John Gordon Ross

A Man for All Reasons

John Gordon Ross header image 3

Whittle It a Little, It’ll Fit

Odds and sods I look at regularly, just because they amuse me. I hope they do the same for you. Incidentally, I found this page’s title on Greg Ross’s Futility Closet (it’s somewhere on this page) in a mini-article which also includes the delightful sentence in Icelandic: Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara. Ross points out that this, “besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.”

FMyLife » ouch says FML

Wednesday 29 February 23:18:35 UTC 2012

Today, after a nice swim at the local pool, I ran into a naked girl in the showers. She screamed, kicked me in the nuts and ran off. I still have no clue what she was doing in the men's shower room. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Man hits deer, breaks leg, spends 8 hours trapped in car overnight in freezing temps. Cops: here's your ticket [Asinine]

Wednesday 29 February 23:07:08 UTC 2012

Asinine [link] [128 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Have you called to complain about having 14 slot B pieces, but the instructions clearly show 16? Congratulations, there's an IKEA secret police file on you [Asinine]

Wednesday 29 February 23:05:54 UTC 2012

Asinine [link] [50 comments] [Link]

The Onion » Chardonnay Vomited Into NPR Tote

Wednesday 29 February 23:00:00 UTC 2012

Chardonnay Vomited Into NPR Tote [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Planned Parenthood gives out thousands of condoms with QR tags so that users can "geotag" their encounters. Insert "your mom's house" joke here [Amusing]

Wednesday 29 February 22:56:10 UTC 2012

Amusing [link] [81 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » tammylauraine says FML

Wednesday 29 February 22:43:24 UTC 2012

Today, after handing out several résumés for several jobs, I realized that I forgot to add my phone number to them. FML [Link]

FMyLife » CptZoe says FML

Wednesday 29 February 22:40:54 UTC 2012

Today, I jokingly asked my boyfriend to marry me, because it's a leap year. He is now avoiding me for fear that I was serious. FML [Link]

Futility Closet » Self Seeking

Wednesday 29 February 22:31:06 UTC 2012

Letter from Winston Churchill to American author Winston Churchill, June 1899: Mr. Winston Churchill presents his compliments to Mr. Winston Churchill, and begs to draw his attention to a matter which concerns them both. He has learnt from the Press notices that Mr. Winston Churchill proposes to bring out another novel, entitled Richard Carvel, which is certain to have a … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "Parents' Voice says someone needs to watch out for students who aren't represented in Gaga's message about inclusiveness, such as children who can't dance or are obese" [Asinine]

Wednesday 29 February 22:30:46 UTC 2012

Asinine [link] [116 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » The 5pm Quiz: Name That Cereal!

Wednesday 29 February 22:30:12 UTC 2012

bloghead_5er2.gif Sometimes cereal is more than breakfast. It’s dinner. But how well can you recognize your favorite cereal without flashy packaging or a kooky mascot staring back at you from across the table? Take the Quiz: Name That Cereal Hillary Buckholtz runs the fantastic pop culture blog I’m Remembering. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Autocorrect contributes to school lock-down [Fail]

Wednesday 29 February 22:19:52 UTC 2012

Fail [link] [72 comments] [Link]

Odd News | newslite.tv » Prices are Sofa King low: 'Swearing' advert banned

Wednesday 29 February 22:19:47 UTC 2012

A furniture store has been banned from using the slogan "Our prices are Sofa King low" after advertising bosses was a little too close to swearing.The Sofa King — which uses the slogan on its shop front and vehicles — prompted complaints after running an advert in the Northampton Herald and Post.Three people reported the catchphrase was "offensive and unsuitable … [Link]

Odd News | newslite.tv » Human dominoes set mattress fall world record

Wednesday 29 February 22:17:50 UTC 2012

We could tell you all about how and why these 850 people won themselves a place in the record books by world's largest line of human dominoes.Or you could just press play an witness the joy which is seeing 850 people in New Orleans toppling backwards onto mattresses one after another. Enjoy!The bizarre stunt was enough to break the previous … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » News: Arizona couple arrested for soliciting three-way on Craigslist. Fark: With a dog [Sick]

Wednesday 29 February 22:17:06 UTC 2012

Sick [link] [156 comments] [Link]

Odd News | newslite.tv » A third of women would swap IQ for bigger breasts

Wednesday 29 February 22:15:37 UTC 2012

41% of women would rather have bigger breasts than a high IQ… and a third would actually swap their IQ for bigger breasts if they could, a study has found.A poll recently quizzed 1,142 women (aged 18–25) about what they valued more, brains or beauty, to better understand perceptions that women have of beauty.While more than two fifths would rather … [Link]

Odd News | newslite.tv » Rogues gallery compiled by police officer 100-years-ago to be sold at auction

Wednesday 29 February 22:12:48 UTC 2012

A fascinating rogues' gallery compiled by a Manchester police officer 100 years ago is set be sold at auction.Put together by Det Insp Robert Mather, the scrapbook was designed to help him nab more crooks and he used it to log their details.Covering 65 convicts from between 1909 and 1912, Mather details physical descriptions, aliases and notes of subjects' crimes … [Link]

FMyLife » cfaul001 says FML

Wednesday 29 February 22:11:34 UTC 2012

Today, I got extremely wasted and decided to take a shower with my boyfriend. What seemed like a good and sexy idea turned into us falling and getting wedged in the bathtub. FML [Link]

Odd News | newslite.tv » Men think women in red are more interested in having sex with them

Wednesday 29 February 22:08:36 UTC 2012

Men are more attracted to women who wear red coloured clothing… because they think they'll be more interested in having sex, it has been found.Researchers at the University of Rochester say that in many non-human primate species, female red displays are a signal of sexual receptivity and this signal attracts male conspecifics. As such they decided to look at whether … [Link]

Odd News | newslite.tv » Woman eats 4,000 washing-up sponges — enjoys them with a hot sauce topping

Wednesday 29 February 22:05:03 UTC 2012

What do you think of when you see all those sponges in the above photo? If you're anything like us it's probably a nightmare washing up session.But if you are more like Kerry Trebilcock from Cornwall, it probably makes you a bit peckish — because she's reportedly eaten more than 4,000 washing-up sponges.In an interview with The Sun the 21-year-old … [Link]

Mental Floss » Why Does the Sound of Running Water Make You Have to Pee?

Wednesday 29 February 21:28:10 UTC 2012

Reader Bill wrote in to ask, “Why does the sound of running water make me want to pee—and sometimes badly?” Faucet image via Shutterstock The quirk behind the burning need to pee when we hear rainstorms, waterfalls and babbling brooks seems to be all tied up in the power of suggestion. Most of you are familiar with the name Pavlov, … [Link]

The Onion » FARGO, ND—Nels Funderburke was observed to be in full compliance with local regulation I-4473 Monday when, as the last person to leave the state of North Dakota, he dutifully turned off the lights.

Wednesday 29 February 21:15:00 UTC 2012

FARGO, ND—Nels Funderburke was observed to be in full compliance with local regulation I-4473 Monday when, as the last person to leave the state of North Dakota, he dutifully turned off the lights. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » In Finland, there's not a lot to do in the winter except drink and look out at the winter landscape. Which explains the popularity of their hottest new sport [Amusing]

Wednesday 29 February 21:13:01 UTC 2012

Amusing [link] [78 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Protip: Before you call 911 to report a home invasion, be certain the intruders aren't just hallucinations caused by your being wigged out on "bath salts" [Dumbass]

Wednesday 29 February 21:07:56 UTC 2012

Dumbass [link] [65 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » JPMorgan Chase CEO Jamie Dimon, who made $23 million last year, thinks journalists, who average $43,780 per year, are ridiculously overpaid [Stupid]

Wednesday 29 February 21:04:15 UTC 2012

Stupid [link] [157 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop Theme: Photoshop a surprise seen upon image enhancement [Photoshop]

Wednesday 29 February 21:00:01 UTC 2012

Photoshop [link] [31 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Two men arrested for hunting bird, fish, and wildlife from an airplane. With guns. In Iowa [Fail]

Wednesday 29 February 20:54:07 UTC 2012

Fail [link] [59 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » I'm about to visit an island full of MILFs. How dangerous could it be? [Interesting]

Wednesday 29 February 20:45:04 UTC 2012

Interesting [link] [84 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Having solved all the state's problems with education, budget, infrastructure and jobs, Louisiana seeks to ban straw holes for drive-through daiquiri stands [Amusing]

Wednesday 29 February 20:13:55 UTC 2012

Amusing [link] [96 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Scissors beat paper, paper beats rock, rock beats truck [Fail]

Wednesday 29 February 20:05:52 UTC 2012

Fail [link] [18 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Scientists discover giant bug, long thought extinct, on supervillian's island lair [Interesting]

Wednesday 29 February 20:05:02 UTC 2012

Interesting [link] [122 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Atheists shocked at intolerance of "New-Atheism" [Interesting]

Wednesday 29 February 19:56:53 UTC 2012

Interesting [link] [425 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » 10 really disgusting food facts you didn't know. HOW many pubic hairs a year? [Sick]

Wednesday 29 February 19:51:14 UTC 2012

Sick [link] [146 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » In these days of school shootings, problems with bullies, illiteracy of high school 'graduates', etc, this school is indefinitely suspending a fifth grade girl – for blue kool-aid in her hair. Ironic tag is for the town name [Ironic]

Wednesday 29 February 19:43:18 UTC 2012

Ironic [link] [135 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » RIP Davy Jones: Remembering The Monkees

Wednesday 29 February 19:42:59 UTC 2012

To quote a song from Pisces, Aquarius, Capricorn and Jones Ltd, it’s Hard to Believe. Davy Jones, the cuddly member of the Monkees, the master of the maracas, and the guy with the fanciest footwork, has left us at the age of 66. Davy Jones, whom every girl in my third grade class crushed on back in 1967, who nicknamed … [Link]

The Oatmeal – Comics, Quizzes, & Stories » I combined two of my favorite things

Wednesday 29 February 19:39:13 UTC 2012

I combined two of my favorite thingsBreaking Bad MesaView [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "Burly" biker sneaks into a hotel owner's living quarters, helped himself to some jewellery, and while there decided to try on a couple of dresses [Amusing]

Wednesday 29 February 19:33:46 UTC 2012

Amusing [link] [17 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » So it's just Ringo now [Sad]

Wednesday 29 February 19:11:03 UTC 2012

Sad [link] [516 comments] [Link]

The Onion » NBA.com Video Of Sixers-Wizards Game Fails To Go Viral

Wednesday 29 February 19:05:00 UTC 2012

NEW YORK—A 29-second video clip of Wizards rookie John Wall driving to the hoop for a layup against the Sixers has failed to achieve viral status on the Internet, NBA.com sources confirmed Wednesday. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » "Um, the car involved in that crash? The one that knocked out power to everyone? Well, I'd like to report it stolen" [Unlikely]

Wednesday 29 February 18:58:30 UTC 2012

Unlikely [link] [21 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Wednesday 29 February 18:54:36 UTC 2012

Today, I rescued a cactus from a lethal fall. It thanked me with a handful of spines. FML [Link]

FMyLife » jake says FML

Wednesday 29 February 18:54:35 UTC 2012

Today, I accidentally shaved part of my eyebrow. It now looks like I'm trying to raise one without moving the other. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Old and busted: baptism. The new hotness: waterboarding [Scary]

Wednesday 29 February 18:39:54 UTC 2012

Scary [link] [50 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » I hate Brooklyn hipster neo-Nazis [Strange]

Wednesday 29 February 18:39:07 UTC 2012

Strange [link] [103 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Ice man had brown eyes, beef jerky pelvis [Interesting]

Wednesday 29 February 18:29:49 UTC 2012

Interesting [link] [42 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Kenyan children being helped by Irish volunteers from Kilkenny, you bastards [Cool]

Wednesday 29 February 18:23:06 UTC 2012

Cool [link] [22 comments] [Link]

The Onion » Corrections: Coded Message

Wednesday 29 February 18:15:00 UTC 2012

There was a misprint in last week's coded message to schizophrenics. The third letter on the sixth line of the second page was supposed to be "s." The Onion regrets this error. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Camera: $50. Taking a picture of yourself holding a rifle: Free. Getting charged with two counts of inducing panic, one count of aggravated menacing and one count of telecommunications harassment: Priceless [Fail]

Wednesday 29 February 18:08:10 UTC 2012

Fail [link] [162 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Seven-year-old boy gets his parents into trouble over piracy [Stupid]

Wednesday 29 February 18:04:12 UTC 2012

Stupid [link] [49 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Banksy (RE: Advertising). Please get off the fence [Amusing]

Wednesday 29 February 17:51:29 UTC 2012

Amusing [link] [153 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Interpol says 25 members of Anonymous went from "faceless, legion" to "busted, incarcerated" [Interesting]

Wednesday 29 February 17:47:50 UTC 2012

Interesting [link] [110 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Big News From NASA’s Kitchens

Wednesday 29 February 17:45:59 UTC 2012

Big news from NASA—2011/12 was a record-breaking year when it came to astronaut applications. In fact: According to NASA, the agency received 6,300 applications for this cycle of astronaut hunting. This is nearly double the 2,500 – 3,500 applications NASA normally receives, and second only to 1978 with a record 8,000 applications. With all these new applicants, it should hardly … [Link]

The Onion » Chinese TV Show Canceled After Drawing Only 180 Million Viewers

Wednesday 29 February 17:45:00 UTC 2012

[media:76325] BEIJING—Hijinx Of The Masses, a Chinese sitcom about 16 twentysomethings who live above a tea shop, was canceled Monday… [Link]

Fark.com RSS » A group of teens on a golf course blast an air horn right as a couple of old farts are about to tee off. Old farts hunt down teens and gouge them with metal golf ball retrievers. Somewhere, Al Czervik is smiling [Florida]

Wednesday 29 February 17:40:00 UTC 2012

Florida [link] [200 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » How do you know you're doing your job correctly as a local investigative reporter? When the local PD prints out your picture and gets caught using it for target practice [Spiffy]

Wednesday 29 February 17:36:58 UTC 2012

Spiffy [link] [32 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Realizing the futility of trying to kill the adult Sarah Connor, Skynet goes after the schoolboy father [Sad]

Wednesday 29 February 17:36:32 UTC 2012

Sad [link] [7 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » They don't need compassion. They need to be isolated and studied so that it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use [Interesting]

Wednesday 29 February 17:36:06 UTC 2012

Interesting [link] [15 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » There's nothing worse than being dumped by your girlfriend before you both have sex and then losing your virginity to a hippie [Sick]

Wednesday 29 February 17:34:20 UTC 2012

Sick [link] [88 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Er, Htwe, Doh, Eh and Htoo involved in a fatal car accident, leaving nvestigators scrabbling to find missing tiles [Sad]

Wednesday 29 February 17:27:56 UTC 2012

Sad [link] [15 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Fight against the sadness, Artaxǃ [Sappy]

Wednesday 29 February 17:19:00 UTC 2012

Sappy [link] [141 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Prosecutors concentrating on local rabbi's incendiary ash-for-cash scheme [Dumbass]

Wednesday 29 February 17:17:22 UTC 2012

Dumbass [link] [11 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Local TV news ad prompts us to ask: "What is the FUTURE SCAN for WEDNESDAY, humanoid spouse?" [Fail]

Wednesday 29 February 17:13:06 UTC 2012

Fail [link] [13 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Police pull a county councilwoman over for doing 105 in a 55 mph zone after police chase. I know what you're thinking, but no worries — they gave her an extremely stern warning and a $90 ticket for a reckless lane change [Stupid]

Wednesday 29 February 17:05:17 UTC 2012

Stupid [link] [51 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » When Do Leap Day Babies Celebrate Birthdays in Non-Leap Years?

Wednesday 29 February 17:04:48 UTC 2012

In terms of presents and cake, leap day babies can have their pick between February 28 and March 1. But legally, things are a bit murkier in non-leap years. Some federal and state agencies consider February 28 the birthday, so leapers can go ahead and start collecting those sweet, sweet Social Security checks before the calendar flips over. Other agencies … [Link]

Mental Floss » What the Original $1 Bill Looked Like

Wednesday 29 February 17:00:32 UTC 2012

I’ve been reading The End of Money, a book packed with tidbits about the history of money, with a special focus on the greenback. The book mentions former Secretary of the Treasury Salmon P. Chase, who was in the enviable position of designing the original US $1 bill in 1862. So who do you think he put on that bill? … [Link]

Mental Floss » Lunchtime Quiz: Right? Face

Wednesday 29 February 17:00:19 UTC 2012

click to take the quiz! Today’s Lunchtime Quiz asks you to review 10 well-known logos, some of which have been altered by “flipping” them horizontally so that they face the wrong way. You’ll identify which ones are true to their originals and which ones we’ve changed. A score of 6 or better is a win. Good luck! Take the Quiz: Right? Face [Link]

Fark.com RSS » 27 puppies born over span of three days. Fark needs an "ADORABLE" tag [Sappy]

Wednesday 29 February 16:58:59 UTC 2012

Sappy [link] [53 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » wallets says FML

Wednesday 29 February 16:39:33 UTC 2012

Today, I told a customer that we don't do refunds. He responded by throwing his wallet at my face and accusing me of stealing it. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Police are upset to learn that you can't trust prostitutes [Amusing]

Wednesday 29 February 16:25:28 UTC 2012

Amusing [link] [63 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » This Is My Home

Wednesday 29 February 16:08:43 UTC 2012

This Is My Home from Mark on Vimeo.

Many thanks to WU-vie filmmakers Mark Cersosimo & Kelsey Holtaway!

Comments [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Experts predict less intense hurricane seasons for the next few years. EVERYBODY PANIC downgraded to everybody panic [Interesting]

Wednesday 29 February 16:07:14 UTC 2012

Interesting [link] [51 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The Norwegian Nobel Committee gets out to an early lead in the 2012 Troll of the Year contest [Unlikely]

Wednesday 29 February 16:02:01 UTC 2012

Unlikely [link] [97 comments] [Link]

The Onion » American Voices: iPad 3 May Cost 15% More

Wednesday 29 February 16:00:00 UTC 2012

If leaked documents prove to be authentic, the soon-to-be released iPad 3 will cost $70 to $80 more than the iPad 2. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Ever hear the phrase, "Like pouring gasoline on a red-hot wood stove in a garage"? Well the guy who coined it never will [Sad]

Wednesday 29 February 15:53:56 UTC 2012

Sad [link] [46 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » News: Government uses eminent domain to take someone's home; homeowner resists. Not news: Government takes surrounding houses. Fark: Government digs 10-meter moat around holdout's home [Scary]

Wednesday 29 February 15:50:18 UTC 2012

Scary [link] [86 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Man stabbed over mistakenly taking bag full of harmonicas instead of taking bag full of tacos. In Florida, this makes perfect sense [Florida]

Wednesday 29 February 15:46:16 UTC 2012

Florida [link] [20 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » A pound of kush, a car with a PS3 installed, and an escort from California to the border by the Mexican army…even if you have a hostage, these demands might just be a tad bit unreasonable [Dumbass]

Wednesday 29 February 15:45:23 UTC 2012

Dumbass [link] [15 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Brain Game: Cover Those Feet!

Wednesday 29 February 15:44:14 UTC 2012

Here’s a new word ladder for today’s mentalfloss.com Brain Game Wednesday Wordplay challenge. Good luck! By changing one letter in each step to form English words, and leaving all other letters in their original positions, convert SOCK into SHOE in the fewest possible steps. S O C K
_ _ _ _
_ _ _ _
_ _ _ _
_ _ …
[Link]

Mental Floss » 5 Questions: Revolution

Wednesday 29 February 15:44:13 UTC 2012

The questions in each of this week’s 5 Question quizzes contain words that appear in the lyrics of Beatles songs. Wednesday, it’s Revolution. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » You got trolled: Wyoming state lawmaker admits his aircraft carrier plan was for teh lulz [Followup]

Wednesday 29 February 15:32:13 UTC 2012

Followup [link] [59 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Meth addict arrested for setting Senator on fire [Followup]

Wednesday 29 February 15:24:34 UTC 2012

Followup [link] [106 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Really, it wasn't me that made that call. Someone just recorded my words someplace and then put them together and then somehow made the call look like it came from my phone number and left the message. Seriously. I mean it [Unlikely]

Wednesday 29 February 15:22:20 UTC 2012

Unlikely [link] [18 comments] [Link]

The Onion » Romney Thanks State He Was Born And Raised In For Just Barely Giving Him Enough Votes To Beat Total Maniac

Wednesday 29 February 15:20:00 UTC 2012

Romney Thanks State He Was Born And Raised In For Just Barely Giving Him Enough Votes To Beat Total Maniac [Link]

The Onion » Meth Addicts Demand Government Address Nation's Growing Spider Menace

Wednesday 29 February 15:20:00 UTC 2012

WASHINGTON, DC—Activists called for federal assistance as a last resort after trying to contain the problem with diplomacy, cathode rays, and methamphetamines. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » A study any college kid can backup: we can survive on beer and water alone. Score one for the beer diet. Bonus: man wins "Beer Drinker of the Year" award for said study [Hero]

Wednesday 29 February 15:16:54 UTC 2012

Hero [link] [32 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Parents are outraged when the school cafeteria decides to serve chicken on Friday–but only the white meat [Stupid]

Wednesday 29 February 15:14:07 UTC 2012

Stupid [link] [108 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » A Nation Divided: Can Americans Agree On Anything? [Unlikely]

Wednesday 29 February 15:08:55 UTC 2012

Unlikely [link] [167 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » areyouserious says FML

Wednesday 29 February 15:06:28 UTC 2012

Today, I caught myself yelling at the girl in the porn I was watching for looking at the camera every other second. FML [Link]

Mental Floss » 13 Scrumptious Miniatures

Wednesday 29 February 14:41:37 UTC 2012

It’s the little things in life… sometimes, right? If you agree, be sure to check out these 13 amazing miniatures by Kim Burke! And for her complete collection visit her at Etsy, deviantART, or Flickr. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Wanna fake having cancer and set up a fundraiser for yourself? There's a $100 fee [Dumbass]

Wednesday 29 February 14:41:24 UTC 2012

Dumbass [link] [20 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If you're going to steal a smart phone, it's probably best not to show your victim the unique tattoo on your abs just before assaulting him [Dumbass]

Wednesday 29 February 14:38:08 UTC 2012

Dumbass [link] [15 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » Anonymous says FML

Wednesday 29 February 14:37:57 UTC 2012

Today, after getting a pat of appreciation from my girlfriend's father for taking it slow, he found me later, in her room, with my head between her thighs. FML [Link]

Futility Closet » All Aboard

Wednesday 29 February 14:30:30 UTC 2012

One hundred people board a 100-seat airplane. The first one has lost his boarding pass, so he sits in a random seat. Each subsequent passenger sits in his own seat if it’s available or takes a random unoccupied seat if it’s not. What’s the probability that the 100th passenger finds his seat occupied? Click for solution … [Link]

The Onion »  American Robot's Job Outsourced To Overseas Robot

Wednesday 29 February 14:30:00 UTC 2012

American Robot's Job Outsourced To Overseas Robot [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Motorist with sex toy in buttocks and five times the legal limit of booze in blood rear-ends another driver. Yep, just your average Florida traffic crash [Florida]

Wednesday 29 February 14:28:11 UTC 2012

Florida [link] [86 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Miss Washington 2011 loses her crown .. to a car thief [Fail]

Wednesday 29 February 14:26:05 UTC 2012

Fail [link] [13 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop these short skirt hotties [Photoshop]

Wednesday 29 February 14:00:01 UTC 2012

Photoshop [link] [27 comments] [Link]

Oddee.com » 12 Hilarious Macho Background Fails

Wednesday 29 February 13:51:22 UTC 2012

Trying to be a tough guy is no easy job. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Man says Karma helped him win the lottery, will soon buy an El Camino and start righting his past wrongs [Interesting]

Wednesday 29 February 13:46:01 UTC 2012

Interesting [link] [42 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » Urine Bread

Wednesday 29 February 13:38:27 UTC 2012

Anyone wanna try making this?

Comments [Link]

FMyLife » Ismellbacon says FML

Wednesday 29 February 10:59:28 UTC 2012

Today, my girlfriend called me a lazy pig. To prove her wrong, I decided to go lift some weights. A few reps in, my arm cracked and my first reaction was to squeal like a pig. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » You think your girl friend is cheating on you. Do you a) hire a private detective? b) follow her to see if she is really "cheating" on you? or c) report a gas leak to see who comes running out of her apartment? [Dumbass]

Wednesday 29 February 10:55:00 UTC 2012

Dumbass [link] [66 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » Morning Cup of Links: Happy Leap Day!

Wednesday 29 February 10:27:01 UTC 2012

Syrians have been protesting their government and dying for it for a year now. Twenty-six-year-old Zakaria Moutlak tells about his life as a Syrian activist from his hospital bed.
*
Finland’s hot new sport is lawn mower racing -on ice! A race means three hours of trying to stay on the track.
*
The latest marketing stunt for the movie … [Link]

FMyLife » mandygeegoesnom says FML

Wednesday 29 February 10:00:35 UTC 2012

Today, while waiting for my boyfriend to get out of the shower, I chatted with his grandma. As soon as we hear him exit the restroom, she smirks at me and lets a huge, smelly fart out. She blamed it on me. My boyfriend believed her. FML [Link]

FMyLife » iVaughtTV says FML

Wednesday 29 February 9:30:19 UTC 2012

Today, I learned that lemonade and urine look very similar to one another. I also learned that they taste very different. FML [Link]

FMyLife » salt. says FML

Wednesday 29 February 9:30:18 UTC 2012

Today, it's my birthday. My fiancé decided to give me the gift of "freedom". That's how he put it, anyway. FML [Link]

FMyLife » itshilarious says FML

Wednesday 29 February 9:30:17 UTC 2012

Today, in bio class, we were studying the reproductive system. I don't like talking about this stuff, and I twitched every time my teacher said "penis" or "vagina." When I told my family, they laughed and kept repeating those words just to see me twitch. FML [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Drinking and smoking turns out to be bad for health. Especially if you're drinking gasoline [Dumbass]

Wednesday 29 February 9:30:00 UTC 2012

Dumbass [link] [46 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » The Most Dangerous National Park in America: Organ Pipe Cactus National Monument, where the Park Rangers take you on tours armed with M14 rifles, Yogi [Sad]

Wednesday 29 February 9:01:00 UTC 2012

Sad [link] [91 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Smoking hot 21-year-old eats 4,000 sponges. Just let that soak in for a minute (w/pics) [Strange]

Wednesday 29 February 8:04:00 UTC 2012

Strange [link] [134 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Meet the Larson sisters. They're hot, they hate 'Twilight' and they perform exorcisms. Wait,What? [Interesting]

Wednesday 29 February 7:30:00 UTC 2012

Interesting [link] [93 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » If you're raped, be sure to tell the police, so that they can PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE [Asinine]

Wednesday 29 February 6:50:00 UTC 2012

Asinine [link] [263 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Government builds $750k soccer field to keep youth off the street and getting in trouble. HA. Just kidding. It's for Guantanamo detainees [Stupid]

Wednesday 29 February 6:17:00 UTC 2012

Stupid [link] [198 comments] [Link]

Futility Closet » Swiss Army Piano

Wednesday 29 February 6:16:51 UTC 2012

Charles Hess patented this combination piano, couch, and bureau in 1866, intending it for hotels and boarding schools in which some bedrooms are used as parlors during daylight hours. Closet F holds the bedclothes, and closet G holds a washbowl, pitcher, and towels. “It has been found by actual use that this addition to a piano-forte does not in the … [Link]

Dilbert Daily Strip » Comic for February 29, 2012

Wednesday 29 February 6:00:00 UTC 2012

[Link]

Mental Floss » The Ladies’ Privilege: Encouraging Women to Propose on Leap Day

Wednesday 29 February 5:51:15 UTC 2012

Even with all the strides towards equality that women have made in the past hundred years, it’s still fairly uncommon for a woman to propose to a man. But a century ago, proposals by women were not only acceptable, they were a common occurrence—at least on February 29th. How did it start? The legend goes that St. Bridget of Ireland … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » City council of Spokane votes "HELL NO" to a plan to rehire with back pay a police officer convicted of DUI hit and run [Hero]

Wednesday 29 February 5:38:00 UTC 2012

Hero [link] [135 comments] [Link]

xkcd.com » Late-Night PBS

Wednesday 29 February 5:05:29 UTC 2012

Then it switched to these old black-and-white tapes of Bob Ross slumped against the wall of an empty room, painting the least happy trees you've ever seen. Either PBS needs to beef up studio security or I need to stop using Ambien to sleep. [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Less Arctic sea ice = more US blizzards, therefore polar bears will be roaming Oklahoma by next Christmas [Interesting]

Wednesday 29 February 5:01:00 UTC 2012

Interesting [link] [186 comments] [Link]

Mental Floss » The Late Movies: 6 of Emily Gilmore’s Best Freak-Outs

Wednesday 29 February 4:30:05 UTC 2012

bloghead_latemovies.gif Though she’s well-known for her other roles—originating Sheila in A Chorus Line, Baby’s mom in Dirty Dancing—Kelly Bishop, who turns 68 today, is perhaps most recognized for her recent turn as Emily Gilmore on Gilmore Girls. Known for being persistently proper and a little bit stubborn, Emily Gilmore could throw down when she wanted to get her way and melt … [Link]

Mental Floss » America’s First Yoga Scandal

Wednesday 29 February 4:04:41 UTC 2012

by Robert Love The founder of Anusara yoga recently stepped down amid accusations of sexual impropriety with his students. But America’s first yoga scandal dates back to America’s first yogi. Here’s the story of “the Great Oom.” On the morning of Tuesday, May 3, 1910, New York City’s papers carried fresh headlines about a midnight police raid on an Upper West … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Small portions of unidentified human remains recovered from the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attack were incinerated and ultimately dumped in a landfill. And you thought you were down in the dumps [Sad]

Wednesday 29 February 4:03:29 UTC 2012

Sad [link] [137 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Food police strike again: When is a soda machine no longer a soda machine? When the U.S. military renames it a "hydration station." That, and other new warning labels for desserts and fried foods at mess halls [Interesting]

Wednesday 29 February 3:55:31 UTC 2012

Interesting [link] [97 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Researchers say residents of Southern U.S. states suffer most from sleep disturbances, making it tough each day for the South to rise again [Interesting]

Wednesday 29 February 3:40:30 UTC 2012

Interesting [link] [62 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Taking a page straight out of the TSA handbook, hotel is evacuated and bomb squad is called due to "a medium-sized bottle that had liquid in it" [Asinine]

Wednesday 29 February 1:46:32 UTC 2012

Asinine [link] [73 comments] [Link]

Weird Universe » Armored Coffee Receptacle

Wednesday 29 February 1:33:29 UTC 2012

For the consumption of tactically sound coffee.

Comments [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Good samaritan receives metal after rescuing sexual assault victim [Hero]

Wednesday 29 February 1:28:31 UTC 2012

Hero [link] [76 comments] [Link]

FMyLife » none says FML

Wednesday 29 February 1:13:08 UTC 2012

Today, I realized you should always knock on your parents' door before entering. Even at 6:30 am. FML [Link]

PassiveAggressiveNotes.com » The Window of Shame

Wednesday 29 February 1:01:58 UTC 2012

Ashley and her husband were visiting her in-laws in a small town in Michigan when she spotted this old-school wall of public humiliation in the local pizzeria/video store. Says Ashley: “What amazes me is that a town with a population under 1600 has this many people who owe significant amounts of money to a video store.” (Also amazing? That this … [Link]

Fark.com RSS » Photoshop George Lucas ruining something from your childhood [Photoshop]

Wednesday 29 February 1:00:01 UTC 2012

Photoshop [link] [79 comments] [Link]

Fark.com RSS » I guess it's true what they say: everything's bigger in Texas. Even the Medicare fraud [Sick]

Wednesday 29 February 0:57:21 UTC 2012

Sick [link] [49 comments] [Link]

The Onion » And-1 Basketball Player's Amazing New Dribbling Move Still Traveling

Wednesday 29 February 0:30:00 UTC 2012

And-1 Basketball Player's Amazing New Dribbling Move Still Traveling [Link]

Fark.com RSS » NPR figures out that "balance" doesn't always make for good journalism, will now aim to be "fair to the truth" [Hero]

Wednesday 29 February 0:02:11 UTC 2012

Hero [link] [365 comments] [Link]

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