link]
FMyLife » James says FML
Today, my eleven year old daughter called me a moron, after I told her she was dead wrong when she claimed that rabbits lay eggs. FML [Link]
FMyLife » MDWilde says FML
Today, my husband and I found out that our daughter's chronic stomach aches are due to gluten intolerance, so we need to cut all wheat out of our diet. We're bakers. FML [Link]
The Onion » American Voices: Lottery Reaches Record Jackpot
The multistate Mega Millions lottery jackpot has reached $640 million and become the largest prize of its kind in U.S. history. What do you think?
[Link]
Fark.com RSS » And the Oddest Book Title of the Year Is …Other contenders included books about chicken sexing, office chairs [Amusing]
[link] [53 comments] [Link]
FMyLife » dannyboy says FML
Today, an old lady savagely shoved me out of a queue, after I'd been waiting for twenty minutes. I couldn't bring myself to fight back or say anything, and ended up dragging my sorry arse to the back of the queue. FML [Link]
The Onion » Number Of Songs GOP Candidates Can Use Down To 4
WASHINGTON—Republican strategists confirmed Friday there are now only four songs in the entirety of recorded music that GOP candidates are legally permitted to use.
[Link]
Fark.com RSS » Listen, your son died on a secret space station at the hands of a 7 foot tall assassin with metal teeth trying to save the world from a mad scientist's evil plot. What's so hard to understand about that? [Unlikely]
[link] [109 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Opera singer shot multiple times with no explanation. Sometimes it's just the wrong aria at the wrong time [Scary]
[link] [85 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this architecture in Antwerp [Photoshop]
[link] [26 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » You know what they always say: The family that grows 'shrooms together, camel spiders, festoonies… taste the pendulum [Florida]
[link] [29 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » ♫ He picks up a missile and he shots it right down and it blows up the buildings in the center of town. Oh no, there goes Tokyo, go go Gamera. ♫ [Interesting]
[link] [46 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » There is no shame in moving back in with your parents, writes person who moved back in with her parents and is ashamed about it [Fail]
[link] [145 comments] [Link]
The Onion » Penn State T-Shirt Awkwardly Looked Away From
Female voters can't help fawning over sexist GOP candidates, a homesick kid on a sleepover just needs to tough it the fuck out, and Neil DeGrasse Tyson lets it slip that he's been to Mars.
[Link]
The Onion » Sportsgraphic: Notable Suspensions In Sports
Following his team's involvement in a bounty program, Saints coach Sean Payton has been suspended for a year, one of the most daunting punishments in modern sports.
[Link]
Fark.com RSS » 3 former Marines work with craft brewer to create special tribute brew for Marines killed in chopper crash. Proceeds will help build scholarship fund for the families of the deceased. Brew is named 'Homage' [Hero]
[link] [62 comments] [Link]
The Onion » Magazine: Gun, Knife, Staff: Choose
Gun, Knife, Staff: Choose
[Link]
Fark.com RSS » Michelle Duggar, who has given birth to 19 children, says that overpopulation is a lie because the entire population of the world would fit in Jacksonville, Florida. Wait, what? [Asinine]
[link] [482 comments] [Link]
FMyLife » Anonymous says FML
Today, I got on the train with my bike, leaning it up against the wall. After a while, it began to slide down the wall and wobble, so I dashed out to catch it. As I ran for it, I slipped and crashed into it, knocking it into an old man and busting the rear brake. FML [Link]
FMyLife » Anonymous says FML
Today, while playing badminton, I was so distracted by my ex winking at me that I didn't notice the shuttle cock that hit me in the eye. FML [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Not news: TV stations now picking "Facebook Friend of the Day." Fark: Tampa station picks a furry. Costume and all [Florida]
[link] [88 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » At the Libraries: Cheating at Where’s Waldo?
Each week Miss Kathleen provides links to a variety of stories about libraries, authors, and books. If there’s something noteworthy going on in your local library, leave us a comment! First off, I have to know: Did you see The Hunger Games?! Please oh please let me know if you liked it. I can’t decide if I want to spend … [Link]
Fark.com RSS » You're late to class and the teacher calls you out on it. Do you: a) apologize and take your seat, b) accept a detention and be quiet, or c) strangle your teacher with his own necktie and flee? [Dumbass]
[link] [91 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Absolutely genuine and real way to pay roughly $2.50 a gallon for fuel. But, wait There's more. A slight catch actually [Interesting]
[link] [170 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » Lunchtime Quiz: Se7en, Ocean’s Eleven or Twelve Monkeys?
Three movies, three numbers, three great Brad Pitt performances. Can you tell the difference between Pitt’s work as a homicide detective in Se7en, a con man in Ocean’s Eleven or a futuristic asylum inmate in Twelve Monkeys? Take the Quiz: Se7en, Ocean’s Eleven or Twelve Monkeys [Link]
Fark.com RSS » In 1973 Drake High School burned 32 copies of Slaughterhouse-Five in its furnace. Here is the letter Kurt Vonnegut wrote to their school board [Hero]
[link] [281 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » $640,000,000.00 [Followup]
[link] [521 comments] [Link]
The Onion » Death Of Beloved Boxing Writer Bert Sugar Introduces Thousands To Beloved Boxing Writer Bert Sugar
MOUNT KISCO, NY—Bert Sugar, the prolific and colorful boxing writer whose smart-aleck yet genuine enthusiasm for boxing allowed him to straddle the line between critic and fan, gained thousands of new fans this week by dying of cardiac arrest at age…
[Link]
Mental Floss » What Would You Do With $540 Million?
On Fridays, I post a series of unrelated questions meant to spark conversation in the comments. Answer one, answer all, respond to someone else’s reply, whatever you want. On to this week’s topics of discussion… 
1. Tonight’s Mega Millions winner won’t walk away with Scrooge McDuck money — in 2011, Forbes estimated his net worth to be $44.1 billion. But … [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Michigan plans to dramatically increase the number of organ donors statewide [Spiffy]
[link] [117 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » No wonder Bigfoot has never been fully proven. You have to fill out the proper permits in triplicate to hunt him [Amusing]
[link] [33 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Hey, all you Vegas Farkers. Once you shake off the hangovers, here's an article listing some cool things to do. Test drive a Lambo, fire a grenade launcher, bulldoze things. Even some tree hugging and artsy crap for you libbies [Cool]
[link] [43 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Dude, it's like Woodstock all over again. Except, in France. And with, like, UFOs and sh*t. And it doesn't end until Doomsday 2012. Which has already started. Far out, man [Cool]
[link] [42 comments] [Link]
The Onion » American Voices: Spike Lee Tweets Wrong George Zimmerman's Address
After a Twitter user posted the wrong address for Treyvon Martin’s killer, filmmaker Spike Lee unwittingly retweeted the error, which led to an elderly couple in Florida receiving death threats and having to flee their home.
[Link]
Fark.com RSS » News article about a pole dancer (w/ pics). Too bad you didn't read the rest of the headline, because it's about a 53 year old guy [Cool]
[link] [29 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » This is why children on airplanes should either be safely secured in a pet carrier, or the overhead luggage compartment [Dumbass]
[link] [155 comments] [Link]
FMyLife » Anonymous says FML
Today, I woke up to what sounded like twigs snapping. Turns out it was the skull of a live mouse being crushed in my cat's jaws. FML [Link]
FMyLife » rozziepop says FML
Today, I saw my 22-year-old boyfriend blow his nose into his hand, then wipe his snot on our couch. There was a box of tissues directly in front of him. FML [Link]
Mental Floss » Explaining E=mc² Using a Radioactive Space Cat
I’m no scientician, but I’m vaguely aware of this one formula, E=mc². Apparently it’s a big deal. In the video below, the good people of Minute Physics rapidly explain how to derive the formula, using a theoretical scenario involving a radioactive cat in space, a spacecraft, and some math. For a two-minute explanation, this is remarkably complete (at least to … [Link]
The Onion » Superstitious Rick Pitino Admits He Has Gone All Month Without Changing His Hair Grease
Superstitious Rick Pitino Admits He Has Gone All Month Without Changing His Hair Grease
[Link]
Fark.com RSS » The job outlook for recent college graduates is looking good. Assuming you want to work at Wal-Mart, McDonald's, and Starbucks [PSA]
[link] [177 comments] [Link]
FMyLife » kawood says FML
Today, I had to sit in the hospital with my 88-year-old grandfather by myself. During the five hours I was there, he insisted on sharing the intimate details of his many sexcapades that he has had since World War II. FML [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Mother distraught over son being fat, lazy, uneducated … and completely happy. Apparently, it IS a good way to go through life [Interesting]
[link] [132 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » 12 Nerdy Tables
Here we have tables and coffee tables made with LEGOs, D&D, Star Wars, and all the usual nerd-brands in mind. But also some cool, unusually designed tables as well that tickle the nerd in all of us. Have a favorite? Let us know in the comments below. 
More from mental_floss… 12 Wonderfully Useless Flyers
*
11 Amazing Thank You Notes … [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Sometimes the headlines just write themselves: "Pop-and-son pillbilly snowbirds driving stolen methmobile" [Florida]
[link] [36 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » This just in: half of all American households now officially fall into the "elitist latte-drinking hipster snob" category [Obvious]
[link] [74 comments] [Link]
Weird Universe » The Candy Kid and the Tiger Girl
Here you see a touching encounter between the Tiger Girl and the Candy Kid, a couple from the 1920s.
Were they:
a) Socialites who eloped?
b) Tightrope walkers?
c) Bootleggers?
d) Dancers?
e) None of the above?
Answer after the jump.
Comments [Link]
Mental Floss » A Little Bit of Lotto History (Including Thomas Jefferson’s Take on Lotteries)
EPA/ERIK S. LESSER /LANDOV Tonight’s Mega Millions jackpot is up over $500 million—the biggest lottery prize ever. Whether you call it the poor man’s dream, a casino without walls, or a tax on the stupid, the lottery has deep and widespread roots. Here’s a look at three quick stories about the numbers game. Lotteries of Yore Lotteries have been around … [Link]
The Onion » Exhaustive Investigation By Broadcasters Finds Every Player In NCAA Tournament Just A Great Kid
NEW ORLEANS—An intensive monthlong investigation conducted by the color commentators, play-by-play announcers, studio analysts, sideline reporters, and other personnel tasked with televising the 2012 NCAA Men's Basketball Championship tournament con…
[Link]
Fark.com RSS » Just like clockwork, the mass media suddenly realizes the odds on winning a lottery are really, really thin. This is a repeat from every time the jackpot has crossed $100 million [Obvious]
[link] [148 comments] [Link]
Weird Universe » Win Miniature Dog
I wonder what you actually got in the mail if you completed all the requirements for winning one of these things? Or was it impossible to ever complete the requirements?
(via jbcurio on flickr)
Comments [Link]
Futility Closet » Moving Violation
I want to take my one-piece bass flute on the train, but it’s 1.7 meters long and the baggage man won’t take any item whose greatest dimension exceeds 1 meter. What can I do? Click for solution … [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Judge rules that Catholic schoolgirls who posted bikini pics WILL be allowed to attend their graduation ceremony, calls school officials out for being a**holes [Followup]
[link] [681 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Teens filling up the lanes at local archery range after watching Hunger Games movie. Top that, sparkly vampires [Cool]
[link] [199 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » Brain Game: A Steel Strike?
Only one U.S. city with a one-syllable name has a population over 100,000, and you’ll try to name it in today’s mentalfloss.com Brain Game Free-for-All Friday challenge. Good luck! What is the most populous U.S. city
with a one-syllable name? Here is the ANSWER. [Link]
Mental Floss » 5 Questions: Saturday Night Fever
This week’s 5 Question quiz theme is John Travolta films, with the names of characters from those films appearing in the questions. (Can you find them all?) Friday: Saturday Night Fever. [Link]
The Onion » Authority Figures Call For Closing Of Area Rough House
Authority Figures Call For Closing Of Area Rough House
[Link]
Fark.com RSS » 6/2(1+2) = 9 no no, 6/2(1+2) = 1 no no, 6/2(1+2) = 2 [Fail]
[link] [681 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Visa and MasterCard are warning of what they call a "massive breach" that could involve as many as 10 million compromised credit card numbers [Scary]
[link] [113 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » NYPD warn people not to sleep in the subway, not to stand in the pouring rain, that the night is long [Obvious]
[link] [37 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » First you get the money, then you get the power, then you can get the lifesize bust of the Godfather, at least for awhile [Obvious]
[link] [14 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this milk merger [Photoshop]
[link] [37 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » The Weird Week in Review
Bear Saves Man from Mountain Lion Robert Biggs was hiking in Bean Soup Flats, California, on Monday morning when he had a close encounter with Mother Nature. The 69-year-old observed a mother bear with her cub, but did not approach them. As he walked away, a mountain lion jumped on him, grabbing him by the backpack. Biggs fought back with … [Link]
Mental Floss » In the Lab With the World’s Leading Laugh Scientist
This article originally appeared in the March-April issue of mental_floss magazine. If you’d like this kind of thing mailed to your house, get a free issue! by Judy Dutton 
Photo credit: Jonathan Hanson Robert Provine isn’t funny. His wife often frowns at his jokes. But the man knows how to bag a laugh. Audio recorder in hand, he prowls campuses, … [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Hy-Vee to allow consumers to choose from pink slime beef and non pink slime beef [Spiffy]
[link] [178 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Taliban are dressing up as women to infiltrate US military bases, which is the perfect plan, because there is nothing unusual about Afghans with mustaches wearing dresses [Obvious]
[link] [67 comments] [Link]
FMyLife » Anon says FML
Today, I was so excited to hear my phone get a message that I jumped out of my seat. It was the TV, advertising texting plans. FML [Link]
Mental Floss » Morning Cup of Links: TV Mashups
Aung San Suu Kyi is the Nelson Mandela of Burma. If you don’t know of her, you can catch up on the fearless Burmese opposition leader in an excerpt from the book The Lady and the Peacock.
*
Amazon Founder Jeff Bezos wants to retrieve Apollo 11′s engines from the ocean floor. If he succeeds, they’ll still belong to NASA, … [Link]
FMyLife » jasonnn says FML
Today, I brought a girl home. My dad's first reaction was to pull out the camera and snap away. She now won't reply to my texts or calls. FML [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Leaked memo shows CT State Troopers plan 'ticket blitz' to outdo neighboring trooper barracks. "350 tickets would be stellar" … Yup, those tickets are for safety alright [Scary]
[link] [204 comments] [Link]
FMyLife » rusrs says FML
Today, I learned that my mother now refuses to drink anything but bottled water because she actually believes that the government is putting a chemical in tap water that lowers pregnancy rates. She is trying for her 5th child. FML [Link]
FMyLife » Anonymous says FML
Today, I felt manly. I spent almost the entire day peeling paint, power sanding, and applying Spackle for my grandma. Strutting with masculinity, I headed for the shower, only to let out a womanly yelp at a spider hanging at eye level around a corner. Manliness gone. FML [Link]
Weird Universe » 50 Bad Words
A few days ago I read where the New York city school board banned some 50 words from school tests. I found that list this AM.
In difference to our readers with sensitive eyes I've posted the list in the comments so, you've been warned oh, ye, of sensitive eyes.
Comments [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Won in Fyve Britts cant reed ore right. The Son is their [Sad]
[link] [116 comments] [Link]
FMyLife » LassieToe says FML
Today, while on the train to university, I realized it was my stop and quickly stood up to get off. Or I would have, if my leg hadn't gone to sleep and caused me to fall, landing face first into the crotch of the old guy in front of me. FML [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Zoo adds extra phone lines to deal with April Fools' Day phone calls (w/direct number to Mr. Lyon) [Spiffy]
[link] [37 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » So you look out your window and see someone you don't know camping in your yard. And then it gets weird [Florida]
[link] [31 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Stop me if you've heard this one before: A eagle a fox and a cat all walk onto a porch together [Cool]
[link] [65 comments] [Link]
FMyLife » scarletscarface says FML
Today, I gave myself paper cuts on the sides of my mouth while licking the cover of a pudding cup. FML [Link]
Futility Closet » Lettershifts
Advance each letter in BANJO four places through the alphabet and you get FERNS: 
Advance MANFUL seven places and you get THUMBS. Surely this means something. [Link]
Fark.com RSS » People who harass the family of an abortion doctor's landlord learn that payback is a biatch [Amusing]
[link] [339 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » The Dalai Lama wins the Templeton Prize, so he's got that going for him [Spiffy]
[link] [53 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » You think your son's new roommate might be gay. Do you: a) accept it, b) ask your son if this a roommate or a "roommate," or c) attack him with a cane? [Asinine]
[link] [188 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » New Canadian budget to leave Canadians penniless [Interesting]
[link] [132 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Mexico gets its own clothing sizes to better suit their gorditas [Interesting]
[link] [43 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Sloth drops in on tourist photo. The Sun is there [Amusing]
[link] [66 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Utah has nation's highest autism rate. Their parents probably did too much LDS when they were young [Interesting]
[link] [81 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » The Late Movies: Guess The Theme 47
Happy Thursday night everyone! It’s time for everyone’s favorite game: GUESS THE THEME! All the clips below have something in common. Leave your best guesses in the comments. Be specific on this one! Jefferson Airplane – Somebody To Love The Grateful Dead – Friend Of The Devil Huey Lewis & The News – The Power Of Love Santana – Black … [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Meet the drunken Canadian man who is responsible for the greatest a capella version of "Bohemian Rhapsody" ever recorded in the back of a police cruiser [Followup]
[link] [91 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Ever the funny prince, the Duke of Edinburgh asks disabled man in wheelchair: 'ever run anyone over?' [Amusing]
[link] [71 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » For 12,000 dollars, a Houston restaurant is offering a 10 course meal based on what Titanic passengers ate during the maiden voyage. Ice and Saltwater will be served after dessert [Weird]
[link] [69 comments] [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Dominatrix sells extra bondage sessions to help out a cancer-stricken pal. Now that's HOT. Ouch [Hero]
[link] [64 comments] [Link]
Mental Floss » How Do Cash4Gold Places Make Money?
Indubitably, you’ve seen Cash4Gold franchises around your town, right? And I bet many of you have asked: But if they’re buying the gold at market price, how on earth do they make money? Right? Eh? Well, I’ve recently sold some gold, and got the skinny during the process. First, let’s understand how gold is valued and where we fit in now … [Link]
Weird Universe » Cradle to the Grave
Bacon, bacon, bacon we are surrounded by it from the cradle to the grave. Onesies with bacon on them for the little ones and a bacon coffin for the final send off. If they make it we will come, and buy it.
Yes, some are claiming the coffin is a hoax but the company swears its the real deal.
Comments [Link]
Fark.com RSS » Photoshop this orange and teal masterpiece [Photoshop]
[link] [24 comments] [Link]
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